Everything is an accident @keithpersonal - Tumblr Blog

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#apparently my senses of impending doom are very good #i was right to make backup accounts just in case apparently

hi im a fuCKING DUMBASS what the FUCK what the fuck the fucj kind of trigger is that fucign wattpad i cant go on warrpad without crying forbhalf an hour over her

question how fucked up is it that I have to clean before im allowed to sleep like i cant say "I'll get up early and do it in the morning" i cant say "we got home late and im already exhausted" or I'll get yelled at. i HAVE. TO. clean before im allowed to go to bed, or theyll wake me up and yell at me

:) today just keeps getting worse

oh boy my friend is uhhh actually kinda toxic :) she never does anything but complain EVER :) and theres no way out of the friendship rn :)

hi i need to yell about this somewhere i hate t*ny st@rk he doesnt take responsibility for his actions, actively blames others who were not at fault, manipulates what happens to make it sound like it was their fault (see: sp!derman homec0ming), and is super fucking pretentious!!! i hate him!!!

whats up my parents fucked me up so bad that the words “i love you” feel awful and i can only tell people that if i say “ily” or “i lov you”/”i lov u” :) :)

what the fuck kind of parent gets their kid up at 11pm because the kitchen wasn't cleaned Properly when it was DISGUSTING to begin with i have SCHOOL tomorrow i was about to fall asleep and now I'm gonna be awake til like 2am because apparently my best isn't good enough even though my sister who was supposed to clean the kitchen yesterday didn't it's been months since they last did something that made me Anxious Scratch and they just made it happen again, it's not bad it didn't even sting at all this time but it happened again i can hear that she's talking but not what she's saying, she's probably complaining about me because that's what she always does when i "can't hear her"

#log #abuse --

so my dad starts angrily cleaning and he does the chores that my sister and i are supposed to do, then yells at ME for us not doing them

like he comes and angrily speaks at both of us, I mention that i wasnt reminded - they KNOW i have memory issues - and he starts yelling at ME because both things werent done

like “we’ve reminded you a lot over the years” binch these two jobs used to be 3 til my older sister moved out and i cant fucking remember that table&dishwasher was combined with scooping the litter box because thats a relatively recent development

and i get yelled at when my sister hasn’t done her shit all week and has been reminded at least twice a day. i get yelled at for mentioning i wasnt reminded and they dont even bother to say to her “you were reminded though”. i just get yelled at.

I literally have DIAGNOSED that i have issues with executive dysfunction???? and if i dare to mention it, it turns into a lecture on how i have to learn to fix it but they never put ANY effort in to help me and ive done all I fuckin can on my own it’s been seventeen years of fucking course ive tried (x) ive tried everything a person will think of naturally it DOESNT HELP I NEED PEOPLE TO REMIND ME ABOUT SHIT

#djskakdf #kiiiiiinda wanna die :) :) :)#log

remember that time I mentioned to my dad that I’ve literally always had to focus and strain to actually fill my lungs and he just kinda went “well thats concerning” and never talked about it again? i do and i kinda wanna die because gym class

#neglect #log

hi its been 5 years since i started referring to myself as james and 4 since i started using it online and 3 since i started using it irl and now i probably wanna go by keith a bit more? like james is still cool and good but keith is better

2 months?! since i last checked!

#progress posts #these arent gonna be regular anymore obviously #but I'll make note of important things like another month

today was great then i started thinking about myself again and the doubt spirals started again and now i want to cry because my computer charger port is still weird even though we havent sent it in to be fixed yet and thats my own goddamn fault

#personal #this is.. Great #(its not great)

hooooooooooooly shit i didnt even realize that was a problem for me

#so im in this discord server #where someone mentioned a tumblr user #like as a Bad in their past #and i go check out the person #and go 'u can learn a lot from someones byf' and went to read it #and saw in their 'dont follow if' section #i saw 'you think youre me'#with 'me' being a link to an ID page #and i just #Panicked a little

it has been 35 days since i last checked my old abusers blog

#progress posts

it has been 34 days since i last checked my old abusers blog

#progress posts

tfw a good blog freaks you out because an old abuser used to be a mod on it :(

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Everything is an accident