Someone I care very much about has been too busy to message me throughout the day. I wish he would just say hello or tell me what he’s been doing, but I guess he’s too busy for that.
So when I finally get to spend time with him, he was grumpy and angry by the end of it and didn’t want to really do anything with me anymore. He said that he was sorry for being the boring one, not me, and that besides Rick and Morty he didn’t know what else we could do together. That really hurt my feelings… it makes me feel as though my presence really isn’t enough to him. Like he didn’t want to do anything with me.
Tomorrow will be the same, and the day after that. A lonely day with him basically ignoring me and then being tired and upset by the end of the day because of something else unrelated to me that happened. I wish it weren’t like this, but I’ll just isolate myself again and get used to it.
It doesn’t mean I didn’t cry about it, though. It doesn’t mean I didn’t get upset. I compared in my head how Don would act towards me. I remembered that when I am sad, he comforts me. Sometimes he says and does questionable things and I wish that my friends approved of him. They don’t.
I vented about this experience on Twitter to the point where I was worried that Don might be right—no one would love me as much as he does—but this led Nick to think that I was wanting to get back together with Don. I think he has the wrong idea. No one would truly understand because I’m so vague.
Nick claims to loves me, but does he even know me? He does not share the same feelings as Don and Cody, who I know love me. I keep thinking that he’ll get over me and move on, but perhaps it’s because I’m convenient—single, an old friend, someone he can rely on. But he doesn’t really know who I am. He doesn’t try to know. He makes assumptions and outbursts that only hurt me more. I know he tries his best, but that's why I cannot get closer.
To be honest, it'll be a nice change of pace to vent my feelings here from now on. No one needs to know how I'm feeling. It's not anyone's concern. I'm doing my best to live and it's no one else's business how I feel.