Poetic Musing

This is literally just a dump for the random stuff I throw in my notes app/google docs and go... this is a little too interesting to only exist in my brain. I think I'm 'profound' (lol imagine)

[kelsier-kitten]

Him... Me

I adore him. Because he's like me and if someone as amazing and beloved as him can be like me... then surely it's ok if I'm like me too

[kelsier-kitten]

The Piano in the Woods

This is a scene from a fanfiction I wrote in which our protagonist discovers a piano in the magical(?) woods they're residing in:

They hesitantly sat on the bench and lifted the lid, just wanting to see the keys, only half intending to actually play. The keys were cool and smooth beneath the pads of their fingers as they rested their fingertips on them. Though the keys remained unmoving there was an odd… vibration almost, a sort of warmth, though not in a physical sense. They seemed to radiate a sort of shimmering feeling. It wasn’t something that words were meant to be put to, at least not English words but if forced to attempt it I would say… 

It felt like being a content cat basking in the sun, rolling to show their stomach to warm beams of light shining through a canopy of green leaves.

 It felt like swimming deep under the water in a clear pool, and when you open your eyes, you can see nothing but clear blue water dappled with shifting patterns of light, when all sound is muffled, all sensations cool and calm, and you are exhilaratingly happy in a contented and still way. 

It felt like standing in a storm, raindrops patting against your skin as a clap of thunder resoundes and you can not only hear it but feel it reverberating in the air. It seems to shake in your very soul, filling you with irrepressible awe. It feels inevitable when your breath catches in your chest and your head tilts back and your arms raise from your sides as if to embrace the feeling surrounding you. 

It felt similarly inevitable when [main character]’s hands shifted to the starting position of a song they knew and pressed the keys down. Sound filled the air, soft and flowing as befit the piece. They lost themself in the music as they were wont to do. The song rose in intensity until the sound was ringing through the air, then fell softly back to earth and landed like raindrops in an ocean. As one song ended, they moved quickly into another, and then another after that. Eventually they drew to a close, their eyes closed as they allowed the final note to shimmer darkly in the clearing for a long moment. 

They lifted their foot slowly off the pedal and the sound tapered off, leaving a silence that embraced the clearing with a comforting warmth and heaviness. 

[kelsier-kitten]

Sunset

Watching the sun set is such a poetic thing. The knowledge that darkness will fall and allow for peace, and the fear that the sun won’t rise again so distant that it hardly exists at all. Some days though, the darkness seems so dark, the sunset so final, that even though you know the sun will return, it still feels like something precious is ending.

[kelsier-kitten]

Eviscerated

I saw people die at the hands of those we were told were enemies. I saw them die at our hands too. I watched good people, people I thought of as family, killed without mercy. I watched the life leave their eyes and felt a little of mine go with it. That’s not something you come back from, not the same at least. 

So this is us, not the us that you watched leave, with dreams of honor and comradery shining in our eyes, nor the us you watched return, with heads bowed low and no will to fight or even to live. No, this is the us that finally saw through the wool you had pulled over our eyes and decided to burn it all away, speaking to you now. You lied to us. You sent us into a battle we never should have fought, but now we’re back, and we’re going to fight like you trained us to, only this time we’ll be fighting against you. So run. Run like the cowards you are, because when we find you, we’ll make you regret the day you forced us together because that day, you made us strong, you gave us something, someone, to fight for. That’s the day you sealed your fate. Now we won’t stop until you are just like them. Eviscerated.

[kelsier-kitten]

Tears of Diamond

Each of your tears, all of your pain I have collected again and again Each one is a diamond, precious and pure For each taught a lesson like never before

Each of your tears, all of your sorrow I'll hold them all close, today and tomorrow For each of your tears, and all of your pain Show who you are again and again

[kelsier-kitten]

Silent Cacophonies (Within/Without)

no thoughts in their head no words on their lips all within was silence it deafened them

a hundred thoughts from others' heads a hundred words from others' lips all without was cacophony it deafened them

no thoughts in their head no light in their eyes all within was darkness it blinded them

a hundred thoughts from others' heads a hundred lights from others' eyes all without was gleaming it blinded them

deafly now, they stumbled on always listening, unable to hear always hearing, unable to listen

blindly now, they stumbled on always looking, unable to see always seeing, unable to look

[kelsier-kitten]

The Wind

The air is cool and light and fresh No worries on my shoulders rest The wind has blown them all away Away from tomorrow and today

So take a breath, deep and long Empty your mind of all that's wrong

Give the wind your worries, your troubles and your trials Just be and breathe and rest, and ponder for a while

[kelsier-kitten]

Music

Music consoles what the heart knows but the mind cannot reach Music soothes what the body insists but the heart reviles Music comforts what the soul craves but the mind know never existed Music softens what the world crushes but the soul clings to Music assures what the world denies but the heart know to be true

Music cradles what the world casts out, Shelters what the world attacks. Embraces what the world will not accept

Music saves the lives that the world refuses to see, Music is the voice that has always saved me

[kelsier-kitten]

The Fallen Feeling

The feeling that washes, crashes like waves Crashes to the earth, to the after

The feeling that burn, scorches like fire Scorches like falling, like chains

The feeling before the storm after the thunder The feeling before the fall, after the pain

The feeling of falling, like an angel, from grace The feeling of freedom, like one fallen, from God

The feeling that all those fallen feel The feeling that all those freed have felt

The fallen feeling the fire of the fall The fallen feeling finally free

[kelsier-kitten]

Hiraeth

A Series of Quotes (mine and not) about Hiraeth ("a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was")

Do you ever curl up in a ball and cry because you're so homesick for a place that never existed that you can hardly breathe? Well I do.

"If this is love I do not want it. Take it from me." Please.

"What do you dream about" "Home"

I have worlds within worlds within me, and none of them will ever be real.

[kelsier-kitten]

Two Writings A Few Months Apart

I was curled up today, craving comfort, but none of my usual characters felt right. I realized that I was craving you. And just then I picked up my phone and there was a message from you. And that meant more than anything because... it's like you knew. This has happened so many times recently, you just know. We're connected. "We are conjoined. I'm curious whether either of us could survive the separation." I know I couldn't. I love you.

I did. We separated. And I survived. In fact, I think I'm living for the first time. I am finally fallen from grace, properly. I realized that I was clinging to you as I did God. I was in love with loving you, but I don't know that I was in love with you anymore. But now my Gods have abandoned me. I am fallen; I am freed. I am happening, and my happening is beautiful. Thank you. I'm learning now, because of you, to understand that I'm not too much, other people just don't have enough space for how much I am. You didn't have enough for me, but you tried anyway, and I appreciate that. I hope that one day you find someone who has enough for you and that, when you do, you have enough for them.

[kelsier-kitten]

Pain

Sometimes those soft longing tears that make no sound and burn in your throat hurt more than the loud sobs that shake the air.

Just because my pain is quieter, doesn't mean that it hurts any less.