choose your own path

the resident psychologist and teacher. i'm here to listen. dr. killian d'arque. they/them pronouns. 25. enhanced memory. technology manipulation.

[matbieste]

When Matthieu saw Killian, there should have been the opposite reaction than the one he had. He should have frowned, refused to see them, called in a nurse, or something of the like. Rather, Matt grinned upon seeing the familiar face, beckoning him over. “ Ça me fait plaisir de te revoir. I thought you might have gone away again. Thanks for seeing me,” he said as the professor sat. “It was just a crash, the other guy is fine, i’m fine, it’s all good.”

[killiandarque]

The fact that Matthieu didn’t reject him was a good sign. They thought that the other would repel him after the way their last conversation ended. “Vous êtes content de me voir?” The other asked, as they sat down next to him, placing the food on the table. “I don’t care much about the other guy.  Je veux juste vous assurer que vous êtes d'accord,” They said honestly, shrugging slightly. “Eat up, Matthieu. I brought some actual food.”

[matbieste]

“Man- people really aren’t lying when they complain about hospital food,” Matt chuckled when he saw someone coming in the door. “Before you tell me how terrible I look, please tell me what you had for lunch so I can live vicariously through your diet.”

[killiandarque]

“Lucky for you, I hadn’t,” Killian answered as they walked in carrying a bag of mac and cheese from their own favorite restaurant. The professor still looked as suave as ever in their in style jeans, blazer and boots, but there was something a bit darker in their eyes, something that no one would be able to see. There was fear. An emotion Killian themselves was still not completely taken with. “I brought food.” They took a seat next to him. “What the hell happened?”

[killiandarque]

i’m sorry i went mia but i’m back. 

[camillecharming]

“I know, it was a joke. You know who could probably really use you’re help though? The Wonderland kids. They all seem to have a few screws loose. Have you ever tried fixing them up?”

[killiandarque]

“I have, but you know what makes them considerably normal? At least they want to get help.”

[ashswishcometrue-blog]

“Hey, I haven’t slept in a week. I am lucky I thought that much,” Ash quipped. “Oh? And what does my ‘magical’ file say?”

[killiandarque]

“abadonment issues. Immature. Same old for everyone. All you students are quite the same.”

[fckoffjaina-blog]

“That’s not much of a surprise, is it? This whole planet is a mess. My issue? I don’t have an issue. Oh, Solo. Jaina Solo.”

[killiandarque]

“No issue at all? Everyone has issues Miss Solo. Don’t count yourself so special not to.”

[matbieste]

Killian’s response was predictable, and Matthieu saw it coming, as if there were anywhere else Killian really would go. Though, Matt still didn’t understand why they left. Soul searching just seemed like a bullshit excuse, one used when the real reason wasn’t to be divulged. Matt’s ignorance, though, told him that he didn’t need the reason. He convinced himself that the only thing that mattered was that Killian had abandoned him, and to avoid that happening, he wasn’t to get close to the teacher under any circumstances. Even for evaluation, Matt would refuse. All he had to do was stick it out until he graduated, then he was free from the haunting betrayal that Killian’s face would remind him of. “Welcome back,” he said shortly and bluntly, as if to tell the other not even to bother with a ‘thank you’.

[killiandarque]

Killian could see it in his eyes that he thought that they had abandoned him. It was true though, they did abandon the student, but they had felt for good reason.  Maybe all they had been was selfish. They stared at the other, glancing away from the other when they spoke. Easily, the other could distinguish what those words meant. He never wanted to see the other again. He wanted nothing to do with them. If they were in Matt’s position, they would of felt the same way. They had abandoned him and that was a scar that could barely heal. After a few minutes of neither of them moving, they finally glanced up. “I’m sorry,” they said, sincerely. “I’m sorry for abandoning you. It was for a good reason though, Matthieu. I promise you.” They scoffed softly. “I didn’t want you to be the center of harassment.” 

[matbieste]

“Of course not, what was I thinking?” Matt scoffed, puffing air through his lips. He shook his head, looking to the side. “Indeed I am, smart enough to know that I should walk away from you.” And yet, he wasn’t strong enough. He remained glued to the spot, watching a few students talking a little ways down the hall, rather than turning and disappearing.  Finally, curiosity got the better of him. Or, perhaps frustration. Either way, he turned back to look at Killian, already his emotions threatening to override his logic. “Wh- where the hell did you go?”

[killiandarque]

Hearing the other’s response sent a joint pain through their chest. They thought they had gotten over this. That’s why they left for so long. They thought they could handle being back, but maybe their emotions for the other was just too strong. Maybe they would never get over it. Maybe they just need the other to jam their heart into a grinder and make sure they never feel again. They watched the other go. They wanted to shout their name admit everything, though they couldn’t do that. They were a teacher and Matthieu? He was the most extraordinary person they’d ever met. “France,” Killian replied hastily. “I...I had to do some soul searching and..” They didn’t have the strength to admit it yet. Admit it yet to him that he was the reason that they left. 

[killiandarque]

camillecharming:

“I see. In that case I definitely don’t need your services. I prefer to stay insane, life’s more interesting that way.”

“Oh, but you’re not insane. Sorry, to burst your bubble, princess.”

[ashswishcometrue-blog]

“I’m Ash and I am pretty sure I am good on whatever you are selling. I thought this was the line for the bathroom.”

[killiandarque]

Killian stared at the other completely dumbfounded. “Students really have gone downhill from when I left, I see,” they remarked, rolling his eyes. “Ash? Ash Shaikh. I was just recently looking through your  folder. Funny you should come in.”

[camillecharming]

“Um, I’m Camille. And I’m not in need of your services, I don’t think. What exactly are your services?”

[killiandarque]

“Camille. Ah, Camille Charming. I’m a psychologist, dear. I’m in charge of making sure everyone’s mental health is in order. Everyone needs a bit of therapy sometimes, darling. ”

[matbieste]

“I thought you might have finally given up the whole shrink business and run off to Monsieur D’Arque,” he said in a rather snotty tone. Even though he hadn’t been in the best of moods lately, this case was maybe slightly forgivable, because Killian, just as most of Matt’s friends, decided they were better off without him. Seeing them standing there brought back memories, more painful than good, and his mood began to plummet from an already-low starting point. “That would be later in the month.”

[killiandarque]

“You know me, Monsiuer Bieste, I can never give up manipulating the minds of people,” Killian said, mimicing his tone. They could tell that the other was in a bad mood, but they promised never to get involved like that again with a student. Though, there was still a part tugging them to learn more and try to be the person that Matthieu could come to. They stared at the other with concern for a brief moment, before glancing away. “Well, a congratulations is in order than. I’m sure you did well. You were always quite smart.”

[killiandarque]

“I’ve only been here for less than a day and I see that I already have a line of people that have missed my services. So what is your issue, eh, what’s your name? It’s been too long to remember everyone,” the psychologist lulled, shrugging their shoulders and leaning back in their chair. 

[matbieste]

@killiandarque

“Merde,” Matthieu breathed, eyebrows shoved together as he examined the person before him. “You still work here?”

[killiandarque]

Killian didn’t expect in the few minutes they’d be on campus, they’d see the person that made them leave in the first place. The student that they had formed a small crush on. They stared at the other, messenger bag in hand. “Oui, monsieur,” they answered, looking the other in the eyes. They could remember everything so distinctly about Matthieu. They cleared their throat. “I see you haven’t graduated yet.”

[edenliaothewomb]

Xavier Dolan, photographed by Hector Perez for Vs. magazine, F/W 2014.

[phlpsheas]

I’ve been recording forever. I’m a watcher. I’m a stalker. I love everything about people. It’s always been a passion for me to observe.

[killiandarque]

matbieste:

Matt could see Killian move closer, and his heart hammered against his ribs like a sledgehammer trying to break down a wall. Time slowed down, and goosebumps rippled over his skin before he even felt their lips meet against his. And then, after the prolonged build-up, it seemed like the kiss came and went in a flash, and the next thing Matt knew, he was staring down at the teacher’s lips, blood turned to ice. “Putain,” he whispered, both awestruck from the heat of the moment and also the feeling of what this action would do to their situation in the future. “We shouldn’t have done that.”

If Killian was honest, they would say that was one of the best kisses that they have ever received or given. They could feel their heart beat against their chest, their stomach churn and their fingertips jittery from the touch alone. Though seeing the other’s face, they knew that it was more than a kiss to him too, but they weren’t about to say anything about it. They stared at the other, their lips still tingingly and all Killian could do was just nod. “....No...” was all they murmured, shaking their head. “I shouldn’t have..”