taylor

fucking love each other

[jakekiszska-deactivated20220317]

my head is literally empty it’s just jake all the time

[keep-movingx]

“Love is the elixir that allows the chemistry of our many differences to work.”

- Doyle Sager

[keep-movingx]

the girl on the left vs. the girl on the right

The girl on the left was about to meet her favorite band. She was over the moon excited! But she wasn’t truly happy. She hated herself. She hated her personality, she hated what she saw when she looked inside herself, and she hated every inch of her body. She hid behind sarcasm, jokes, and sardonic humor. She was struggling with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, disordered eating, and self-harm. She frequently hid behind a lot of makeup and had absolutely zero self-worth until her face was made for the day. On the days she didn’t “fix her face”, she felt unworthy of any affection or attention. She felt constantly like a burden, an outcast, and just plain like she didn’t have much to offer. Although the girl on the left was about to literally live her dream and meet her favorite band, she wasn’t happy. Her eyes were still dull, and she still was struggling beyond measure.

Let’s fast forward to the girl on the right. The girl on the right is learning to love herself just as she is. She’s learning to want to better herself, not because she doesn’t like herself, but because she loves herself enough to WANT to be better...to be the best version of herself she can be. She still jokes around, but now it’s to bring people the joy of laughter. She wants to live to see tomorrow and is learning to love her life. She knows she’s not a pain and she has SO much to offer this world, whether big or small. She still struggles with anxiety and other mental illness, but it’s no longer what defines her. It doesn’t overpower her. Best of all, the girl on the right is 38 weeks and 4 days clean from self-harm. That’s 270 days!! Although that may not seem like a lot, it’s huge.

The point of this isn’t to get attention. It’s not to say “poor me, I’ve struggled.” The point is that I want to tell those who are the girl on the left, it does get better. It really truly does.

Love,

the girl on the right🖤

#twloha #suicidepreventionmonth #suicidepreventionweek #tomorrowneedsyou #wspd18

[keep-movingx]

lifeblood

listen to the rhythm of your breathing

your blood pumping with your heartbeat

you’re not empty

you’re so full of life, it’s incredible

don’t let the emotions steal that from you

[faithful-forever]

“You have a place in my heart no one else ever could have.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald; The Ice Palace 

[keep-movingx]

3/19/2018 — 11:16 pm

Sometimes I’m not the best with words, yet I find them filling every ounce of a void left in me.

I can’t figure out how to let them escape like sweat through a pore but somehow at the same time they just flow and flow and refuse to stop like it’s a hot day in August.

I’m a conundrum.

A conundrum can be defined as a confusing and difficult problem or question.

A problem, a question, confusion, a riddle, a puzzle, and by God I’m near impossible to handle.

Maybe it’s because nobody knows how or maybe, just maybe, it’s because nobody cares to take the time to learn.

Physics isn’t all that hard if you take the time to learn.

Maybe if you take the time to learn about me, you’ll find I’m not so hard.

I’m quite soft.

Tender-hearted, compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic, and full of love.

I’m not quite the puzzle everyone sees.

I am merely a piece of a larger puzzle; a pawn in a game of chess orchestrated by our Maker.

However I am not as easy to control.

When He says to go left I often find myself veering to the right simply because I want to, although we all know the left would be a smoother path.

Maybe one of these days I’ll get my directions right.

Maybe one of these days I’ll be less of a conundrum.

Until then, I’m a mess.

A beautifully imperfect and soft mess, but a mess nonetheless.

[marcphun]

Let the goodness of the gospel wrestle with the rebellion of my heart.

[keep-movingx]

!! LIFE UPDATE !!

So, I’ve been getting a lot of questions about what I’m doing and such. Here’s a bit of a rundown to catch y’all up! Don’t try too hard to follow me, I can’t even keep up with myself most days. :)

Q. Are you still in school? Where? For what?

A. I’ve decided to take a semester off from school and will be pursuing online classes from a more local university in the fall. I am leaning towards pursuing a degree in ASL interpreting and would love to gain my certification to interpret! Also, I would like to clarify that I did NOT leave SBU because it was a bad school, or anything like that!

It truly is a great place and I believe if you are considering it, then you should give it a chance! It just wasn’t quite the fit for me, but it might be a fit for you.

Q. So, are you living at home?

A. Yeah! My parents are super great and are letting me live at home for as long as I need to get things figured out.

Q. Where are you working?

A. I recently accepted a position to be a nanny for 4 precious lives...ages 11, 7, 4, and 15 months! I have been at Target since I left school and have loved my time there. I don’t leave with any hard feelings, that’s for sure! I’m only leaving to explore this new opportunity and new chapter.

Q. Wait...did you get a new car?

A. Yes! I totaled my old car (Janice) on super bowl Sunday. I hit a patch of ice and slid into a curb. I then decided it was time to make an adult purchase! So I got the car I have now, a 2012 Ford Escape named Gus.

He’s great! I decided I needed a dependable man in my life, so I just bought one. ;)

Q. You look a little different...what’s going on?

A. Yes, I’m growing out my side shave. Yes, I’m wearing a little more color than I used to. Yes, I took out several of my piercings. Yes, my hair is a “normal” and “natural” color.

But: Yes, I still love my tattoos and continue to add on.

AND! NO, I don’t regret any of it!! I still love brightly colored and crazy hair, I still love piercings, and my favorite color is still black. I was Taylor when I had all the exterior mess going on, and I’m still Taylor and still a mess! I just look a little more “basic”. And why? Literally because I wanted to. That’s it. :)

Anyway...thanks for listening to me ramble on! I’m honestly just very excited about this season of my life and I can’t wait to see where God takes me. If you have any more questions, send them my way! Also, I just want to make sure that everyone knows that my inbox is always open if you need anything. Never hesitate to come to me for prayer, advice, or if you just need someone to listen!

With love,

Taylor

[worshipgifs]

[worshipgifs]

Matthew 6:30, Luke 12:7, Psalm 139:13-14

[wnq-writers]

may your peace drown your anxiety. your joy melt your sorrow.

juansendizon (via wordsnquotes)

[arabwife]

Be with someone who is good for your mental health

[discovering-sam]

This is SO important.

[keep-movingx]

This>>

[thelovejournals]

And when you choose a life partner, you’re choosing a lot of things, including your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children, your eating companion for about 20,000 meals, your travel companion for about 100 vacations, your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist, and someone whose day you’ll hear about 18,000 times.

Tim Urban, Wait But Why - How to Pick Your Life Partner (via faithful-forever)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Confidence isn’t walking into a room with your nose in the air and thinking you are better than everyone else. It’s walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone in the first place.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[wordsnquotes]

For a wound to heal, you have to clean it out. Again, and again, and again. And this cleaning process stings. The cleaning of a wound hurts. Yes. Healing takes so much work. So much persistence. And so much patience. But every process has an end and an appointed term. Your healing will come… And like all created things, your worldly pain will die. —

Yasmin Mogahed (via wnq-writers)

[perrfectly]

That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.

F. Scott Fitzgerald (via perrfectly)

[kid-with-plans]