Take Back My Life

I might only have one match But I can make an explosion And all those things I didn't say Wrecking balls inside my brain I will scream them loud tonight Can you hear my voice this time

[cappingtvshows]

[thepnwvarmints]

@keaton-mccall [Continued]

“Downward Spiral” 

- Three Months Later -

It was another late, drunken night out as Wyatt continually kicked himself for all of the shit that had gone on.  Drinking had become his escape, but he was so far down in his spiral that he’d forgotten the last time he was sober.  Everyone and every thing had become a blur, which seemed to be the only way he could function.  Wyatt felt like he’d lost everything the night his father died, but more so because of one sentence that kept ringing through his head.  It was something his brother had said that he’d already been thinking and it just reaffirmed how horrible Wyatt really believed himself to be, deep down.

The words played on repeat like a broken record, “It’s all your fault!  You’re the reason dad died!”

Over and over, he heard his brother yelling those words at him.  And now, after weeks of being drunk and getting into trouble with the law, losing his scholarship, losing all of his money and breaking things around the house in fits of rage, his brother had finally had enough.  Gage’s girlfriend was pregnant and they were going to start a life together.  They couldn’t handle having Wyatt’s mess of a life around a newborn or a pregnant woman, for that matter, so they’d kicked him out.

Wyatt had slept in the truck a couple of nights, but he was caught up to by some group of angry bikers that he’d insisted on messing with recently… again.  He wasn’t sure why.  Something about knowing that they’d take him on and use him like a punching bag almost gave him solace.  It helped Randall feel like he was giving them a purpose by getting their aggressions out on someone that deserved to be punished.  At least, that’s where his head had been lately.  

Unfortunately, the last time they caught Wyatt, he was in his vehicle.  They took baseball bats and crowbars to his truck and windows, smashing it all in and leaving him fairly worse for the ware.  It was his only shelter against the elements other than frequenting the local bars, but they were getting tired of him starting fights and bringing trouble to their doorsteps, too.

“Last call, Wyatt,” the bartender said, eyeing the guy’s beer and making a stern face in his direction.

“What?  No it’s not!  It’s not even 10:30,” he insisted back, giving him a bitter glare.

“It is for you,” he reached over and grabbed the bottle, taking away the last few swigs he had left.

“HEY!  I wasn’t done with that,” he started to get up, almost falling to the ground from the amount of alcohol in his system.

“Yes… You were.” He motioned to the cops as they walked up, having been called ahead of time to bring Wyatt into the drunk tank yet again.

“Ohhh, come onnn.  Seriously,” Wyatt asked, stumbling upright and knocking a couple of stools over.  Feeling the officers grab his arms to help lift him, he jerked away saying, “Alright, alright!  I’m coming! Hold yer horses.  Pfft, horses,” he broke into a laugh, falling backwards at the thought of cops and robbers on horseback, clearly beyond inebriated.  

“Alright, Randall. Time to go,” they insisted, pulling the limp drunk upright and carrying him out to the car as he shouted a loud, “Giddy-up,” and cackled, head flopping back with his own hilarities seeming to keep him occupied.

—-Holding Cell—-

—-The Next Day—-

By morning, Wyatt felt the familiar pounding in his head, not sure where his truck was at the moment.  He was, however, surprised to see a familiar face at the station.  His brother’s girlfriend, Mara, was there, signing papers and looking at Wyatt with a heavy heart as the police escorted him out front.  She walked him out, thanking the officers for taking care of him and ushered the large oaf to her Honda Accord.  As they got in, he noticed boxes and bags of Wyatt’s things from his brother’s house in the back of her car and asked, “What’s all my stuff doin’ here?”

“Wyatt-,” she paused and said with a sad inflection, “You need help.  And we can’t be there to get you back on your feet.  We just can’t.  Billy found a job up in New York, hun.  He’s got a great offer up there.  We’ve sold the house,” she said, knowing he wasn’t gonna take this well.  She always called Gage, Billy, even though everyone else called him the opposite.  

“You sold the-,” he choked on those words.  His childhood home!?  What the fuck!?

“I’m sorry.  I tried to get your brother to tell you, but you know how Billy can get.  He’s just trying to put everything behind him,” she attempted to explain.

“And you should too, Wyatt. You really should.”  Mara started to drive them down the highway as she asked, “Is there anywhere I can take you?  Do you have a place to stay?”

Wyatt just shook his head in shock, not knowing where to go or what to do now that his only living relative was ditching town and sold their home that he’d grown up in.  It was all too much to take.  Wyatt looked out the window and just tried to fuckin’ think of what to do.  

How had shit gotten this bad?  Christ, how had it taken him this long to realize that Mara was right?  He did need help.  There was no way he could fuckin’ keep this up anymore.  Not with the rate things were going.  He needed someone to help him get back to normal.  Only one face popped to mind when that thought hammered in…  

“Take me to Keaton’s,” he said, biting his lower lip nervously as Mara asked, “Are you sure?”

“Just take me there,” he said, not able to look away from the window.

About 20 minutes later and they were pulling up the driveway of Keaton’s house.  Mara put the car in park and asked as Wyatt got out to grab his things, “Do you want me to talk to her for you?  I can help carry things.”

Wyatt just looked up at her with a firm stare and said, “I got it.”

“Are you sure,” she asked, seeming to be genuinely concerned, but Wyatt felt like her involvement with his brother had been part of why he was currently homeless.  He knew it was bullshit to lay blame on the pregnant lady, but right now, he was bitter and just wanted her to go away.

“I said, I got it,” he repeated in a quiet, almost warned tone, angrily picking his things up and setting the boxes down on the lawn.  He picked up his bags of clothes, realizing that this was probably only a small portion of everything that he’d owned, but that Gage probably threw the rest away or sold it.

He stood up, closing the car door and made his way up towards the house.  “I’ll have Billy try to call you, Wyatt!  Once we’re settled in and everything, okay?”  

Randall just kept walking up to the house, not responding or looking back.  That part of his life was, for lack of a better word, gone.  He had lost his whole family now.  Lost his friends.  Lost everyone he ever cared about.  They’d all walked away from him and he only had one person left that might actually still give a damn about his future.  

He hoped upon hope that Keaton might actually still have it in her to forgive him after all that’d taken place over the last few months.  He had pushed her away and told her flat out to leave in a drunken rage one night.  Wyatt just needed her to not care about him at the time, because he hadn’t felt like he’d deserved it.  If he was being honest with himself, he still didn’t feel like he deserved her forgiveness, but that didn’t stop him from gravelling.  She was all he had now.

He hesitated a second before ringing the doorbell, his nerves all but making his heart pound out of his chest.  With his head hung low, he heard her open the door and looked up, a weary, bruised grin cracking through the strain as he pushed to say, “Hey….  How are you?”  It felt so awkward and humiliating to come begging, but he didn’t know what else to do.

“Listen… I am truly sorry, Kekes. I know I can’t um… I can’t take back what all I did or… said or-,” he choked on his words, lowering his head again with a furrowed brow.  “I just was wonderin’…,” he sucked in a sharp breath, chest tight as he made himself look at her again and asked, “You think you might be up for lettin’ me crash here? Just for a day or two?”

He paused to let her reply and cut in after a minute saying, “I just don’t have anywhere else to go. And… I miss you, Keats.  I do.  Like… a lot.” Wyatt lowered his head again and stepped back, not sure if she was going to forgive him or even let him through the door.  He wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to just slam the door in his face.  After all, everyone else had.  

[keaton-mccall-blog]

There was only so much a person could take before they reached their limit.  Keaton loved Wyatt with every part of her being but he just kept pushing her further and further away. She knew he was dealing with a lot, especially struggling with the death of his father and all the pressure and pain from that, but what could do if he wouldn’t let her in? It all culminated one night three months ago when he yelled at her to leave, and as much as it pained her she did. Keaton refused to watch Wyatt destroy himself. Part of her felt bad, like how was this helping him, but it was tearing her apart and she just couldn’t do it anymore. Wyatt was cutting everyone out and it seemed that the only thing he let in and reach him was booze. Keaton had seen too many people she cared about consumed by that devil and it broke her to watch Wyatt succumb to it. Every time she saw Wyatt fall deeper and deeper another piece of herself went with him, and soon Keaton felt there were no pieces left of herself. Using the little she had left she turned her back, though she wondered when or if he had noticed.

Everyone in the town seemed to take pleasure in telling her of all the crap he was getting into. On an almost daily basis she’d hear Wyatt was drinking here, but got thrown out; this was always followed by the statement, soon there won’t be a bar left for him to go to. If it wasn’t that it was, Wyatt got picked up by the cops, and what would his father think? Keaton honestly didn’t know what was worse watching him crumble or having to hear about it from the town gossips.

Keaton had started college and was working part time at a gas station, leaving the house early in the morning and coming home well after dark.  She knew she was just drowning out her pain in a different way from him, but the exhaustion meant her brain had little time to focus on the pain.  The sun had only been up about an hour when she heard the car in the driveway. She frowned in confusion, who would be here this early? Peeking out from the curtain she felt her eyes go wide at the sight of Wyatt and his things. Instinctively she moved to the door, her mind and body craving the touch of the man she loved. Opening the door she stopped, frozen with uncertainty, she was wearing one of his jerseys and shorts, the morning air cool on her barge legs.

As he approached head down she felt a pull to embrace him but her legs wouldn’t move. Unable to stop the smile to match his crooked grin she gave a small shake of her head. “How am I?” She asked with a soft chuckle, “A hell of a lot better than you I’d say.” Leaning her hip into the door frame she felt her lips purse, and tears pushed at the back of her eyes. As angry as she was, as hurt as she was, when he called her Kekes she felt her knees buckle. God she hadn’t realized how much she missed that. “No Wyatt . . .” She said softly, clearing her throat to push past the lump she felt lodged in it. “You can’t take it back.”

Keaton did nothing to stop the tears now, not even bothering to wipe them away. She could, and maybe she should slap him or slam the door in his face but finally able to move she did the exact opposite, she pulled him to her.  “God Wy I missed you . . . so much.”

Leaning back she smacked his shoulder, “You’re an asshole,” she said sniffing more tears back, “You’re my asshole but still an asshole and of course you can stay.” Resting her head on his shoulder she inhaled his scent. “Just know if you hurt me again insanity is a defense for bodily harm.” Laughing quietly she headed back inside, glancing back over her shoulder. “Come on, coffees getting cold.”

[keaton-mccall-blog]

wyattrandallhill:

He jerked his head away as her hand touched his face.  The last thing he wanted was to be close to anyone right now.  He knew it would probably hurt her feelings, but honestly, feelings weren’t something Wyatt could even think about.  All he wanted, was to do anything but feel.  Maybe if he got drunk enough – maybe – just maybe he could stop the rage in his chest.  Keep from crying.  Stop from wanting to ram his truck into every goddamn telephone poll he saw on the way to the bar.  Avoid switching lanes and go head on into that 18-wheeler coming down the other lane.  Fuckin’ anything.

Finally, the closest bar came into view as he pulled up, not caring which bar it was.  As long as they had alcohol, that’s all that fuckin’ mattered.  He sped into the parking lot and skid to a stop, halfway in the parking spot next to him with the front of the pick-up.  He rushed out and slammed the cab door as he started in, not waiting on Keaton.  

The roar of the crowd died down as he banged through the front door and up to the bar, insisting with a glare, “Gimme your hardest liquor.  Make it a triple.  No ice.”

He looked over at the bikers around the pool table that had gone quiet when he walked in.  "What!  You got a problem!?“  Wyatt snapped and turned towards the dude with the short, blonde hair that smiled at his readiness to fight.  With a smug grin, the Sergeant at Arms came up, tossing his pool cue onto the table.  

"Oh, yeahhh.  I sure do, princess,” he mocked and made a kiss noise toward’s Wyatt, stepping up in his face.  "You lookin’ for a problem?“  The tension was high and about to become an all out brawl as the other bikers stood around laughing, just waiting to see where this was gonna go.

The moment he pulled his head away Keaton knew things were only going to get worse. Though he was upset and angry, it hurt her that he didn’t even want her touch. She had done nothing but support him and be by his side and now he was pushing her away. Turning away she climbed into the truck, pushing down her own feelings and hurt, she needed to be there for him, even if he was pushing her away. Keaton believed he didn’t mean it, and when all was said and done he would be glad she had stuck around, or so she hoped. His driving was erratic and she made a mental note to grab his keys, no way would he drive home, he’d end up killing them both. The anger coming off of him in waves was enough reason for that, but coupled with the bar they were pulling into, it would only spell disaster.

“Wyatt,” she called out softly when he made a haphazard parking, but he was out of the truck and heading through the doors. Frowning when she entered, going in alone since he had rushed out, the looks from those inside making her more jumpy, she realized immediately how out of place they were. Opening her mouth to say something Wyatt was already at the bar demanding alcohol. When Wyatt began challenging the bikers Keaton moved even quicker to his side, “Wyatt stop this before someone gets hurt,” and by someone she meant him.

Turning her gaze to the blonde ready to fight Wyatt, a grin that made her already frazzled nerves even more hyped up, she stepped towards being between them. “Stop it, both of you,” she said as firmly as she could, surprising even herself. “He doesn’t want a fight,” lifting her hands to the blonde man. “Just back off, okay?” Wondering now if he’d hit a woman, and maybe she shouldn’t have stepped between the two men.

[thepnwvarmints]

@keaton-mccall

The news had been hard enough to cope with.  As the preacher spoke, Wyatt’s composure dropped, struggling to keep his leg from bouncing against the hardwood floors.  He didn’t hear much of anything other than the bullshit that they kept telling themselves.  He’s in a better place; God has a plan; it was his time to go; he’s with the ones he loved who passed before him.  None of it was making Wyatt feel any better.  

He knew Keaton was trying to keep him calm.  He knew she was worried, but nothing was taking him away from the pain, least of all, being at the chapel.  Getting up, Wyatt stormed out of the building, the double door slamming against the wall as he banged it open in a hurried rage. Stripping off his tie and jacket, he tossed them in back of the pick-up, quickly unsnapping his shirt as he threw it all in the bed.  Reaching in through the open window, he grabbed a tattered t-shirt and hollered out, “I can’t fuckin’ stay here!  This is bullshit!  It’s all bullshit!"  He yanked the shirt on and got into the cab.

Getting in the Dodge, he pounded on the dash and steering wheel before settling down into a numbed (almost in shock) state of mind.  He couldn’t cope with the loss of his father and being around all of it made his insides scream.  All he wanted to do was forget.

"I need a drink.”  Glancing over with a half-angered, half-broken stare, he asked, “You comin’?”

[keaton-mccall-blog]

Keaton could feel the tension coming off of him as they sat on the hard pew. Every time he shifted she glanced over, wanting to still him in some way, but even placing her hand on his knee or squeezing his hand did nothing to take him down. In fact the more the preacher spoke the more she felt him tense, he was a rubber band and he was going to snap, there was no way to stop it. Chewing her lip she crossed one leg over the other and placed a hand on his knee, giving another squeeze, feeling the muscles tighten as he was obviously trying not to rock up and down as was his nervous habit.

Keaton nearly jumped out of her seat when he stormed out, quickly following after him as heads turned to find the sound of the noise. Despite the heavy emotions surrounding them his stripping down and changing made her chuckle. Wyatt was drowning in emotions, it was clear and he was crying out for help and yet backing away at the same time. Coming over to the bed of the truck she leaned in and pulled off her heels, grabbing her flats and her jeans, pulling them on under her dress.  She would change her shirt in the truck itself. There was no way she would let him go off like this on his own, he was too emotional and with the obvious adding of alcohol would make things ten times worse.

Pressing her hand into his chest before he got into the cab she sighed. “It’s not . . .” There was no point in arguing with him. “It’s not going to help staying here.” Nodding at his words and the anger pouring out she grabbed her own t-shirt and climbed in with him. Jumping when he slammed the dash she reached back to unzip the dress. “I don’t want to be here either; yeah we can get a drink.” Her words were calm but her heart was racing. She wasn’t afraid of him, but for him. That much anger could kill him. Reaching up she cupped his face and nodded. “Come on, let’s go and drink.”

[soulblazer12]

Sexy Celeb Breasts – Adrianne Palicki

[keaton-mccall-blog]

The Take Down

@lovethebeardedgentleman

Keaton had been apprehensive to take the assignment, not exactly sure what to expect, but now she was determined to bring these men down. Not only were they terrorizing a small town, a town where her friend was the Sheriff, but all the things they had done to the women in the club, including her needed punishment. Though she hardly let herself think of the things she had endured, especially at Christian’s hand, no to do that would weaken her mind and she needed that to keep going.  Stepping out of the shower she brushed out her hair after wiping the steam from the mirror. She knew Christian would be in a mood, he always was on poker nights because he was so bad at it.  Being the leader didn’t make you the winner.  Keaton had worked her way up from plaything of the gang to the one Christian saw exclusively and didn’t share. She wasn’t an old lady but she was something to him. Of course at any whim he could change his mind and toss her to the wolves. It hadn’t happened yet and she’d be damned if she crossed the line to make it happen.

Pulling on a tank top and jeans she stepped out into the small kitchen and looked out the window. She could see Christian’s bike at the clubhouse which is hopefully where he would stay. Ducking into the closet of the bedroom she quickly sent in a check in text and hid the work phone. Coming out she heard the door slam and readied for the fight she was sure would come. Grabbing a beer she went into the living room and handed it to him, running her fingers over his arm gently. “You hungry baby?”

[mentalandtwisted]

[westerlie-deactivated20210712]

epic character is epic (x) bobbi morse ;; agents of s.h.i.e.l.d. 

[subtleelevation-deactivated2018]

Adrianne Palicki

[keaton-mccall-blog]

A Breath Of Calming Air|| Bennett & Keaton

@bennett-fleming

With the impending anniversary party of her parents and all the people that would come along with it Keaton was feeling more anxious than normal, something she would have doubted was possible until she started feeling that way.  In fact before everything had happened to her she wasn’t ever anxious deciding instead to keep her father’s attitude of taking everything in stride. That attitude became nearly impossible when everything including your own mind was working against you.  Having gone out early this morning, following her parents out she went to the park to walk off some of her nerves.  She couldn’t be inside, feeling too confined and suffocated. Pushing herself to walk more than she should her legs began to ache and she found a park bench to sit on to ease the discomfort.  Part of her wanted to keep going, feeling anger at the weakened state of her body. Sometimes that anger would boil up so much that she wanted to scream, ‘I’m a Marine, a Sergeant, I’ve fought in war and I can’t held back.’  Of course then she would realize she could and was being held back and that would bring the burning sensation of tears.  

The emotional roller coaster she was on was making her feel crazy, and despite knowing she had things like PTSD, depression and anxiety it didn’t make it any easier to accept. Besides the fact that those were only her mental obstacles, not even touching on the physical ailments she faced daily, such as being cold all the time, the pain in her shoulders and legs, and the scarring from her torture.  With a sigh she realized she was depressing herself and once again felt the pull to find some way to calm herself.  All she wanted was a brief moment of that, but she didn’t know how to get it.  Closing her eyes she took in a few slow breaths and as her mind wandered she remembered the man she had met a few weeks back, the one who was the twin of the ranger that saved her.  She remembered how calm he had been, and opening her eyes she quickly stood and headed to the car her mother let her use.  If he had a secret to being calm she wanted to know what it was, something told her it had to do with the smell of weed in the apartment, but at this point she would try anything, especially since it seemed to work.  Driving over there she didn’t give herself time to think or stop, she parked and knocked on his door.  Waiting for him to answer she brushed some hair behind her ears, looking up as the door opened.  With a small smile, words stuck in her throat she bit her lip.  “Uhm, hope I’m not bothering you, I was wondering if you could talk for sec?”

[dailymarvelqueens]

I was the kid growing up who would play with G.I. Joes in a pink dress and then run off to play with my Barbies. It doesn’t mean that I’m less girly, it just means that I have this other side of me. It’s kinda cool to be a little bit of both, I think.

[keaton-mccall-blog]

Window Seat||Thomas & Keaton

Keaton was excited for Thomas’ visit.  He was the sibling she got along best with, the one she was closest with.  It was her parent’s anniversary and though she wasn’t eager for all the people that would be in and out of the house she expectantly waited for Thomas.  Of course Monty had gone and picked him up, and Monty would bring him home.  This would be followed by Caitlyn showing up and her children and it would be one large party.  The thought alone made her palms sweat and her breath catch.  Keaton was sitting in her room, door cracked open as usual, her back against the wall as she looked out the window.  Once she had come home she quickly rearranged her room, moving her bed into the corner, and spreading everything out as wide as possible. Sitting on her back with her back to the wall she was able to see out the window, watching the slight breeze in the tree outside, the one she had used once or twice to sneak out when a teenager.  She could hear the slam of the door downstairs announcing Caitlyn and parted of her wanted to get up and close the door, but the idea of being shut in was actually less appealing then having to hear the noise.  The whispers let her know she had come up in conversation, and with a glance at the clock she smirked.  It was a new record for her sister, having waited a whole two minutes before asking.

Rolling her eyes she went back to the tree, waiting for the sound of Monty announcing his arrival. Within the hour she heard his jovial voice, and she bit at her lip to keep the sudden surge of emotions down.  As much as she didn’t get along with Monty she missed the verbal sparring, she missed the carefreeness she once had in her life.  Suddenly everything was so serious and so heavy, some days she didn’t want to get out of bed because she didn’t think she had the strength the lift the blankets let alone her own body.  Resting her head on the wall she pulled her legs up, willing her mind to settle so she could go downstairs, but nothing was listening.  A race had started in her brain and she couldn’t stop it.  Her eyes were still closed when she heard the gentle rap, and expecting it to be her father encouraging her to come downstairs she was surprised to see Thomas.  A large smile grew on her lips and she motioned him into the room.  “You got away from the madness,” she said softly. “It’s okay, close the door, come talk to me.” With him in the room she felt easier about the door closing, his presence almost like a stop watch being pressed to the racing in her mind.

@thomas-mccall

[sullivancole-deactivated2019022]

Nightcrawler // Open

When the former Marine couldn’t sleep, he hit the streets, put rubber to asphalt and drove around for a bit. Sometimes he wound up at the curb outside his parent’s house, looking at it but never going to the door to disturb what he assumed was his resting father since the place was usually dark around the times he was there. Michael missed his mother, he missed the nurturing that she could provide, there was nothing in the world to replace that feeling and the way it could soothe any pain even if it was deep into the soul. He loved his father but he and Jonathan were very different, especially now, after spending his adult life at war he no longer saw the world in the same black and white way. The police captain knew how to talk and reason just about anything and at times he knew he needed to open up to the man, it just hadn’t happened yet. The head of the Otis clan deserved happiness and Mike was worried that he would only bring him down with all that he was wrestling with and Jonathan didn’t need to be stretched even thinner than he already was.

Pulling away from the curb and the home he grew up in, there was the thought to go bug Jasper but the chances of his brother still being awake were slim. The connection there wasn’t just that Jas was some sort of rock and anchor for him, it had a lot to do with the fact that he reminded Michael so much of their mother, Cori. Since he wasn’t going to see big brother, he ended up driving to the park and thankfully living in California had it’s perks when it came to winter time since it was chilly but not too cold. Mike got out for a while and walked around a little bit, for some reason walking seemed to help clear the mind and it pushed away all the fog and the things he would hear that weren’t there. He was able to zero in and focus on specific things rather his thoughts darting all over the place. Maybe it put him in a zone similar to when he was out on patrols, where the mind had to be clear and alert. Whatever it was it was seeming to be the best thing for him in the middle of the night when memories haunted his sleep.

Content with the walk and wanting to refresh himself from the chill in the early January night, Mike made his way to the all night diner and sat himself at the counter ordering a hot cup of coffee. While waiting on the hot cup to warm him from the inside out, he looked to his right and gave a greeting smile to the person sitting there. “Couldn’t sleep either?”

[keaton-mccall-blog]

Keaton expected the quiet to be a comfort, after all the noise made her itch everywhere and feel as if her skin was crawling.  She quickly learned though that the quiet was just as bad, if not worse.  When it was quiet during her imprisonment she used the time to rest, but like everything else during those three weeks her rest was never easy or long.  Believing that being home would ease that, bring her a peace she prayed wasn’t lost for good.  Keaton was disappointed to find that night time had become the worst.  It was the time when she was left alone with her own thoughts, and those thoughts quickly turned to memories and on most nights she would find herself curled in the corner, hand over her mouth to keep the screams from escaping.  One night the screams were tearing at her throat and without thought she ran from the house, running until her weakened legs gave way.  Taking in deep breaths of cold fresh air she found herself calming and realized it was being outside that had done it.  Since that night she had taken to slipping out of the house and spending most of the night away from home.

The sounds of the house settling, the movements of her parents before sleep made her already anxious state of mind accelerate.  She knew it was a fear of being caught and told not leave the home, but they couldn’t understand how much she had to do this.  At first just walking around outside had eased her mind, sent her back to level, but soon that wasn’t enough.  In the last few days she had snuck the keys to her mother’s car and gone for long drives. The wind blowing through the car, the fastness of the scenary around her was now what she clung too when everything else was crazy in her head.  The air was biting tonight and she found herself shivering, her already lowered body temperature fighting the coolness of the night. Slowing down as she came into town she saw the all night diner and decided to stop for coffee, besides she didn’t want to go home yet.

Heading inside she sat down at the counter and ordered a cup of coffee, pulling down the sleeves of her sweater as she lifted the warm cup to her lips.  Hearing a voice, one that sounded familiar she lifted her head and smiled as she saw Mike sitting there. With a soft chuckle she shook her head, “What was it we used to say, sleep is for the Navy?” Taking another sip of her coffee she sighed and brushed a loose and wind-blown piece of hair behind her ear.  “I hear the pie is good, should we indulge?”

[keaton-mccall-blog]

Debriefing || Michael & Keaton

[sullivancole-deactivated2019022]

When Michael returned from the bathroom, he stood a little awkwardly in the hallway with Keaton. Sure they were old friends going back to childhood and surely he hadn’t forgotten how to talk to people.  Parts of him were in the middle of a mini meltdown and he was pushing to recover from it fast so that he gave nothing away to his fellow Marine and more importantly so he could speak with her. He mirrored her actions unpurposefully, his hands pushed into his own pockets. “I’m sure it’s for good. Hard to come back from a medical discharge and…” He stopped himself from saying that her injuries looked pretty bad from the glance he had of her during the rescue. Mike was more than impressed with the Ranger that saved and protected her, even continuing to move her to safety after taking a bullet that should’ve debilitated him. He was in Force Recon, the Black Ops division, and one of the men that provided close ground cover. They had taken on some fire and Michael made it out unscathed.

“I got back just a few days ago. I’m staying with Jasper for now.” He licked his lips and looked around. “Do you wanna go out front? We can get some fresh air…” Mike nodded his head in the direction of the front door to the parlor and his body soon followed the movement. Once the outdoor air hit his lungs he steadily sucked in a few deep breaths. “I’m back.” It was the first confession he made to anyone on his return. He’d avoided the answering of all the similar questions or deflected them. There was something different between him and Keaton that the others couldn’t quite get. They both had seen combat, well Mike had and she had been caught in a combat zone and held captive to horrors that set him down a path that led to his discharge. Knowing the things his longtime friend and once lover had been through just compounded the atrocities that he witnessed since. Especially that little girl. He’d been in combat a long time and those were the two worst scenes of his career and he had plenty of bad to compare it to.  The common denominator was that he had a personal relationship with Keaton and the girl, he was attached and not detached to the situation.

“You look good, Keaton. It’s great to see you mostly healed up.” He smiled pleasantly. The last time he saw her she was being lifted onto a helicopter with her savior and it seemed the image of her then was something burned into his memory. Mike was glad for a replacement. “I asked for leave and was denied. I wanted to see you at the hospital but you know how the shit works. I was considering going AWOL for at least a few days to get out to you…” He sighed. “I was sent away on assignment.”

[keaton-mccall-blog]

Keaton tucked her hands into her pockets, putting her thumb through the whole in the bottom of the sleeve, something she had done in most her sweaters to ensure they didn’t ride up. Although she knew she didn’t have to with Michael, he knew her scars, had seen them and her at the worst point, but it was such a habit she made no effort to change it. Lifting her eyes to him she nodded, “Yeah I know, it’s okay.” She didn’t want him to feel bad for bringing it up, of all people he was one she could talk to, or so she hoped. Chewing on her lip she shifted on her feet, not sure what to say to him, she had missed him, missed how things were before everything went to shit. Keaton remembered speaking with him right before she and convey headed out, joking that he would owe her a beer later, it was the last time she saw him before being taken. They never had a chance to end what they had or keep it either, it was never really a thing between them; they were lovers but never called it anything more. Whatever it was kind of vanished in the three weeks that she was gone, not that she could blame him, why would he want her now. Keaton knew that sounded like pity in her head, but the truth was she was confident that only her body came back, Keaton was dead and all that remained was a shell.

Nodding at his words she chuckled softly, “Yeah outside sounds good.” Following him out, head down, she didn’t even look to see if her mother and Caitlyn noticed she was gone or for how long. Taking in a breath of fresh air she closed her eyes for a moment, stilling her fractured mind, at least for a moment. Her eyes opened and she turned to him, a small frown on her face. The way he said it Keaton knew immediately he wasn’t on a leave, he was back in Long Beach for good. Biting on her lip she wanted to ask him what happened, why a fellow lifer was not, but she knew how much she hated being pressured to talk so she didn’t say anything. Leaning against the wall she took one hand out of her pocket and brushed some wind-blown hair off her face. Shaking her head slightly, “Thanks,” she said softly. “Still doing physical therapy but mostly healed up.”

Putting a smile on her face, she felt it fade and dropped her eyes. “It’s okay, I understand.” Lifting her head again she rolled her eyes, “Yes I know how that shit works. God forbid they let you do something you feel you need to do. I’m glad you didn’t go AWOL, I would feel like shit, it’s good to see you now.” Her heart jumped and she looked out across the street, “You want to walk, there’s a park close by or the boardwalk? I think we both need to talk and I know it’s easier when I walk.” Offering him a small smile she motioned with her head, “You can tell me about the assignment.” Whatever had happened in that assignment it was a reason for him to be here and she would be the ears he needed, the friend he needed, for he had always been that for her.

[commissioner-mccall-blog]

❤ Old Sweaters❤

[commissioner-mccall-blog]

Montgomery loved all his children, even Monty, but seeing his youngest so jumpy and always with a confused or pained look on her face as of late made him very sad. He had handled so many horrible things throughout his career and yet had no idea what to do for her. Partially he was not entirely sure on the details of what happened to her when she was a POW, all the doctors at Bethesda had told him was she had been assaulted and tortured. No father wants to see his children hurt. Making matters worse, there seemed to be a rift in the family now as everyone was unsure how to handle it or treat Keaton now that she was home. She was not the same person now evident as she sat in the chair – a clear indication that she didn’t want to be too close to him. Montgomery would never hurt her and because of that love and value, this included emotional pain.

Smiling wide, his mustache rising, Montgomery stepped in to the room with a nod holding out the sweaters. “They are for you. It’s funny, your mother tells me as I am going through my closet that I have too many of these yet she is the one that was always buying them for me.” Walking further in to the room he set the sweaters on the bed and remained standing. “How are you feeling today, sweetheart? Do you have an appointment with Dr. Gilroy?” He would never push for the details, only that she was keeping herself occupied with healthy activities. He and Diane were still very much trying to work out the best way to handle everything and after 49 years of marriage they had never once worked anything out quickly.

“I spoke with your brother Thomas. He confirmed he will be coming out for our 50th anniversary soiree. That will be nice to have everyone out, don’t you think?” His voice was always calm and level. Montgomery McCall was a 70 year old man that still had a tremendous amount of life left in him. He worked every day, still went jogging even and would get down on the floor and play with his grandkids. Nothing was stopping the man from living any time soon which suited him just fine because his baby girl needed him now.

[keaton-mccall-blog]

When Keaton was first brought state side she was unaware of her surroundings and her condition for quite some time. The doctors kept her sedated because of the pain and damage done to her body. Keaton was facing broken bones, exposure, dehydration, malnutrition in addition to cuts, scrapes, bruising, tearing and damage to her body, and that was only the physical wounds. There were surgeries and she was still undergoing physical therapy. When she was conscious enough the doctors informed her that her family was made aware of her condition but the details would be hers to share. That unfortunately was the problem for Keaton; she didn’t know how to share details, and the words often felt like hot coals or rocks lodged in her throat. The culmination of the weight of her imprisonment came when she tried to kill herself and was sent home. Now under the watchful eyes of her family Keaton wasn’t sure what to feel, she knew she needed to talk to them but she still didn’t know how, and whenever she came close to figuring it out she was faced with the attitude of being a broken doll. The only one who didn’t treat her like that was her father, but because of her love for him she hesitated to open up and say anything, knowing her words would weigh so heavy on him.

Keaton returned his smile, taking a seat in the chair near the window. She had a large collection now and was glad he understood without her saying it that she needed the comfort and safety of the sweaters. Watching him put them down on the bed she chuckled, “Every birthday, every Christmas she gave them too you.” Brushing some hair back she shook her head, “No I have one tomorrow, and today is good so far.” Giving him another smile, she pulled her legs up under her, resting one foot on the chair and resting her head on it. Another smile grew on her lips, “He is, that’s great.” She hadn’t seen him since Bethesda and she was excited to see the sibling she got along with best.

The idea of everyone being out and together made her a little nervous and she bit the inside of her cheek, “It will be nice, a good reason to celebrate,” she said trying to stay light. “I’m guessing Uncle J and the Otis’ will be here?” Realizing her leg was shaking up and down she forced it to still and smiled at her dad again, “So uhm, how many people are you thinking?” Crowds of people she couldn’t hide from, not exactly something she would enjoy, best start preparing now.

[keaton-mccall-blog]

Crossroads|| Bennett & Keaton

[shanesx-deactivated20190221]

“Even if I was doing something it’d be fine. It’s good to step away from the computer a bit.” He smiled. “Give the eyes a break and stretch the legs a bit.” Ben smacked the side of his leg as he moved about in the kitchen and then leaned against the counter, arms crossed over his chest as he looked at Keaton thoughtfully. Eyes widening a little when she mentioned what the story was. “Hm, well, wow. Ok.” His head bobbed in a nod. “And you two remained friends.” The comment was off hand, a thinking out loud sort of thing. “Is that why you swung by? To check on him or hang?” He was sure she didn’t want to talk about the mission and Ben didn’t want to mention Carter recovering from that—they probably already discussed it themselves.

“Damn. You do know Carter.” Ben grinned and nodded then grabbed a glass feeling the need to move and rinsed it out and put it in the dishwasher. “I don’t know what the hell the asshat has done the last year since being out… I swear he thinks I’m his maid or keeper. I kind of am but, you know.” He looked at her curiously. “Do you have siblings? If you do then you know what I mean. It’s worse with a twin.” After tidying up a few things and hearing her say yes on a snack, he nodded and grabbed some items for a snack. “Cool. Let me see what Chef Benny can whip up for ya.” Looking up from the plate he was loading with fruits and cheese and other goodies, Ben looked at Keaton and then glanced around the apartment. “Uhh, I got the place when I finished my contract with the Army. So I’ve lived here a few years.” He smiled. “I should show you around. It’s pretty sweet, not to brag or anything. Ok yeah I’m bragging.” Ben popped a grape in his mouth. “Carter just moved in. Came back for baby sister and is staying a while. Middle child orders… I’m surprised he’s listening to me. Probably missed my love.” Placing the plate on the bar top in front of her, Ben grabbed a chunk of cheese and some apple slices, pairing them and popping them in his mouth. “You want peanut butter or jam? I’ve got other stuff if you want to rummage.” He chuckled a bit, having talked with his mouth full and chewing. “Sorry about that. How long you been around here?”

[keaton-mccall-blog]

She smiled as he spoke of her not bothering him, glad that he wasn’t actually doing anything. Even though he was saying it would be fine she would still feel bad. Biting her lip she swallowed again and gave a half smile before dropping it and her eyes. “Yeah sorry,” was all she could manage to say. Keaton still felt bad that Carter had taken a bullet, it wasn’t guilt she felt for she knew it wasn’t her fault, but that didn’t stop her from feeling responsible in some way. “Yeah we did, amazing right?” Picking at a nail she nodded, “Uhm to hang I guess, check on him, he probably wouldn’t like that.” She didn’t want to say it was because she was having a rough few days and seeing someone who got that helped someone who didn’t give her a look of pity or one of sorrow. She hated being treated like a doll that would break and most people, at least in her family were treating her like that. Her dad wasn’t and she was thankful for that, but she spent more time around her mother and Diane was the leader of worrying Keaton would fall apart at the very seams.

Glad to lighten the conversation she looked up and smiled, giving a shrug of one shoulder. Letting out a light chuckle, “I don’t think he thinks that, but if you keep doing the cleaning up he will.” Gesturing with a hand that he kind of was because he cleaned up, case in point with the glass. “I have three, two brothers and a sister, but no twin.” She gave him a sweet smile, and watched as he started gathering food together. “Where did you learn to cook Chef Benny?” Leaning her elbows on the counter she rested her head in her hands and eyed the fruit and cheese, suddenly feeling hungry. “How long were you in the Army, I didn’t know you both were.” Laughing at his bragging she felt her shoulders relax, tension leaving her, a rare occasion but something about him was bringing it out. “You have a baby sister too, she lives here?” Keaton wondered where Carter had been in between, but didn’t ask, arching a brow at the middle child thing before getting that Carter must have been born first. “Must have missed your love,” she said with a chuckle. Taking a piece of fruit she popped it in her mouth, followed by a chunk of cheese. “You know I wasn’t hungry but now I am for some reason. Peanut butter sounds good, and thanks but I won’t rummage.” Smiling again she shook her head, “It’s okay, like I said I have two brothers so I’m used to it.” Taking another bite of cheese but swallowing before speaking, “Yeah I grew up here and went into the Marines at 18; was away until a few months ago.” Clearing her throat as she thought of why she had returned she wanted to change the subject, “What about you, where did you grow up?”

[scottcallahans-deactivated20190]

Stolen Sandwiches // Keaton + Monty

[scottcallahans-deactivated20190]

“Gotta be quick. What happened to your reflexes?” Monty took a bite of the sandwich and rolled his eyes. “Not shit. Fuckin chill, it was just a question.” Elbows on the breakfast bar in front him as he sat perched on a stool, he took another bite before setting the sandwich down on the granite. “The Boys and Girls Club begging for money charity. I was a good citizen of course and went out to Cota for the shindig. Hella people were there, Keats.” He was about to take another bite but paused at seeing the smug expression on her face. “Did anyone know? Shit, it’s not like Mikey was the keep in touch guy.” Monty distractedly looked around the kitchen. “Yeah, I think it’s permanent. The lifer has given up the Marines.” There was a story there and he knew it but Mikey wasn’t even saying a word to his family and he knew he wouldn’t hear it before them. His eyes finally spotting what he was seeking, he jumped up and went to fetch a napkin, wiping some mayo from the corner of his mouth.

“Ah shit, yes.” He grabbed the box of Twinkies from the cabinet she pointed to and tossed it on the counter after grabbing one and going back to his stool. “What? Oh come on, don’t think us guys don’t know you women are just as vulgar in talking about us. Shit.” His sister really needed to pull the stick from her ass—uptight and defensive wasn’t going to get her anywhere. It was like talk to a robot the way she answered him so Monty sighed, he wasn’t getting much out of seeing his sister. As usual. The mention that she had talked to Tom was just more of a downer and he didn’t respond to it. He looked at Keaton and grabbed his sandwich. “Alright, well… I’ll go wait for her in the other room. Enjoy lunch.”

[keaton-mccall-blog]

Keaton crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at him, tempted to reply harshly to his question she didn’t have a chance to say anything before his defenses went up. Wondering if he brought it out in her or if she did that to him she slowly exhaled a sigh, “Guess I’ll have to work on my reflexes,” she said instead, dropping the second half of their discussion. “Of course you were a good citizen Monty, but was it for the club or the women dressed up?” Smirking at him, she knew all too well how much Monty liked women and more than that bedding them. It was something she didn’t agree with when she was younger, but now that she had her own experiences and partners she appreciated sex and couldn’t fault him for seeking it out. Of course, that was before her world crashed down around her. Shaking her head, she didn’t want to lose herself in memories she shrugged at his question, “I don’t know, I don’t think anyone knew he was coming home.” Shaking her head in agreement, “Yeah, Mikey was away and that’s how he kept himself. I can’t blame him, it’s hard to call when you’re in the desert and all.” She still couldn’t believe it, even Monty saw it, but the why was what got to her. Why did Mike leave that’s what she was curious about, what had happened to make him leave? Watching him jump up she leaned her back into the counter, unable to help the defenses going up, although she hoped he wouldn’t notice it, she covered it with reaching for a glass and turning on the sink for water.

Unable to help it she laughed when he found the Twinkies. As the conversation turned to Rowan she knew she had upset him again and brushed some hair behind her ears. “We could never be as vulgar as you men.” Keaton could tell that he was upset she had spoken to Tom and he hadn’t, and for some reason she felt the need to soothe that over. “I happened to be here when he called, it’s not that he called me.” Feeling sad, although they had never gotten along, when he stood to go into the other room. Something had been weighing on her and since he was already upset she figured why not. “Monty? Why didn’t you see me when I first landed stateside after being hurt?”