you look like i did.

Kennedy Salvatore. “Still, the longer I was around her, the more I could see the colours of her mind and the recesses of her heart. There was a beast in there. But there was also a girl who was afraid of being a beast, and who wondered if other people had beasts in their hearts too. There was strength, and there was also just the determination to look strong. She guarded herself like a secret.”

[x-hoss]

grown up calls // kavier

[kennedysalvatore]

x-hoss:

Well, this was certainly an abrupt change of plans.

And by this, Xavier meant the fact that he’d walked into the apartment, shouting for his - and here he actually limited the use of this pet name out loud because a) he didn’t want her getting so spoiled and haughty and b) Kennedy might start thinking there was some truth to his jokes of just being with her because of her dog - baby Buffy, only to now have her walking out of the bathroom, tail raised and a soft growl on her lips. He shook his head, scoffing at the sheer ridiculousness, before turning back to Kennedy, eyebrows knotting into confusion once more.

And by this, Xavier meant the impromptu bath, which… did seem like it was beckoning him closer, the heady and wafting mixture of aroma and colors all too appealing for him to decline. There was a tension in his shoulders that finally dropped with the reassurance that all was well, that he need not be so alert and vigilant, still having to remind himself on occasion that this, their apartment, was a safe place for the two of them once and for all. This moment was, in all honesty, the most that he’d been alert and active this week: little was there for him to do, still searching for an activity or occupation to busy himself with (and actually having some options that he’d yet to bring up to his girlfriend, wanting to be sure so as not to burden her, busy as she was with university), that when Kennedy asked him are you busy, he had to resist the urge to laugh, if only because of the staggering amount of worry for her welfare that now took over his previous apprehension. Even as he peeled off his clothes, the jacket that he would have hung by the front door if he hadn’t rushed in, Xavier kept his eyes on her, resolute in joining her if only to be sure that she wasn’t too sick, too weak to be alone.

And by this, Xavier meant the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he himself physically started to lower himself into the water, jumping to conclusions at the sight of Kennedy with wet in her eyes. Fuck, was she about to break up with him? Tell him that she didn’t want to live together anymore? Was it something serious, had someone in her family died? Or his fam-… well, that definitely wasn’t an option, at least. He was only just on the verge of touching the water when the

bomb

dropped.

And for the first few seconds of his settling in, to the bath and to the news, Xavier was silent and processing because… I’m… pregnant… was not what he was expecting to hear… though it was infinitely better than all the other scenarios he’d imagined in such a short span… or was it worse? He couldn’t tell, her features were toeing the line between uncertainty and resoluteness, between waiting for his reply but already having an answer to the unspoken question that came after the statement. Before Kennedy, the only ever times he’d thought of having his family of his own was if it came with the caveat of likely never happening. Not that he didn’t want it to, he’d just been so… twisted, even just being in a relationship again after Autumn, after his family’s death, seemed so impossible. Though there was no doubt in his mind that this woman sat before him, this brilliant, beautiful, brave woman that he loved with all his heart, was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with, the topic of kids? Of marriage? Hadn’t come up, probably because they’d gotten so used to taking their relationship day by day, too busy basking in it to be so concrete. 

But she knew him, and that meant that she was more than aware that more often than not, Xavier blurted his thoughts and feelings out as they came to him. When he shifted ever so closer to her, moving slowly less so because he was worried of spilling water outside of the tub and more because everything, everyone seemed so fragile all of a sudden that it was all liable to break should he be so reckless, he took one of her hands in his, surprised to feel this sensation of shivering (was it her or was it him? or both?) and trying to alleviate that by running circles with his thumb on the back of her hand. His head leaned a little closer to hers, teeth biting down on lower lip in uncharacteristic nervousness as he spoke, voice tentative, almost whispering as though he was a little child telling her a secret he wasn’t supposed to know or share, 

“Kenn, babe, is it… i-is it okay if I’m a little… uh, excited? About this? Is that okay or do you want me to…”

Kennedy had never had much of a life plan. She knew she wanted to write, and probably critically because that was just who she was, but beyond that, it was hard to even imagine a future due to her mother’s alcoholism. Since she was too young for it to be remotely fair, she’d been taking care of her mother, and that was all she really knew. And eventually, the thought of it all, how her father had left them to their own devices to preach “family values” to line his pockets on the senate floor, had created a barrier of resentment toward anything and everything.

Then there was Xavier. He reached her in a way nobody had ever reached her before, breaking down any wall he came into contact with, and as those went down, so did her defense mechanisms. She’d made friends, she, Kennedy Salvatore, had actually made friends. On top of that, she started dreaming of a future, of a diploma and a career, of a family. A real one, this time.

Losing her mom in a way had cut every single tie Kennedy had ever had to that old self. Sure, she was still honest to a fault, sometimes a little too harsh for her own good, but where she’d trusted nobody with any part of her, suddenly she trusted this absolutely ridiculous, supportive, beautiful man with every part of her. Including, this, especially when she saw that as much as he was carefully composing himself for his response, there was an undeniable excitement in his eyes, which made her own tentative feelings of elation start to bloom a little more in her stomach. Because she was pregnant. With their baby. Holy shit.

Unable to contain herself, Kennedy closed the gap between their heads, resting her forehead against his, letting her eyes fall shut. “Yeah,” Kennedy said, finally breaking the silence, her voice steadier than she expected it to be. “Yeah, you can be excited, I am too, I just-” she pulled back again to look at him, letting out a shaky little sigh. 

“The thing is, I know with everything in me that you’re going to be a good dad. Like, the best dad. But I don’t know if I can be a good...” she trailed off, averting her eyes, embarrassed that she had such a stupid fear, but it wasn’t like she had anyone showing her what it was to be a mom. Not properly, anyway. “What if I just screw it up?”

[x-hoss]

grown up calls // kavier

[kennedysalvatore]

x-hoss:

That was a small comfort. Or a huge one, he couldn’t really process it at the moment with the adrenaline still pumping around his ears. 

Better that it was Kennedy that had set off the warning bells in his head than… well, an actual intruder, because even though his grabbing of the wooden spoon had given him some small form of comfort and security, if there was a real thief on the opposite side of the bathroom door, unless he put all his weight into the spoon, it would hardly deal real damage. His fists would’ve been more effective even.

Still. No point in dwelling in it now. Why keep diving into the idea of violence when his girlfriend was home earlier than expected and giving them more time than he had thought they would for the weekend?

“Kenn, honey,” he knocked again, only realizing the futility of such caution about half a minute afterward but opting to keep going with it either way. “I’m coming in now and not to be weird, but… I do have a spoon in my hand. I’d return it in the kitchen, but I can’t be assed to go all the way back, so maybe we can use it to mix in your bath bomb? Or maybe Buffy can put it back, she’s smart enough to.”

There was a small shock that shot through his system when he opened the door to find Kennedy standing there, still dripping and… was it just the new light he’d screwed in that morning or was she really looking paler than usual? Instinctively he reached up with both hands, forgetting that he was holding something until he had almost stabbed her chin, making him quickly pull back with a panicked ‘Shit, sorry, my bad!’, only to drop the spoon unceremoniously, having it hit the sleeping dog by their feet and piling on more apologies and curses.

“What happened? Was it the take out sushi from last night? … shit, or the pancakes from this morning? I thought just following box instructions makes it a sure thing, but if I still fucked that up and made you sick…”

Despite the absolute panic rolling through her in waves, she couldn’t help but laugh when he came bursting in with a kitchen spoon as his weapon of choice. Her hero. She felt a little shaky though, not having anything in her system at this point, and, you know, finding out she was pregnant. She sat on the edge of the tub gingerly, Buffy throwing them all a disapproving look before trotting out of the bathroom to escape her crazy parents.

“No, no, it wasn’t the pancakes,” she said softly, running a hand over her face, feeling a little cold now that she was out of the bath. “Are you busy right at this moment? Do you want to join me?” The bath was still hot enough that steam rose from it, the bathroom heavy with the scent of her bath bomb which had probably contributed to her nausea.

She dropped her towel to the floor and sunk back into the bath, feeling like her stomach was finally settled, like she’d gotten it all out of her finally. She didn’t know much about her mother’s pregnancy with her, but Kennedy knew that her mom had been incredibly sick when she was carrying her, and apparently that was something else she’d inherited from her late mother. It made her feel strangely emotional, and before she could even process that the thought was in her head, she knew instantly that she was keeping this baby.  Kennedy had lost her mother before she had the chance to properly have a relationship with her in the first place, and now the chance to be a mother herself, something she’d never thought she wanted, was here, and it made her feel connected to her own mother for the first time in years.

She exhaled shakily, pulling her gaze away from the shimmery, colorful bath water to look up at Xavier, unable to avoid the tears that had welled up in her eyes, her own feelings toward this still incredibly muddled even if she’d felt herself shift to a decision. Regardless of her own decision and that it was ultimately up to her, she still needed Xavier’s opinion because he was her partner, her everything. He was part of this.

“I can’t eat sushi for awhile, unfortunately. I’m... I’m pregnant.”

[x-hoss]

grown up calls // kavier

[kennedysalvatore]

x-hoss:

The first steps are always the hardest… or so they say. 

But in the case of Xavier attempting to pull off a romantic gesture, knowing full well how busy Kennedy has been since her classes started, first step was the only step that was easy, the rest were just… well, they weren’t impossible or even difficult per se, it was simply the follow through that didn’t seem to come so naturally to him.

So you do some google searches, read some reviews, do some comparisons, print some pages, breaking down each action made it appear to him a long list, but the combination of too much free time and decaying with indecision still left him planning for days on end, making and changing his mind up at every turn until finally, when the weekend came, he set his plan in motion with paper in one hand and his wallet in the other.

The mission? Buy ingredients and make penne al vodka, baked chicken and garlic bread. Just in time for the weekend, the close of Kennedy’s classes for the week and their well anticipated time to just be two people in love, living in their own place with their slew of IKEA furniture that he was honestly surprised to see still standing weeks after being set up (probably because Kenn had read him the instructions instead of him trying to make a go of it alone, which would have definitely led to disastrous results).

“Honey, I’m home!” came the sappy, overdramatic greeting as he walked through the door, nudged open with his elbow due to the paper bags in his arms. What should’ve taken only mere seconds had him pausing for a full minute - you know, just in case she was busy and had to finish what she was doing before meeting him at the hall - and still nothing.

Where the hell was Buffy and why wasn’t she there for their daily routine?

Getting a little more worried than he felt he should, Xavier dropped the groceries as he passed by the kitchen on his way across the room, wary for any movements or sound that shouldn’t be coming from an apartment relatively empty except for a tiny dog. Just to be safe, he grabbed one of the utensils lying on the counter too, a wooden spoon, and grasped it till his knuckles turned white, heading towards the bedroom now while digging for his phone in his pocket.

Then he noticed the bag, sat on the chair before her desk, the laptop that wasn’t there before now resting atop. If he had anticipated it, perhaps he would’ve even noticed her shoes by the entryway, but he’d gotten used to the solitary afternoons that it was… a little strange Kennedy was back so soon.

Huh.

“Kenn?” Only room left was the bathroom so. But to be safe. Knock thrice. Pause. “Are you in there? Is Buffy in there with you?”

Her Intro to Journalism class had almost been over when Kennedy had suddenly felt the unmistakable stirring of needing to throw up in her stomach. It was her first class of the day, and she’d felt fine that morning, but suddenly she knew she wasn’t going to make it through the last ten minutes of class. Kennedy didn’t even bother to properly stow away her laptop, simply grabbing it and her bag and darting out of the classroom, nobody batting an eye because you know, college. And then she’d barely made it to the bathroom before the breakfast she’d had before class was emptied from her stomach.

Breathing shallowly, going against every instinct she had, Kennedy slumped to the ground in front of the toilet. Her stomach felt completely fine now, no sweat on her forehead. Aside from the taste in her mouth, it was like nothing had happened. Still, she didn’t want to risk it, so she pulled out her phone and sent out a mass email to her professors for the rest of her classes explaining she was ill.

The second wave hit her as she drove to the pharmacy to pick up some stomach medicine (because she knew they didn’t have any because they weren’t real adults) and that was how she found herself throwing up behind a building because she couldn’t make it inside. And that, of course, was the exact moment it hit her: her period was supposed to start four days ago.

Kennedy barely processed what happened after that; buying three pregnancy tests, driving back to the apartment to find that Xavier wasn’t there, drawing herself a bath while she took all three tests and waited for them to deliver results. And all three were in agreement that yes, somehow she was pregnant.

She felt like she was in a daze as she soaked in the tub, knees pulled up to her chest, Buffy snoozing on the bathmat, until the sound of Xavier calling out to Buffy pulled her out of her strange stupor. It took her a moment to respond, but she finally did. “Yeah, we’re both in here! I wasn’t feeling well so I-”

Before she could finish, nausea rolled through her again, and Kennedy clambered out of the bath, making it to the toilet to throw up again. Coughing a little, she grabbed a towel off the rack, wrapping it around herself. “Come in!”

[kennedysalvatore]

[kennedysalvatore]

spin on its axis // kavier

[kennedysalvatore]

xavier:

All that he could really do was throw his head back and laugh, a hearty sound that seemed to echo through an apartment that was far from bare and yet not exactly finished as well. He could flinch at the memory of some of their first interactions, at how callous he had been and the drunken state that she’d witnessed him in on more than one occasion, the words said and the glares thrown… but he liked to think that it was all part and parcel of what their relationship had become now. To have reached rock bottom, to have had her see that side of him and to have had her be witness as well to the changes he hadn’t known then that he was capable of doing, was powerful. And she’d stayed through it all. He was a dick and he could still be at moments, but never intentionally. “Oh, great, ordering Chinese. I love Chinese… and I guess they make pretty good food too,” he joked, a goofy smile on his face and stifling a laugh that made his shoulders shake from the effort because he thought he was so funny and so clever. Biting down his lip and swallowing hard, Xavier cleared his throat so he could speak again. “That was terrible, I’m sorry. But I also… don’t know the number for any of the places around here so we’d have to look one up but I’m too tired and lazy, Kenn!”

As soon as she started moving in his lap, the friction that was suddenly all too real, Xavier’s legs seemed to have gained minds of their own as they jerked in surprise, his grip on her tightening a little from the strain. He knew he should’ve expected that, it was bound to happen at one point because she couldn’t possibly not feel that, but they were talking about food and there were still boxes around them and she looked so good from this angle, she was living with him, he was living with her, it was their dog now and their place and their living room floor that was inviting and enticing all at once. “… sure,” he replied aimlessly, not really having heard her words as his head was now in a haze, heat surging through his body as all he could notice were her lips and how soft they were and how that contrasted with how hard she kissed him and that showed how hard she loved him and everything was exciting and perfect.

I love you too. It wasn’t the first time and he held certainty that it wasn’t going to be the last, but in this new environment and development in their lives, he could’ve sworn it had never sounded sweeter and more genuine. Xavier didn’t even bother to stifle the moan at the back of his throat as she kissed him, his hands already and absentmindedly making work on the buttons of her shirt that felt endless all of a sudden, starting slowly at first and then fumbling with haste with each next one. When she stopped, for a moment he almost felt like he should shut things down, make them get up and get out and get food and finish all of this, but… there was time enough for that later, time enough for everything else now that they had all the time in the world with each other. It barely lasted a second before Xavier was tugging his shirt off for her, throwing it to the side without so much as glance away at her before bringing his lips crashing back to hers, clumsy and distracted now as his fingers went for the button of her pants, making short work of them but struggling to go any further at the position they were in. Dinner would definitely have to wait now.

Kennedy couldn’t help but grin at his barely there response, giving his jaw an affectionate sort of nip as her own response. They could talk about all the logistics later. There were still boxes to unpack, furniture to assemble, grocery shopping to do, but right now she didn’t care. She didn’t care that the apartment was a mess because it was theirs and every day after classes she would come home to this. She didn’t care that they didn’t have a definite plan for their future yet because this was her now, and it was the best now she’d ever had. Kennedy couldn’t remember a time in her life when she’d ever felt this safe and content. It wasn’t even just about Xavier, though she wouldn’t be here without him. It was the way he’d inspired her to confront her demons head on, to learn to love herself beyond the false bravado she put on for her peers, to accept who she was and make the best of the life she’d been given. And now they had this life together and she would live in boxes for the rest of her life if she got to keep that. Nobody could ever tell her she was too young to know this was for real. 

His moan alone was enough to send a shiver through her, and she pressed closer to him as he worked at the buttons on her shirt, grateful that he at least wasn’t popping them open this time. The amount of shirts she’d had to replace because of that boy... she didn’t regret a single popped button, though. Once her shirt was actually unbuttoned she returned her lips to his, kissing him hard as she pulled off the shirt and tossed it somewhere, knowing she’d find it later when they got back to unpacking. He got his shirt off for her and while he worked at the buttons on her pants that gave her all new territory to explore, hands running over his newly exposed skin. Xavier was so warm, and so firm, and so there that his body was always a point of fascination for her, something to admire. He was the most consistent part of her life, and while his skin was smooth, she imagined she could feel the emotional scars on him, feel the way he’d survived.

Kennedy felt the button on her jeans finally come undone and she broke the kiss reluctantly, pressing her forehead to his for a moment to catch her breath. She stood, not making any sort of show out of getting her pants off. She’d never been the exhibitionist type, choosing to let expensive lingerie and her body do the work for her, and as she kicked off her jeans, she was sure it did the trick. “So. Question. Are we going to make it to the bedroom or is this a right here right now thing?” 

[kennedysalvatore]

spin on its axis // kavier

[kennedysalvatore]

xavier:

It wasn’t that he meant for it to happen, there wasn’t any willing his pants and the way they… tented because of the way they were positioned, but he also couldn’t blame the reaction either. Even before the feelings that he’d grown to have for her, Xavier had always been able to recognize the beauty and the sexiness that Kennedy held, and sure, he’d always found her attractive, but now it was the everything else that made it all so much more than just a physical reaction. In as much as that happened to his lower extremities, he could also freely have his fingers running up and down the length of her arm, caressing her with a gentleness that a stranger would’ve deemed impossible for someone his size. He rested his chin softly on her shoulder, eyes straining to look to the side at the dog that was now at the other end of the apartment. He’d pay dearly for that joke later and already, he dreaded the half hour of coaxing it’ll take to get Buffy to come to him again. “I know this might sound like an exaggeration, Kenn, and I don’t mean any offense to you, but… I think Buffy might just be the most important thing in my life right now.” he said, voice impossibly serious despite the grin on his face. Pausing for a moment to really try and think if they had any food around, it was… okay, so that was the thing he’d forgotten to get, sure. It wasn’t like food was important or anything. “I think we do have chicken, yeah, but I don’t think we even have salt and pepper. Now I’m no chef or food expert like you, Kenn, but I’m about 80% sure salt and pepper’s a deal breaker for any meal.”

The hunger was there, he could recognize and acknowledge that, but who was he to break away from a moment such as this? How could he give up the near perfect bliss that they were in as they sat there and kissed him enough that he could’ve sworn that yes, yes, this was perfection, he can die any moment now, his life couldn’t get any better. And now she was straddling him and he couldn’t focus, he could barely even breathe because of the concoction of attraction and admiration and just straight up love and… did they even really have to eat? Did they really? “Mmm hmm, okay, will do, Kenn…” he mumbled, clearly not even hearing her words as he pressed his lips to hers again, arms squeezing her closer to him. His hands slipped underneath her shirt, running the expanse of her back aimlessly - he was just holding her, feeling her, some part of him making sure that she really was there and he had her and she had him and this wasn’t some cruel dream that was bound to end soon.

“God, I love you.” he whispered breathlessly as he pulled away, lips staying barely an inch away from hers that as he spoke they touched, charged and electric and begging for more.

Kennedy wasn’t oblivious to his reaction, but she didn’t acknowledge it. Not yet, at least. When they’d first gotten together, she’d attributed the initial attraction to being simply physical. But really, that wasn’t true. She’d gone to school with him all her life and his appearance had never driven her to him before. And while yes, the physical attraction was there, its potency could only be credited to the way they clicked. She didn’t even remember what the stupid assignment they’d been paired up in even was; all she remembered was the way he’d gotten down to her very core, and that was what stuck with her now. She didn’t believe in fate, or destiny, but she believed in him, and that was pretty much the same thing. “You’re such a dick,” she said, her voice nothing but fond. He was a dick, true, but she loved him anyway. It was unlike her to forget about grocery shopping, but at the same time, they had just spent the entire day moving. That had taken a lot of her available brain power. “Okay, so we’re ordering Chinese then. I don’t want to cook tonight. I’ve cooked for myself since I was a kid, so tonight I want to celebrate being an actual adult by making someone else cook.”

She was sure this would happen sooner rather than later, and really, Kennedy was impressed they’d gotten this far into moving before they were in this moment, this position. His hands were warm and rough against the skin of her back, and she pressed closer to him, hips rolling down and... yeah, now she was acknowledging it. A content sort of sigh fell past her lips and onto his, one hand resting on his chest, the other tangling into his hair. “Suddenly I’m not all that hungry,” she murmured softly, lips brushing his, not particularly willing to break the kiss fully. She suddenly needed him, needed every part of him. This was their apartment, and their life, and their future, and she wanted to kiss every inch of him to remind herself over and over again that she actually had gotten this life. He was hers. 

Kennedy felt her heartbeat quicken. Perhaps one day she would get used to that. But she went so long without anyone saying that to her. Her mother was too drunk and her father was too absent, and now Xavier told her he loved her with ease and it was all so much that the words pulled a soft moan as she surged forward to kiss him again. “I love you too,” she whispered back as she pulled from his lips to pepper kisses down the line of his jaw, pulling oxygen back into her aching lungs. Her hands wandered down his chest, stopping at the hem of his shirt. She was certain they were on the same page but she paused anyway, waiting for him to confirm that they’d be waiting a bit longer to eat dinner.

[kennedysalvatore]

spin on its axis // kavier

[kennedysalvatore]

xavier:

It was only until he’d had to put his belongings away in boxes did Xavier realize how little he actually owned. He’d never been a materialistic person, even before the family tragedies, but it still came as a shock how there were so few things he’d managed to hold on to in his transition from home to home. All in all, he seemed to only own an entirety of three boxes, and only one of which held the sum of the life he’d held with a family that now only existed in faded photos and hazy memories. Which… okay, to the outsider it was a particularly sad thought to have on such a day as this, he was starting a new life after all, but actually from where Xavier was standing, things were infinitely better. It had been a while since he’d cracked open any of these albums, resenting the swell of emotions that burst in his chest whenever he looked at them. Now he could look at them with the fondness that he knew he should’ve had from the start, taking a small break from setting up the last piece of the living room and ending up reaching for one of the albums he’d stashed under the coffee table.

Minutes later and in almost perfect timing, he was just closing the book and stashing it back into place, a smile on his face, he felt Kennedy walk into the room. There wasn’t anymore a trace of the Xavier he’d been only a year or so ago, the one who would have bristled at someone touching him from behind, intentionally or not, and he wouldn’t have been caught in such a domestic position. After everything that had happened, the last thing that Xavier had imagined for himself was a life like this one, where he would be living with someone who loved him and he loved back, safe and settled and happy. Everything was an overwhelming avalanche, but he’d managed to hold his own and was glad that as he turned his head to the side, the tip of his nose hitting her cheek and making him chuckle, that he could already see the apartment becoming the place that they wanted it to be. Their new home.

“Can I eat her?” he asked half-seriously, his face deadpan as he jabbed a thumb at Buffy’s direction next to them, making the dog whine and take steps away from him. He playfully bared his teeth at her, making a low growling sound that finally made her throw a bark at his direction before scurrying off in the general direction of the bedroom. Xavier laughed loudly. Honestly. What was life if not this?

Xavier’s nose bumped her cheek and she smiled in response, smoothly coming around to his front to settle into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck again. She could see what was truly becoming their apartment over his shoulder and she almost wished she had a camera to capture this moment, but she didn’t think it would do it justice. They’d both had to grow up so fast for different reasons, and for the longest time, Kennedy had felt so out of control, as much as she liked to pretend she had it together. But now, she really felt like she had control. With Xavier in her life, she had this apartment, she had her life, she had a home. She could sleep at night now, and while, okay, her smoking habit was still a bit of a problem, at least he shared that with her too. It was so strange to think of her life with so much of it revolved around one person, but it still felt natural, and so right. She truly wondered if she’d ever stop marveling over what this had turned into.

“Hmm,” Kennedy pretended to consider it, rolling her eyes as Buffy scamper down the hall, pleased to see she clearly already knew where home was. Their dog--yes, their dog--had taken no time at all to adjust to the new place, and she was glad. “I think we might let her live to see another day. Besides, you’d miss her too much.” Though she truly was hungry, Kennedy was far too comfortable to move from Xavier’s lap now, so she shifted to straddle him instead, leaning a little closer to him. “I know we haven’t gone to the market yet, but we have a few things. I could make pasta. Real pasta. Or.... I’m like almost sure we have chicken. And that might actually be it.” Pausing, Kennedy laughed in a self deprecating sort of way. “We should probably get a little more practice with this adult thing and go to the market.”

Kennedy still didn’t make any effort to move, leaning in to press her lips to his instead, letting the kiss linger before pulling away, shooting a glance at the now mostly empty boxes scattered around the living room. “Part of being promoted from boyfriend to boyfriend that I live with is helping me be less of a pack rat, okay? Don’t let me buy more journals.”

[iamlohowww]

[kennedysalvatore]

spin on its axis // kavier

Signing the lease has been the first step in moving in together, and ever since it had happened, Kennedy had been nothing short of antsy at all times. Turning eighteen hadn’t even felt as exciting as the day when they would finally get to move in, she would start college, and they would finally be starting on the path she’d been waiting for since they’d met. Now it was finally the month before classes started, she had access to the money left to her by her mother, and they were moving in. Most of the day had been spent with the heavy lifting, getting the furniture into the apartment and most of the boxes. Once that had been done, the truly hard part had begun, which was unpacking everything (because Kennedy owned way more things than anyone needed and she’d refused to leave any of it behind) and organizing it, with Buffy dashing around under both their feet as they moved around placing things, exploring her new home. Thank goodness her boyfriend liked her dog because she was a necessary part of moving. Honestly, he probably liked her dog more, which would be understandable.

Kennedy was in the process of unboxing her collection of journals when she finally felt the urge to take a break. She’d gotten her record collection unpacked, and their bedroom was almost completely done, with the exception of hanging up the pictures of the two of them she’d had printed and framed and some artwork, and of course, filling the bookshelves with all her books and writings. They’d been at it for hours, determined to get it all done in one day, but the sun was only just setting, and she decided she really needed food, an idea she highly doubted Xavier would protest. “C’mon, Buffy. Let’s take a break from this.” Standing and stretching with a groan, Kennedy left her stack of journals where they were, going out into the kitchen, which had been the first room Kennedy had insisted they set up. Though she’d learned to cook out of necessity, she truly did love it, and she was very comfortable in the kitchen.

Finding Xavier in the living room setting up the TV, Kennedy came up behind him, wrapping her arms around him and pressing a soft kiss behind his ear. It was all so.... domestic and simple that a rush of warmth flooded through her and she kissed the same spot again before resting her head on his shoulder. “I can’t unpack anymore until I refuel. What do you want to eat?”

[kennedysalvatore]

to build a home // kavier

[kennedysalvatore]

xavier:

You would be safe, she said, and no truer words were ever said about the way that Xavier felt in Kennedy’s presence. Although he knew that if she ever did harbor anything against him, he was as good as dead against her, in her company was when he felt most at ease. Which was ironic, in a way, when he remembered how they used to annoy the hell out of each other when they first met and how he’d (unintentionally) offended her with his careless words not once but twice. As much as he liked to poke fun at how weird it was for him every now and then that his ex and his girlfriend were now best friends and he was some sort of third wheel with them, Xavier wouldn’t have it any other way; he needed both in his life in their own capacities. “I’m not gonna take credit for anything that you are now, Kenn. You are what you made yourself. Hey, maybe you’ve always been the jealous type, I just made you realize it.” he said with a shrug, pursing his lips together afterward to stop himself from laughing out loud at his own joke. Because god knows that would only make him even more of a dork than Kennedy already made him out to be… which was no, he was not dorky in any way, thank you.

Keeping his silence through the way up to stop from sticking his foot in his mouth, when the doors finally opened, Xavier was surprised to find that his palms had actually gotten sweaty. Was he… nervous? Well, he had been since this morning and had done a hell of a job hiding it with corny jokes, but he wanted, needed this to work. He was ready to take this next step with Kennedy and cut ties with the town that had given them more grief than they should’ve experienced at their age. Still a little in shock, all he could do was let Kennedy take him by the hand and pull him around the place, registering every room for a brief moment before getting to the next one and finally ending up at the kitchen. It was spotless and empty, a mirror of the new page that the two of them now found themselves in. This was their chance to start anew, to be free, to be in safe spaces where their ghosts wouldn’t get to them anymore. Honestly? Any place was a good place for him as long as it was out of Harwich and with her, but this apartment… it held no vestiges of the family home he could no longer go back to or the Stiltners’ house where he never quite felt settled, and he knew she felt the same way with her demons by the way that she looked. There was this want in her eyes and he knew right then and there that this was it. Stepping towards her, hands settled on either side of her on the counter, Xavier pressed his lips on hers, short and sweet… in case the landlord walked in at that exact moment. “This is where I’m supposed to say if you like it, then I like it, right?” he joked, a hand finding hers and squeezing it. “I like it though, I really do. I can already picture Buffy going nuts and running around the place. And, you know, all the pasta we’re gonna be having…” He trailed off before kissing her again, this time taking longer to pull back. “We’re gonna have pasta everywhere… even here.” Smirking, Xavier jerked his head to the kitchen counter she was leaning on now. Of course, it was just the pasta that made the place appealing, but he never was a man that was particularly good at putting his feelings into words and his words into sounds, so he did his best. And apparently his best for now were innuendos and kisses.

“That’s also a possibility,” Kennedy said quietly, smiling in a way that was private to the two of them, and maybe sometimes Autumn. Though they were just teasing each other, there was a lot of truth behind what Xavier had just said. There were a lot of qualities that each of them possessed that had spent so long buried under anger, under grief, under loneliness and the inability to make connections with other people. Then, somehow, in a way that was probably the only possible instance that could ever make Kennedy believe in miracles, they’d found each other. Perhaps he was right and she’d always been the jealous type. Maybe she’d always craved the small moments, like kisses pressed to her forehead and holding hands while walking down the street. She’d always been the type to choose a night in with her words over being out at a party, but he’d given her a whole new subject matter, and now that he’d mentioned it, she thought he was completely right. They’d always been this, been these people. It had just taken them finding each other to discover that. 

The way he stepped toward her almost made her spiral back into memories of that first day when he’d gotten closer and closer until she could feel his heartbeat more than her own, but instead, the gesture kept her firmly rooted in the present. That first day had been everything she had never dared to hope for in her life, and while it was easily one of the best and most important days of her young life, this day felt more important. This was about a future, a future free of stalkers and alcoholic and neglectful parents, a future free of fear. This place wasn’t about memories, not the old ones. It was about the ones they would make with only each other. His kiss was more than welcome, and she kept her eyes shut for a moment when he pulled away, both to savor the feeling, and to let the tears of happiness that had welled up in her eyes go away. “That would be ideal, yes,” she said, opening her eyes, unable to fully hide the fact that she’d gotten a little emotional. “Buffy hates how many steps she has to climb to get to my room, this is going to be a dream come true for her.” His next kiss was longer, and she smirked against his lips, hands sliding slowly up his torso before coming to rest on his chest. “All these jokes about pasta. What are we going to do when you eventually have to meet all the Italian people in my family? We’ll never survive.” Finding that idea incredibly appealing, Kennedy kissed him one more time, before slipping out neatly underneath his arm, grabbing his hand, and starting to tug him again. “Come on then. Let’s go sign a lease.”

[burningnights]

Surround yourself with the right people, and realize your own worth. Honestly, there are enough bad people out there in the world - you don’t need to be your own worst enemy.

[kennedysalvatore]

to build a home // kavier

[x-hoss]

Xavier squinted his eyes at her for good measure, maintaining a straight face all the while to make it seem like he was serious. Which he was but only about seventy percent of the way. Or even less than that, he normally couldn’t really care less about it but a tent in his pants wasn’t really going to help push things along with the landlord, he felt, and he wanted things to go as smoothly as possible for the two of them. The sooner they found a place, the sooner they could get to do what they wanted to do… each other, probably. “Later, Miss Grabby. For now, keep em where I can see em just to be safe. Because knowing you, you’re gonna pull some sneak attack when I’m least expecting it.” As it was, the way that they kept playing around, trying to out frustrate each other with their touches, they might as well go up to the landlord with a sign hanging from their neck that said they weren’t fit at all to live by themselves yet. And now that he was attached to the idea of them living in their own space, Xavier wasn’t about to jeopardize their chances. Even if it meant slapping her hands away from his lower extremities.

“Please don’t tell me you’ve thought of that before. And please tell me we’ll never think or talk about that ever again.” Xavier joked, glad for once that he was nervous about something bigger so he didn’t have the space in his head to imagine that little scenario. And he didn’t want to because that was just a slippery slope waiting to happen - as much as their relationship had been good, he only viewed Autumn now as a friend (he would’ve said sister but there were aspects of their relationship that he didn’t want to put under that category by virtue of propriety) that even imaginary scenarios was just a no. “A keeper, really? You know they were probably laughing at me right? And that calling me a keeper made it worse?” As they headed in, Xavier caught a glance of the two of them at the reflection of the glass door and he was honestly surprised at how… mature they looked. Arm in arm, professional and congenial, pleasantly happy, he could take a photo to commemorate just that. Just where they were and how content and relaxed they were for perhaps the first time in a long time. Xavier shook the man’s hand after Kennedy. “Right, I’m boyfriend, her Xavier.” he joked, offering the landlord a wide smile to mask how absolutely corny and terrible that joke was. There was a split second of awkward silence that might as well have stabbed him in the back but thank god he finally laughed, not as loudly as he would’ve liked but good enough. “Thank you for accommodating us.”

[kennedysalvatore]

“Can’t say that I have. Although I’m not much of a jealous person, the thought of sharing you isn’t one I’m particularly fond of, so you’re safe,” she assured him with a light pat on the arm and a small smile. “And of course I knew that, which is why I’m reminding them that you actually are a keeper. A total dork, yes. But my dork, as I like to remind the female population.” Pausing for a second, Kennedy perked up a little bit. “Hey, maybe you’ve made me into the jealous type. Way to go.” It took everything in Kennedy’s power to avoid laughing at Xavier’s joke, though the corners of her lips betrayed her by twitching up into a smile. After further pleasantries, they joined the landlord on the elevator, and the higher it climbed, the faster it seemed her heart pounded. Although she’d never admit it out loud, she had put a lot of hope into this first place, which was why she’d chosen to see it first. If she didn’t like it, or worse, if the landlord didn’t like them, she wasn’t sure what the next step would be. At least on the way up, however, and even as they moved out of the elevator and into the hall, eventually to the apartment that was available for them, it seemed like they made a good impression, the man asking a lot about them and their lives, without getting too personal, and even wishing her luck as she started at Boston.

When they entered the apartment, Kennedy fell in love instantly. She’d tried to pick something that was nice, but nothing so large that they would be relying completely on the money from her mother’s passing. It was a modest size, with a lot of windows, a choice Kennedy had made intentionally. Her own room had a lot of windows, with her bed shoved up right underneath one, and she wanted to take that one reminder of home with her on this new journey. The landlord left them alone for a few minutes to explore without him hovering and she was grateful, taking Xavier’s hand into her own and pulling him purposefully further into the apartment, admiring the warm colors of the walls and flooring. Suddenly a little self conscious about her choice, Kennedy stopped in the kitchen, not even thinking about how that particular room would be significant for him as she let go of his hand to move to the center of the room, glancing around before turning to face him. “I really tried to take a lot into consideration with this first place, and I know I shouldn’t have relied on my first choice to be the one for us but I... please just tell me you like it, too. Because as soon as I saw it online, I knew this would be the perfect place to start my future with you. Not start over, because doing that would be ignoring all the things that brought us together but just... to have a place that’s just us. No demons, no ghosts, no bad memories. Only a new place and nice kitchen counters to makeout on.”

[kennedysalvatore]

to build a home // kavier

[x-hoss]

“I was saying…. Kenn, please stop teasing my dick.” Xavier said in such a deadpan tone that he half forgot that he was joking. Not that the effect she had on him was a joke, her touch did have the uncanny power of eliciting such a response from him that would’ve been embarrassing if it happened to anyone else. As it was, this was normal to him now, brought about by the staggering amount of appeal that she held that he couldn’t get enough of. He felt as though eventually it’ll all simmer down somehow, but deciding to live together, just the two of them only seemed to heighten it all. There just wasn’t any coming down from the high of that first attraction, apparently, and he really didn’t want to.

A chuckle escaped his lips at the reminder that theirs wasn’t exactly the most conventional of situations. It was one thing for him to still be, not only friends but best friends with his ex girlfriend, and another that said ex girlfriend had also become the best friend of his current girlfriend. Past him would’ve been the perfect kind of ass to find all of it unbearable, cut his losses and run away, but the Xavier he’d become after the loss of his brother wasn’t as closeminded. As… complicated as their break up may have been, the past was the past and there was nothing but friendship between the two of them now. Kennedy was clearly it for him. “I’m not gonna comment that ‘sleepovers with my ex’ sounds like a kinky fantasy, but thank yo for taking note.“ Smirking, he stepped out of the car after her, clicking the lock after him before busying himself patting down his clothes in an effort to look more presentable. He made a show of fanning air to his ass with his hands to her, but had to stop when two girls passing by saw what he was doing and laughed. Raising his eyebrows at Kennedy, he held out his arm to her, heading towards the entrance. “Let’s go then before I make a bigger ass of myself.” He paused, waiting for a reaction from her. “Get it? Make an ass of myself? Cause I was airing my ass out? … do you think the landlord would like that joke?”

[kennedysalvatore]

Lifting her hands in surrender before neatly folding them in her lap, Kennedy tried not to look too smug. “Okay, okay. I’ll leave your dick alone until later. Then I take no responsibility for what my hands do.” Before him, she’d never really wanted someone more than once. She hadn’t been a virgin by any definition of the word when she’d gotten together with him, but any and all sexual encounters she’d had upon reaching the dreaded teenage years had been one night stands and rushed hookups at parties with drunk guys who she doubted knew what to do with their hands even when they were sober. Not once had she ever wanted to seek any of those guys out again, nothing special about them to make her want more. Xavier was on a playing field all his own. It was their connection emotionally that kept her coming back physically. The way he looked, the way he sounded, all of it rounded out into this experience that was intoxicating. She couldn’t imagine her attraction to him ever wearing off, considering that now after a year, it still felt brand new.

Being separate from the life Xavier had led before he’d lost everything meant that Kennedy had always been a little oblivious to what he’d been like when he was considered popular. She didn’t know much about his relationship with Autumn and hadn’t cared to ask, having the ability to separate the girl who had become a dear friend of hers from the one who had once made out with her boyfriend. She also wasn’t oblivious to what her relationship meant to Xavier, because it meant all the same things to her. Either of them would be foolish to do anything to put it at risk. “As if I didn’t know exactly what it sounded like when I said it,” she said with a wiggle of her eyebrows, before waiting patiently for him to finish airing out his ass. Kennedy pointed at him casually as the girls passed by, calling out after them, “Don’t get any ideas, ladies. That keeper is all mine.” She tried really hard not to laugh at his joke, but paired with the probably permanent mental image of him airing out his ass, she laughed anyway, catching up to him to loop her arm through his. “I think the landlord will love that joke after we’ve signed a lease. Then he’s stuck with us for at least a year and can’t kick us out because of your corny jokes.” Stepping into the air conditioned lobby, she glanced around until her eyes landed on the landlord clearly finishing a tour with another couple, who perked up when he saw her immediately. She approached with confidence, letting go of Xavier’s arm so she could shake the man’s hand. “Hi, I’m Kennedy Salvatore. We spoke on the phone. This is my boyfriend, Xavier Hoss.”

[kennedysalvatore]

to build a home // kavier

[x-hoss]

There was that instinct again, the grin on his face so wide and splitting that he had to bite down on his lower lip to try and temper it, his cheeks eventually aching at the impossible length with which he’d been holding it. Their time together had definitely been full of ups and downs: in a year alone in their relationship, Xavier felt they’d had to withstand more than any other couple has had to in a decade together, but while the tears and fights had definitely weaved its way in, the smiles had generally been more frequent. Her presence alone had such a profound effect on his outlook, he figured he should be used to smiling so much now… but even then, just looking at her - still amazed at how tiny she is with the way she held herself on that passenger seat - made his stomach flop. “God, you’re so small. I know I keep pointing it out, Kenn, but seriously, did you not drink any milk when you were youn-…” At that moment, she moved her hand higher and he made a pretense of swerving the car just a little, pretending he was about to lose control of it, before twisting it back into the proper direction. “Dammit, Kenn! You’re gonna kill us!” he said, faux angry as he looked at her with a scrunched up face. “Even worse, you’re gonna make things look awkward up front.” he added, looking down pointedly at his crotch which, thankfully, wasn’t pitched up, so to speak… but if she kept going down (or up, to be precise) the path she was going, the realtor would probably have a sight to behold.

Listening to her speak, the words that mostly stuck to him were when she said ‘you’ve ruined me’, causing such a whirlwind of emotions deep inside. Honestly, there wasn’t a better phrase to capture their relationship: he’d ruined her, she’d ruined him, they were ruined long before the other came into the picture but together, they were a mess pieced together into a puzzle. Now they were moving forward and everything would be filed into the past - not necessarily to be forgotten, that wasn’t an option for them considering all that they’d been through, but they could start fresh. They didn’t have to be the boy who lost his entire family, his career, his mind, and she wouldn’t have to be the girl who’d everyone thought was terrorizing the town. Fresh was good, fresh was exactly what they needed. “It’s all up to you, really. You know I don’t know anything about real estate. Anything with a bed, bathroom and a kitchen is fine with me. Though maybe we should get a place that has room… you know, in case Autumn wanted to visit or whatever. Or Ashleigh, if that’s cool with you.” Despite the seriousness of the topic he’d just broached, Xavier couldn’t help but smirk as he realized that the two of them had just said cool. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. I could get used to no-nonsense Kenn.” He’d come to a stop by then, waiting a while until a car had passed before finally turning into a parking space, sighing in relief at having reached their destination. Or one of, actually. “First stop. Finally, my ass can get some air.” Unable to resist the urge, Xavier leaned forward on the wheel, peering up the building in front of them through the glass. “Outside doesn’t look too bad, right?”

[kennedysalvatore]

At the mention of their height difference and how small she was, Kennedy couldn’t help but smile in return. She often joked about how his height advantage on her was difficult, but really, she loved the way he towered over her, the way his build dwarfed her. During tender moments when his arms were wrapped around her, she felt engulfed in his warmth and like nothing could get through. Heated moments where his body pressed her down into a mattress were made more intense by the fact that there was so much of him that it felt like he was on every inch of her, catching her on fire. She often complained about being so small, but when it came to him, she truly didn’t mind. “Sorry, what were you saying?” She laughed at the way he swerved the car, all of it so silly, and so them that it made her heart want to burst. Her own eyes dropped down to his lap, squinting as if she were inspecting, before looking back up at him. “Don’t worry, you’re in the clear. Our potential future landlord won’t think you’re a perv. Yet.”

It was all so grown up that for a moment she was almost overwhelmed, in the best way possible, of course. This was all she’d wanted for as long as she could remember, but in the past, she’d only seen herself in the visions of the future. Moving away, escaping, cutting all ties to the fucking anchor and swimming to freedom. And then... well, she hadn’t had that part figured out. Now with Xavier by her side, the ideas for her future that had felt incomplete were more whole, more formed simply because she could fill in the gaps with him. She wasn’t sure about much, wasn’t even sure what she wanted to do with this journalism degree she planned to get yet, but he would be there, and remarkably, that made it okay. “That’s on my list, don’t worry. Sleepovers with your ex will be possible, and Ashleigh’s welcome whenever she wants.” Wrinkling her nose as she unbuckled her seat belt, Kennedy shook her head. “No-nonsense Kenn would probably have less satisfying sex, so I’ll pass.” Laughing at him, she opened her door, hopping down and grabbing her bag, as well as the notebook she’d brought along with her. “Yes, air out your ass. Ideally, I was awesome enough to get it right on the first try.” Following his gaze up the building, she nodded. It certainly was one of the best she’d seen online. “Hopefully the inside will be even better. We’re looking at one on the upper floors, 9 I think. So come on Hoss, let’s get to it.”

[kennedysalvatore]

to build a home // kavier

[x-hoss]

Xavier chuckled at the look on her face and the sound that came out of her mouth, remembering how it had taken quite some time for him to get her to ease up on herself after what happened to her mother. The weeks immediate to that had been tense to say the least, where he found himself having to tiptoe around her and her emotions for fear of triggering another bout of tears that only stopped when she’d exhausted herself. Perhaps a typical guy would’ve found the whole affair tedious, but the situation had been too intimate for him to act unseemly towards it. He knew that people had had to do the same for him, and where she was inconsolable, he was argumentative, choosing instead to question and attack any person who showed him concern. At least Kennedy hadn’t been that way and now she was slowly regaining the laughter in her voice and the smile on her face and through that, he’d also managed to reconcile with his part in the whole thing. Scoffing at the feel of her hand on his thigh, he felt his face turn warm and… was it even possible to feel your face go a little red? Because he felt it somehow. “You know… it’s dangerous to touch the driver that way. If you make any sudden moves, my leg might jerk and accidentally speed up this car and then we’ll die before we even sign anything.”

Looking at a side mirror as he prepared to make a turn, Xavier did his best to maintain some semblance of control over his excitement. It had always been a part of his plan to move out of Harwich, long before his parents’ tragedy, but after that he felt that he was stuck. Leaving felt so much like a betrayal, that he was digging up his roots and forgetting his family completely. Kennedy had given him a new way of seeing things, that it was fine to have and follow your dreams without losing sight of where you came from and how you got there. “Sushi sounds good. Or maybe we should go big if we do sign a lease. Kill two birds with one stone: new apartment and anniversary. Just celebrate and go nuts.” He grinned impishly at the thought of her with her relatives and fumbling when asked to pass the pasta. Not that Kennedy was the type to lose her composure but the word pasta really had reached a level of ridiculous between them. “You know that we’re almost there, right? Which is good cause my ass is starting to get numb.”

[kennedysalvatore]

Pulling her feet down from the dashboard, Kennedy pulled her knees into her chest instead so she could rest her chin on top of them, the smile on her face remaining as she looked out the window, happy to see they were getting close. She didn’t think she would be able to feel like this, so light and content after her mother died. Losing her had felt like this unbearable bottomless pit coupled with so much weight crushing down on her chest, until she couldn’t breathe not only from the loss itself, but the loss of a chance to rebuild their relationship. The scrapbook wouldn’t expand anymore, pictures of her graduating high school wouldn’t be added, her wedding, nothing. But part of what made that okay now was remembering that she had someone to share those experiences with her now, not just watch them happen. Xavier had changed everything more than she was sure even she could even comprehend. “Fine, fine. I’ll wait until after we sign something.” She took her hand off her thigh, not before dragging it a little higher, before innocently wrapping both arms around her knees.

She was officially at the point where she couldn’t sit still, which didn’t happen often with Kennedy. She was the type to be composed pretty much all of the time, but right now as Xavier started making turns and the thought of the first place being close had her completely antsy. She unfurled out of her little ball, glancing down at her list of apartment buildings again. She’d put the top choice first on their list, truly hoping that it would be perfect on the first try. A year ago, she probably would’ve scoffed at that sort of optimism, but a year ago she also would’ve been making the decision on an apartment alone. Somehow that thought was enough to make her hope that perhaps they could get it right immediately. “I’m not the type to hope that we could actually get that lucky, but honestly that would be amazing. We should celebrate regardless, mainly because I like the way we celebrate things, but being able to say we signed a lease on our anniversary would be... definitely cool, and definitely not something I’d ever have said would be cool in the past. You’ve ruined me. I am a shell of my former, no-nonsense self.” Making a mental note to avoid all pasta dishes until the both of them had managed to reach some level of maturity with the damn word again, Kennedy smiled widely, sitting up straight in her excitement. “Your ass being numb is a small price to pay. Soon your ass can be numb in an apartment that’s just ours.”

[kennedysalvatore]

to build a home // kavier

[x-hoss]

Xavier could only chuckle at the mention of her stealing things from her own home, imagining the whole endeavor now in his head of her tiptoeing around the house in the middle of the night then having to raise herself on those very toes to reach the latch of the paintings. Of course that was perhaps an exaggerated image brought about by his love of stupid comedy movies, but hey, at least it was amusing. For his part in this grand move, all Xavier really had were his clothes, the few belongings he’d gained through the years and the three, four boxes of things he’d managed to keep from his old family home before it had been seized. His had never been a materialistic life, he’d never been prone to seeing something he’d want and impulsively buying it. Heck, he probably still had the same shirts he’s had since… well, before he gained the muscle weight.

It was astounding how easily they’d fallen into the idea of living together. He knew that it was bound to happen: the only reason he’d stayed in town was because of her, because she couldn’t leave yet and he knew that she wanted to as soon as she was free to do so, and he wanted to ride off into that sunset with her if she allowed him. With that year come and gone, this was the way to go… but they hadn’t really talked about how they really felt about this whole thing. Maybe because it hadn’t really settled in yet that they were leaving and the chances of them going back wasn’t really that high. There was only onwards and forwards from here on out.

“I can help with that. Just pop in, get the painting, walk right back out. I figure your dad isn’t too hot with me anyway so why not go all the way, right?” he said in a lighthearted tone, throwing her a small smile at the mention of her mom. If there was anything that he would consider himself an (or close to) expert on, it was in dealing with grief and loss and there was comfort to be found in her mentioning her mother at all. That wasn’t a wound that would ever heal, especially with how sudden the death had come by, he knew that much, but she was carrying on at the very least. Just like he had. “Well if we’re basing our criteria on that, then I guess we should just ask them if all the furniture is thick and sturdy… like kitchen counters. I mean, I don’t know about you, but I like a good kitchen counter.”

Just the mention of possibly signing a lease today made him feel giddy and elated inside. When that pen meets paper, that’s when he knew that all this would become realer than it had ever been: it would become official. Their home, the two of them… and the dog, just the two of them… and the dog. Not that his world hadn’t really been revolving around her for the past year. “We could do that… or we could also get food because I am starving. And no, I don’t mean pasta. Unless you want pasta then we’ll get pasta, but I mean real pasta and not pasta pasta.” Grinning wide like an idiot, he leaned in as quick as he could to kiss her, resisting the urge to deepen it, knowing he might not be able to break it off if he did. 

[kennedysalvatore]

Though looking forward to moving in with Xavier, Kennedy certainly wasn’t looking forward to the actual moving of her stuff. She was more than aware that most of their work load would come from moving her things. She wouldn’t call herself a hoarder, but considering she’d filled two bookshelves in her room and still had stacks of them on her floor, that would certainly take a lot of cardboard boxes. And that wasn’t even starting on her stacks of journals and her vinyl collection. She could already hear Xavier picking on her for the amount of clothing she owned, and something about that made her stomach flip and fill with a warmth that she’d learned to associate with the love she felt for him.

Kennedy had toyed with the idea of moving further away, and perhaps if it had been a little over a year ago, she would be attending the top school for journalism across the country. But she had ties now, ones that extended past the little world she shared with Xavier. She had friends, and people who cared about her, a concept that was incredibly foreign to her, but was more welcome than she ever could have anticipated. She couldn’t bear the thought of moving too far away from people like Autumn, and staying relatively close by but far enough away from Harwich that she could breathe felt like the right choice. It meant the world that Xavier was joining her on this journey.

Kennedy let out a laugh that was almost a snort, though she softened lightly at the way he smiled at her, knowing what it meant. She might not have been able to survive her mother’s death without him by her side. He’d been there every moment, even though she could see the way her grief weighed on him perhaps as heavily as it did on her. “Excellent plan. As long as you do it with a cigarette dangling between your lips and a beer in one hand. We’ve really got to do the job completely.” Kennedy reached over to rest a hand on his thigh, perhaps a bit higher than what was necessary. “I’m fully aware of how you feel about kitchen counters. You’re very thorough in demonstrating.”

She was grateful for a lot of things when it came to Xavier, but his acceptance of the fact that her dog would absolutely be coming with her was definitely at the top of the list on this particular day. He could’ve easily been against it, but she knew his jokes about preferring the dog came from a certain level of fondness. “Food is an excellent plan. I can’t believe you’ve ruined the word pasta for me like this. How will I ever survive when I have to see my Italian relatives? My suggestion is always sushi so... you pick.” She returned the chaste kiss with a smile, leaning back over to kiss his cheek softly, before settling back into her seat, kicking her feet up again.

[kennedysalvatore]

to build a home // kavier

[x-hoss]

This was happening. This was really, truly happening… and he was sure of it because he’d pinched himself one too many times in the arm and now had little red spots all over that he sneakily covered up with his shirt. For once he was actually wearing something outside of his typical shirt or hoodie, jeans and sneakers ensemble, going instead for the ‘I know I’m not a professional but I promise you I’m definitely not a thug, please let me live in your apartment’ look with a button down shirt, pants that he’d bought for this very occasion and shoes that were a tad squeaky if he moved his foot the wrong way. Normally he wasn’t one to put any effort into his appearance, but considering what was about to happen, Xavier would pretty much undergo a complete overhaul of his face with plastic surgery if it meant he could look like someone responsible enough to live in his own apartment. With his girlfriend.

And her dog. The dog was the most important part, of course, he could do without the girlfriend if it came down to it.

But this was the dream. He hadn’t been one to indulge himself with visions of how his future would be once things started going bad then worse then worst in a continuous downward trajectory, but that was before his defenses started slowly crumbling before being completely shattered by Kennedy. Now he was not only finally going to be able to leave this town full of bad memories behind, but he was also about to start anew, live a life full of love and happiness that he felt he would have had had tragedies not kept throwing themselves at him. Sure, his plans pretty much started and ended with going apartment hunting with Kennedy then getting one of those apartments for them to start their life in, but he knew as long as they stuck together, things could only go up for him. For them.

Playfully swiping at her foot (or her leg, to be precise, since he couldn’t reach so far and still keep a hold on the wheel) with one hand, Xavier rolled his eyes, scoffing. “Yeah, for obvious reasons. Like putting up photos and paintings. Thick walls are the best for that.” he replied in a casual tone. He hadn’t realized how tough it was to be this giddily excited and keep his eyes on the road when all he wanted was to stare at her to make sure this wasn’t all just a dream… and now it was their anniversary too, god, how was it only a year but felt like they’d been together forever? “Only if you want to. I mean, if you’re expecting flowers and a candlelit dinner, then maybe we should just forget about it.” He grinned, eyes briefly flickering to her. “Quick question though. How fine are you with me maybe crashing the car if I try to get in a kiss?”

[kennedysalvatore]

Kennedy kept shooting glances over at Xavier, drinking in how stupidly attractive her boyfriend was. She'd seen him in a tux before, but this was something right in the middle of his normal comfortable style and formal for a high school dance, and it was incredibly attractive to see him looking so much like an adult, because this was perhaps the most adult thing she'd ever done. Her everyday style wasn't a far cry from what she'd felt was appropriate for this particular outing, so she was comfortable in dark skinny jeans and a bright top. She'd worn ballet flats today instead of shoes with any sort of heel, figuring maybe the potential landlords would take pity on her and make the rent a little cheaper since reaching cabinets was a struggle for her.

Kennedy hadn't gone to her father about this yet. He knew that she'd been accepted into Boston State, and that she'd mailed her intent to register, but he didn't know that she planned on taking her boyfriend along for the ride. She could practically hear the heart attacks her Italian relatives were having from across the ocean at the thought of her living in sin. If only they knew. She worried about whether or not her dad would continue to financially support her, and though she'd be getting some money from her mom, she still felt anxious since it wasn't available to her until she turned eighteen. But right now, she couldn't worry about that. Not when Xavier sat next to her, and it was so beautiful outside. Right now, everything was perfect.

The itch for a cigarette was driving her nuts, but she refused to have any landlord deny them because they were smokers, so she resisted, instead focusing all her attention on her boyfriend. Kennedy kicked at his hand lightly, grinning at him. "Actually, I've been subtly taking artwork that I love from all over the house to bring with us, so you're not too far off there. My end goal is my mom's Monet print." She smiled at that, content with the emotional stability she'd found after her mom's passing, content with knowing that although she'd been shit at showing it, her mom really had cared. "I was thinking the thick walls could come in handy for other things, too." 

It felt like much longer than a year had passed between them, not even because of how quickly it'd flown by, but rather because of how intensely she felt for him. It was so strange to feel like this about another person, to feel that connection, and she still wasn't used to it, nor did she want to be. What she had with him felt new every single day. "I was thinking we could celebrate by signing a lease today. If we're lucky, that is. Though for once, I'm feeling kind of optimistic. Don't tell anyone though, it'll kill my street cred." She grinned, taking her feet off the dashboard and sitting up so she could lean into him. "I'll meet you halfway."