Kevin Uncensored

The occasional brilliant, sometimes disturbing, but always entertaining rants of a cranky ol man in the land of never aging hipsters in SF, CA.

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While jeans shopping. "Those beautiful people, who looked like they just stepped out of a magazine. There to buy cool, but would never actually be cool."

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I wouldn't trust her with a pair of Velcro sneakers.

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I didn’t over eat. I ate half and my other personality ate the other half!

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The flap flap flap of basket ball shorts and flip flops: the sound of a bro on the run.

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I wanna pull him into an alley way and beat him senseless. And reduce him to riding a recumbent tricycle with a squeezy horn and a flag that said ‘Kevin did this to me’ forever.

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"S’mores are a snapshot of happiness and I have no words to express how much I hate them."

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"I LOVE your resting bitch face 💕💕"

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"Out of all the people who annoy me, you annoy me the least."

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Thanks google glass, but the image of myself during sex is the last thing I want to see. Now if you can have it show her Jared Leto you might be on to something. http://www.glassandsex.com/

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Halloween

"Who carves pumpkins!?! Let’s carve people." 

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Vanna White is having a vowel movement… *giggles*

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Yeah, all night it smelled like burning. It smelled beautiful.

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"...jeans so tight his testes are having a civil war."

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You are not that important. 

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Yikes! Stoned to death, what a way to go. By the 10th rock, you're probably not doing so good.

Kevin after having read about a suspected rapist being buried alive by the village of the victim - http://goo.gl/0qPp2

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Pragmatic at noon. 

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