Jer. 29:11
...been doin' a lotta thinkin' lately since I've been out here in California -- Putting things in perspective -- because as great as an opportunity as this is... I know God's got me out here for some MAJOR transformation - for GROWTH. I know there's a process going on... and I've already been through a part of the "breakdown" lol In all honesty, first couple days of being out here... I was SO ready to throw it all away and go back home to the comfort of good 'ol Michigan. Back to my parents' place. Back to my comfy lil' spot in the basement. Back to being surrounded by my childhood keepsakes - favorite old time movies -- memories upon memories... Back to feeling safe. protected. sheltered. quiet. In my own little corner... in my own little chair - lol... where I didn't have to feel... challenged... where I wasn't being forced to really.... well... grow up.
So here I am. And I know God's behind all of this... because now is the time. All those years, since childhood, I spent praying that God would use me. Use me. I wanna do this... I wanna do that... God, if you only give me a chance, I'll... And the first big step comes - and I FREAK OUT! Lol. It's like... But God, I didn't know the world was THIS BIG... That adulthood would be this intimidating... That I'd be responsible for... Or have to live up to... Or be expected to... What if I can't do it God? What if I just talk a big game, but... y'kno... <---- all this stuff flying through my head within the first few days. FEAR. FEAR like I haven't felt since I was a child! It was crazy. And I mean, I got out here and realized that I had no choice BUT to trust God. Literally, He's all I have in this. Faith - as tough as it can be sometimes, I have to trust and believe that He's got it all under control - and that He wouldn't bring me out here to this new territory if He didn't think I could handle it. That I was ready. And He's not gonna leave me. And I can see that this is such a beautiful opportunity for our relationship to grow - for me to really come to know Him even more as my Father... This is time for me to grow. up. --- not just physically and mentally, but spiritually.
I know this is gonna be a major journey. It's not just about working for Nickelodeon - which is INCREDIBLE - but this is even bigger than that... I can feel it. I have faith in that. I know this is the start of something great that God wants to do... He's set a plan into motion, and this is just the first domino falling...
I'm expecting to come back to Michigan with something a lil' different... And I'm open to whatever process, exercise, etc. God wants to take me through while I'm out here. I'm gonna embrace it - and everything He brings with it. "God has not given the spirit of fear, but of Love, Power, & a Sound Mind!" "I can do ALL Things through CHRIST who strengthens me!" Jer. 29:11
