i feel like i owe you guys an explanation??
i’m just tired of always being that one person who’s disposable and I’m finally cutting unhealthy relationships off, but I’m also sad because of the people who I genuinely like who’ve just fed my abandonment issue.
for those of you who don’t know, I suffer from PTSD...and my triggers are fairly....common? things. Certain days, holidays, the fear of being abandoned...I haven’t enjoyed myself on christmas for over three years now. My dad literally wrecked our family and then walked away as if it were nothing. Aside from the generic holiday card, I don’t hear from him anymore.
I have serious trust issues--he stole twelve thousand dollars from me alone and placed my family in an impossible position. I’m going to a college we literally can’t afford. my aunt is paying for my college education with money my mom will never be able to pay back.
Up until a few months ago, I was seriously depressed and even spent 6 weeks in a psychiatric ward because I had attempted to kill myself three times in the span of a year.
So now that I’m feeling better? I really don’t put up with much shit and my life is just so full of stress in this moment and for the oncoming month or so--I honestly just want to curl in a ball and wait until everything’s over. Obviously, I can’t do that, since I’m the only one who takes care of the house due to my brother’s uselessness and my mom working nearly 24/7 to cover bills.
Just--bear with me if I choose to stick around, please. I really just need support right now and I’m not asking you to step up and offer it by any means, but just....I need to get through the next two weeks in one piece, so i may not be in character at all, I may not appear on the dash at all.
I’ll understand if you unfollow--you never need a reason to unfollow--I just wanted to come clean because I feel like honesty is always the most effective means to accomplish anything.
I’m really sorry. And I promise I’ll be fine, tumblr just probably isn’t the best place for me right now.