I’ve realized a pattern in my life
honestly it makes me feel like i’m insane,
because insanity you know is doing the same thing over and over hoping that the outcome will be different.
but let me tell you, the outcome, it’s never different.
But I do the thing where I try to make it all work, when maybe it isn’t suppose to work?
I get so fixated on “finding” love or being in love that I ignore the signs that tell me, “Lauren no this isn’t what I have for you”. But i’ve learned that over the years that isn’t really helpful because I just end up getting hurt more because I invest a lot of my time in the person that I want.
Well lately i’ve been realizing this, that honestly I don’t know how to truly be alone. Not have anyone, and be content in that. I have hours where i’m truly glad I get to be alone/single/singular. But then there are many hours that I want someone there to spend whatever I’m doing in that moment with a person.
But being singular, it’s good. I have a lot to figure out and as much as I want to jump to the next man to fill the void in my heart the yearns for love and acceptance I know that, that won’t change my heart. I need this time to really lean on God and be dependent on the one man who knows my heart and loves me through the highs and lows and teaches me the things I don’t know.
I trust that His plan is far better than my own, and I need to start acting like it.
So here’s to being alone.
Not a woes me, I’m alone but being truly joyful in the Lord to have this season so that I can do the ministry he has called me to, seek Him with everything I have and all the time I have :-)
If you find yourself in this boat, join me in being happily single.
p.s- it’s not easy but prayer is powerful, so if you could say a prayer for me on this area of my life, i’d appreciate it so much. I’ll be praying for you.