unicorn master

keturah, 24,bi,♊ gemini and 🌙 Pisces moon.

[pyrlspite]

reblog with your weird group chat name in the tags

[gordons-moved]

I don’t have friends

[hedgehog-moss]

We’ve got an itinerant cheese-selling woman who comes into town every Friday morning to sell the cheeses she purchases from local farms, and I like this old-fashioned way of buying cheese (other people, like the mayor, find it mortifying that our village is too small to support its own cheese shop). She stations herself in the plaza and likes to share news about the farms and villages she’s visited this week (at the moment we get a lot of baby animal news, like new calf announcements.) She has the unfortunate habit of denigrating her own cheeses without meaning to because she is a cheese perfectionist. You ask for a bleu, she grimaces hesitantly and says “Ah, poor choice, it doesn’t look quite right to me today”; or you tell her “I really liked the brie I picked last time, so creamy!” and she shakes her head and goes “Ah, you got lucky, often that farmer gives me such shitty brie with a chaulky texture—” then she suddenly looks frustrated with herself, you can tell she’s thinking “why am I giving this information to a client?? I’m the worst cheese saleswoman ever.” It’s very endearing. 

She also sells eggs, and always writes the name of the farmer she got it from on each carton so you can make sure to buy your friends’ eggs and avoid your enemies’ eggs. You’ve got to be like “Six Gilbert eggs please” and publicly announce where your loyalty lies, it’s a whole Thing. If one day you decide to go rogue and ask for Agnès eggs instead you can be sure people will notice, and they will talk. Getting my own chickens is the only way I have found to avoid pledging egg allegiance.

[hotsolvent]

I am OBSESSED with this egg based clique culture

[animedads-deactivated20210108]

In gonna replace every bone in my body with a knife, if someone punches me they’re in for a surprise (the knife)

[biexboyfriend-deactivated202305]

i think anyone who says tht a bi man & a bi woman in a relationship r basically the same as a straight couple have never put any thought into how bisexuality challenges preconcieved dynamics and the gender roles usually assumed in m/f relationships.

[cardentist]

[anthracoceros]

some of y'all didnt grow up as the person nobody has a crush on and it really shows

[daglout]

some of yall never have to deal with the constant doubt in your own ability to be loved to the point where you get second hand embarrassment at the idea of someone being in love with you and finding you attractive because you’ve been diagnosed with ugly and cringy your whole life and it really shows

[ardate]

some of yall never had to deal with seeing bullies come up to you to say “(Name) wanna ask you out” as a joke to humiliate their friend because nothing was as embarrassing and disgusting than imagining going out with you and it really shows

[ouch9-deactivated20251123]

[prom-ising]

[barbie2023]

[snartha]

hufflepuff more like hufflePREP amirite

[hogwartsconsultingtimelady]

If you know what this is referencing you deserve a senior discount

[vapidsoup]

[peterman-spideyparker]

Paul Rudd is a snack with no expiration date pass it on

[combine-the-kitchens]

I’m sobbing I love this Tik Tok more than I love myself

[reynita9]

[baking-accident]

when it’s time for your favorite character to show up

[valtsv]

songs to be homosexual to

[valtsv]

[popokko-deactivated20210315]

older siblings b like i hate u because mom made me do things before u were born and also because u are taller. younger siblings b like u are oppressing me by giving me a task. only children b like what the fuck is compromise, fuck you

[popokko-deactivated20210315]

middle children b like [disappear under mysterious circumstances]

[funnypicsdept]

Decision tree from a 3rd grader found in an attic.

[joannescammer]

“C”

[starsshinedarkly77]

this has the same energy as the vine that’s like “my little brother pushed me today so I’m starting a kickstarter to have him put down, the benefits of killing him would be I would get pushed way less”

[lius-is-a-catboy-deactivated202]

At least they’re not a snitch.

[ibelieveingavinfree]

Rooster Teeth inspires me because they are adults who are happy and sometimes I need to be reminded that I don’t have to grow up to be miserable.