I've been shattered by the ones I thought I loved

You keep coming back To the scene of the crime But the dead can't speak And there's nothing left to say Anyway, All you left behind Is a chalk outline

[xastrid-rollinsx]

It’s All a Game | Astrid & Addie

There was not one thing about Glass Lake Asylum that felt like she’d get the recovery the courts seemed to want for her and her sister. Astrid and Addison were not your typical criminals and the men of the jury seemed to fear the girls as much as any man they’d ever slayed. Perhaps it was their own darkness – the willingness within them to overpower what appeared to be a young, fragile female and strip her of all trust in the world. After all, by finding the twins guilty did that not speak to them agreeing with the man that called himself father? Astrid knew Benjamin was the most satisfying victim but she also knew all the men that died at her hands or, more so at the hands of her sister, were deserving of their fates.

The grey skies overhead only lent themselves to further the foreboding mood of the hospital. Addison and Astrid would be found guilty of their crimes yet somehow the jury was convinced the two were unstable, insane, and not mentally healthy enough to handle a regular prison. Instead they were thrust in to the dank walls of an asylum that had a pleasing and peaceful name. The pleasantries stopped there. Throughout the night you could hear cries of pain, some of pleasure, screaming, begging, headboards banging on walls. The orderlies were as twisted as the men they’d killed and yet perhaps this was all part of her crazy?

Typically Addison would sneak out and make her way to Astrid’s room but the hour was late and not one person, staff or other had checked in on Astrid. It made for a lonely evening especially after lights out. Checking her door Astrid was not surprised to find it unlocked. It was a game the night crew liked to play. Let’s see how far you can get. Addison was pretty good at the game and Astrid had never really tried it. Once, but she was caught by the biggest guard in the place – a man called Bull. He didn’t do anything that could be considered against the rules but Astrid feared him all the same. Out there she had the upper hand, seducing men to lure back to her sister’s web. Here, the guards were ready to be groped and rubbed on in order for a patient to get something they wanted. They either stopped the interaction cold or came back later for more. Bull had yet to come back and Astrid was okay with that. Ducking in to a stairwell she covered her mouth so no one could hear her breathing as two orderlies walked by.

Once she found her sisters door she could only hope it too would be unlocked. Thankfully it was, but to Astrid’s shock the bed was empty. Stepping in she didn’t want to be seen or raise suspicions but startled when she saw Addison standing by the window mesmerized by the hint of moonlight shining through. “Addie, are you okay?” Slowly she approached her sister. It had long been a fear that Addie would crack completely and Astrid would lose her forever. Gently touching her sister’s arm she didn’t want her to startle and scream. “Addie, it’s me, Astrid. Talk to me?”

@addisonxrollins

[xastrid-rollinsx]

@addisonxrollins

[xastrid-rollinsx]

Therapy Room

[florizels]

Just silence and all its consequences.

Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves (via kvngslayer)

@addisonxrollins

@xastrid-rollinsx

(via alexrollins-lbpd)

[xastrid-rollinsx]

[xastrid-rollinsx]

[justanotherrpmusing]

I’m no good, no good to anyone.

Numb (via justanotherrpmusing)

[xastrid-rollinsx]

Stolen Moments|Astrid & Rennie

[xastrid-rollinsx]

detectiverennie :

Rennie could see the shock on her face when she saw who her guest was and it made him feel uneasy. Being a confident person was his normal state of being but these feelings when he was around Astrid were all new. Not that he was running away from them, though tempting as it was to run away when things became difficult he refused to inherit that part of his father. The only words he seemed to be able to get out were apologies and where he hoped they would ease the tension he found himself looking at the top of her head instead. Cursing silently to himself he knew he was making a royal fuck up of things and he didn’t know how to fix it. The truth was that something about Astrid spoke to him on some level he didn’t understand. All he did understand was that he wanted to be in her company and he wanted to be a friend to her, as best a friend as she would let him be. He opened his mouth to comment on the tears but seeing the smile she put forth he closed it. It was obviously not something to be called out on and he would leave it that way, at the very least tucked away for now. Arching a brow he couldn’t help a smile, “Wasn’t there a movie about a kid seeing dead people? It was a blockbuster if I remember correctly, so I wouldn’t worry too much.” Letting out breath he was unaware of holding he smiled again, glad that she was embracing him being there. Sitting down on the bench he shrugged, “Do you know what you’re getting into being my friend?” He asked, turning his body towards her. “I don’t think we ever know, so we just take the journey. If you’re trying to scare me off, it’s not working.”

There was a part of his life he never spoke of. None of his partners ever knew, none of his girlfriends, not even the therapist at work knew. It was a secret buried so deep in his mind that sometimes he could pretend it didn’t exist. Unfortunately it did exist, and though he didn’t understand it, he knew now that he had to tell her. Rennie didn’t know all the details of what she had been through, but what he did know was that she trusted Flynn and he did more than break that he destroyed it. Wrapped in his own thoughts he was pulled free when she spoke to him. “I’m not jerking you around Astrid.” Letting out a laugh he gave a shake of his head, “I’m sure you can take care of yourself.”

Turning his body fully to face her he felt the old self-loathing, pain, and anger rise up in his chest. The words were there and he knew now there was no going back. “I meant what I said when I asked if you knew what you were getting into being my friend?” He said quietly, reaching in his coat to pull out cigarettes and offer her one. Lighting one up he leaned back and closed his eyes. “When I was nine years old my life changed completely, though it was not the first time it was the worst.” His eyes opened on their own accord, he had to see her face. “My dad left when I was eight, he had a mistress or whatever you want to call it, on the side and he left my mother for her. That was hard enough, you know, and stupid me didn’t think it could be worse. That’s the thing about thinking that though isn’t it? It can always be worse.” Taking another puff of his cigarette he slowly exhaled the smoke. “Nine years old, altar boy at church. My mother was, no is, super religious, and I had to be confirmed, serve in the church, blah, blah, blah. Then one day, the priest, we were alone and he …” Rennie had never said the words out loud, not even when he told his mother, he wrote it out to her, let her figure out the pieces. “He made me perform oral sex on him,” he said his tone void of emotion, but tears in his eyes. “There was the whole it can’t get worse piece again.” Being masculine fell by the waist side, tears fell down his cheeks as he was that little boy again. “For months it went on, until it wasn’t enough and he …” Now was the pivotal moment, looking at her, right in the eyes, “he raped me.” A quiet sob escaped and his head fell to his chest as his shoulders shook with the quiet sobs. Rennie didn’t know why he told her something he never told anyone but the words hung like a heavy weight between them, his breath stuck in his throat as he waited for her to say something, anything to let him know he could still be her friend.

Astrid noticed in her time at Reinholdt that she was getting very good at reading people. It was one thing to watch someone and tell when they were faking happiness or even anger. In Reinholdt it was different because she could look at the patients and determine if they’d been assaulted. It was like her own traumatic experiences were serving like a guide to others who’d been through similar situations. In all actuality, Astrid hated it. The more she could sense in others the more she was brought face to face with the horrors Ben put her and her sister through. Fathers’ raping their daughters, as it turns out, is not a rare thing. What made Astrid and Addison unique perhaps was how he held one over the other. Ben had Addison so convinced he would kill Astrid that she would do just as he pleased – a torment no one would ever understand.

The bond between sisters is strong but the bond between twins is even stronger. Addison and Astrid were two halves of a whole and even though they weren’t identical twins each felt and fed off the other. Ben’s torture to Addison was to twist her mind to the point where she found herself seducing him – a task Addie may never admit too. Addison was groomed for that; she was, after all Ben’s special girl. Astrid had always been more of a fighter so the only way to change things was to remove that fight. His method was forcing her to hear everything – and sometimes watch – what he’d managed to twist Addison in to. Astrid’s inability to do anything for fear he’d kill her sister only made her crave the drugs more twisting her reality in to a huge unnerving mess.

Rennie seemed to get there was something off about her and yet he still came around and it was unclear if this had something to do with pity. Astrid was pathetic after all. She joked around inappropriately and used sex as an escape and drugs more often than that. The reality was, Astrid had no reality. Nothing grounded her anymore. When the girls went their separate ways Astrid found herself losing all the little pieces that made her who she could have been. Thanks to Ben and Flynn Astrid was just a shell currently filled with anguish and sarcasm. Even though she sensed something different in Rennie she had no idea the thing that set him apart was something that bonded them. She could not hide her expression when he finally started to speak about what happened to him as a child. Not his father, but a father, using him in vile ways – something most men would never admit.

She didn’t ignore the offer of the cigarette but too dumbfounded to do anything more than place it between her fingers. As he spoke she wondered if Alex knew this about his partner. She felt the cigarette roll off her fingers and hit the ground before she reached out, taking the man’s hand and giving it a firm squeeze. Tears bridged her lower lashes eventually spilling over but for the first time in a long time she let them fall. The moment was near cleansing. If only Addie would speak so openly about Ben. “Rennie,” the barely audible sound exited her mouth. Choking back her emotion, he needed her as much as she needed him. “Why are you telling me this? I mean, why me? Because I get it? Because I know what it’s like?”

[emzy-caskett]

[xastrid-rollinsx]

emzy-caskett :

😂 This is why I love Nik! ❤️

My silly brother. @alexrollins-lbpd

[xastrid-rollinsx]

Hand of Fate |Astrid & Bordeaux

Astrid was unbelievably thankful that Addison said yes to going to the club. The dingy little bars that her twin liked to frequent were not her cup of tea right now. She wanted to go someplace where she was just another face in the crowd. Seattle fit that idea as well but being locked up in a musty room with nothing but memories was not her idea of fun on any count. Not that Astrid Rollins needed any fun. She needed to keep herself out of trouble because the second she got on to the radar of the police anywhere else either Alex or Mossimo would be looking for her. They’d already heard that Flynn had turned up dead and weren’t sure how he went from the apartment to the docks but Astrid would not put it past Moss to have made it look like an accident so he could take Flynn’s cut of all their dirty dealings.

BSD was packed. The lights of the club were flashing and swaying like the women dancing and the rhythm of the music was enough to make Astrid instantly want to be high again. She knew she would have to listen to Addison’s instructions about watching her drink and not doing anything incredibly stupid but nevertheless she was excited to be there. Surprised they got in since most of the bitches outside the place were dressed like skanky hoes – Astrid knew she’d have to keep her mouth shut tight to avoid a fight. They were all out looking for a bad boy, but in the end their idea of bad was some guy who’d fuck them in the bathroom. Bad to Astrid meant sweet apologies while he plucked broken glass from her forehead and abdomen.

Before long Addison got deep in a conversation with the bartender so she took her drink and slid off the barstool making her way around the place. It was vast, never having been to a club this size back in Long Beach, but the attention to detail in the place was nice. Astrid laughed at herself – was she really so sober that the décor was the most interesting thing of the evening? Letting out a sigh she realized her laugh was heard by the man standing in front of her. He practically towered over her but his piercing blue eyes sparkled in the colorful lights. “Sorry, did you hear that? I think I have spent too many days away from the public.”

@kirk-everhart

[xastrid-rollinsx]

warrioroflondonbelow :

“Aye. Aye, don’t worry they’re gone, at least for now,” huffed Richard. “Frankly, I’m not sure. If I didn’t know any better I’d say they were on the hunt for both of us. I’m not one who goes around making enemies, but who knows, maybe I may have accidentally collected some throughout the years.” Lord knows anymore. Sure, Richard had a good amount of friends down in London Below, but surely he had managed to attract some unintentional enemies. It was hard to tell who was hunter and who was being hunted down there.

As Richard leaned against the wall, he let out a raspy chuckle. “That’s really flattering, but despite my fit state I’m not the best of runners.” In fact, his sides still felt like they were burning, but he could manage. “Don’t worry about me, I’m okay. I’ve gotten into a lot worse than this,” he smiled assuringly whilst his blue eyes quickly scanned the woman for any too-hard-to-fix wounds. Fortunately, the bullet those men shot didn’t graze her. They may have been fast, but they weren’t the best shots.  “Obviously, we can’t stay here, but, I’m sorry to say, I have no where we can go- Or at least, no where where we can run to for protection. I don’t suppose you own a flat or something we can stay in for the night as we sort this whole thing out?” 

The shake in her arms and legs was finally starting to subside making her breathing easier as well. Seeing Richard and knowing he was okay helped a lot. Being new to the area made things difficult but being knew to the area and being shot at made her paranoid. There were too many things from her past that could come back and haunt her. Her father, her brothers, the twin sister she knew would be looking for her. Not to mention Flynn or Mossimo. All these people from her past and yet Astrid felt this tug within telling her that these men had nothing to do with anyone she knew. “We both have a collection it sounds.” Her crooked smile faded in to a weak laugh. Making enemies was easy; having them shoot at you was not.

“I played soccer back in the day. I am actually surprised I can still run like that. I impressed myself.” Taking a step to the side she allowed herself a chance to steal a glance up and down the alley that ran parallel to the crumbling building. Not only were the men out of sight but she could not hear them either. The only sounds were Richard’s breathing, which now seemed to be steadying, and the coo from some unruly pigeons high up in the rafters.

Confusion fluttered over her expression though she tried to hide it when Richard said he didn’t have a place around. He sounded like a local but then again if those men were after him and not her the dear man was likely just as much on the run. “I, um, I’m originally from California. So I don’t live around here but I do have a room?” Pausing only because she was unsure if she had the terminology right, “like a motel? It’s cheap but there aren’t bugs, there is running water and I am pretty sure no one there wants to kill me. You should probably clean up, yeah?” Waiving him to follow her, Astrid slowly walked out in to the alley double checking for the presence of men eagerly seeking them.

[xastrid-rollinsx]

[xastrid-rollinsx]

warrioroflondonbelow :

Shit! They were still after them. Fortunately, Astrid was a fast runner, she was definitely much faster than Richard that’s for sure. She was already feet away and at a safe distance. However, as for Richard himself the men were still hot on his trail. His sides were beginning to ache- legs burning. Slowly, he was beginning to run out of breath. With all of his might the man used what little energy he had and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. Giving him a little more leeway from the men, Richard ducked into a nearby alleyway. Two of the man ran past, but one lingered on. Richard didn’t dare breath or move an inch. Keeping close to the brick walls, he silently prayed for the burly man to leave. 

‘Shit. Just go away….’

For once, luck was on Richard’s side. The third man finally gave up and ran off towards his colleagues. Despite his legs feeling like jello, there was no way in hell Richard Mayhew could stop now. Instantly, he quietly made his way to Astrid, who he found in a dilapidated building. “Sorry I’m late… Had some company,” said Richard sucking in breaths of shaky air. 

“Are you-… Are you a’right?”

Astrid stood trembling in the empty building. Her voice echoed when she called out for Richard and it made her heart beat even faster if that was possible. The sound of the gravel and broken glass under foot made her pause, but she didn’t realize she was holding her breath until Richard came in to view with what almost looked like a slight limp. Astrid thought she’d heard other footsteps and voices but now they were gone. Her mind racing she hated the idea that someone was looking for her this intently. Though, anyone following her would likely not shoot at her.

“Late?” She closed her eyes and let out a slight laugh. Trying her hardest to be quiet in case their company was still around she stepped closer to Richard so she didn’t have to talk so loud. “Are they gone? And please, can you tell me if they were after you or me because I’m confused. It’s not every day a girl gets shot at. Other than that, I’m dandy.” The sense of urgency in the air was only making matters tenser. Whoever those men were, they weren’t there to invite Astrid and Richard to a birthday party.

“Are you okay? You sound so out of breath. How is that possible?” Biting her lip she had to suppress a laugh. She’d regained her breath and felt fine outside of her nerves. Having people in her past that would come looking for her it was hard to figure out what was going on. A sinking feeling weighed in the pit of her stomach; had her past caught up with her? The idea that her previous life almost got Richard hurt, or worse, killed made her swallow hard. “Are you okay,” asking again with more of a wobble in her tone.

[xastrid-rollinsx]

warrioroflondonbelow :

“We have two options here - run, or give up. Which will it be? Although, if you want my opinion, the cowards way always seemed to have worked for me…. Actually, scratch the other idea. Let’s just run.”

Astrid sat looking at Richard in shock. What had just happened? Glancing around her ears were ringing and even though she could see Richard’s mouth moving she wasn’t quite making out what he was saying. Lip reading was definitely not her forte. The only thing she really made out was the word run. Nodding at that thought she stammered backwards before darting off down the alley not even looking if Richard was behind her. Afraid she was going to get separated, Astrid turned to see him hot on her heels but apparently so were the men looking for them.

How did she always manage to get herself in trouble? Ever since running away from Long Beach Astrid felt a pull to just keep moving. She needed to not pop up on any radar because surely her brother, Alex would be looking for her – using all the equipment and systems at work to his advantage. There was no way she was going back. Not this time. Before long her side started to cramp. She couldn’t run like she had in the past. Her days of soccer playing were over, long over. When she finally came to a stop Richard was no longer behind her. Catching her breath, she whispered, “Richard, where are you?”

[ninadobrevdaily]

[xastrid-rollinsx]

ninadobrevadaily :

If I feel confident wearing something, I think it translates in photographs. It changes my demeanor and posture.

[ohmydobrevs-blog]

[xastrid-rollinsx]

ohmydobrevs :

“I don’t like any kind of negativity. I try to be good to everyone, whether it’s a love, a friend, an ex. I’ll always try to treat people the way I want to be treated.” - Nina Dobrev

[d-entelle]