Marriage isn't like it is in the movies,
It's not always rainbows, and trips to sunny beaches lined with rows of happy families.
Marriage is a constant give and take, a constant apology, the honing of pursuits to the needs of the other. You get lost in marriage sometimes. You forget who you were before you have kids because its not about you anymore at that point. you forget how to thank your spouse for all the things they do. And sometimes focus on all the shit they forget. Its always the shit you want and expect them to do, but can't express it in words because you're tired of fucking asking. Its sometimes filled with the lack of an expectation, sometimes you won't get the apology you think you deserve. But sometimes you don't apologize for the things you do either.
Marriage is hard. Because no one is perfect, you can never expect someone to be perfect. It just doesn't happen. Eventually they will slip and the weight of that "perfect" expectation you have placed on their back will slip foreward and crush their head against the concrete.
Being married means praying A LOT, because you can't change your spouse, your spouse has to want the change for themselves. And sometimes its hard to feel self worth in the dark times of that waiting period between knowing there's something wrong and then waiting for a change to come around.
Sometimes you feel like you're being literally walked all over. But have faith in the fact that God is big and you're problems are on his list. He's getting there, in due time. Patience. Look for Him in the waiting. Thank him every day even though it might be hard, even though you might want to throw in the towel. This is what separates you from the rest of the world.
Marriage is hard, but I see God in my marriage, Hes here, he's got my back. I find my self worth in HIM not in my husband, or my child. Because he's the only thing that is truely constant in the world. And I love Him as much as He loves me!
"Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord . Who is the man who desires life, And loves many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit. Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their cry. The face of the Lord is against those who do evil, To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth."
Psalms 34:11-16 NKJV
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