I'm not a big youtuber, but i stumbled upon The Mahogany Session's youtube channel and found myself watching its videos for an hour straight--which I've never done before in my life. Check it out!
Wow, itâs been a while since I used this thing. Tumblr, that is. I swore off my blogging days after I looked back on my private tumblr blog and saw my incessant depressed and frustrated rants.
But I guess this year, Iâve been slowly appreciating who I am. Slowly been healing. Slowly been realizing just how much cynicism plagues my heart, and how just one ounce of it slowly poisons my mind and steals away all my hope.Â
Towards my parents, towards Asians, towards the institution of education, towards the institution of the church, towards dancing, towards the arts, towards AACF, towards⌠anything and everything.
This year, being back at home and serving at church has really helped me appreciate just the little things in life that I have.
Familyâthe number one reason Iâm so grateful for having been at home was because I continued to reconcile with my parents. I love them so much, and weâre seriously like one unit now. That sounds so tacky. But honestly, Iâve reached a new level of bonding with my brother, mom, and dad, in which I know we are all praying for one another and willing to seek each otherâs advice. MAN. Iâve really learned to appreciate how their wisdom and their abilities to point out my blind spots. This year has been so⌠humbling⌠and realizing just my limitations in making wise decisions, and just how much I have to mature.
Families in general. There was a part of myself that hadnât completely died until this year. And that was the side of me that wanted to keep dating and fooling around in my 20s. For some reason, Iâve always kept a narrative of not fully wanting to be married and ever, ever settle down. Yet, thatâs gone now⌠Iâve realized the beauty of the committed and consistent relationships of unconditional, Christ-like love, and thatâs definitely something I see in my future now.Â
Families that have stayed at my church. MAN. Iâve never thought of keeping consistent as an act of love. Steadfastness as an act of love. That has always, always, always slipped my mind. No, forreals. (Not that anyone who knows me doesnât believe meâlololol.) But just how much effort it takes for a family to come to church every week, to serve every week. ManâIâve really come to appreciate what seems âboringâ to me, and thatâs simple consistency. So much more than the emotional feel-good highs of encounters with seemingly magnificently unique and exciting people.Â
Asians. I know, I know. If youâre really close to me, youâve probably have heard me rant at some point about Asians. I wonât repeat what I said, because I really, really appreciate Asians now. And how HARD Asians work. Iâm proud that my roots come from China. Ching chong ching chong. I went to Europe again this summer to visit graduate schools and it hit me how incredible China is growing as a world power, while so many economies in Europe are dying right now⌠only left with tourism industries that celebrate cultures and celebrities of the past. Â
Asian Americans. Honestly, especially after having traveled to Europe in 2012, I felt so cursed as to not be some sexy, soccer playing Spaniard. (No joke.) I just wanted to not be asian-america. Not to have a history of hanging out with wannabe-gangster asian-pride kids back in middle school, totally trying to be black slash nazi slash italian. Not to have the problems of not getting a perfect score on SAT and have that be an actual first world issue in my life. Not to have the pressure of fitting in by being a doctor or lawyer or engineer. Etc. Bam, but again, I appreciate no matter what, that Asian Americans work really hard and have risen in America despite being a minority. And speaking of which, have attained so much since coming here, instead of constantly playing the victim card. Iâm proud to have my parents have pressured/forced me to study for the SAT and take AP classes. Man, I look back and I realize that I didnât have much going for me at that time and I was heading on a not-so-good path. This year, I saw a lot of people, including my ex from wayway back, and I realize⌠shootâŚ. what was I doing with my life.
AACF. Oh, cynicism. All I can say is that I really appreciate those who have stuck with me and continually reached out to me when I would dip into my destructive periods. Your persistence with bearing with me is definitely noted and will be forever appreciated. As for the institution, I wouldnât go back and choose a different fellowship. No matter how much Iâve sighed about it, Iâm happy that I joined and know for sure that I have learned an invaluable amountânot just from sermons, but from observing and befriending faithful, loving, and committed Christians. Â
Being American. Wow. It is such a privilege to have grown up in America. This blogpost is long, so Iâm going to leave it at that.Â
This year, Godâs been healing my fragmented soul. Iâve realized that Iâve split myself up with all this cynicism within myself, always seeking to be someone else. always seeking to be someplace else. Iâm 23 now, and Iâve realized that Iâm happy to finally be putting my puzzling pieces back together, and honestly, God has somehow balanced out the equilibrium of my loss of understanding of whatever future plans I had by filling me with an enormous amount of hope in Him that He is in control of my life and He is guiding me.
First year of postgraduate life over. This entire past year, Iâve been sayingâman⌠I feel so old. BUT NOW, Iâm rememberingâIâm only 23! Thatâs actually still pretty young. I have God by my side, and thatâs honestly all that matters to me now.Â
I have to take some quiet time to prepare for church the next day. So much flies by throughout the week, and it's so difficult to just slow down.
Even on Thanksgiving, being plagued with the endless to-do list I create for myself, I haven't been able to be still and rest in God's love.Â
Sooo tonight, right now, I want to give thanks.
To give thanks that even throughout the difficult, confusing times of postgrad life, that God has given me friends that can be supportive and that try to meet up with me to see how Iâm doing.
To give thanks that I can spend much time with my family.
To give thanks that I can serve at my home church for the year.
To give thanks for all my friends who aren't Christian or even religious in the slightest who are so kind to me and accepting and loving towards me. You all humble me.
To give thanks to those who pray for me still, even though distance keeps us apart.Â
To give thanks for trials of faith.
To give thanks to the random people I meet in this life of suburbia that have struck up conversation with me and given me random encouragement.
To give thanks for the amazing teachers Iâve been blessed with in my life, whose words still echo in my mind and encourage me.
To give thanks to Jesus for washing away our sins so that we may know and have a relationship with the Father.
To give thanks for the future, which is filled with hope, because I know God has the best in store for me, even if it may hurt or be difficult.
To give thanks for this time to even give thanks! :0)
Several years ago I met with a woman distraught by her sonâÂÂs rejection of Christianity. She said, âÂÂI did everything I could to raise him right. I taught him to be like the âÂÂheroes of faith,â with tâŚ
My good friend recently posted this. Definitely worth reading and probably can apply to many people that we (whether Christian or not) know. The false âprosperity Gospelâ is dangerous.
At the same time, I donât know if preaching the Gospel in Sunday schools as opposed to these âliesâ will necessarily cause any more or less people to ultimately reject the teachings of Scripture. However, whether someone chooses to follow Christ or not is beyond our control, and we ought to remember that. Nevertheless, they should definitely have the choice of accepting or rejecting the true Gospel, not these âlies.â
And this can be extrapolated beyond the confines of Sunday school also. How many of the things that Christians argue for or against these days (while possibly noble in intention) draws away from the saving message of the Gospel?
Great story. Itâs a little long, but worth the read!
"Just about every time I see someone I stop. I kind of got out of the habit in the last couple of years, moved to a big city and all that, my girlfriend wasnât too stoked on the practice. Then some shit...
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