summary: loving someone as cruel as itoshi sae has to be the worst thing that ever happened to a hopeless romantic like you. years of pining over your childhood crush finally comes to an end, or does it?
warning: english is not my first language. apologies for any grammatical or spelling errors.
â you couldn't deny that there was a part of you that knew it will have to turn out like this. maybe you were ahead of your time then; a little naive to follow through it, but it had to be done. there's no other way for you to be happy if you don't move on.
gone are the days where you have dinner with sae. naturally, that came with the strolls, the sleepovers, the kisses, and all that falls on your little play pretend. funny how one conversation can easily penetrate through the bubble you carefully created with him, leading it to pop and leave nothing but a string of regrets.
however, you're not one to dwell on such. you wouldn't be where you are now if you were. becoming the bast always required sacrifices and regrets, and you believed the same thing can be said in your philosophy of life. you need to lose something to gain something, is what you have always believed in.
weeks have passed since the silent breakup (if you can even call it a breakup), and you were back on track to prepare for the champions league. the youth team has you, as expected, to be their starting striker and you're not about to miss an opportunity of a lifetime for a silly boy. you came to spain to conquer the world of football, not to hook yourself on a date.
you grit and determination must have been too obvious because your team certainly noticed the sudden change in your demeanor. from your bad habits down to the littlest bit in your training regimenânothing was left uncorrected by you. your coach was certainly happy that you're willingly looking for your own flaws to change them in earnest, but even he began to worry for your sake.
your team captain had just finished freshening up when she spotted you still working on your shots at the field, heaving through your exhaustion like an overworked robot about to bust itself to pieces. this is getting a little out of hand, and she had a funny feeling it had something to do with their auburn-haired midfielder from the male's youth team. she grunts, muttering how she knew that boy's only bad news for you. after hearing the whole shenanigan about how he was a childhood friend of yours and you've only reunited now after eight years, she knew that itoshi sae was not just a friend to you. certainly, you were not just a friend to him either.
from the year she's been your captain, she came to know how you operate. for the most part, you keep the logical side of you in control of your body and mind. she rarely sees you slipping from your cool and calm exterior. after all, she always found your composure admirable as it works extremely well under pressure. she has you to thank for the times she's about to mentally crumble during a tight game.
it's about time she does you a favor too, and so she invited you out for dinner to pull you out of extended training. she watched you gobble up the food she ordered for both of you, insisting that you will need all the energy you can get for tomorrow's training. of course, it wasn't mere concern that had her going through such lengths. she needed to talk to you about your behavior.
"did itoshi do anything to you?" was her idea of a conversation starter, and with the way you reacted, it seemed like she was right on the money. you stilled from forking down a piece of dumpling, gulping subtly as you tried to navigate through the topic.
"what made you say that?"
"don't pretend like you haven't been sneaking around with him, superstar." she snickered, finding it quite amusing that your best solution to the situation is to feign ignorance. "you like him, don't you?"
and that is how she opened the pandora's box. that night, she found out about your history with said midfielder, how you reunited, and how you turned out the way you are now. to you, your captain had always felt like a big sister who keeps you in check in the most caring way possible. she wasn't there with you that night to simply know the gossip or to have you spill the beans. no, it was more than that. she wanted to help you and see how you're going. she wanted to know how she could help, and fortunately for her, all you needed was a listening ear.
you certainly felt a little better after that dinner, and your captain became more attentive with you since then. she kept you from extending your daily training. if she couldn't stop you, she'll join you until your legs give up. in morning workouts, she never leaves your side and wake up earlier than she usually does to keep your mind from straying too far. the rest of the girls also picked up on your behavior, and so they collectively decided to not have team lunches with the male's division. truth be told, most of them find the boys a little too conniving and condescending. it was great for the team to have their own bonding over lunch. it certainly allowed you to keep your mind off of things and get to know your team a little better since you moved to spain.
that said, walks home are included in the changes that happened over the past weeks. three of the girls you've grown closer to would accompany you on your walk home, inviting you around places to try from time to time when none of you are too exhausted.
with all these things happening, you couldn't help but feel a little happy that the confrontation with sae happened. it wouldn't have granted you the opportunity to have a healthier social life if it didn't.
it also brought new friendships. not everyone in the male's team are as bad as they all thought. though, you seem to have a pretty eccentric type in friends when you chose this one.
obnoxious, narcissistic, and egotistical as hell. those three words perfectly encapsulate the being that is michael kaiser. never did you ever think you'd be friends with him after he joined re al as a centre forward. he's the complete opposite of a friend you're looking for, yet you paired off so well upon the first time you meet.
majority of it is because you're the only one who knows how to speak german in both teams, and that brought you drastically closer as you assisted kaiser when he was new around the facility. now, however, you would say that your friendship was built on stone. he would sometimes join the women's team for lunch simply because he too loves talking drama. he loves being the centre of attention most of the time, but hearing about other people and their own desperate attempts through life entertain him plenty.
of course, it was only a matter of time until he figured out the deal between you and his midfielder. ever since you've grown close, kaiser noticed how sae was a thousand times more stingy to himâhow he would make extremely difficult passes in an attempt to frustrate kaiser. though it does work, kaiser finds it more as an opportunity than a negative thing.
he was complaining to you during lunch when it began to happen frequently, and everyone at the table immediately went silent upon the rise of the topic. it has been awhile since itoshi sae was brought up, and none of them were sure how you'd take it.
"he's always brooding, anyway. you must have done something to tick him off." was your only response, shrugging as if it was the simplest thing to understand in the world.
kaiser knew there was gold to dig, and he successfully did it directly from you when you were out with a couple of your friends shopping. you told him the same thing you told your captain, though the details were more vague this time. it made you realize that though the memory began fading through the creases, the heartache you felt back then remains the same.
worse, it hurts more now than ever.
do you still like him even after what he did?
"hmm," kaiser hummed, amused, "well, leave it to me. since you have been such a dear to your great emperor, i shall return a small favor."
you snorted. "dude, what the hell are you even talking about?"
you didn't think much of it. it was kaiser, after all. though he is a good friend, he can be quite the crazy person when he wants to be. you're just preparing yourself for anything embarrassing he might do to you through the week (though you pray he at least has a heart not to).
but no, it wasn't humiliation kaiser was going for. rather, he's about to fix whatever it is that needed fixing. during training, once again with the midfielder, he began asking about you.
"the recordings don't give justice to her plays, don't you think?" was his starter to pique sae's interest. "ever played as her midfield?"
"focus," was sae's response, sending another sick pass to the blonde.
"gotta admit, though. i wanted to get into re al 'cuz of her." kaiser snickered, executing a perfect bicycle kick to score. "i'm thinking of asking her out sometime soon. what do you think?"
sae stared at him for awhile from a set distance, attempting to understand what kaiser's scheme is. he then walked to the goalpost, brushing past the german's shoulder as he did. "do what you want."
of course, he didn't actually mean it. sae would rather die than let anyone else be yours. it was his place. he's meant to be yours. he is meant to shower you with all the good things in the world. certainly not kaiser. he doesn't even know the most basic thing to do when caring for someone else.
even if he did ask you out, you surely won't accept it, right?
and alas, he was slapped hard on the face when he saw an instagram update from your profile. it was a picture of you and kaiser holding your shopping bags after spending the entire night walking around the mall to spoil yourself. if the photo wasn't enough, the caption surely takes the cake.
'thanks to my bodyguard/ shopping bag holder for life!'
for life? kaiser? of all people?
sae never bolted out of his apartment so fast that night, rushing over to your place to finally put a stop to this nonsense. he knew he fucked up when he left you hanging, and he had been too scared to approach you first. you never bothered talking to him again after that damn night, so he figured he wasn't in the place to command the situation. he had no right to argue against youâfor you to even spare him a glance.
you used to even when you weren't talking, but with kaiser in the picture, he's lucky enough to even catch your silhouette in the facility's hallway.
you stood frozen right at your doorstep, eyes glued to a heaving itoshi sae. he looked like he just ran a marathon, and that says something for someone whose career involves running for an entire ninety minutes every match.
your mind goes blank and dizzy at the same time. there was no telling he'd even be here. you haven't spoken in monthsâhaven't spared a glance at each other for so long, yet there he was.
he had always been the worst at starting conversations, but you might as well hand him a trophy for this one.
"what the hell are you talâ"
"don't go out with kaiser."
now that's odd. you were silent for a short while, connecting the dots in your head. so this is what kaiser meant that day. you couldn't tell if you're glad or angry that this moment came. you have always dreamt of this, after all, finding him standing at your door with the courage you wished he had all along.
"you're in no place to make such demands."
sae was definitely caught off-guard. this isnât like you. you have always been so forgivingâso understanding.
well, itâs about time he realizes he ran you dry.
but he can't back away anymore. not again, or he will really lose you this time. he slowly takes a step forward, then another, and another until his feet led him right in front of you. his height towered over yours so easily, yet you stood tall against him.
for once. he actually felt so small around you.
"kaiser," he inhaled, "kaiser doesn't know you like i do. he doesn't know how to take care of you."
"and you do?" you snort. oddly enough, sae likes this side of your. he didn't expect you to have a snarky side, and it was because of his stupidity that he came to discover it now.
"i do," he carefully takes your hand in his, finally professing his feelings. "you were right. what i did wasn't right. i do a lot of things that tick you off, and i know that i am the biggest headache in your life. there's no way you would ever choose me."
then, his forehead leans down on yours. as if he knew his words are not enough, he tried to compensate with his actions without overstepping boundaries drawn.
"but god knows how much i'll regret it if i didn't fight for youâfight for what could be us instead." itoshi sae had completely crumbled right before you, and his voice gave him away. it's not everyday you hear at least a tad bit of emotion from him. he had always been logical, cursing anything that involved having to open up his feelings and being completely seen by another. yet, he's doing it all right in front of you.
âyou terrify me,â he whispered, like it was a secret that heâs meant to keep forever. âyou have complete control over me and you donât even have any idea.â
his voice broke down with a slight crack. it nearly made you crumble right then and there. if you were the same lovesick fool you once were, that is.
still, it wasn't enough for you to hold back from your sharp thoughts. "i think you just want me because another man does, itoshi."
it stings how you use his surname than his first. he deserved that, and he took it completely with not a hint of annoyance.
"no," he answers confidently. "i have always always wanted to be with youâto be by your side and watch you take on the world. i want to be the first person you run to when you win a match. i want to be the man you dedicate a goal for like how i dedicate all of mine to you. i want to be the first to see you in the morning and the last before you sleep."
his other hand trails down your free arm, taking hold of your fingers with his own. "i want to be the one to listen to your endless stories and the one to calm you down when you're overwhelmed. i want to be the one who'll know firsthand how much your hard work has paid off when you win the champions league."
by now, even the facade you had put up lost against his sincerity. you knew that this is itoshi sae speaking from his heart, voluntarily opening himself up to you. professing his love for you after eight long years of taking it for granted. you have long forgiven him, but you didn't want to interrupt him when he's already pouring his heart out for you to hear.
you can wait. you can listen to him until he's done venting it all out.
"god knows how i would let the world burn if it meant having a second chance with you." he muttered, warm and soft. âi love you.â
what are you supposed to do now?
youâre torn between believing in the man you used to know and the man who left you hanging a few weeks ago. thinking about it makes you dizzy.
what did he mean he loves you? after dismissing your feelings and stomping on your heart like itâs trash? how dare he love someone he deemed unworthy of his honesty
he answered so quickly, as if he was scared youâd leave if he even missed a second to reply to you. you can feel how his hold tightened in the slightest way, the unknowing urge to keep your from slipping away from his reach overpowering him subconsciously.
itâs sae right in front of you. heâs an asshole, you have long known about that already.
he was taken aback, yet he didn't stop himself from smiling and pulling you in an embrace long overdue. "i am," he whispered, "and i'm forever yours. iâm sorry, amor. iâll love you freely this time.â
you nod, finally letting the happy tears soak themselves against his black shirt. the day had finally come, and you were glad you held on for so long.
you pined over him for twelve years, but really, sae had always been the loser of this game you're playing since the beginning.
