⤷ "ain't the kind of girl you'll be seeing in the morning" ・・・・you give billie 5 dates to prove she's not a total asshole
cw: g!p billie, college au, smut, oral (r and b receiving), unprotected sex, p in v, grinding, language, enemies? to friends to lovers, pet names, use of yn, fluff, aftercare・・・・ wc: ~7k
everyone's head whips around at the sound of the slap, so sharp you can hear it over the dj's mix of strip that down. some poor girl's all up in billie's face, shouting and pushing, while she just runs her tongue through her teeth with a smirk.
god, again?
that's got to be like the third time this month, not that you're keeping track or anything. the crowd's attention span lasts a good second or so before the party carries on. typical. the entire campus knows the billie eilish lore.
if you took a poll, asking people 'hey, what'd you think of billie?' the consensus would be pretty much the same: player, cocky, trust fund, parties too much, total dick, and that's just the stuff you can say out loud.
so obviously, when she slides beside you as you grab another smirnoff, you're already wary as hell. "damn, did it hurt?" she asks, so genuinely you fucking fall for it.
"hm?"
"when you fell from heaven," billie says, flashing her signature grin.
you stare at her for a solid second before letting out a laugh. not out of amusement, but more like disbelief. "seriously?" you cringe, already turning back to your drink. "that's the worst pick up line you coulda used."
her smirk doesn't fade at all. "okay, fair enough. lemme try again." she pretends to think for a second. "i think i lost my phone number, can i--"
"you're so full of shit."
"yeah, but you're smiling," billie nods to your face, her eyes drifting down to your lips.
the second she says that, you switch to a straight face. woah. you didn't even know you were grinning so hard. "can i get you another drink?" she asks, a line that's probably gotten half the campus into her bed before.
"no way," you start, already standing up to leave, "i'm not tryna be your next victim."
she stands up as well, "oh, that? she's just dramatic as fuck."
"you really are the worst," you say, shaking your head.
"for you, i could be better."
you spin around to face her again fully, making sure your drink doesn't spill. "you say that to all your girls?"
"nah, i'm genuinely trying over here."
"you're genuinely trying to get laid. there's a difference."
billie thinks for a long moment and you're just about to walk back to your friends when she opens her mouth again. "i'll take you on a date and you'll see."
you scoff. "yeah right. it'd take you a thousand and you still couldn't convince me."
"oh yeah?" she bites her bottom lip. "five."
there's no elaboration, so when you tilt your head for more, billie continues. "go on five dates with me and if you still hate me after that, i'll leave you alone forever. on my life."
you look at her and either she's truly serious or you're falling for the act because she's just that good. "and you'll pay for everything? and plan it and stuff?" you ask.
when she nods, that kind of changes everything. free stuff's free stuff and honestly, you don't really have much else to do this term. you already know billie's game and you're not falling for that bs. besides, it'll just be a bonus when she stops bothering you after this is over with.
it's seeming like a win win any way you look at it. "whatever," you say, starting to turn around.
"damn, someone's excited," she laughs, before calling after you, "pick you up friday night?"
lying in bed later that evening, billie replays the whole thing. what the fuck was that? it was the vodka, probably. she'd started the night on a typical billie mission--find someone hot, fuck, go home. you fit the part and it should've been easy.
so why'd she open her mouth and offer a date?
what a waste of time. all to get in your pants. either way, the mission's still the same to her, just with a couple extra steps. she's gonna get you in her bed by probably the first date and prove you wrong. and then she's gonna ghost you. simple.
// ﹒﹒﹒DATE ONE
the roar of an engine is your first warning. and the second is your roommate gasping as she looks out the window. "no way. dude is that a porsche? is that billie eilish?"
you lean over the sink to see out. sitting there right on the curb of your dorm, is a beautiful, obnoxiously loud silver porsche. and leaning against it, waving up to you, is billie.
she's wearing a suit. an expensive looking one at that. you'd thrown on a short black dress you've had forever and your makeup and hair are done, but nothing special. you weren't about to try for this.
you walk out and her eyes scan down your body and back up. a slow smirk spreads across her face. fuck, look at that ass, she thinks to herself.
you can feel her staring. of course she is. she probably thinks she's being smooth with it. you just smile sweetly, "nice ride."
billie gestures to herself with a grin. "'me? yeah, 'bout time you noticed," she jokes as you roll your eyes. "but for real, scratch it and you're walking," she says, opening the passenger door for you, "and don't you dare get your fuckin' handprints anywhere."
you laugh. her porsche's probably the only real love of her life.
the restaurant she takes you to is the kind where they make you reserve like a year in advance, the type with no prices on the menu and a fancy set of utensils. billie manspreads in the chair, "yo, order whatever you want."
you raise an eyebrow. "for real?"
"for real."
okay, bet.
you order a shit ton of appetizers and mains you don't even know how to pronounce, asking for the most expensive bottle of champagne just to see her flinch. the waiter's thrilled, of course, and billie's smile is a little tight, but she nods.
you're close to bursting out in laughter. this bill's looking like a huge dent in her wallet dad's credit card. when the food comes, it's honestly really good. you'd eat here all the time if you could, if it didn't mean dropping your entire month's paycheck in one sitting.
billie tries to make small talk as you dig in, asking you about your majors, your hobbies, totally trying to suck up and you're clearly not buying it, too focused on eating. this has to be a new record for the worst date ever.
the restaurant's not a problem, no, and neither is the food and for sure not the credit card without a limit. it's more so the girl sitting across from you.
billie's attempt at 'getting to know you' feels less like a conversation and more like a damn interrogation. it's question after question, no flow, no listening. it's as if she's just following a script.
there's zero chemistry and the expensive stuff isn't making up for anything. you're positive your friends could've picked you up with a bike and pedaled you to mcdonalds and you would've had more fun.
but as much as you hate it, you still catch yourself smiling. it's kind of funny seeing her try so hard, knowing you're getting free food while you're at it.
it's all fun and games until the bill comes. the waiter places the leather folder gently next to billie and she opens it, her jaw flexing for a millisecond as her eyes scan to the bottom. but she doesn't even blink, just slides her black card into the folder without a word.
a thousand four hundred dollars? she thinks to herself, for a damn dinner. but fuck it. you asked for it.
the drive back is a lot quieter, the food coma starting to hit. billie pulls up to your dorm, the engine purring as she turns to you. "so?" she says, putting the car in park, "you had fun, baby?"
"debatable," you say, unbuckling your seatbelt. "and don't call me baby."
"wow, airball," she whispers to herself, leaning back against the seat with a sigh.
you laugh at that and maybe she takes it as a good sign, "you gonna invite me in?"
you push the car door open and get out, slamming it shut with a solid bang that makes her wince. i swear to god, if she dented it... billie thinks to herself, masking it with a stiff smile.
you turn around, leaning over as she rolls the window down. "hell nah. night, eilish," you say, turning around and walking inside without looking back.
in the car, she drops her forehead onto the steering wheel, the horn letting out a pathetic beep. she groans. one grand. a gucci suit. and i didn't even get a fucking kiss goodnight. this is gonna be one expensive ass deal just to fuck her. is it even worth it at this point?
she grabs her phone, finding your number and texting you.
+1 (310) 807-3956 now
Create New Contact?
hey sexy
rate tn 1-10
yn now
2
only the food was good
+1 (310) 807-3956 now
Create New Contact?
ouch whats your ideal date then?
billie groans when you leave her on read, glancing at your dorm window with a determined look on her face. this is how you're gonna play? fine. game on.
// ﹒﹒﹒DATE TWO
billie was desperate. and billie's never desperate. after the disaster of a first date, she'd done something she never does. ask for help. she had cornered your friends after a class, asking what you actually liked.
with a super long, judgmental stare, your best friend sighed. "i don't know why i'm helping you. but she hates just sitting around and talking, she likes doing stuff. and i swear to god billie, if you fuck around with her, i'm going to your dumbass frat house and--"
billie had interrupted right away with a quick "thanks!" and made her escape.
so after a day of googling and chat gpting ideas for "date ideas where i can do stuff," she'd found the best option for success, well, according to whole lot of random articles and ai.
that's how you end up tying your skates at the ice rink way off campus with her. billie's sitting next to you, struggling with her laces as the zamboni finishes running across the ice to even it out. "okay," she says, standing up shakily, "it's can't be that bad, yeah?"
no, it totally can. she takes two wobbly steps onto the arena and immediately grabs the wall for dear life. "oh fuck," she says, her feet scrambling to stay up, "shit this is harder than it looks."
you glide out, circling back to her with a smirk. "need a hand or what?"
okay, mission accomplished, billie thinks, now i get to hold her hand. this friend of hers is a genius.
she grabs your hand, her grip tight, as she jolts back before regaining balance, "don't let go," she says, and it's half flirty, half a genuine plea so she won't fall straight on her ass.
"i got you," you say, slowly starting to skate backwards, pulling her along. "so you've never done this before?"
"um," she starts, concentrating so hard on moving her stiff feet she can barely speak. "no. this is a first. i don't really do this kinda thing a lot."
you nod as billie continues, "when i was younger, my dad was hella busy with work. so i kinda just...stayed in most of the time." she says, tentatively moving her feet before she freezes, like she can't believe she said that. "woah, sorry. i don't know why i said that."
you squeeze her hand. "dude, isn't the point of this whole thing to get to know each other better?" you laugh, "this is way better than whatever you had going on the first time."
"yeah?" she's about to say something--something cocky, you can already call it--when her knees buckle and she almost falls. thank god you grabbed her elbow in time. and you're glad that keeps her humble.
for the next twenty minutes, you're basically billie's human walker as she tries to get to know you better, for real this time. she's clinging to you, which involves a lot of her arms around your waist and her body pressed against yours for 'balance.'
it's going well all the way until you call her a pussy and she tries to let go and push off on her own. it's fine at first, but the blade of her skate catches against the ice and she slips back like one of those cartoon characters stepping on a banana peel.
it'd be really funny...if she didn't crash straight into you, sending both of you tumbling to the ice and you can feel the cold seep into your jacket. she's lucky--falling on top of you instead of the hard rink.
okay, this is it, billie says in her head, the perfect cliche rom com moment. just gotta lean in and--
"get off me fatass," you shove her off, laughing, "you're so heavy."
she grins, pushing herself off you to her knees, offering a hand to pull you up. "my bad, my bad."
you get her standing again and for the rest of the night, billie completely forgets about her 'mission.' she's genuinely just enjoying it all. the date ends with hot chocolates from the arena's concession stand, your skates off and your feet sore.
driving back, you're both a lot happier than last time and she walks you all the way to your door. "that had to be an eight, minimum," she says, a confident smirk returning to her face. "c'mon, i know you had fun with me."
you smile. "i had fun skating. i'd say a solid six."
her jaw drops in mock offence. "a six?? i almost concussed myself for you!"
"six point five, final offer."
okay, progress, billie thinks. "can i--" she starts, nodding at your dorm.
"nope," you say, grinning, "goodnight billie. and for the next one, just text me when."
before you can even turn around, your phone buzzes with a new message.
+1 (310) 807-3956 now
Create New Contact?
rn?
you spin around, showing her the notification with a laugh. "seriously?"
billie's smiling ear to ear, but when she sees the message, she squints closer as her face falls. "you don't even have my number saved? wowww," she drags on.
"gotta work for it," you just shrug, opening your door. "see you."
"night, yn," she says and you can still hear the smile in her voice as you close the door.
// ﹒﹒﹒DATE THREE
you could barely find an inch of free space in the library. it's the usual pre-midterm apocalypse where everyone's hunched over their textbooks and laptops. including you.
you're going over page after page of lesson notes and your teaching assistant's review package when a small, crumpled ball of paper lands squarely on your keyboard.
seriously?
this is so childish. you're just about to whip your head around when another one hits your cheek, falling down to the desk. it's got messy scribbles all over it, so you unfold it slowly, only to find that it's a note. the handwriting's that of a three year old, with an insanely horrible drawing of a smiley face next to it.
guess who ◡̈
your eyes flicker to the divider. you rise up, peering over. billie's leaning back in her chair, both feet propped up on the desk, grinning like her life depends on it.
she'd spotted you through the library window ten minutes ago--buried in your work, looking miserable and cute as hell. it was an irresistible combo. so she'd stepped foot into the building for the first time in all her years of college, sliding into the seat across from you.
billie had expected you to notice, but you'd been grinding so hard without looking up even once and she couldn't stop the boredom from setting in. "surprise!" she says, loud enough that half the heads in the area turn towards you two.
you press your finger to your lips immediately, mouthing a shut up and motioning for her to follow you. grumbling, you pack your stuff, leading her out of the building. "god, you're so loud."
"oh yeah? i can be louder," she smirks, lowering her voice. "you tryna find out?"
you roll your eyes with a groan. "please, please tell me you're not just here to annoy me."
"nah, i'm not," billie says, taking your bag from your hands and shouldering it herself. "there's a farmer's market near here. and they've got mini donuts," she adds like its the most important part.
"what?"
"are you slow? the mini donuts," she says, exaggerating each syllable slowly like that's going to help. "you mentioned them before, remember? you said you liked the cinnamon sugar ones. so you wanna go or not?"
no way.
the billie eilish remembered a throwaway comment about donuts. that same girl who believed any moment with her hookups that didn't involve fucking was a waste of time, just voluntarily suggested going to a farmer's market.
you just stare at her. this was the same person who'd told you last week that dinner dates were, quote unquote, "useless when you could be doing something more productive."
billie keeps watching you, waiting for a response. but as more time passes without, her palms start to sweat.
why in god's name am i nervous right now? she thinks to herself. she could name at least ten girls who would've screamed in excitement and said yes ages ago. usually that thought made her feel good, but now it's not having that same effect. it didn't matter anymore because none of them were...you.
"is this a no?" she asks, hesitant.
"no, i'm going, i'm going," you reassure her with a laugh as her shoulders relax in relief.
the date was surprisingly normal, though that's a pretty broad word. but you ate greasy donuts and argued about the flavours, losing it when she called honey glaze basic. billie walked you through all the stalls, and the more you talked with her, the more you felt the stress from earlier on start to melt away.
if you're being honest, it's kind of fun doing this kind of thing with her and everything's going great until the first raindrop hits your face. then another. and another. "oh shit," she says, looking at the clouds moving in.
within seconds, the drizzle picks up and soaks through your clothes. "c'mon, run," you yell, grabbing her hand as you lead her to your dorm, which, thank the lord, is close by.
you close the door behind you, walking billie to the shower so she doesn't drip everywhere. "nice place," she says, craning her neck to look around your room, "this is my first time in here y'know?"
"congrats, want a cookie or what?" you say, throwing a towel at her.
billie laughs, pushing the damp strands of hair out of her face. "i want that cookie," she jokes, winking at you.
"joke about that again and you're out."
"hold up, you mean you're letting me stay?" she asks, a shit eating grin on her face.
"only cause the weather sucks, so don't hype yourself up," you grumble, looking through your closet for dry clothes. you toss her a hoodie and sweats, "here."
she catches them as you continue. "change in there and and i'll change here and don't you dare get any ideas, eilish. you're not allowed to open the door unless i tell you."
billie salutes with a "yes ma'am," before shutting the door.
when you let her out, it's so off putting seeing her in your clothes and how normal she looks in them, like this was meant to be all along. "so," she starts, still glancing around your room, "netflix and chill?" she grins.
"maybe only the first part," you shoot back.
// ﹒﹒﹒DATE FOUR (date 3 cont.)
billie's lying in your bed, spread out and taking the majority of it while you sit on the edge. she scrolls through the options as you direct her with a lot of, "wait, go left again. i said left billie, that's fucking right."
you want to make her watch the conjuring, but she's begging you not to pick a horror movie because she wants to sleep tonight. who would've ever thought she'd just be one big pussy.
the final agreement is just the office. classic. billie hits play on a random episode as you rest your back against the pillows, pulling a blanket over your legs.
for the first twenty minutes, you're distracted by every shift of her body. her arm's stretched out across behind you and you're surprised she hasn't pulled any "wanna count shoulders?" bs. matter of fact, you're surprised she hasn't tried anything at all. it's almost like she's trying not to touch you.
this is one of billie's favourite shows, but she's not watching it at all. she's too distracted by the million thoughts running through her mind, the primary one being what the fuck is wrong with me?
it's not like her at all to not make a move. this is usually the part where the smooth, confident billie would take over and she'd be all over you already. but now, she's just frozen in place.
there's that familiar, demanding ache in her lower body and she can feel herself getting hard, the fabric of your borrowed sweatpants becoming uncomfortably tight. it's a constant, throbbing reminder, and for the first time in her life, she doesn't know what to do about it.
do something, billie thinks, she invited you in, that's a green light, so just do it. you've done this with a hundred other girls, this is nothing.
yet her arm remains a statue. her heart is hammering in her chest and she can't even attribute it to the thrill of the chase anymore. it's pure fear. the thought of even trying anything with you right now is making her feel physically ill.
maybe i'm just rusty, she rationalizes, haven't fucked anyone in what, two weeks? since i started this stupid deal. but it's not adding up. why didn't she just call one of her girls? she totally could've, there's not a single thing stopping her.
and the answer hits billie so hard she can't breathe: she hasn't wanted to. at all.
every bit of her energy, her focus, her want, has been redirected to you. and not just getting you in her bed. somewhere along the way, this started to be more about winning you over rather than just winning you and getting a good fuck.
and if she did anything with you right now, it means she would've won this. and gotten what she wanted. which should make her happy, right? so why is that thought making her stomach flip?
billie's having a full blown freak out in your twin bed as you watch jim break up with karen without a care in the world. blissfully unaware of her internal meltdown, you shift to get more comfortable, sinking deeper into the pillows. your leg brushes against hers.
billie inhales sharply, that simple, accidental contact sending a jolt straight through her. the ache between her legs intensifies, the throb becoming more and more painful. fuck.
"you okay?" you ask, holding in a laugh.
"huh? oh--yeah. i'm great."
she's not.
you can feel how hard she's trying to hide her boner from you--which is insane, because when has billie ever done that. her body's at this awkward slant, lower body miles away from yours as she crosses her legs.
you might've been staring for too long, because her head turns slowly. billie's eyes dart down to your lips and her face is so close. you've never really, truly looked closely at her before and her eyes, god her eyes, are beautiful.
her mouth opens and million scenarios of what she's going to do flashes through your mind. she's probably going to kiss you and go at it, or she'll say some dumb, cocky, classic billie line, or her hand is going to slide from your shoulder, down your arm, and--
the worst, most terrifying part is that you don't even hate the idea.
but out of all the things you expected her to say, never in your wildest dreams would you have seen this coming. she lets out a shaky laugh, "shit. uh. focus on the show, dude."
you just stare at her in disbelief. "...what?"
her eyes focus back to the tv and she refuses to look in your direction. "you're missing the good part."
you glance over and it's just dwight talking about something stupid. huh. good part my ass.
for the rest of the night, you're positive she's got the worst case of blue balls the world has ever seen. billie's twitching left and right, shifting positions every five seconds. but never once does she reach out to touch you.
this is some crazy self control for a girl who, according to all her frat brothers, lost no nut november within the first hour last year. the girl who does anything she wants--who gets everything she wants.
but the most she does is rest her arm on your shoulder, laughing every now and then as if she's trying to prove she's still watching. you're pulled closer into her side now, somewhere between her shoulder and her chest. and even with the space, you can still hear the pounding of her heartbeat, a soothing tempo that drifts you to sleep.
when you wake up, the sun's annoyingly bright, probably because you didn't have your curtains closed last night. you blink yourself awake, still processing your surroundings. you're not next to billie anymore, but on her.
your head lies on her body, leg thrown over hers, arm draped over her stomach. she's still dead asleep, messy hair fanned across your pillow and damn. it's funny--how many times you've heard people tell her go to hell, but right now all she's looking like is an angel.
you shift slightly and that small movement wakes her. you can feel the moment billie processes what's happening. her eyes fly open and she takes in the scene. you, in her arms. morning. the sunlight all over the room.
"what the fuck?" she says in surprise, shoving you off her so abruptly you almost roll off the bed.
billie scrambles upright, standing up so fast she gets tangled in the blanket and stumbles, dragging your entire comforter off the bed and onto the floor with her.
okay. overreaction much? you sit up, starting to feel kind of cold. "hello?"
billie's staring at you like you're insane. "we--why were you all on me?" she gestures wildly.
the sleepiness starts giving way to irritation. "you ever heard of cuddling or are you not about that?" you start, "i was asleep and if you hate it that much, you could've left. it stopped raining last night, didn't it?" you reach down to pull the blanket back up and around you.
"wait, wait, i didn't hate it," she says, completely flustered.
you would've never thought you'd live the day to see billie eilish at a loss of words.
she looks at you, wrapped in your sheets, your hair a mess, and the panic in her chest is slowly being replaced by a warmer, more confusing feeling.
she'd never stayed until the morning before, or stayed at all. there was no point. all she wanted when she found a hot girl was just to hook up, and once that was over with and she got what she wanted, what was the point of staying and wasting time? she never saw the point in all that.
until now.
stuff she used to shit on her friends for--pda, making breakfast together, lazy mornings in--now she wanted to try all of them as well. with you.
"i uh--i gotta go. i got class," billie mutters, looking around for her things.
"sure you do," you smile back.
she pauses at the door for a moment. "i'll text you. for the next one."
"you have one left," you remind her.
the words hit her so hard she thinks she's going to throw up on your floor right there. her knees almost buckle and her shoulders tense. "right, right. one left."
// ﹒﹒﹒DATE FIVE?? cancelled.
a week passes. then two.
billie doesn't text you about the fifth date.
but she doesn't stop texting you, either. she's not ghosting you at all. matter of fact, it's the complete opposite. her name pops up on your phone more often than your best friends and parents do combined.
eilish now
check tiktok i sent you something
answer me
yn
yn
yn
eilish now
which dining hall are you eating at
can you come to the one near the athletic center
eilish now
look
[photo]
it's all very friendly. weirdly, platonically friendly.
even weirder is the hanging out. it's never a date. it's always a group thing. you'll get a text from your best friend telling you they're doing a picnic for lunch. and billie will be there, with her frat brothers and your friends.
it's a mix you've never in your life expected. or you'll be studying in the library and she'll just...appear, dropping into the seat next to you with a sigh, cracking open a textbook she's clearly never touched all semester.
your friends, who once had interesting opinions about her, are now her number one dick riders. "it's funny as hell yn, she just follows you like a lost puppy."
and that's what it feels like. billie is everywhere you are, a constant, confusing presence.
and she hasn't tried to kiss you again. she hasn't even flirted. it's like movie night never happened and it's driving you insane.
the final straw comes after another group hangout. all your friends and all of hers, who seem to be getting along insanely well as of late. they're all slowly trickling out, leaving you and billie alone on the bed in her room.
you can't take it anymore.
"is something wrong?"
billie, who's mid sip of her water, chokes. "what?"
"you and me," you gesture at her, "you haven't even mentioned the last date. and you just like hang around. i don't know. did i do something? or is there something wrong with me now."
"no, god no," she says frantically, running her hand through her hair. "it's not you, don't worry."
"then what is it? 'cause this is feeling like the biggest fucking switch up of all time and i'm confused."
"i--" she starts, then stops. "it's really stupid."
"tell me, please billie."
she stands up, walking briefly to the trash can to throw her bottle out. "i can't. i'm really sorry, but i can't."
"you know it's okay if you don't want--"
"no, that's not it," she interrupts you.
"so what is it?" you ask her again gently, standing up to walk closer to her.
"fuck, it's just..." billie lets out a shaky breath, staring at the floor. "if i take you on the fifth date," she says quietly, "then it's over and this is done. and you...i know you only agreed to this 'cause why not."
"and you never expected, um, this," she says, vaguely motioning her arms. "me to actually..." she pauses like she can't seem to say the word. like you.
she keeps going, pausing awkwardly mid sentence like she needs to collect her thoughts. "i really wanted to see you, but i didn't want it to count as a date. so i had to--uh--find other ways to. y'know, get our friends to hang out. shit, i've been to the library more in the past few weeks than i have in my entire life. i just...i like hanging out with you."
she finally looks at you, clasping her hands behind her back. "if i never take you on that fifth date, then i don't have to leave you alone, right? the deal's still on. i can just...keep hanging out with you. as your um--friend. or whatever."
you stare at her. billie eilish, the world's biggest asshole and player, is trying to loophole her way into staying in your life by not dating you.
"you're a fucking idiot," you whisper.
her face falls. "i know. i'm sorry, i didn't mean to--"
you move closer, cutting her off with a kiss, soft and certain. she flinches at first. it's barely noticeable, but it's there. it's like her body's default setting's rewired to pull away, a reflex built from weeks of trying so damn hard not to do exactly this.
but after a moment, she quite literally melts under your touch, shoulders relaxing as her lips part slightly. as much as you don't want to, you pull back a a little. "i don't want this to be over either, dumbass."
she looks dazed. "you don't?"
you take a deep breath, the words feeling too big that your throat's beginning to burn. please don't cry, please don't cry, please don't cry. billie's watching you, completely focused and waiting for you to speak.
"at first," you start, your voice quiet. "i thought really low of you, if i'm being honest."
she flinches, just a little. but she doesn't look away. "you just...it seemed like you didn't appreciate anything. like everything you got was just handed to you and it was all for granted." you shake your head, remembering the stories, the reputation. "you just had thousands to drop on dinner and some girl. and most of all--"
you pause, making sure she's still with you. "most of all, you just wanted to fuck. and i hate people like that. and even more, i hate feeling like i'm getting used."
her mouth opens, a quick, defensive reflex. but you continue quickly, to get to your actual point. "i went into this knowing that's what you wanted. and i said i wouldn't fall for your bullshit. and i mean--i didn't. at first. you were really cocky and it was so exhausting. i didn't have fun at all."
a small smile, almost apologetic, touches her lips. she gives a nod. yeah, i was.
you shift closer, taking her hand in yours and running your thumb over her knuckles. "but recently, i feel like you actually listen. and you make me feel appreciated. wanted. instead of just y'know," you shrug, "another girl to add to your list."
"so now," you finish, your voice dropping to a near whisper, "i want to do this with you too, billie. i like every moment."
a large smile spreads across her face. "yeah? me too. i love hanging out with you. i don't even wanna fuck anymore."
the second the words are out of her mouth, her eyes go wide. "i mean--i do! obviously i do. i really, really do. but i just--i meant i just like being with you even more. and on my life i won't do anything unless it's okay, i swear, i--"
you kiss billie again to shut her up, before more profanities start spilling out of her mouth and she digs herself into an even deeper hole. "it's all good," you murmur against her lips, "i want it. want you."
"you sure?"
"positive," you say, hands sliding down to the hem of her shirt. "this okay?"
she nods, helping you take it off in one yank over her head, before moving to undress you as well. "shit," she breathes against your mouth, "been thinkin' bout this. since fucking forever."
"yeah?" you manage as her hands slide down your back, over the curve of your ass, pulling you closer to her.
you can feel the hard line of her cock through her sweats, a feeling that makes your own knees go weak. she grinds against you once, slowly rolling hips and you gasp into her mouth.
"'m gonna make you feel so good," billie says, kissing the line of your jaw, the spot beneath your ear, down your throat where your pulse is racing.
her hands work your panties down your legs with practiced flair and she kneels down on the ground between your spread legs.
billie? kneeling? you would've laughed at the thought a month ago.
but now the look on her face is one of pure worship, adoration. "fuck, look at you," she whispers, her thumbs brushing your inner thigh. "you're so insanely beautiful."
and then her mouth is on you. she goes painfully slow, trying to get to know your body better. she's testing out what makes your legs twitch or your eyes roll back, noting it down in her head.
her tongue is flat and hot and so perfect against your clit--a firm pressure that has you arching with a moan. billie's hands slide under your ass, tilting you a bit and holding you exactly where she needs. "oh my god," you gasp, fingers tangling in her hair.
she groans against you, vibrating against your core and you moan again. she's licking, sucking with a devastating expertise and you're already so damn close.
billie's great at reading your body language. when your knees start to tremble, she slides two fingers inside you, curling them towards her and your head spins.
holy fuck.
this feels so...you can't even find words to explain it. she's so good at this. and now you're starting to get why so many girls would go running back to her even after she'd fuck up their lives.
she keeps going, until you're pushing her away, chest heaving. "enough," you pant.
billie pulls back slowly, kissing the inside of your thigh before rising up on her knees. you're dripping down her chin and she looks like the most satisfied person in the world.
she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, a smirk spreading across her face as she pushes you on the bed, crawling up to lie beside you. "your turn," you say, still breathless.
she shakes her head, propping her head on her hand. "nah. m'good. seriously. making you feel like that was more than enough."
you turn on your side, tracing the line of her jaw with your fingers as you let out a small laugh. "wow. that's new." you lean in, kissing her softly. "but i want to. if you'll let me."
her inner conflict has never been so obvious. you know she's got a habit of being in control and doing whatever she wants--there's dozens of stories circulating campus about how she'd never let her hookups touch her.
how she'd guide their hands away, not out of shyness, but efficiency. why waste time? she was there for better things so she might as well get straight into it without all the unnecessary steps and whatnot.
finally, with this new, terrifying vulnerability, billie gives a slow, hesitant nod. you push her onto her back, pulling her boxers down.
she's hard and leaking against her stomach and her eyes are screwed shut, bottom lip caught between her teeth. "you gonna look at me or what?" you laugh a little.
her eyes flutter open and she groans the moment you wrap your hand around her. slowly, you lean over, pressing a kiss to the tip before you take her fully into your mouth. she's big and thick and you're already struggling to make it three quarters down. her hips jerk off the bed as her hands fly to your head. "fuck, yn..."
it's different for her, you can feel it. she's definitely never gone this slow in her life before. you love the way she tastes, the way she feels, the sounds she makes when you flick your tongue.
billie's still trying to talk you through it all. "so good--best i've ever--fuck, baby, don't stop--"
she's getting close, her abs clenching as her cock twitches, a dead giveaway. and just as you feel it, you pull of with a soft suck.
her eyes fly open. "what--yn, i'm so close, please--"
you bite your bottom lip, swinging your leg over her, settling yourself over her hips. you position yourself, the head of her cock nudging against you, already wet again and fully ready for her. she's staring up at you, her chest heaving, completely wrecked.
she looks like she's about to pass out as you lower yourself onto her. the feeling's so intense it's almost painful, in the best way possible. you stay there for a moment, fully seated on her, just feeling the stretch and watching the way her eyes are already rolled back.
"oh god," she chokes out.
then you start moving, starting with a slower rhythm, riding her, grinding so deep she couldn't even remember her name if you asked. billie just grips your hips, not even trying to take over, just locking her eyes on your face. "you feel so fuckin' amazing," she rasps, "look at you. jesus christ, look at you."
for the first time ever, billie gets what you meant earlier by how she'd not appreciated anything in the past. today, on her bed, in her room, she's not just going through the motions, she's watching it, feeling it.
she's mesmerized by the sight of you, how your hair falls over your face a bit and she reaches up to tuck it behind your ear. how your eyebrows tilt and your gorgeous lips part as you moan. man, those moans. she could finish from that alone.
you can see it all in her awestruck expression. her own pleasure is secondary, and you're sure she's feeling so good right now just from making you feel so good.
you lean forward, bracing your hands on her chest as you change the angle, pushing her deeper in you. "oh my g--fuck i'm gonna come," you gasp.
that breaks her trance, albeit barely. "yeah?" she grunts, her hips meeting yours with more force. "you're doin' so good, baby."
you ride her harder, faster, and her own release is obviously building as well, but billie's focus never wavers from your face. "c'mon, c'mon," she urges, "come for me. wanna feel you."
you groan, clenching around her tight as she finishes the exact moment you do. she's about to bring an arm up to shield her face, but she moves it back down, choosing to watch you instead. your back is arched, mouth open in a silent moan as you ride her through it, until she's done pulsing deep in you.
you sit there for a moment, catching your breath as billie pulls you down to her chest, gasping for air as well. her hand strokes up and down your lower back as her heartbeat races in her chest, right where your face is pressed to.
"that was--i've never..." she whispers into your hair.
"i know," you murmur, pressing a kiss to her neck.
she holds you tighter, her breathing evening out. and as night begins to set in, she shifts just enough to look at you. she looks half asleep, fighting the urge to stay awake. "you gonna be here when i wake up?" she smiles.
"always," you grin, "you gonna take me on that fifth date?"
"duh."
billie eilish had never stayed until morning. time and time again, she'd adamantly refused to 'get caught lacking in someone else's bed.' but now, she was the one asking you to stay.
and she didn't just want you there tomorrow.
billie wanted this the day after too. and for the next week, for the next month, for the next year, for the rest of her damn life. she wanted you by her side forever. and there's no place you'd rather be.
"man, her love is too damn foreign..." tags: @bilsbabyma @mystiquemm @lover-girl-reversed @aka-persephone @bilsvndaes @deardariaa @wewerewildandfluorescent @biloverd + taglist
youll read warrior cats as a kid and for the rest of your life youll be thinking shit like "the first cat to invent looking both ways before crossing the thunderpath ought to be a fresh killionaire" and its just how things are now
Bastet, also called Bast, Ubasti, and Bubastis, is a goddess often represented as a lioness or a cat. She was a protective goddess associated with home, domesticity, women’s secrets, cats, fertility, childbirth, marriage, music, magic, sex, prosperity, joy, dance, healing, and pleasure. She is often invoked for protection against evil and misfortune. Bastet was also known as a goddess of joy, music, dance, and perfume, and is often depicted holding or playing musical instruments, such as the sistrum and the lute. She is also closely associated with the goddesses Sekhmet and Mut, which both of whom are depicted as lionesses.
BASIC INFO:
Appearance: Bastet is often depicted as a woman with the head of a cat or a lioness, sometimes holding a sistrum or a basket of perfumes. Her body is typically portrayed as being covered in spots, like a leopard. She is often depicted wearing a wig adorned with a vulture headdress and a necklace with a golden pendant. In some depictions, she is also shown riding in a chariot pulled by lions, and in others, she was shown as a mother nursing her kittens.
Personality: she is known as a kind and gentle goddess who was particularly devoted to her followers and their well-being. She was seen as a protective deity who watched over homes and families, and was often invoked to protect against evil and misfortune. She was also known as a goddess of joyous celebration and music, and was often invoked to bring happiness and prosperity to her devotees. She was often depicted as a protector of women and children, and was known to be a motherly and nurturing goddess.
Symbols: basket, Ankh, the Sun and Moon, perfume jar, sistrum ointment, solar disk, cats, and lions
Animals: cats, lions, cheetahs, leopards, and other felines
Incense: kyphi, rose, cinnamon, mint, and sandalwood
Practices: home protection, feline magick, fertility, sex magick, healing, love magick, personal growth, dance magick, pregnancy rituals, and music magick
Colours: malachite green, black, red, bronze, pink, turquoise, and gold
Numbers: 7 and 9
Zodiacs: Leo and Cancer
Tarot: The Chariot, Strength, and The Sun
Planets: Sun and Moon
Days: Sunday, Monday, Bubastis, and Mabon
Parents: Ra and Isis
Siblings: Horus and Anhur (half brothers)
Partner: Ptah
Children: Maahes
MISC:
Cats: they were believed to be the embodiment of the goddess Bastet, and as such, were considered to be holy creatures. Cats were also seen as symbols of grace, elegance, and fertility, all of which were qualities associated with Bastet. Additionally, cats were also seen as protectors of homes and families, which was one of Bastet's main roles as a protective deity.
Sun and moon: Bastet was sometimes associated with the sun and the moon because she was believed to have a connection to the heavens and the celestial bodies. She was considered a protector of the sun, and was believed to accompany Ra, the god of the sun, on his journey across the sky each day. She was also closely associated with the goddess Isis, who was often depicted holding a sistrum or a lunar disc, symbolizing the moon. Additionally, she was also sometimes depicted as the protector of the nighttime, and was thought to be responsible for bringing light into the darkness.
Ankh: the ankh, which is a hieroglyphic symbol that represents life, was often depicted in association with the goddess Bastet because she was considered a protector of life and fertility. The ankh was believed to have powers that could bestow life and fertility upon those who wore it or had it in their possession. It was also said to protect the wearer from death and evil. As a deity associated with these qualities, Bastet was often depicted with the ankh as a symbol of her protective powers and association with life and fertility.
Basket: she is often depicted holding a basket, which is believed to represent her role as a protective deity. The basket was used to carry items that were believed to have protective properties, such as sacred oils or other sacred items. The basket was also seen as a receptacle for offerings and gifts to the goddess, and was believed to represent the abundance and prosperity that she brought to her followers. In some depictions, the basket is also shown as overflowing with grain, representing her association with fertility and plenty.
Cannabis: in some interpretations, cannabis is seen as having a connection to the goddess Bastet because of its association with female fertility and goddess worship. Cannabis has been associated with many goddesses throughout history, as it was believed to be a sacred plant with spiritual and medicinal properties. Some believe that Bastet was associated with cannabis as a symbol of her protection and power over fertility and abundance, and as a means of connecting with the divine feminine. Other interpretations suggest that cannabis may have been used in ancient rituals and ceremonies dedicated to Bastet as a means of enhancing spiritual connection and achieving altered states of consciousness.
Perfume jar: Bastet was often depicted holding a perfume jar or a container of perfumed oil, which is believed to represent her association with perfumes and fragrances. The scent of fragrances was believed to have powerful properties that could purify the air and drive away evil spirits. The perfumes associated with Bastet were often said to have a floral, musky, or sweet scent, and were believed to have regenerative and protective properties. In addition to their protective qualities, perfumes were also seen as symbols of luxury and wealth, which may explain why they were often associated with the goddess Bastet.
FACTS ABOUT BASTET:
Bastet was worshiped in Bubastis in the Nile River delta and Memphis. Large cemeteries of mummified cats and bronze statuettes of Bastet were created at these sites.
Her name was originally B'sst, which later became Ubaste, then Bast, and finally Bastet. The meaning of her name is not known for certain, but some claim it means "She of the Ointment Jar".
According to Egyptian mythology, the circumstances of Bastet's death are a mystery, but many scholars believe she died while protecting her family.
Many Egyptians saw her feline attributes as all-powerful, with the ability to protect their homes from evil spirits and disease, much in the way cats could ward off vermin.
She works as a psychopomp, a person who leads the deceased to the next life.
Bastet, who was in charge of looking after the dead and the spirit world, was also in charge of destroying the bodies of the deceased who managed to escape from Ma’at’s judgment chamber. In addition, she directed the spirits to the afterlife World. She cared for the deceased and prevented them from fleeing their punishment.
Anyone who damages, kills, or is cruel to cats will suffer the wrath of Bastet and her devotees. Egyptians were so devoted to Bastet and their pet cats that when one died, the cats were also mummified and joined Bastet in The After World.
HOW TO INVOKE BASTET:
Light a candle and place it in front of an image or statue of Bastet, offerings of fresh flowers, especially lotus and roses, and which are associated with Bastet, burn incense, such as kyphi, rose, cinnamon, mint, or sandalwood, which are believed to be scents that Bastet enjoys, speak prayers or affirmations to Bastet, asking for her guidance and protection, and create a small shrine or altar dedicated to Bastet, with items that symbolize her qualities of protection and fertility.
PRAYER FOR BASTET:
Mother of the Gods, the One, the Only,
Mistress of the Crowns, You rule all.
Bastet, Beloved, when Your people call
Daughter of the Sun, with flame and fury,
Flashing from the prow upon the foe;
Safely sails the boat with Your protection
Passing scatheless where Your fires glow.
Daughter of the Sun, the burial chamber
Lies in the darkness ‘til Your light appears.
From Your Throne of Silence send us comfort,
Bastet, beloved, banish all our fears.
Mother of the Gods,
No gods existed ‘til You came there and gave them life.
Trampling down all evil and all strife.
Mother of the Gods, the Great, the Loved One,
Winged and Mighty, unto You we call,
Naming You the Comforter, the Ruler,
Bastet, beloved, Mother of us all.
SIGNS THAT BASTET IS CALLING YOU:
The presence of cats, seeing them in pictures, on television, being followed by cats, and even hearing meowing can be signs.
Seeing images or visions of her in your dreams or while meditating.
Feeling a sense of protection or comfort in her presence.
You experience a sudden or unusual interest in ancient Egyptian mythology or spirituality.
Feeling a sense of joy or celebration when thinking about or engaging in activities associated with her.
A strong connection to the themes of protection, fertility, and abundance in your life, or experience a sudden increase in energy or creativity. It's important to pay attention to your own intuition and feelings when interpreting these signs and signals.
Finding small items associated with the goddess in unexpected places or experiencing a sense of connection to the moon or the night.
Feeling a sudden or unusual attraction to the colour gold.
Experiencing a sudden or unusual interest in perfume or scents.
You begin to experience an increase in your creativity and artistic abilities.
A sudden or unusual urge to protect or care for others.
You experience a sudden or unusual attraction to the arts, music, or other forms of self-expression.
OFFERINGS:
Perfume.
Salves and body scrubs.
Jewelry and other shiny precious to semi precious objects.
Gold items.
Food and drinks: chocolate, sugar water, pastries, beer, garlic, onions, meat (especially chicken and fish), honey, soda, milk, bread, tea, water, fruit/fruit juices, red wine, grains, and lettuce.
Cat hair, claws, teeth, whiskers (please don’t cut a kitty’s precious whiskers, wait for them to shed naturally - look for them mostly during summer and on the places your cats spend most of their time).
Music.
Bird feathers (especially peacock).
Instruments, songs, music players, cds, and anything relating to music.
Dance related objects and imagery.
Incense: myrrh, jasmine, lavender, cannabis, and frankincense.
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