Um hi everyone...long time no see. I have been absent for months now and it’s been rough. I have had a lot sitting on my chest recently and I have had no one to talk to about it...so I wrote a personal essay and I’m publishing on the internet for strangers to read. I just needed someplace to say everything that has built up inside of me and this is the only place I feel free to truly express how I feel.
False Reflections
Nothing is scarier than looking in the mirror and not recognizing the face looking back. Sure they have your face, your body, your hair but it’s not you. She’s not that happy...it’s a mask. Outside she may look like a ray of sunshine but inside she’s a storm.
What do you have to smile about? You’re life is constantly crashing the MOMENT you feel any sort of happiness. You’re stuck in your backwards small hometown because you can’t get a job. A virus ruined any plans you had at making a name for yourself at the moment. Instead of working where you want you’re stuck working retail in a state you hate.
And who do you have to talk about your problems, how you feel? Anyone come to mind? ... no one. Truly you have no one to go to. When you try to talk to your parents you are told to just grow up. All of your “friends” have left. You tried and tried to keep the friendship alive until it drained you of every last drop. People who said they would never leave quit responding, old friendship that you tried to rekindle stopped responding, even your internet friends quit responding.
So you tried to change your hair, your style, your attitude, everything to get someone, anyone, to choose you until...you can’t recognize who you are anymore. You’re nothing but a hollow shell of a person who used to be so full of life, so happy, so passionate. You used to see the world in color but now it’s all grey.
You can look at in the mirror and ask who are you but sadly, your reflection doesn’t even know.
