So I did it. Sent the request and they accepted it. I got another chance to finish university.
But it doesn't end there. I have to change. Too much coping and running away from feeling the pain. I need structure, a different approach. Need to lower carbs and sugar, processed shit, try to have more organic and healthy foods and drinks so my body can be used to study. Also I need to move every day. Preferably do some exercise, without injuring myself too bad.
I got so many chances in my life to start over and to go forward. I squandered almost all of them, I was too egotistic and thought I can go on without changing anything. Repeating the same old mistakes over and over and over again.
The truth is that life is more like a burden for me at the moment. I still have a safety net so I'm not homeless or starving and for that i'm eternally grateful. But that is not on me, I am simply getting spoiled by the universe yet I still think of myself as the lowest scum of the earth.
I don't trust myself, because I abandoned myself. I've made many promises and I've failed to keep them. So I need to start keeping them.
Step by step,one promise at a time. Sometimes even leaving the house is a promise in itself. I tend to isolate myself so much that even my clothes seem foreign (no joke). So getting back to my physical reality is a must to make anything out of my life.
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