my blog :]

Hi! :) im Kay/Kylie (she her)

[creativereid]

Ardea cinerea

[frogangry]

keep your eyes on the ball boys and girls

[democatto]

Em lesbanians 💜💛🧡🍂

[eebie]

I got a letter... The name on the envelope said "Pjackk."

[eebie]

[criiitter]

she's everything to me

[morretlin]

Princess Ralsei

[zipsunz]

i trust you two more than anything

[colinetheneko]

Forgot to do my monthly Luna

[iwanttobeaplushie]

[pepperspalace]

Jade Harley 💚🐺

[gorusiti7]

Kawkaw wants to play!

[parkchanwoohoo]

I saw a post on a terf blog before I blocked it from someone being like "Ummm is anybody else really concerned about the rise of antisocial kinks like pissing" and it made me laugh so hard I almost did a little antisocial kink myself

[charl0ttan]

do you think the pieces from chess are all actually mad at each other or are they just like actors

[lochnessieart]

Gangle!!! She is an old German owl pigeon

[petaltwinkle]

Some universe

[kaisklsnsstuff]

Jax doodles (TADC escape au)

(These are not ships but can be seen that way idc)

[possumcollege]

Yes, the ideal answer when a cop asks to look around is, "Not without a warrant" because in the real world, the law requires it, and we're supposed to be afforded that protection.

The thing to remember about Columbo though is that he's not so much a cop as he is a detective-shaped object. He's a cop-mimic, like those spiders that evolved to look like ants so they can creep up on them, or a snake that resembles a more dangerous snake to deter predators. This elfin creature does not exist in the same world as our cops and laws and chain of custody. He doesn't exist to jam us up so the chief will get off his back about stats. This isn't The Wire.

Columbo doesn't want to poke around because he needs an excuse to justify the "probable cause" he'll later cite on his paperwork leading to the plain sight discovery of incriminating evidence. Columbo already knows you're guilty because you're the overbearing Pater Familias of a prestigious think tank where the military industrial complex makes up the scenarios they'll use to justify next year's budget increases. He doesn't need to make up evidence because his glass eye has already seen into your heart as he sits on his little toadstool, in a hole in the baseboard, where he and Mrs Columbo live like fairytale mice.

Columbo isn't a "cop." He's a puckish trickster who uses the elite's expectation of preferential treatment to get inside their defenses and fuck up their hive. The evidence he collects would never hold up in court because it doesn't have to. The case isn't building to an arrest warrant, criminal charges, arraignment, depositions, jury selection, trial, and conviction. It's building to the moment Columbo gets 'em. In this world, when he gets the murderer, it's over. They lose and that's justice.

We don't need a warrant from Columbo because he isn't after us. He doesn't need to abuse his authority to move the case forward because there's a fucking robot right there and the most technologically advanced item in the script can't help but provide the proof he needs to get the murderer.

"BEEP. Fuck Dr Cahill. BOOP."

Columbo can say he's a cop, work with cops, talk like a cop, and carry a badge, but those things function like guns in the Looney Tunes universe. They move the plot forward, but expecting them to behave like they do in our world shorts out the punchline. He doesn't exist to glorify the profession of policing or bolster our faith in the judiciary process. He's there to do a catharsis and stick it to someone who deserves it.