It’s okay to be angry. In fact, please do. Please be angry. Be frustrated, upset, unwilling to look back. But please love yourself in this process. You have to remember the fact that everything DOES happen for a reason. By September, or October or whatever, you’re going to look back on your year and thank God that you’re no longer in such a situation. Be as emotional as you want, it’s okay. No one is ever 100%, 24/7, 365 days a year. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to be unsure. It’s healthy, and no matter what, you’re learning. You’re growing.
It’s been a long journey this past year alone, not to mention the year before. 2015 was a year full of new beginnings and struggles and new understandings of the person that you are. Now that some time has passed, there are some things you understand better, but there are other things that have become more of a blur. He isn’t an exception, just an additional cloud amidst the unknown in front of you. Perhaps the most interesting, flustering, and alluring cloud, but a cloud nonetheless. Unknown and full of mystery. That stuff is scary.
It’s 3.29.16, and you thought, in January, you would have a lot more figured out by now. And you keep thinking about the future and what’s going to happen... but why? Because you don’t know, and you won’t until you’re there. Start living for yourself. Breathe for yourself. Do everything for you, and stop underestimating the ground underneath you. You’re more than you think, and you’ve grown to learn that recently. You’ve had time to yourself to realize your worth and your real needs and wants. If the relationship isn’t benefitting you, whether it be friendship or familyship or boyfriendship etc., why are you dealing with it? The fact that I even describe it as “dealing with” already makes it toxic enough. Never “deal with” or “live with.” Be “happy with.” Be “understanding with” or “working with” or “loving with.” And no, nothing is ever perfect, but there must be beauty in this struggle. If you don’t see beauty in it, nevertheless a future, it’s not worth your time. If you’re going to invest yourself into something 100%, emotionally and mentally and physically, there must be a benefit. Otherwise, this person or thing will drain you, and you’ll start giving so much of yourself that you lose sight of who you are. Then what do you have when this person or thing is gone? Just yourself, but in bits and pieces, scraps of a person that you remember only because your friends comfort you with the warming memories of what you used to be before you gave so much of yourself away. Don’t do that anymore, okay? You are important. You are MOST important.
Rule #1: Stop settling. The moment you settle, you set yourself up for disappointment, long nights, and a heavy, heavy heart. It’s difficult, but you aren’t crazy. You deserve someone that doesn’t make you feel the way that you do right now. Please understand that. There are people with you that know it, and although you’re learning, you think that somehow you deserve what has been dealt with, and so you continue to settle with it. Do NOT make this your “normal;” it’s not. Not for you, not for him, not for anyone.
You are 20 years old. It took you 20 years to figure out how to start loving yourself... you don’t have that kind of time to try and convince someone else.
amandla
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izzy806
2087
ellievsbear
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