Heinous Fuckery Most Foul

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta. I'm hilarious. I'm awesome. I like to sing. I'm spiritual but not religious. Republicans scare me. I live for lolcats. I also like bacon. I was commited to a pysch ward once, a long time ago. Carrie Fisher is kinda my hero. But so is Carly Simon. I used to be really into musicals but I've since developed a deep hatred for musical theatre performers. But I still secretly love a good showtune. I drink your milkshake. since 1983.

[theonion]

Putting the nation on alert against what it has described as a “highly credible terrorist threat,” the FBI announced today that it has uncovered a plot by members of al-Qaeda to sit back and enjoy themselves while the United States collapses of its own accord.

Multiple intelligence agencies confirmed that the militant Islamist organization and its numerous affiliates intend to carry out a massive, coordinated plan to stand aside and watch America’s increasingly rapid decline, with terrorist operatives across the globe reportedly mobilizing to take it easy, relax, and savor the spectacle as it unfolds.

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[theonion]

“Name one ethnic group you’ve attempted to obliterate. I’ll wait. I mean, have you even bombed a single children’s hospital? Please, you’ve got no idea what you’re talking about. Maybe you read a book about the 1948 Genocide Convention? Well, I’ve read Sports Illustrated, but that doesn’t mean I’m a quarterback. You have no on-the-ground experience mass-murdering civilians like I do, okay?” At press time, the acting U.S. ambassador to the U.N. formally backed Israel’s motion to compel the chair of the Human Rights Council to list three families whose lines he had wiped out if he was such a genocide scholar.

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[wilwheaton]

“Let me be clear: I will not vote for a Democratic presidential nominee who looked at this moment and chose ambition, optics, and algorithm-friendly outrage over intervention. If you cannot use power now, I do not trust you with more of it later.”

— AN OPEN LETTER TO THE DEMOCRATS - Alyssa Milano

[killyourstrollers]

705K views · 8.4K reactions | They can really ruin your day 🎮 | The Warp Zone

They can really ruin your day 🎮

[quercus-queer]

In other news

[ruinedchildhood]

[theonion]

In an effort that was intended to be subtle but was clearly targeted, local cat Arlo reportedly followed pet owner Joshua Rice around his apartment Friday like a racist Walgreens employee making sure a customer wasn’t going to steal anything. “That asshole thinks he’s being discreet, but I can see him staring at me as though I just pocketed an $8 deodorant,” Rice said of the 3-year-old cat, who trailed him through the kitchen, hallway, and bathroom, peeking around corners so as not to let the man out of his sight for one minute.

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[playthings2007]

Please, call me Frankenstein. Frankenstein was my father, but stealing his name and overriding his presence in the dominant cultural consciousness has been really, really satisfying

[ooc-miqojak]

Also it turns out that liking a post tagged Frankenstein also turns the like into a pumpkin. Excellent.

[ruinedchildhood]

[theonion]

As part of a historic ceasefire agreement with Hamas following two years of war, the Israeli government reportedly agreed Thursday to go back to killing Palestinians on a less frequent basis. “In line with the terms of the deal, Hamas will release all remaining Israeli hostages, and Israel will still murder innocent Palestinian civilians on a regular basis, but at a slightly slower pace than we have been of late,” said Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, ratifying the accord that would temporarily promote the systematic discrimination, dehumanization, and persecution of the Palestinian people over their outright genocide.

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[viralfrog]

[theonion]

[theonion]

[gifsboom]

[angel-0f-filth]

[mudwerks]

meet me at the Murder Hole

[robertreich]

If you’re wondering “Is it seriously Amazon Prime Day again?”, the answer is yes.

[spookyasmr]