awake! awake!

dorna swyft . 53 for blood and glory i'm sorry if i smothered you

[tvtveye]

[dornaswyfts]

and the little children were sleepwalking | dorna and janei [december 2005]

[thelittlestlannister-deactivate]

It made Janei feel a bit better to hear that her brothers were once as afraid as her. You have brothers to protect you, her mother had said, and Janei believes it wholeheartedly. She knew her brothers wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. Lancel especially since he was the oldest. It was his job to look after them all, like their mother, but different.

Her mother continued on to explain that there was someone else that would protect her. Even if she was all alone. Janei gasped at that, to think that she would always be looked after, but without anyone there was rather scary for her to think about. Jesus was definitely a friend of her mummy though, the way she always talked to him during the day, and before she went to sleep. 

"Mummy? Will Jesus ever visit us? I’d really like to meet him." She asked sweetly, watching her mother pull the cup from the microwave. "Magic milk!" She exclaimed, jumping slightly a couple of times. Being in the kitchen with her mother really was calming her down, and she was starting to feel sleepy again. 

Rubbing her eye, she peeked up on her tippy toes, “Can I have the magic milk now mummy? Please?” She asked softly, her small fingers curled around the countertop. 

[dornaswyfts]

Dorna twisted on a lid for her daughter. Sure she was a bit old for sippy cups, but she was still young, prone to spilling anything as it were. And this was hot liquid. The insulated outside of the cup would protect Janei's tiny hands. 

At her daughter's question, she couldn't help but feel a bit overwhelmed. "Jesus is always here, baby. Just because we can't see him doesn't mean he isn't there." It was difficult to explain in such a way, without trying to scare her. "If you want to meet him, the next time we go to church, I'll let the Father tell you all about him, him and Jesus are very good friends." She nodded and bent down to pick up her daughter. 

She had noticed her daughter's sleepiness, and decided to take her back upstairs, cup of milk in hand. "It has to cool a bit angel, but I'm sure as soon as we get back to you room, it will be fine enough to drink." She smiled at her daughter on her hip and ventured back up the stairs.

[dornaswyfts]

in fear and faith | martyn and dorna [august 30]

[martynlannister-blog]

[ He smiled ] How much can little Janei eat? I’m sure there will be enough left for me later..

mmh… must’ve caught the bug one of the maid’s had [ He lay his head down and blinked at her ] Nah, it’s okay mum… It’ll go away.

Oh… [ He sighed.] Dad takes things too seriously, mum… You know he can’t take a joke.  Like Uncle Tywin. [ Then, he added softly] Only Willem got my jokes..

Yeah… sorry… I know… [ His head was pounding harder now and he decided that if he stopped moving so much, he’ll have a better chance on not vomiting in front of his mother. C’mon mum, just leave.  ] We won’t do it again… Don’t worry, ma.

[dornaswyfts]

I- [She stopped herself. It wasn't brought to her attention that any of the staff were sick. Perhaps she hadn't been paying attention herself. Besides, there were many staff members who did various things, she didn't always come into contact with everyone.

Dorna looked at her son, it'll go away, he said, and it set her at ease, if only a little bit. She rested a hand on her leg as she sat by her reclined son.] I know, he had just...He was very serious about it. You shouldn't joke about those things, Martyn. 

I just worry about you, you're always out, and I don't know where you are, and since the city had been attacked...and- [She inhaled sharply, regaining control of her escalating emotions. Calming herself down, she smiled softly at her son.] I should let you rest, hmm? [Her mind did not connect his use of the dual pronoun. We...it had always been used, in the past, but Dorna wouldn't cross him on it, or anything of that sort. She knew her son was still hurting, and would probably always be hurting in one way or another. That hurt her the most. That there was never going to be anything she could do to help her son.

She patted lightly on his arm and restrained herself from kissing his forehead; he wasn't a boy. Not anymore.] Let me know if you need anything. Anything at all...You know I'm here if you need me. [She sighed and got up from her son's bed, making her exit.] 

[nearlyvintage]

[lannisterlancel]

text message → dorna swyft (september 16th)

[lannisterlancel]

message: i’ve to sort out a few things before lectures start up again

message: i’ll let you know when i’ll stop by in a few weeks

message: don’t worry about me though, i’m fine

[dornaswyfts]

message: It can't be helped. message: I'll always worry about you.

[lannisterlancel]

text message → dorna swyft (september 16th)

[lannisterlancel]

message: fine, next time i’ll remember to put a post-it on the fridge

message: i don’t even want to talk leave me al

[lannisterlancel]

Half an hour later—

message: mum, i’m sorry

message: i’m there now

[dornaswyfts]

message: It's alright.  message: I just miss you when you go off to school. message: We'll all be awaiting your return to get your things. And then, we can have that dinner we planned on.

[lannisterlancel]

text message → dorna swyft (september 16th)

[lannisterlancel]

message: that’s obviously why I’m texting you!!!

[dornaswyfts]

message: A text isn't a note, Lancel. And especially not when it's obviously after the fact. message: When you have decided to calm down, we can talk.

[lannisterlancel]

text message → dorna swyft (september 16th)

[lannisterlancel]

message: fine, sorry.

message: no i could not have been. why is it so hard to understand that i want to be at my own place right now?

message: i’m not a child

[dornaswyfts]

message: I understand perfectly. I just wish you hadn't took off whenever you did without a note or anything. 

[lannisterlancel]

text message → dorna swyft (september 16th)

[lannisterlancel]

message: jesus christ mum i just want to be alone for a bit alright?

message: i’ll be back before the semester starts to get my things

[dornaswyfts]

message: I will not be spoken to that way, Lancel Lannister.  message: You could have been alone here.

[lannisterlancel]

text message → dorna swyft (september 16th)

[lannisterlancel]

message: can you not give me crap right now mum

message: sorry

message: i don’t want to be in london right now

[dornaswyfts]

message: All I was asking for was a simple goodbye. It would not have stalled your plans. message: I hope you have a good semester. message: When should we expect you home again? Christmas?

[lannisterlancel]

text message → dorna swyft (september 16th)

message: hi mum, i just wanted to let you know that i went back to oxford early this morning

message: i’m sorry, i know i promised you we’d have dinner before i left. some other time?

[dornaswyfts]

message: Thank you for letting me know. message: Though a simple goodbye wouldn't have been so hard. At least to Janei and myself. message: Let me know when you get there safely.

[lannisterlancel]

brighter than the sun | flashback; august 1996 (dorna, lancel)

[lannisterlancel]

Lancel climbs back on his chair, pulling his bowl of ice cream towards him. “Thank you mummy," he smiles at her, proudly picking up the little bowl with the sprinkles as if it were a treasure. Trying to be careful, but still inadvertently clumsy, he tips some of the sprinkles in his bowl. He sits with a satisfied grin and picks up his spoon, trying to distribute the sprinkles better because they’ve mostly accumulated in one spot.

Mostly he just ends up mushing everything together, but Lancel doesn’t really mind. It’s even more ice cream than he thought he would get! He’s glad that Mum is feeding the twigs. He gives her a look, trying to decide if she can do it alone, or if she needs his help. He likes helping her, but he also likes eating his ice cream. If he thinks about it, he likes ice cream even more than he likes helping his mother with his little brothers. He hopes that’s alright.

"It’s cold!" He giggles around a spoonful of ice cream. He looks puzzled though when Mum takes the twigs’ bowls away. They simply have to be broken if they don’t like ice cream. He scrunches up his face in confusion when he hears Mum say sorry to them. What for? She didn’t break any of their things. And the ice cream didn’t do anything bad to them either.

"Mummy why don’t they want ice cream?" He asks before shoving another spoon full of mainly sprinkles in his mouth. He’s kind of worried she’ll take away his bowl next. “Mummy why don’t you want ice cream?"

[dornaswyfts]

His manners are getting more refined by the day, Dorna thinks proudly. Kevan would surely be pleased when their first son approaches him with a please and thank you. Only three years in, and their little family seems to be thriving under Dorna's careful eye. All three of her children are like flowers in a garden, Lancel is a sunflower, or Black-Eyed Susan simply because he is the sun with his head of golden hair. Her little babies are tulips, bright yellow ones, but significantly smaller and in need of more care than a tall sunflower. 

She gives her sunflower a smile, watching him responsibly put sprinkles on his sundae. It doesn't bother her too much that he's putting more than she would on it. He's still a babe, not that much in control of his reflexes. "Of course, Lancel. It's ice cream." She puts emphasis on the ice in the word, drawing it out with a shiver in her voice.

"Their teeth are still coming in, and ice cream is sometimes too cold for them. It hurts their gums." She says as she washes out the bowls, making it easier for the maid to do it later. She would've done them right then and there, but Lancel is as time consuming as his little brothers still. And of course, that's completely alright with Dorna. 

Walking back to the table, she sits down next to her son, "I also think they should go down for a nap in abit. We can't have them up all afternoon. It'll help them get bigger and soon they'll be talking like you, as long as they get their sleep." She folds an arm on the table, and leans on one of her palms. "Oh I would like some ice cream, but I'll have mine after dinner." She smiles at Lancel. "I appreciate you helping me, Lancel. You're such a big boy now." Her voice sounds serious, but still playful. Tone is very important to children, she's discovered. 

"And since you helped out so much today, you can decide what you have for dinner." She says, looking down at him, "But- no sweets. You cannot have ice cream or cookies or cake or anything like that for dinner." She gives him her terms, hoping he'll understand.

[aangisms-deactivated20140214]

House Swyft

[lannisterlancel]

brighter than the sun | flashback; august 1996 (dorna, lancel)

[lannisterlancel]

“Okay!" Beaming, Lancel jumps down from the chair and grabs his bowl before skipping over to the sink. Standing on tiptoes, he stretches until he can safely place the bowl next to it. He’s much taller now. Not very long ago, he’s barely been able to reach, and when he tried, his bowl had teetered on the edge of the counter before toppling to the floor. But he’s three now, clumsy things like that no longer happen to him.

With a satisfied smile, he turns back towards his mother. Unfortunately, what he can’t do yet is get a new bowl out of the cupboard, one that’s for dessert. Well, he has an idea of how he could reach it, but he doesn’t think Mum would be very happy with him if he pushed a chair up to the counter, and then used it to climb on top of it.

No, it’ll probably be best to wait for Mum to do it. And he doesn’t have to wait long; his mother is already taking the ice cream out of the freezer. “Yes sprinkles!” Lancel strolls over to where she is standing. It’s not that she doesn’t trust her to give him the biggest bowl of ice cream, and Willem the smallest, but… it wouldn’t hurt to make sure, would it?

Suddenly remembering his manners, he stops and scrunches up his face. “Yes sprinkles please, mummy.” Phew. That would’ve been bad. If he’d not remembered that little word, what would have happened? He’d rather not think about it. Though it’s a bit unfair, the twigs don’t have to remember to say please and thank you yet, and they’re allowed to eat with their fingers and spit out the food they don’t like, and they still get ice cream.

[dornaswyfts]

"Good, you remembered." She smiles down at her son as he says please. He's so very polite, Dorna can't help but be proud of him. She gathers the baby spoons and the ice cream scooper out of the drawers that are child-locked and sets to work. She gives the twins one scoop each, and throws another spoonful for Martyn. 

Meanwhile she sets two scoops in Lancel's bowl, but they aren't full scoops. Grabbing the container with the sprinkles in it, she brings the arrangement of eatery to the table. "Lancel, since you helped out so much today, you can put some sprinkles on your ice cream." She says firmly, sprinkling some in a tea bag bowl. "Be careful, though." She reminds him, walking over to her other sons. She starts with Martyn first, giving him a small spoonful of ice cream, before twisting to do the same with Willem. 

"How is your ice cream, Lancel?" She asks her son from the other side of the table, preoccupied with the twins. Now it's Martyn's turn to be fussy, as he whimpers in his highchair. Dorna frowns at him, wondering what could be the problem, but perhaps it's the coldness of the ice cream. It could be hurting his sensitive gums and teeth. She quietly apologizes to him, grabbing his bowl and takes it away, along with Willem's. Desert is mainly for Lancel, tonight.

[kevan-lannister]

the sails of memory rip open in silence [kevan and dorna] [flashback; may 18th, 1991]

[kevan-lannister]

He pulled back when she started to speak so he could watch her face, and he nodded when she said she could hardly believe it herself - Kevan knew just what she meant. It was hard to process that he was going to (finally) be a father. Somehow it had always felt so surreal that it could happen despite knowing it would, one day.

"I’m glad," he said at last, once she’d told him how far along she was, and cautiously he dropped his hand to her stomach. He knew he wouldn’t be able to feel a thing this early on in her pregnancy, but he did know that it was his child in there and that made it a little less silly, him placing his hand there.

When she told him they could find out the gender, Kevan frowned slightly as he thought about it. It would be nice to find out, but then if it was a girl, he would have nine extra months of his life feeling, once again, like he was in Tywin’s shadow. (He’d had a son the first time, and that was one thing that Kevan was hoping to match, at least. It wasn’t that he minded being in the shadow of his brother - he didn’t - it was just that other people did, and Kevan yearned for the kind of respect his brother earned by just being him.)

[dornaswyfts]

She looked down at Kevan's hand, resting on her still flat stomach. There wasn't a bump yet, but soon the child within her would grow and protrude her skin. Thinking about it, it didn't really excite her, but in the end there would be a child in her arms. She took her own hand, putting it over his, and enjoying this moment which she knew would stay with her for years to come. 

Seeing Kevan frown, if only a bit, troubled her. She knew what Kevan wanted, and that was a son. Dorna prayed in her mind that she would give him a son for their first child. It was only right. Though how much control she had over that, was nonexistent. She could only hope and pray that the Lord would provide for them, the child that Kevan wanted for. 

Of course, if it wasn't a boy, she hoped that wouldn't hinder their relationship, she would give him a son, no matter how many times it took, or how long. Though any daughters they had would be loved all the same. It was just difficult for her to think of her not giving her husband his son. As his wife, it was her job, she wouldn't fail at it. 

She was at a loss of what to say, a million things flew through her mind. A room for the nursery was her first thought. What room would be perfect for a new baby? One with plenty of sunlight drafting in, and not terribly far from their room now. And then she'd get someone to paint the room, and adorn it with baby-things, and she'd have to call her sister and her father back home. "You're going to be a good father, Kevan." Was the only thing she could think to say.

[dornaswyfts]

and the little children were sleepwalking | dorna and janei [december 2005]

[thelittlestlannister-deactivate]

Her mummy had a way of making everything seem better. When she had fallen one time and her knee leaked, her mummy didn’t scream or even cry like Janei had. Sure it had hurt, but once mummy had covered it all up and stopped the leak, she had felt better. She’d even got ice cream after. So she knew her mother had to have something good to scare the monsters in her room. 

Janei took her mother’s hand, still frowning, but she knew that it would be all better soon. “Big ones, thumps and bumps." She jumped lightly once they were out of the room , trying to express exactly what she had heard. “I thought I saw something in the darkness, there are always moving shapes in the darkness mummy. Monsters coming to eat me. I can’t even scare them away because I’m too afraid." She shook her head as if she was disappointed in herself.

"Were my brothers ever this afraid? Did you have to hold Lancel’s hand?" She asked curiously, hopping down the stairs one by one, holding her mother up on each one. Soon enough she was in the kitchen. Ice cream? She thought, but didn’t ask her mother. No it wouldn’t be ice cream, that was for good girls after dinner who had eaten all of her vegetables, mummy said. “What’cha makin’ mummy?" She asked, watching her mother scrounge through the cabinets, pulling out the carton of milk and a cup.

[dornaswyfts]

"Your brothers? Of course they were sweetie. Lancel was especially afraid, since he was the only baby in the house. You have a whole troupe of brothers to protect you." She patted her daughter's head, feeling her hair beneath her hand; the silky blonde glinting in the fluorescent lights. "It's only natural, Janei. To be afraid. Though, nothing will ever hurt you. Do you know why?" She poured milk into the cup, along with a spoon of cinnamon, and set it in the microwave for a time. 

Dorna leaned against the counter, looking across at her daughter. "There is a man named Jesus, who will always watch over you, even if you're all alone in the dark. He is your friend, the Son of God." She smiled as she told her daughter of the wonders of Jesus and of God, something she was sure she'd heard before, but it beared repeating. 

She wanted her children to grow up in the Faith, as she had, it was only right. And Janei had been, she read her the stories of the Bible since she was in her stomach, practically as she read them to her brothers. Her getting older only meant that she should expand the knowledge within her about all things good about her religion, which, was her children's religion naturally...There wasn't an option, especially with them being this young.

The microwave sounded off, and she retrieved the cup, the sides of it comfortably hot. She didn't want her daughter to burn herself, so she set it atop the counter, and let it cool. "This is magic milk, Janei. It's all warm, and it will make you warm inside and not afraid." She nodded, absolutely believing it. That was the trouble with children, for all their naïveté and innocence, they could sniff out a lie. And what Dorna was doing wasn't telling a lie, it was protecting her daughter from the terrors of the night. God would understand, and she would be absolved come Sunday.

[cosmicsyzygy]