the wizard and i

Kurt Hummel. 15. Sadly stuck in Hell (also known as Lima, Ohio). In ten years when I'm a famous designer, you'll wish you'd been nicer to me.

[thejuicysnixx-deactivated201610]

I might be a bitch but family being sick? I’m not going to torment you over that. It fucking sucks.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

It does. And since I know how much you value your reputation, no one ever needs to know you did something kind.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

Text | Kurt and Rachel

Rachel: Just as I suspected. You're seething with jealousy. However, instead of giving you a litany of reasons why I am Mr. Schuester's chosen soloist, I am simply going to concede. That being said, do not take my stepping down this week as a sign of weakness.

Rachel: The only reason I've agreed to your request is because I made the conscious decision to take the higher road. I know we are all part of the same team and that everyone deserves to experience the overwhelming empowerment which comes with being in the spotlight.

Rachel: Now, there is a caveat or pid pro quo, if you will. I promise to tell Mr. Schuester that I am unable to perform this week and he should offer the lead to someone else in Glee. If he selects you for the coveted role, so be it. You will have the opportunity to showcase your unique talents. However, if he chooses another one of our female vocalists then you will have to accept his decision.

Rachel: I am not even going to waste my valuable texting time on your blasphemous statement.

Kurt: You know as well as I do that Mr. Schuester has a bias like the rest of Ohio against anyone who strays from gender norms.

Kurt: And I would never complain if someone fairly won the competition. But the fact of the matter is I'm not even in the running.

Kurt: It's a nice offer, Rachel. Mercedes would appreciate it. But I'm only in the club to take up space and sway in the background.

[thejuicysnixx-deactivated201610]

Your dad needs heart vitamins? That sucks.

Look, my Abuela takes heart medication and she has a whole booklet filled with recipes that are good for the heart. Some take a lot of time and others are really quick to throw together. Maybe I could let you photocopy it?

[kehummelfashions-blog]

...Yeah.

That would be really... generous of you, Santana. Thank you. 

[xoskysplitsq-blog]

Maid of honor, if I’m lucky enough not to be replaced by one of her college friends.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

Congratulations. I’m sure it will be a lovely wedding and scrapbooking opportunity.

[lennoxsinclair]

Cus’ it does?

[kehummelfashions-blog]

Not... really. Though I can inform you that if you continue down this path, you’ll have a myriad of health problems by the time you’re 40.

[thejuicysnixx-deactivated201610]

No wonder you’re so skinny. You need a proper fucking meal.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

I eat properly. It’s my dad I’m worried about. I’m almost positive he’s no longer taking the heart-healthy vitamins I found for him.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

Text | Kurt and Rachel

Rachel: You're mistaken, Kurt. If anyone is the petulant child in this situation, it's you. I am simply vocal about my opinions.

Rachel: Perhaps because your allegations are false and nothing more than a figment of your imagination?

Rachel: I have tried to be your friend. In fact, I admire your talent and unique vocal range. You're the one harboring feelings of jealousy and animosity.

Kurt: If you're so open to everything, then why don't you give me one of your solos?

Kurt: Or Tina or Mercedes, for that matter. They're both just as talented as you.

[xoskysplitsq-blog]

…. And sometimes, your sister and her boyfriend decide to visit unannounced.  

Update: They’re engaged.  Just adding more to the family.  

[kehummelfashions-blog]

I suppose your family is really happy. Will you get to wear a bridesmaid dress?

[kehummelfashions-blog]

Why does my dad think a Slim Jim and brownie qualify as lunch? I don’t have time to pack his lunch every morning.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

Text | Kurt and Rachel

Rachel: Well, hello to you too, Kurt.

Rachel: I am not sure where you came to the erroneous conclusion that I am in charge. I am not the club adviser.

Rachel: If you're unhappy with the current assignments, I suggest you contact Mr. Schuester.

Rachel: He ignores my ideas 90% of the time anyway.

Kurt: You throw a fit any time anyone but you gets to stand front and center.

Kurt: I don't know how you don't see it.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

Text | Kurt and Rachel

Kurt: Do you have some sort of rule that any number we do in Glee has to include you?

Kurt: You literally have a part in every number we do.

[thejuicysnixx-deactivated201610]

What’s wrong about being a strong, successful woman? I’m already like that just with better hair. Plus I’m hot and my body is banging. You obviously have a death wish because the only time you’ve spoken to me like this is behind a keyboard. I won’t hesitate to cut you Hummel. Being your teammate doesn’t make you eligible to speak shit to me.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

...Fine. I see no reason to argue with you. This is leading nowhere.

[frankenteentitan]

Right, right. I don’t really get fashion at all. Most of my clothes come from Old Navy.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

Not everyone has the mind for it, I suppose...

[kehummelfashions-blog]

What do you look for in an SO?

That’s very simple. Someone who loves me.

[lifeasdavekarofsky]

Is anyone else getting random follows from spam bots? I’m not exactly sure how many I’ve blocked, but I’m getting pretty tired of those random follows. Pretty exhausting if you ask me.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

Oh, so you don’t like being harassed? Isn’t that a surprise?

[frankenteentitan]

I mean we’re teammates too now man. I just heard the key got found. But no problem. I know you’re really into your matt jones jackets or whatever.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

Oh! Right! It’s Marc Jacobs, actually. But that was very close!

[thejuicysnixx-deactivated201610]

I have this thing called thinking for myself, I wear what I want and it always looks good. Mercedes would kick Rachel’s ass. You have a voice only dogs can hear and every time they do, a mass suicide happens.

[kehummelfashions-blog]

You mean to say the Cheerios aren’t a hive mind? I’m astonished. I always thought you were all well on your way to becoming Mini Ms. Sylvester’s. But I don’t really care what you think. It’s obvious you have no taste in music or fashion.