Pairings: Bonten trio x f!reader
Warnings: mature themes 18+
Synopsis: after having her life ruined by the military she served for, reader is out on a vengeance mission to seek justice for herself. Sheâs full of dark impulses, grief and just overall a bit of a stubborn dumbass.
The soft pitter patter of rain drops tapped against the windows of the solarium, the gentle sounds creating a soft lullaby that would have been sleep inducing had you not been silently crying yet again.
It's been two months since your trip to Okinawa ended horribly thanks to your husband, or ex now rather, and you haven't been out of your house since. You haven't been okay since then either, as if the fetal position you were currently sitting in wasn't proof of that enough.
You had tried and failed miserably not once, but four times at trying to take your own life since being back in your home - the home you had once loved to be in because it connected you to Ren, now felt like your own personal prison that you weren't able to escape.
Today was just like any other day. You were sitting on the bench just beneath one of the large windows. You knees had been pushed up to your chest and your arms were wrapped around them as you held yourself tight, afraid that if you let go that you would take up too much space to deem necessary although there was plenty around you.
But still, you felt worthless and insignificant. You felt that if you so much as breathed too much that you would be taking up more than what was deemed acceptable for a lowlife piece of trash like yourself. The horrible thoughts and self insults came and went almost constantly and they consumed your mind making it harder and harder to justify why you were still here.
You couldn't help but think of all the 'I love you's,' and intimate moments that you and Ren had shared over the years. Now knowing that each gentle touch, each lingering stare and proclamation of love was fake, you didn't seem to know left from right. Everything was confusing, everything was painful.
"Y/n." Sanzu called out to you from his spot in the doorway of the solarium. He had been here for the last two hours after switching off with Rindou, who you knew was growing frustrating by your one word answers. He had been trying to converse with you, but you just didn't have it in you to keep up with him.
After all, what's someone like him doing talking to scum like you?
"Y/n, you need to eat, honey." Sanzu spoke again, striding towards you silently. He hated admitting it, but seeing you so empty and lifeless had made something shift within him. He should be used to it considering how Mikey was, but not seeing you bite back at him for calling you ridiculous pet names unsettled him.
He had tried everything to get a reaction out of you, hell he even tried scaring you into speaking to him, but it only resulted in you grabbing onto the end of his katana, slicing your palm open and pleading for him to kill you. Sanzu left in a frenzy after that, feeling guilt for the first time in a long time. He had never wanted to hurt you, as much as his mind tried to convince him otherwise and he took his frustrations out with multiple women, though the whole time he couldn't help but wonder how you would feel underneath him instead of a hooker.
"Sweetheart." Sanzu said, reaching down and brushing his fingers over the back of your exposed neck and revelling in the way you shivered from his touch, though you only hugged your knees closer to your chest as you began to cry once again.
Why is he touching me? I don't DESERVE a gentle touch like this. You thought to yourself, and even the voice inside your head was beginning to sound hollow.
Wrap them around my throat and choke the life out of me, please. I don't want to be here anymore, the silent plea had rang out loudly in your mind when you felt Sanzu's fingers trailing down the side of your neck, gentle scratching and leaving small red marks in their wake.
"Please, it's been three days and you haven't eaten anything Rindou made for you." It was odd for the pink haired male to ask anybody to do anything as he usually only knew how to command, but at this point he was growing desperate as he was beginning to watch you wilt away into nothing.
"M'not hungry." Your voice made his breath hitch in his throat. It was the first time in weeks you had spoken to him and your voice was almost beyond recognition because of how hoarse it was.
"Ran and Rindou are out in the kitchen, I can get them to make you something." He offered, just thankful that you had finally acknowledged his presence.
You didn't say anything to that, you only sighed softly and watched out the window as the rain picked up. The silent wish to stand out there and let the cold water wash over you in hopes you'd catch and a wicked cold and die, sighed heavy in your mind, but you knew that it wouldn't be an option.
Sanzu sighed in frustration before turning on his heels and all but stomping out of the room. When the echo of his heavy footfalls got further and further away, your eyes were quick to scan the room for anything you could use to hopefully take your own life.
Weapons had been stashed all around this house, courtesy of your trauma and the old fear of Wantanabe coming to finish you off over the years. You knew that the Haitani's had nearly flipped your house upside down looking for all of them, but surely they had missed at least one, right?
"Looking for this?" Ran's voice echoed through the room, making you jump as he had startled you, and you spun around to face him to see a switchblade being twirled around in his lithe fingers, making your heart fall into your stomach at being caught, and the moment your eyes met you quickly looked away.
"Were you really going to try taking your own life again?" He asked, and although his tone may have sounded teasing to someone who didn't know the tall man, you knew full well that he was pissed.
"Hm? Tell me, y/n." He ordered, taking another step towards you.
"Fucking liar." He spat, and the sound of something clamouring loudly onto the ground behind him made you jump yet again, and you quickly looked up to see that he had whipped the knife behind him before taking another menacing stride towards you.
He's angry - he'll kill me, you hoped silently.
"You're not running, and you should be, Princess." He warned, his eyes were narrowed as he stared down at you, yet you couldn't be bothered to look at him.
Ran had been the first of the three to come to terms with the weird feelings gnawing at his mind every time you came into the same room as him. He didn't know why, or how, but somewhere along the line in between teasing you and working closely with you over the last couple months, he had developed a very small, crush on you. Of course, he still believes it's just because of the fact that the first night he had met you you had saved his brothers life, but it was much more at this point.
He was livid that you couldn't look at him anymore. He was even more livid at the fact that you had tried to take your life time and time again after the night you had finally crashed into his arms, weeping and holding onto him like a damn koala. He thought that maybe it would be the beginning of something beautiful between the both of you, but after you had all returned to Tokyo, it became apparent that it wouldn't work out the way he silently hoped it would.
Ran Haitani, the man who couldn't be bothered to stay with a woman more than one night, was hoping that you would let him in. The man who was infamously known for being a ruthless and merciless killer was here and willing to put up with your outburst when the mere thought of someone even back talking him would make him blood boil. The man who only had a soft spot for his baby brother, had somehow been able to allow that spot grow big enough for two.
His hands gripped your shoulders roughly, and he felt you tense beneath him. You wanted to look up at him, to beg him to just hold you close like he did that night in Okinawa, but you know that you didn't deserve it. In fact, you knew that you deserved nothing good in life, and you continued to look at the floor.
"Look at me." He ordered, his voice dangerously low. Instead of obeying, you merely shook your head slightly, and Ran took in a deep, frustrated breath.
"FUCKING. LOOK. AT. ME!" He yelled, making your head quickly snap up to look at him. You eyes were wide with fear - an emotion that Ran loved to see on everyone.
"When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I am NOT going to let you fucking die!?" He was still shouting, still holding onto you harshly, making you wince.
You eyes were fixated on his opals, his pupils were almost non-existent. You had never seen Ran snap, not even at the men he had killed so easily and without a second thought during the few mission Mikey had sent you on with the trio.
"Look at you! You're a fucking mess, y/n. Your hair is almost matted to your fucking head and I can see your clothes hanging off your body! You've lost so much weight because you won't eat! When was the last time you even drank anything!?" Ran continued to yell while shaking your shoulders, desperately trying to get it through your head that he really did just really care about your well being.
"Why are you letting some lowlife who clearly didn't give a shit about you, ruin your life like this!?" That question, that one fucking question wracked your entire being.
"BECAUSE HE'S ALL I FUCKING HAD!" You screamed back, making Ran's eyes widen the slightest bit. He hadn't expected such a reaction out of you as you were usually emotionless with him and the others over the course of the last few weeks.
"Ren was all I fucking had and It was all fucking fake." You said, your voice cracking on the word.
"I haven't had the greatest fucking life! My parents were abusive. I had no friends, I was bullied. Nobody had showed me even a fucking glimpse of kindness until I met Ren at fifteen! Fifteen long fucking years of feeling worthless, of being treated like trash by everybody around me!"
"I met Manjiro around the same time too, but he was too busy with his gang to be by my side and â and Ren was! Ren was always there to wipe my tears away, to treat my wounds no matter who had given them to me! It didn't matter to me, that he would add his own bruises and cuts along my already battered body, because at least he would try and clean up the mess afterwards!"
"But now, I AM the fucking mess and there's nobody in this godforsaken world who is going to fucking clean it up!"
Ran didn't care that you were practically an inch or two from his face, he didn't care that you were seething and screeching loudly, he was just thankful that you had finally voiced your emotions â and in this moment, he silently made a promise that he would always be around to listen to you the way you needed him to, the way that he was right now.
"Wh-what are you doing? N-no, stop!" You shouted when Ran's arms began to wrap around you, and your pleas fell on deaf ears as he hooked his chin over your head before hugging your trembling body tightly against him.
"Y/n, I will always be here to clean up your messes." He said, all trace of anger in his voice was long gone and replaced by his warm, velvety tone and you sucked in a breath at his words.
"People pick flowers because they think they are beautiful, but what happens to those flowers after they've been plucked from their only source of nutrients? They wilt away into nothing and die if they are not properly taken care of." He explained, and the comparison of flowers to the heavy topic you had just screamed about seemed to have no relation until he breathed deeply before speaking again.
"You, y/n, you are the most beautiful flower that I have ever laid my eyes on. You may be wilting away right now because of somebody else's carelessness and neglect, but I promise, I fucking promise you, that I will give you the proper things you need to flourish once again." He concluded, and the sounds of your sniffles along with the shaking of your body as you cried were the only things he could focus on.
"Y/n ... Princess, let me take care of you." He pleaded, his voice was so soft that he didn't even recognize it.
As much as you wanted to say no because you knew that you were undeserving of something, someone, so kind, you couldn't help but nod and whisper out a small 'yes,' that made all of Ran's resolve snap. A wide grin spread across his lips and he pulled back to look at you adoringly, while bringing a hand up tp wipe the tears off your cheeks.
"Yeah? Gonna let me take care of my pretty little flower?" He asked sweetly, his words making your face beet red and all the air leave your lungs leaving you to only be able to nod in response to him.
"Come on then, let's get you cleaned up." He said, reaching down to grab your freezing cold hand.
He pulled you through the solarium and kitchen, passing the living room where both Rindou and Sanzu were looking at the both of you with wide eyes as you strolled by before making your way up the stairs, not even sparing them so much as once glance, and Ran could have sworn he felt their glares burning holes into the side of his head.
But he didn't care about them right now, all he wanted was to take care of the person nuzzling into him for warmth as you both made your way up to your bedroom. Even though you weren't sure what his plans were, a small part of you was instilling a tiny bit of trust in him.
âStay here, Iâm gonna go turn the water on for you so it heats up by the time youâre ready.â Ran said, trying to walk away though your hand tightened around his, stopping him in his tracks and causing him to look back at you with furrowed brows.
âTh-the water doesnât have to be warm.â You said quickly and quietly, and Ran was sure he heard you wrong.
âI-I said the water doesnât have to be warm.â You said, embarrassment washing over you as confusion washed over him.
Why didnât you want a warm shower? Were you trying to make yourself sick after he just told you he wanted to take care of you?
âWhy not?â He questioned, trying his hardest not to let his irritation show. Honestly, he was just upset that you seemed to still be planning a way to hurt yourself.
âIâm s-scared of warm things.â You admitted, making his brows furrow even more.
He thought back to the day when you came into the kitchen and saw Rindou cooking something on the stove. You lost your mind, walking towards him while biting his head off for using your house without asking, and he remembered watching as you visibly shook with fear as your trembling had reached up and shut off the burner before retreating back to your room that you didnât come out of for the rest of the night.
Or all the times you would come out of the shower, dressed in baggy clothing and wrapped in a large fluffy blanket while you shivered uncontrollably. He had teased you once or twice about needing a cold shower after the trio had teased you with lewd jokes, but he thought nothing of it.
Your file, he thought to himself. He knew that you nearly died in a fire overseas⌠but he didnât realize how much that could have traumatized somebody until this very moment, with you holding onto him for dear life as you stared up at him, silently pleading for him to listen.
âHow about we shower together.â He suggested, making your face flush a deep red. He hadnât realized how blunt he had sounded until he saw your reaction, and he chuckled lowly.
âWe can keep our underwear on, Princess. Trust me when I say, Iâm not about to force you to do something you wouldnât want to do. Pretty flowers need time to grow and be what theyâre supposed to, so I intend to go as slow as possible with you. I just want to show you, that as long as Iâm around, you have nothing to be afraid of.â He explained, reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind your red tipped ear, his eyes searching yours for any hint of hesitation.
However, you surprised him by nodding slowly, even more shocked when you reached up and unzipped your hoodie, before letting it fall to the ground, exposing your black lacy bra to him. He hadnât realized you werenât wearing a shirt under there, and he could feel the blood rushing straight to his dick.
He matched you by reaching up and unbuttoning his white dress shirt, each button that came undone revealed a path of perfectly toned chest and abdomen t that were covered in a tattoo that took up the right side of his body, and the ink travelled down his perfect chiseled abs underneath the waistband of the slacks that he had been left in.
He could see you ogling his body, looking away each time you realized you were staring too long and he had to bite back a comment about you liking what you see. He didnât want to make you feel any more embarrassed than you already were, but seeing you so flustered over his body made him painfully hard.
He just hoped that you would politely advert your gaze the same way you had been doing this whole time once he took his pants off, and once the material and his belt clamoured to the floor, your eyes widened as they took in the size of the bulge in his boxers and your thighs pressed together before you looked away, coughing awkwardly.
âSorry, youâre just so beautiful, it canât be helped.â He said, making you cover your face with your hands in embarrassment.
When you heard him walking into the bathroom, you finally took your hands away from your face. You were still in your sweatpants, and when you heard Ran turn the shower on, you took them off and let them fall beside the pile of his clothing on the floor next to you.
You had to mentally prepare yourself for everything that was about to happen. You were about to shower with a man, whom you werenât married to, in warm water that you knew was going to set off a wave of ptsd. Yet, your mind couldnât help but recite the reassuring words Ran had spoken to you when he suggested you shower together in the first place.
âAs long as Iâm around, you have nothing to be afraid of.â
âY/n, are you coming?â Ranâs voice echoed off the bathroom walls and filtered into your bedroom. You took several deep breaths in, before slowly walking into the bathroom.
You could see Ranâs body through the frosted glass door of the shower, and you made you way towards it. With a shaky hand, you reached out and pressed your palm against the glass door, tending up when you realized it was emitting the smallest bit of warmth due to the temperature of the water.
I can do this, I can do this. Heâs there⌠he wonât let it hurt me, you told yourself, before opening the door and stepping into the shower.
âThereâs my pretty girl.â Ran said with a soft smile as he saw your half naked body finally stepping into the small confines of the shower. He was trying his hardest not to focus on your breasts that looked delicious all wrapped up and pretty behind the lace of your bra.
He reached out to you, both of his hands wrapping around your wrists and slowly starting to pull you towards him. You were hesitant as you could feel the heat of the water that was a few inches away from you, and you were trying your hardest not to slip into your own mind.
âItâs okay baby, Iâve got you.â Ran said, stepping forward and pressing his warm, lanky body against yours. Your head immediately fell onto his chest, your ear and cheek pressed up against it as your eyes fixated on the glass door.
The exit is right there, itâs right there if I need it.
âItâs not hot, I made sure of it. Just a little warm and each time we shower we can slowly work our way up.â He said, making your eyes widen.
Each time we shower? He wants to do this more?
âO-okay. I-Iâm ready.â You said, lying not only to him but to yourself as well. You knew that you would never actually be ready to do something that scared you so bad, but the feeling of his warm body against yours was providing you a small sense of comfort, and you figured that if you were okay to be in his warmth, then you could be okay in the warmth of the water as well.
âOkay pretty.â He said softly, before walking you both backwards towards the stream of the water.
Your arms were the first thing to feel the foreign, lukewarm water and you were already planning on fleeing until Ranâs arms moved their way up and down your back slowly and soothingly. Without realizing it, you leaned further into him, causing your hair to get wet and warm water to splash your face, making you panic and back up a bit.
âHey hey, itâs okay. You did it.â He said softly, not bothering to pull you back into him when he saw your tear filled eyes and heaving chest. He could see you were struggling, and he really didnât want you to have to get out.
âHow about you turn around and lean back against me so that your face doesnât get wet. Iâll wash your hair for you, how does that sound?â He asked, reaching over and running a hand down your side, all you could do was nod.
With that, Ranâs large hands stopped on your hips and gently spun you around so that you were now looking away from him. He maneuvered you backwards so that your back was flush against his chest, and your bum was pressed softly against his hard on, and you forced yourself to focus on his rapid heartbeat on your back rather than the twitching muscle that made your thighs clench slightly.
âYou donât have to say anything, but make sure you tap my thigh if it becomes too much for you.â He said, before slowly tipping your head backwards.
The water worked itâs way through your hair, making the strands appear longer than they really were as the cascaded down your back. Ran made sure to stop tilting your head the moment the stream of water met your hairline, and although he could feel how tense you were and how much you were trembling, you still didnât ask him to stop.
âGood job y/n. Youâre doing so well.â He praised, making your stomach flip.
You felt him shifting around behind you before you heard the sound of your shampoo bottle being opened, and Ranâs hands left your body entirely as he poured shampoo into them before working it into a lather as he rubbed his palms together. The moment you felt hung fingertips beginning to work the shampoo through your hair, you relaxed, and when you felt his fingernails grazing your scalp as he massaged it, you let out a long, content sigh.
âSuch cute sounds.â Ran mused, teasing you slightly seeing as your body and mind have calmed quite a bit.
âS-stop it.â You said quietly, a blush dusting your cheeks while a shit eating grin adorned Ranâs pretty pink lips. He didnât want to show it, but he was ecstatic that he was the first of the three you had opened up to.
The rest of the shower went surprisingly well and Ran had rinsed and conditioned your hair and even turned around to give your privacy while you wash your entire body and when you had gotten out, he was quick to cover you with a towel before stepping out to change and allowing you to do the same.
Right now, you were currently sitting in his lap, facing him with your legs on either side of his torso. You had changed into sweatpants and a tank top, not bothering to put a bra on which Ran had a hard time not focusing on. He could feel your nipples against his bare chest as you sat leaned against him whilst his hands worked through your hair delicately.
âWhere did you learn how to braid hair?â You asked, reaching up and playing with the slightly damped strands on his head. You realized he didnât have enough hair to braid, not that you had known how to anyways.
âI had really long hair when I was younger. Used to wear it in little braided pigtails.â He said, making a small smile play on your lips.
That sounds really cute, you thought.
âBet you looked funny.â You said, making Ran scoff playfully. He didnât comment on that little did you took at him because he was just happy that you were starting to act like your old self once again. Still, a part of him was focusing on the fact that you didnât know how to do your own hair, and it made him want to pay your mother a not so friendly visit.
He also wondered what other things she may have done to you, but he wouldnât dare ask you. Not while you were slowly beginning to fall asleep wrapped around him like a koala, and surely not after getting you to come out of your two month long depressive episode.
Once your soft snores made their way to his ears, Ran slowly laid back and made sure to move your legs so that they were now in between his long legs instead of them being pinned underneath him when his back hit your soft mattress. His hands made their way to your back before he began to scratch gently, and he leant his head down a bit to press a small kiss to your forehead before finally falling into a peaceful slumber.
Somewhere in the house, Rindou and Sanzu were envious of the older Haitani as they had both come to check on you guys after not hearing from you for a while, and they both silently questioned whether or not you would eventually become as close like that with them, as you were with Ran.
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