kevan lannister

kevan lannister for blood and glory

[kevan-lannister]

the sails of memory rip open in silence [kevan and dorna] [flashback; may 18th, 1991]

[dornaswyfts]

Kevan’s reaction wasn’t what she expected, but he had always been a quiet man. A quiet man that she loved and respected, and when he kissed her, she kissed him back, happily in fact, holding his face in her hands. Would their child have Kevan’s blonde hair, or her darker colour? Who’s eyes would predominate? She felt exhilaration well up inside her as she kissed him again.

"I could hardly believe it myself," She tried to stay the joyous tears threatening to break through, “I’m barely a few weeks along." She looked at the floor, happy in his reaction. Though was there any other option? Kevan wanted this as much as her, if not a bit more. 

"I’m sure we could find out if it’s a boy or girl in a while, if we wanted to." She shrugged lightly, dying to know herself, but requiring that bit of mystery. She could feel that it was most likely a boy, but barely two weeks in, that was just an inkling, a wish for Kevan to get his son.

[kevan-lannister]

He pulled back when she started to speak so he could watch her face, and he nodded when she said she could hardly believe it herself - Kevan knew just what she meant. It was hard to process that he was going to (finally) be a father. Somehow it had always felt so surreal that it could happen despite knowing it would, one day.

"I'm glad," he said at last, once she'd told him how far along she was, and cautiously he dropped his hand to her stomach. He knew he wouldn't be able to feel a thing this early on in her pregnancy, but he did know that it was his child in there and that made it a little less silly, him placing his hand there.

When she told him they could find out the gender, Kevan frowned slightly as he thought about it. It would be nice to find out, but then if it was a girl, he would have nine extra months of his life feeling, once again, like he was in Tywin's shadow. (He'd had a son the first time, and that was one thing that Kevan was hoping to match, at least. It wasn't that he minded being in the shadow of his brother - he didn't - it was just that other people did, and Kevan yearned for the kind of respect his brother earned by just being him.)

[kevan-lannister]

the sails of memory rip open in silence [kevan and dorna] [flashback; may 18th, 1991]

[dornaswyfts]

At first, she had attributed it to a bad turn of meat. Something must’ve sat wrong with her stomach. Though there wasn’t much else in the way of food poisoning to alarm her. And after she would finish with her sick, she would feel only a bit dizzy but then it would pass. There was also the fact that she had missed her cycle a few weeks ago. Still, she had missed before, and was no cause for alarm, but Dorna had a growing excitement in her, that this was actually it. 

She was pregnant.

After going to the doctor a few days ago, to officially find out, she tried not to alarm Kevan, or let him on. Though she couldn’t stop touching her stomach, even if she didn’t know for sure, there was always a hand on it, as if she would will this true. Then the call from the doctor came this morning, and Dorna couldn’t stop crying. It alarmed some of the staff, but after she had explained, they too congratulated her and understood why she was so out of sorts. 

She had called and called her husband, finally, she had done her duty, as a wife. Dorna had been brought up to believe that it was a wife’s duty to in some aspects, serve their husbands, in that of intercourse, and continuing the bloodline. Dorna believed her marriage was no different. She answered the call when Kevan wanted, obligingly. It would, in the end, make them closer. 

Dorna called Kevan as soon as she had calmed down, but his secretary kept transferring her calls to an empty office. Maybe Kevan had stepped out, on lunch. That had to be it, but she needed him. The last call, she asked to not be transferred, and to have Kevan come straight home. She wondered if she should tell the woman, but she couldn’t trust her with such news. Besides, she wanted to be the only one to tell her husband. 

The wait for Kevan to come home was spent by pacing, with a hand on her stomach and imagining their lives in the years to come. Would it be the son Kevan wanted for? Or the daughter Dorna had dreamt of since she was a girl. In the end, it hardly mattered, only that it was real, and it was happening; finally. She would have to take care of herself more intensely than she already did. And there would be strollers to purchase, and cribs, and names. Dear God, the names, there would be many to decide from, but Kevan’s say dominated her’s. 

How would Kevan react? Surely there would be an only positive reaction. Dorna knew he wanted this as much as she did, even with the increase in intercourse. Though she didn’t have much time to churn over his reaction in her mind, as he came through the door not seconds later. She hoped she hadn’t worried him, but some concern was apparent in his voice. She walked out from her room, or more like ran to him, a smile bright on her face. 

"Kevan, thank goodness you’re home." She couldn’t stop herself from embracing him. It felt as if her spirit was on fire, a blessing placed on her marriage, on her body. “I’m sorry to call you home from work, but you know I wouldn’t unless it was important. I have…brilliant news, love." She chanced a laugh, her hands scrambling for his. Would he want to sit down, or…well, there was no manual, nothing her mother had taught her. How to tell your husband you’re pregnant, no such thing existed. She led him into the bedroom however, where she had holed herself up. If she hadn’t, she was like to go mad, prancing about the house, but she needed to stay calm. Too much excitement couldn’t be all that good for the growing life inside her. 

"The doctor called this morning, I had gone to him last week. Nothing…serious, you see. Though he had the results of my test, I had taken a test, because I had suspected…" She rambled on, and she felt as if she were sixteen, and in secondary school again. She inhaled sharply, trying to convey this entire time that it was good news, nothing to be worried about and continued on, “I’m pregnant, Kevan." She squeezed his hands, her heart hammering in her chest, but there was no doubt in her mind that he wouldn’t be as excited, or happy as her.

[kevan-lannister]

Kevan, when he heard her footsteps the moment he walked through the door, had his fears confirmed: something bad had happened, it must've. But then he saw that she was smiling in the few moments he had before all he could see was the top of her head where she'd wrapped her arms around him. Her words only backed up her smile, and Kevan felt the tension ease from his shoulders.

(Dorna must have, too; she was holding him tightly, so the lessening of his tension must have made the embrace much more comfortable. He was glad; he didn't want her to be uncomfortable at all.)

He wanted to know the news right away, but he let her lead him up the stairs, trying to contemplate what it could be that she was so eager to tell him that she had to call him home from work. He knew it must be good, though, so he didn't argue with her or try to wrangle it out of her - he'd let her tell him in her own time, it wasn't as if it was something bad, after all: that he'd have wanted to know right away, and he thinks she knows that. 

Slowly, he sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes fixed on her, waiting. She knew he was ready, and that she could tell him any time soon. 

But when she started talking about doctors, he didn't understand. If she had good news, why would doctors be involved? (He'd always been just that bit slower than Tywin, just that bit worse. Tywin would have known, by now, what it was she wanted to tell him.)

I'm pregnant, Kevan. 

He was kicking himself by that point: he should have realised that was what it was about (of course, Tywin most definitely) would have. For a lack of things to say, he squeezed her hands in return. What on Earth could he say? He was happy, of course (he hoped it would be a boy, so he'd have an heir, but he wouldn't hate to have a daughter, either) but he didn't know how to express that.

So he simply leaned up and kissed her gently; she'd understand that, she knew he wasn't very talkative or very good with words, but she knew him and she'd know he was happy about this.

[kevan-lannister]

the sails of memory rip open in silence [kevan and dorna] [flashback; may 18th, 1991]

Kevan only realised he’d forgotten to tell his secretary he’d be going out by the time he was out of the building and halfway down the street. Rather than going back and telling her though, he shrugged and figured she’d find out soon enough. He just hoped that she didn’t take any important calls while he was gone; she’d tell them Kevan was there and available to speak, but of course - he wouldn’t be (him not being there and his secretary thinking he was might look unprofessional, and that was the last thing he wanted).

But despite that worry, he ate in peace at the usual coffee shop around the corner. The sandwiches there were expensive, but they were tasty and he could easily afford them and the fact they were expensive meant the place wasn’t often very full. It was the peace and quiet he always needed during a busy day; it was a nice break and he knew the staff and they knew him. They knew what he ordered so he didn’t have to stand in queue to ask for it - his usual waitress would bring it over soon after he entered and he’d pay then.

Even though he never wanted to leave, he always had to - work had to come before relaxation, however much he needed it sometimes, and today that time was up. Work had been quite busy recently, and if he wanted to spend time with Dorna when he got home, he’d have to head back now so he’d finish up on time.

(He didn’t love Dorna as much as he should, but he was trying to; she was the perfect wife, and Kevan knew he would love her properly all in good time, and so to speed that falling in love process up he’d been spending as much time as he could with her lately. Including spending more time than usual together in the bedroom. He needed to bond more with her and he needed a son; he was being extremely practical. Also, it was nice. That too.)

Dorna occupied his thoughts as he made the short walk back to his office, the air helping to clear his head, ready for work again. What he was expecting was the work to be dull as per usual, and to finish at the same time as he always did. What he was not expecting was his secretary to greet him the moment he stepped through his office door with an anxious look on her face.

“What is it?” He asked immediately; had something happened to her? He was expecting something petty though, really. Maybe an argument with a boyfriend or just a friend, although it turned out it had nothing to do with her, and had everything to do with him. His wife had called and asked if Kevan could come home immediately. As Kevan told his secretary to clear his schedule, he grabbed his things and slid his jacket back on before leaving, wondering what could have happened to make Dorna call him home. He knew it had to be important, though - she knew better than to just ask him to leave work unless it was important.

The drive home was mostly Kevan worrying about what it was that had happened, and whether he’d be able to do anything to make it better. It was a relief to get home, despite knowing that he’d now find out whatever it was that was so important - had someone been hurt? - because he’d at least know what was going on, and he could get to work helping.

He slid his key into the lock when he got home, and once he was inside he went upstairs to look for her. “Dorna?” He called out, concern evident in his voice. For once, he didn’t try to hide it: he was too preoccupied with whatever had happened to be worrying about that.

[kevan-lannister]

turning gold to black // august 25th (evening) // dorna and kevan

[dornaswyfts]

His voice took hold in her head, repeating and repeating.

It was just a dream.

It’s not real.

You won’t lose him. You won’t lose him.

It made her heart lighter, as if the grief and the worry was taken away. Peace. She was feeling peace, as Kevan’s voice lulled over her. Dorna closed her eyes, listening to his breaks in sound for a breath. It wasn’t real, her children sleeping in their beds were real; alive, and healthy.

It was just a dream, not a waking nightmare as it had been four years ago. And it wont happen again, she thought, not again. It wouldn’t, no form of abandonment would be clearer than having another child ripped away from her. 

She would have to trust in Kevan, to protect her and her children from those who would harm them; even if it was themselves. He had a righteous way about him, as if it was a personification of her religion. He would keep them all safe, in his arms, as God does  with the world. Peace filled her being as she swallowed heavily, taking in a shaky breath. 

Dorna just had to take her fears and worry and put them in faith, in trust, that she would not be wronged again. Looking at Kevan, she offered him a tired smile and kissed him on the cheek. Who knew that she’d love him more in her later years than she ever did as a young woman. Who will keep you safe? She asked herself, brows furrowing slightly at the thought. Who would keep Kevan safe? “I will,” She answered with a smile, “and I’ll keep you safe.” 

[kevan-lannister]

Kevan smiled fondly when she told him she'd keep him safe, and muttered a thank you. He didn't really need to be kept safe, nor did he think she could, but he appreciated the sentiment. He appreciated it all lot. When they'd first met and married, Kevan wasn't really in love with her. He liked her, quite a bit, but he didn't really love her. It was mostly because he knew he needed to get married around that time, and have children, and Dorna would fit the role perfectly. But over time, he'd truly starting loving her.

Glancing around at the clock reminded him it was still the middle of the night and that they should probably get some sleep, but he wasn't sure if Dorna would be able to right away. He pulled her closer and ran his hand over her hair a few times, before pulling back to look at her again. "Do you want to give sleep another try?" He asked quietly. If she wasn't going to sleep, he supposed he wouldn't either: it wouldn't be fair to leave her awake alone, especially because she might dwell on those dreams again when Kevan wasn't awake with her to tell her that none of it was true.

[kevan-lannister]

(august 25th - morning) janei & kevan; and i'll try for you

[thelittlestlannister-deactivate]

I have work to do. It always came down to that, didn’t it? Janei felt herself frowning, but she smiled in the end at her father. He had come, and that’s all that mattered. Sure, they didn’t talk about much, but there were plans, for the coming months, and Janei had to admit, she was excited.

“Oh, well, I should let you get to work, then.” She looked down at her plate, and couldn’t help but think when he would take her over work. Would he ever? Don’t be selfish, father is important to not just you, Janei told herself as she held the cool teapot.  “Though we can clean up here, bring everything down.” She nodded, smiling at her father.

Janei set down the teapot, and put her small plate on the tray, followed by the cup. She didn’t really want more tea anyway, and despite enjoying her father’s company, he was dreadfully boring. All in all, it was a good meeting, and she was glad to at least spend some time alone with him. She knew that she couldn’t keep him to herself, that other people, work people needed him too. 

[kevan-lannister]

He nodded; he'd enjoyed this meeting with her, but really, it was better to ease into spending time with each other than diving straight in. It would give them a chance to get used to it, and Kevan thought that if he spent too long with her he wouldn't know what to say at all, and he didn't think she would either. Plus, he was sure he bored her - she was a young girl, and he knew that what he had to say was the last thing she wanted to hear. But he hoped that she enjoyed his company despite that, and that being her father was enough to keep her interested for a short amount of time at least.

"That's probably a good idea," he agreed, reaching out to put his cup and plate onto the tray, too. It would be doing Dorna a favor to take everything down for her; she had enough on her plate without worrying about cleaning up after them, especially because of the news he was planning to break to Dorna that evening. He knew she'd be upset about what he had to tell her (who wouldn't be upset when they found out their son was going off the rails?) and so making everything else as easy for her as possible was a thing he badly wanted to do, right now.

He thought about the work that awaited him, and then about how he'd probably have to meet with Tywin soon to discuss general matters. Kevan had always answered to Tywin; he let him take charge, followed his orders, because he was content to sit back and let the better man take the better position. He'd always worked alongside him though, so there was always things to talk over and jobs to be evaluated. At least the workload was a little less now that Jaime had come on board - less pressure was on Kevan now that Tywin's eldest son was aboard.

[kevan-lannister]

turning gold to black // august 25th (evening) // dorna and kevan

[dornaswyfts]

Being in Kevan’s arms had a way of calming her. But in her distressed state, all it kept her from doing was fleeing from the room and into her children’s; into Martyn’s. “No, no. Stay here, please.” She said in a whisper, the weight of his head on her shoulder stabilizing her. It’ll be alright, she told herself, grasping one of Kevan’s hands. 

“It was a bad dream…I saw M-Martyn. Just Martyn, alone.” and in the ground, she left unsaid. It was too hard for her to voice, Kevan would understand, he would, more than anyone. She breathed in and out, telling herself it was just a dream, that she’d talk to Martyn and it’d all be sorted. Everything would return to normal. 

After a few minutes of just resting in his arms, she felt calmer. She was probably worrying too much, way too much. Kevan had said that Martyn wasn’t in danger, he was just making the wrong choices. All the wrong choices. “I don’t want anything to happen, Kevan. No more. I can’t lose him too, I couldn’t bear it.” She shook her head, praying silently for her God to hear her pleads. “I need to know everything is going to be alright, and I don’t know, I don’t.” As much as she enjoyed the mysteries her Lord had for everyday; the pleasant ones, she couldn’t take not knowing the coming days, weeks, months even. She held back her tears, and instead held tighter onto Kevan’s hand. He’d reassure her, tell her her fears were nothing but normal. She doesn’t want him to feel guilty for telling her about their son though, even though the ramifications were worse on her than him.

[kevan-lannister]

When she asked him to stay, he shifted uncomfortably but did just that: if she wanted him there, he'd stay there. She was good to him, it was his duty to be good to her in return - she deserved that. She deserved a lot, he realised. She was the perfect wife, and Kevan was far from being the perfect husband. 

He stiffened slightly when she told him the dream. Despite knowing that it had only been a dream and that Dorna did too, it explained why she was so upset, and he hated the dream more than Dorna did. Of all the things she deserved, this was not one of them. If he could, he would have taken all her bad dreams for himself (it was the least he could do for her, after all she'd done for him) but alas, that wasn't the way of the world. So instead he just held her tighter and told her what she already knew. "It was just a dream, it's not real," he muttered, hoping that it did something to calm her.

"You won't loose him," he told her, his voice a whisper. He didn't want to wake anyone, but even if there wasn't that to worry about, he'd still talk in a whisper when it was this late and this dark: it would feel strange not to. The night was for whispers and fears, after all. Everyone knew it. "It'll be alright, I'll keep him safe: I'll keep them all safe," and this time, he was being a hundred percent honest. He'd failed with one child, he wouldn't let himself fail with the rest, too. Whatever happened. "Everyone worries about their children," the words were flowing now, "and it shows you're a good parent." He wanted to say something about everything being God's will, so she should trust it (something she'd told him before) but he wasn't sure that now was the best time for it, so he kept his mouth shut.

[kevan-lannister]

(august 25th - morning) janei & kevan; and i'll try for you

[thelittlestlannister-deactivate]

She shifted on her seat a bit, content with his answers. It would seem as if whatever she desired would be met accordingly, but Janei knew that already. Lannisters they were, and along with their blood, golden was their pockets. “I think we should try first, and then see.” She smiled at her father, finishing up her cake. 

Lifting her teacup, she took a sip, the tea lukewarm at best. She grimaced, scrunching up her nose at it. “The tea’s gone cold.” Janei stated, looking at her father as she set her cup down. “It’s a good thing though, tea only goes cold when there’s good conversation. At least that’s what mother says.” She bounced lightly on her chair, wondering if that was the end of it. Usually tea parties ended when the tea went cold or there weren’t any more cakes. Well, there were plenty of the latter left, it was the tea that was problematic.

Janei could always go and heat it up though, couldn’t she? Furrowing her brows at the pot, she got up and grabbed the porcelain delicately. “Do you want more tea? I’ll go heat it up if you want.” She gave her father another small smile.

[kevan-lannister]

"That sounds like a plan," he agreed, nodding his head. She was smart, his daughter, although he'd never expect her to be anything but. Lannisters were smart; rich and beautiful and smart. He was proud of her, he was proud of all his children (except Martyn right now, what with the way he was acting) but he rarely told them so. Telling them wasn't something he knew how to do, nor was it something he thought was productive. Praise would make them think they could relax: they couldn't. They always had to give better than their best.

A glance down at his own tea and a finger to the outside of the cup confirmed what she'd said; the outside was cold, so the tea inside would be too. He wasn't too bothered; he much preferred coffee to tea, anyway, so he could live without this. The conversation had been good, in the end, so he couldn't help but agree with what his wife says. (Well, 'good' meaning much better than what he'd thought.)

Despite not wanting more tea, he nodded his head. "If you'd like," he told her, but then the thought of having to find more things to talk about made him wince internally. "We'll have to finish up soon though, I have work to do," he told her, giving her a small smile in return. It wasn't a lie - he did have work to do, but it could probably have waited at least another hour or two. Janei didn't have to know that though. 

[kevan-lannister]

turning gold to black // august 25th (evening) // dorna and kevan

[dornaswyfts]

Despite it all, it was quite easy for sleep to find her. She had always been fast to fall asleep (aside from the three times she had been pregnant), and this night was no different. She fell asleep to the sound of her husband’s quiet breathing beside her, and soon consigned to deeper sleep.

She dreamed easily, of her children succeeding, and achieving everything they ever wanted. She saw Janei with a daughter or two of her own, and Lancel going beyond everyone’s expectations. Though when her dream turned to Martyn, it was shadowed by a funeral, of his twin. Deep, deep into the ground the baby went, and so did apart of Dorna’s soul. She descended into the darkness, where there wasn’t any light guiding her out, and she felt fear creep into her being. 

Down here, she saw the coffin, but inside she didn’t see Willem but an older version…Martyn. But he wasn’t…he couldn’t- She ran forward, grasping the corpse by the shoulders and shook him violently, ‘Wake up Martyn, wake up!’ but he did not wake up. Her fear multiplied until she jumped forward and was in her bed, with her husband beside her. Dorna’s breathing was rapid, and her hands shook as she grasped for the blankets, trying to tear them off of her. Hand colliding with the lamp, she pulled the string, light flooding into the room. 

She hadn’t had a dream like this in ages…After Willem she would wake up in the night, sometimes in disbelief that her son was dead, sometimes believing that another one of her children were dead. She clutched her chest, jamming her eyes shut, Martyn was still alive, she knew that, and he wouldn’t die, she knew that, she had to believe in that. 

[kevan-lannister]

Kevan had finally fallen asleep after a long time laying there awake, his thoughts on his children. Yet he woke as soon as Dorna sat up, despite how in need of sleep he was. He had never been a deep sleeper, after all. The brightness of the light caused him to close his eyes again as soon as he opened them: so he had to sit up and reach out for her blindly. When his hand found her arm, he shifted over and rested his forehead on her shoulder so that when he opened his eyes again, the room wasn't so bright.

"What is it?" He asked, voice rough from sleep. He lifted his head slowly so he could look at her (he noticed that her eyes were shut and her face was clearly full of terror), and he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer to him so she was pressed against his side. He assumed she must have had a nightmare of some sort, but he wasn't sure what about.

Kevan sighed, unsure of what to do now. "Do you want me to fetch you a glass of water?" He asked tentatively, rubbing her arm soothingly, putting his head back onto her shoulder. The only thing he could do right now was make her feel better. (It wasn't something he was good at, at all, but things always seemed to work out a bit better when it was he and Dorna rather than he and anyone else.)

[kevan-lannister]

(august 16th - afternoon) lancel & kevan; don't keep the lion in a coma

[lannisterlancel]

“Quite well,” he replies, leaving out the part that he hasn’t actively participated in most of his team’s games towards the end of the season to concentrate on schoolwork instead. More of the same silence stretches on between them. Lancel idly turns his empty glass in his hands, staring at the little beads of condensation running traces down the sides.

“Um, I should probably head back.” He shifts in his seat, not meeting his father’s eyes. “Tyrion is probably wondering where I am.” He doubts it; if Tyrion needed him to come back, he most likely would’ve called him already, or stopped by to drag him out of the café himself. But Lancel’s phone had stayed silent during lunch. Most likely his cousin was still at the meeting, or in no hurry to get back to his office, with no other meeting scheduled for the rest of the day, Lancel knows. (But his father doesn’t.)

“Thanks for lunch, Dad.” Lancel smiles at him, taking in the stern lines around his eyes that only ever really seem to soften when he is looking at their mother. “I’ll see you at home?”

[kevan-lannister]

Kevan nods his approval; he's sure that Lancel is an asset to the team, that maybe he's even the reason they're doing 'quite well'. He is a Lannister after all, and a Lannister could never be anything but the best. He's proud of Lancel, he really is, but he keeps his mouth shut his lips sealed; he'll be damned if he tells him. Kevan doesn't tell him he's proud very often, can't afford to. If he says it too often, Lancel might feel like he doesn't need to work his hardest for that approval, and Kevan won't let that happen. If holding back praise encourages Lancel to work even the slightest bit harder, he'll keep on doing it without the slightest bit of regret.

Lancel has a lot of potential, Kevan knows, and he wouldn't be able to stand himself if he ruined that potential by being too easy on his son, by not pushing him hard enough and doing what a father should do: help their child to do the best they can. Also, Lancel is his heir, and he wants him to be worthy of that, something that won't happen if he isn't constantly pushing him. Kevan is simply doing what needs to be done, although he's the only one who sees it that way, he thinks.

With a nod, he excuses Lancel. He knows an excuse to get away when he sees one - they've been used on him almost as much as he's used them on others. Kevan wishes they bumped into each other more at home, but they both seem to avoid each other, or is it just Kevan who does that? The only reason he's even here with Lancel right now is Dorna's urging, and it's that which has inspired him to do things with his other children, too.

"It was no problem," he tells him, smiling back at Lancel, although his smile feels unnatural. He only usually smiles at Dorna; doesn't have anyone else to smile at. "Yes - yes, of course," but he knows that the chances of that happening are slim. He wonders if he should wait for Lancel to stand up first, but then after a while he decides against it and rises to his feet, brushing down his jacket. He clears his throat, clasps his hands together, then clears his throat again. "Enjoy the rest of your day," he says, smile still stretched uncomfortable across his face.

[kevan-lannister]

turning gold to black // august 25th (evening) // dorna and kevan

[dornaswyfts]

While her husband got ready for bed, she kneeled before it, and placed her elbows on the mattress. Angling her head towards her clasped hands, she prayed for God to keep her family safe in the night, to watch over them as if they were his own children. She thought of her children, sleeping abed at this very moment, or perhaps up for the older two. It should be three.She said back to herself. Asking God to forgive her for her tresspasses today, but she doubted she had committed anything that would condemn her. 

When she was finished, she got back into the bed, and allowed Kevan to cover them both. She snuck down into the bed, so she wasn’t sitting up, but rather laying. “He’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.” She said as he placed a kiss to her head. Resting her head on the pillow, she looked up at him, “Thank you for telling me.” Now her fears had a reality, they weren’t meaningless, and she was right. She was always right. “Goodnight, my love.” She smiled, reaching over to turn off her lamp.

[kevan-lannister]

Kevan had never really understood why his wife prayed, but had never said anything about it. Even though he didn't really think there could be a God who would allow such terrible things to happen, his wife believed in Him and if it brought her comfort to pray, he wouldn't say a word against the act. He wondered if Dorna was bothered by the fact he never prayed himself, but it didn't really matter. Kevan supposed she must have accepted he wasn't a Godly man quite a time ago.

Probably, he would be fine. They were both, most likely, overreacting to this - it wouldn't be strange for them to do so, after all. They had lost one son, and so it was only natural to worry about the rest of their children more than most parents. Although Kevan had to admit, it was Dorna that did the majority of the worrying out of the two of them.

He stayed silent when she turned off her lamp, and only when it was dark did he reply. "Goodnight," he muttered, his eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness. He wanted to close them, turn onto his side and sleep, but he didn't think sleep would come so easily, when it didn't any other night. He didn't know what kept him awake, but he suspected a mixture of things. Not that he really cared to know - there wasn't anything he could do about it. But he closed his eyes nonetheless and kept his breathing steady, quiet, so that Dorna at least could get some sleep. If, of course, she could sleep after what he'd just sprung on her.

[kevan-lannister]

turning gold to black // august 25th (evening) // dorna and kevan

[dornaswyfts]

-

“It’s late though. Come to bed, we all have work in the morning.” Of course her work wasn’t in an office. It was getting her children up, well, mostly Janei. It was making sure that they all ate breakfast, and that she knew what they were up to for the day. Though as they got older, she realized that their habits of informing their mother dwindled  Not even Martyn let her in as much any more to her dismay. 

Still, her work was as important as any other. “I’ll talk with Martyn at the soonest I can pin him down. That boy is usually up before I am.”

[kevan-lannister]

"I think so," he nodded, smiling back at her when she turned around. The two of them had spoken about going golfing together at some point, and if she liked it, they'd even spoken about Janei having lessons, if she wanted. He didn't want to say any of that to Dorna yet though; nothing was truly final yet, and he didn't want her to think that he was backing out, or the other way around, or that the two simply didn't want to in the end. He didn't want to disappoint her, something he feared he'd done far too often over the years, something that he wanted to make up for now, and this was the only way he knew of. (It was partially because he was able to get to know his kids, too, something he'd wanted to do for quite a while, but had never had the excuse to. He'd put it out of his mind and made sure he didn't think of it; he could pretend that he wasn't curious to know what they did in their spare time or what music they liked. Only lately, when he'd had dinner with Martyn, did he realise just how much he needed to get a move on with bonding with his children. Namely Janei, the only one who was young enough still to even consider giving him a second chance.)

He shook his head when she said it sounded like the meeting had been strained; he didn't want her to worry about them in any way whatsoever. He and Janei would sort themselves out. He knew that she wouldn't believe him if he told her he was just making it sound worse than it really was, even if it was sort-of the truth. "It'll be much easier if she does, that's for sure. And maybe then we'll find even more in common: who knows?" That was unlikely, of course, but you never knew these things. He watched her pull back the comforter and contemplated going over to join her. He would have decided against it for now, though, had she not told him to come to bed.

Standing up, he rested his hands on his knees and glanced around the room to check that everything was in order before he started to get ready for bed as well. Everything was. He made his way to the edge of the bed and unbuttoned his shirt and unzipped his fly, his thoughts on the kids again, as they always seemed to be. She'd said about working tomorrow, and Kevan felt a wave of relief; when he worked, he could disregard any of his worries about Janei and Martyn, (and even Lancel, except Kevan rarely worried about Lancel. He was a good man, and Kevan knew he didn't need to worry about him in the way he did with Martyn, nor was he young enough for Kevan to worry about him in the way he did with Janei.)

Once he was stripped down to his boxers, he slid into bed beside her, and tugged the comforter up over them both. He glanced over at her when she spoke about Martyn, and he nodded. "Alright," he said, pressing a kiss to her temple. It was the best course of action, even he could see that. Martyn needed a talking to, and he had no doubts that Dorna was the best equipped for that job.

[kevan-lannister]

(august 21st - afternoon) taena & kevan; full stops and exclamation marks

[merryweathertaena-blog]

-

She leans forward in her seat, propping her head on her hands. “You’re a blunt man, Kevan,” she says, “and I do like a blunt man, and yes, Cersei told me all sorts of things, things you might find interest in.” The lies taste as sweet as honeysuckle on the tip of her tongue, but their sweetness is so familiar to her, she barely notices. She leaves the sentence hanging in the air for a second, two, three, four, just enough for him to catch the bait. “But,” she continued, straightening her posture, “you see, I am a woman who likes to achieve things. It’s what I did my entire life, and I’m sure you did as well.” She leans back in her seat. “So, my question is: if I tell you what you need to know, what’s in it for me? What can you possibly give me that can make me spit out everything?” She finishes her speech with a smile and returned to her coffee. 

Is he gonna fall in the trap and believe my lies? Is he not only simple but also simple-minded? She hides her nervousness behind gentle smiles, but deep inside she hopes he’ll be smart and won’t fall for it. He appears smart, but then again, you never know. 

[kevan-lannister]

Kevan knows she's lying; she doesn't know anything (or anything of value to him), it seems. He may have even fallen for it, if she'd not said "and I do like a blunt man" - flattery, or something of the sort. A complement slotted in there for no other purpose than to complement, to draw Kevan in, to make him almost trust her. He'd known he wouldn't be able to trust a woman like this, but he'd thought maybe she'd have been a little harder to read. But then again, she probably is, to most people. Not to Kevan though, who rarely receives compliments that are not from his wife. They set him on edge; he knows that when someone compliments him, they want something, and that thing is never all that good. He knows there's something fishy here, and the only thing it can be is what she knows - or, if he's right (which he's almost one hundred percent sure he is), what she doesn't know.

Yet he smiles, not quite ready to let her know that he knows. And he sort of likes her anyway, wants to get to know her, to know if he really, truly, is correct. Because although he thinks it's slight, she could, potentially, have something useful that she could tell him, and Kevan doesn't want to miss that.

It's not so much that he hates his family (he does, on the surface, he hates the lot of them - but he does love them, at least a little) it's just that he's always out of the loop with them, with even his own children (the only people in his family he loves unconditionally), and for once he wants to know something, wants to not be the last one to find something out unless it benefits someone to tell him first. He knows it's ridiculous, and that if he needs to know he'll find out eventually, but it doesn't stop him wanting, in the end.

"Then I'm glad," he says carefully, nodding once. "I'm sure I could find something that'd catch your fancy. But we'll agree to that after you tell me what you know." He's trying to make her think he believes her, but he's not acting entirely ignorant; no one is ignorant enough to not even be cautious with something such as this. Despite knowing that she's probably twigged onto him just as he twigged onto her, he's going to keep it up - why not, after all? They both came here, they may as well have this conversation.

[kevan-lannister]

(august 25th - morning) janei & kevan; and i'll try for you

[thelittlestlannister-deactivate]

She just couldn’t say no, he was her father for all of his faults and shortcomings. There weren’t that many, Janei thought, but they were still present. Apprehension flooded over her as her father had said maybe it will be. Maybe, and maybe this won’t even happen. He’ll get busy and forget and well, that wouldn’t be so terrible for her. It could be a good thing, for him to forget about it, so he wouldn’t have to pretend. 

Internally cursing herself for thinking such things, she looked back up at her father, “Lessons…Yeah, maybe. That’d be interesting, with, other kids my age?” She knitted her brows together, though that prospect seemed intriguing  Lessons would be with her father, but maybe it wouldn’t be as boring if other people were there too. 

“Maybe I will be really good at it.” She grinned watching her father lean back against his chair, “Better than you, at least.” She joked, trying to lighten up the mood. That she was good at, put on the bright smile, and a cheerful nature, and everyone would marvel and be distracted by the youngest Lannister child.

“Do I get my own set of golf clubs?” Janei asked curiously, her voice peaking up with excitement. She knew what the clubs looked like, but surely there were some smaller, because those were much too big. Janei thought she was an near-adult, but she wasn’t quite tall enough to properly handle a normal-sized club to her dismay. 

Once she had snuck into her father’s study and found his clubs and tried to swing it around, but she had to stand too many paces off to get a good grasp on it (she’d also broken a small trinket, she was almost sure he never noticed anyway) and gave up.

[kevan-lannister]

"If that's what you'd like, then yes," he said, nodding slowly. If she wanted to take lessons after they played together, he would definitely look into it. He wanted her to enjoy golf, and if lessons with children her own age would mean she'd give it a proper go, then really it was the only option; if she enjoyed it, perhaps they could go golfing together properly. He thought Dorna would probably like it more than he and Janei would, but it was worth it, he supposed. Being Dorna's husband meant keeping her happy, and being Janei's father meant being there for her and spending time with her, he now knew (thanks to Dorna telling him that, and his own realisation at dinner with Martyn), so it made sense for them to do such a thing.

He laughed when she said maybe she'd be better than him; he wasn't that good at golf, and with some lessons under her arm he supposed she most likely would be. His laughter took him by surprise, though - he didn't think he'd enjoy this as much as he was (which admittedly, still wasn't that much, but still. It was something, and something was better than nothing.)

At her question about the golf clubs, Kevan nodded. "Of course; you're a Lannister, and we don't settle for anything less than the best," he assured her. And you're my daughter, so you'll definitely be getting the best. Kevan wouldn't have any of his children settling for something when they could afford things that were so much better. It was just the way it was, he supposed, when you had money. You spent it, because you could, and because it was no use to anyone to just let it sit there. "You can pick them out yourself, if you'd like."

[kevan-lannister]

turning gold to black // august 25th (evening) // dorna and kevan

[dornaswyfts]

-

It was easy to loosen her grip on everything when she was around Kevan. Easier to smile, easier to find happiness. Yes, he had given her bad news with Martyn’s situation, but it was brilliant to her that he had enjoyed his time with his daughter. This was what was supposed to happen, bonding, in a way. Between a father and a daughter, and Dorna had wished that she’d been there, peeking through the crack in the door just to witness it. 

“I’m glad you did, even if it was hard at first.” She rubbed his shoulder with her free hand, “Most wondrous things in life are obtained through struggle, and resistance.” 

[kevan-lannister]

"Ah, not much," he told her, shaking his head. "Her friends, we talked about golf - I don't think that bored her - and just a bit of this and that, whatever we could so as to keep the mood from turning awkward." It wouldn't have taken much for that to happen, and it had done, once or twice, but for the most part they were alright. For the most part, they got on quite well. Kevan knew they'd managed to find enough to talk about because they hadn't spoken for so long: if they were to talk again tomorrow, he doubted he'd have anything to say at all.

Most likely he would ask Janei how she had slept, whether she had eaten breakfast that morning and what she planned to do that day, but other than that he would have no idea of what to say to her. And he would be willing to bet that Janei, in an effort to get away from their conversation as quickly as possible, would give him the simplest and quickest of answers which would kill those lines of conversation right then and there.

But that wasn't what was important, right now - they weren't going to have conversations everyday; he was sure that neither of them would want to. So he sent that away from his mind and focused on what Dorna was saying (Dorna who he could talk to for hours on end if he wished, the only person who he could do that with. He'd always been able to speak to Dorna, and he was glad to have someone who he could. It wasn't like he ever shared much, but it meant that if either of them wanted to talk to the other about anything, it would rarely end awkwardly with neither knowing what to say.)

He nodded at Dorna's words; she was right. The good things in life (he wouldn't call them wondrous) were indeed obtained through struggle. Most of the time, at least. Just being a Lannister meant that he had always received the best education to set him up for the top notch job that came with his name, and it meant he would never want for anything that money could buy. But the rest was, indeed, obtained through struggle. Relationships were no exception to that. "Indeed they are - you're right, as always."

[kevan-lannister]

(august 25th - morning) janei & kevan; and i'll try for you

[thelittlestlannister-deactivate]

“Hmm.” She said as her father had suggested to at least try something before deciding against it. She knew that she might very well like golf, if it was with her father of all people. “Alright then. I will.” She sat back in her chair and looked at him.

Maybe, it would be better than sitting here talking about…well, about nothing. She thought that since she and her father didn’t spend much time together, then they’d have a lot of things to talk about, but her father was…boring, and Janei was not too far from that as well.

She wanted to ask if she ever took one of her brothers golfing, but that would be a long shot, right? She knew that he had spent time with Martyn recently, and then nothing with Lancel. Not that she knew different. “It might be fun.” More fun than sitting here doing nothing.

[kevan-lannister]

"Good - that's good," he nodded his head, drumming his fingers against the table. Janei agreeing to give golf a go was almost the same as Janei agreeing to give Kevan a go - a second go, in his case. He'd messed up his first attempt at being her father, but she was letting him try again and this time he would do a good job of it. Dorna will be pleased - I must tell her of this later. She'll want to hear.

He smiled at her comment in agreement. "Maybe it will be." He'd have to contact his usual golf club and purchase some gear for her. If she didn't enjoy it, it wouldn't be a big deal: the Lannisters were rich enough to be able to afford a set of golf clubs, especially ones that weren't even full size (despite how mature she might be, or how mature she might think she was, Janei was still a child and Kevan wouldn't be letting her use the full sized ones just yet. Maybe if she enjoyed golf and carried it on... no, he'd not let himself imagine that. The most likely outcome of their golfing trip, whenever it took place, was Janei discovering she didn't like it as she'd suspected. But he'd take her along, anyway. Just to see.

"And if you like it, well, you could take it up - have lessons, if you'd want. Then we could golf together again... if you like it," he shrugged, his body retreating; he was leaning back against the back of his chair now, feeling disengaged from their conversation. Most likely he was making a fool of himself, but it had to be said, he thought. Dorna would want it, he reminded himself.

[kevan-lannister]

turning gold to black // august 25th (evening) // dorna and kevan

[dornaswyfts]

-

Imagining what her life would be like had Lancel died instead of Willem was unthinkable. Though now she thought of what she might do to save Martyn from self-destruction, it seemed. She had to reach him, and accept him, but also bring him back, back to their family, back to her, for since his brother had died, he’d been distant, almost as if he’d severed himself from the family. If Kevan couldn’t, then she would, she would take his hate, if he had any and forgive him, and…she’d make him see. She’d make her family somewhat whole again. 

She felt herself overwhelmed with despair, but, it was lightened. Kevan had actually spent time with his daughter, and they got on. She pulled back, and looked up at him. “Did you? How wonderful.” She kissed his cheek, knowing that he also had things to straighten out, with his children. Slowly but surely, he too was working on them. “I told you it wouldn’t be that bad.” She smiled at him, “Or was it torturous?” She knew she had to talk to her daughter as well, and see how she took her meeting with her father. Hopefully, she’d say the same.

[kevan-lannister]

Kevan was glad that his change of conversation had worked, that she had begun to talk to him about his and Janei's time together earlier on that day. He hadn't wanted to upset Dorna, but he knew that telling her about Martyn would do that. And so now he was trying to make up for it. He smiled a little when she kissed his cheek, and after a moment he chuckled when she asked if it was torturous.

"It was better than I thought it would be," he admitted, taking her hand in his. He'd been expecting it to be terribly awkward and boring, but it hadn't been quite as awkward and quite as boring as he'd thought. It had been a pleasant surprise, but he wouldn't be jumping at the chance to have another tea party with her. If they were to spend time together again, Kevan was going to be the one to choose their activity.

"You did tell me; I should listen to you more," he agreed, giving her hand a squeeze. He did listen to her, but sometimes, when he didn't want to hear something, he wouldn't let himself. Things such as you need to pay your children more attention and things of the sort. But now he'd actually listened properly (for once) he was realising that maybe it wasn't such a bad idea after all.

He wondered how Janei had found their morning together. She was harder to read than when she was younger, when she would just come out with what she wanted and what she thought because she was too young to realise that there were other, more subtle ways of doing such a thing - Lannister ways. All his children had started off like that, though. Easy to read and happy to see their father when he could spare them the time. But now they knew he could spare the time if he wanted to but simply chose not to... well, things were different there, too.

[kevan-lannister]

turning gold to black // august 25th (evening) // dorna and kevan

[dornaswyfts]

-

If him going to one or two parties was supposed to relieve her worries, it wasn’t working. “What does it matter the number he’s gone to? Only that he’s gone to them in the first place. And why even ask him in the first place?” That was the oddest part, “What made you ask him such a thing?” She looked at her husband in worry, and fear. Did he know something she didn’t? Other than this? Was there some sort of evidence that led to him asking her son?

“I’ll talk to him, I’ll set him straight. We cannot simply allow this…this behaviour to continue.” It was not acceptable in her eyes, and something had to be done about it. She would lock him in his room and bar the windows if that’s what it took to keep him safe and away from temptation.

[kevan-lannister]

He pursed his lips. "I was trying to make things go smoothly; I did promise you that I'd try and get along better with the children." He'd been trying to avoid arguing with him. Not only would it have been embarrassing to start an argument in public, but it would have also made the whole evening a lot more awkward. He'd spent the whole time from then until now wondering about all the things he could do about the situation, and he'd finally decided that Dorna would know best. "But no, I didn't condone it in any way, shape or form."

Sighing, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to his side. With most people he was uncomfortable with affection, his own children included. The only person he wasn't uncomfortable with was Dorna. He wasn't bothered that Dorna seemed to be angry with him right now; that anger was most likely because of Martyn's actions, not Kevan's own.

"He could be," he agreed, "but Janei is very perceptive." She would be hard to fool. Even Kevan knew that about his daughter, and he'd spent barely any time with her for the majority of his life. He didn't think that Martyn would be able to fool her like that, but then again Dorna knew the children ten times better than he did.

He thought back to the night when he'd asked; why did he ask? It was a good question. He couldn't quite remember, really. "I was asking him about everything, you know? His schooling, his career options... I've worried about Martyn going down the wrong path, ever since Willem..." he trailed off, his mouth twisting into a grimace. He may not take an active role in their lives, but that didn't mean he didn't love and worry about his children.

"Good - yes, that's good," he agreed. He was confident that Dorna would be able to 'set him straight'. She was a good woman and she had a good heart, but she was a good mother too. To bring up their children as well as she had done, alone, well. Kevan admired that. What was happening with Martyn right now wasn't her fault at all. He suspected it was because of Willem, if anything, or maybe he'd just fell in with the wrong group of people at school.

"Janei and I got on well this morning," he said, attempting to lighten the mood a little; he didn't want her night to be completely ruined.