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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Monterey Bay Aquarium

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d e v o n
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sheepfilms

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i don't do bad sauce passes

oozey mess
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@kilo-volt
ASSAD ZAMAN as ARMAND THE VAMPIRE LESTAT 1.01
louis and armand watching lestat's recordings go up in flames
Not to sound like I'm on a soap box but it does occur to me that at a time where terms like "SA", "R-word" and "unalive" and "DV" and worst of all "graped" have entered the every day vernacular for so many people, Half Man serves as a jarring and intentionally vulgar reminder of just how ugly these things truly are and that the language attached to them deserves to be treated with respect
Primacy of language and hierarchies of abuse.
The "now your turn" prison scene was dreadful/captivating for several reasons, but after some unpacking, I realised that the aspect which really set my teeth on edge stemmed from Ruben's (possibly) disingenuous understanding of how and why language is so important.
The effect of Gadd's writing (on this viewer, at least) was that it was extremely difficult to tell if and when Ruben in particular attains self-awareness, and how deep it goes. Consequently, the certainty that their shared confessional was inherently doomed only increased as the revelations piled up. (For what it's worth, I don't think it would have mattered if Niall had never confessed about Mona and Baird. There's an implicit chasm that can never be crossed between Ruben and Niall regardless).
In one way, the scene seems like the high point of Ruben's ability to reflect and to understand himself. He makes it plain that he understands the connection between his childhood sexual abuse and the impact on his masculinity. He has been terrified his whole life that he has been rendered an incomplete man. But he refuses to see (or cannot see?) that years of verbal abuse, threats and non-contact bullying towards Niall has a comparable impact. (Let's set aside the variety of sexual/sexualised assaults for a moment). Words only having meanings "if you let them" is effectively saying, "get over it, it's just banter." (Every word has meaning, says Gadd the writer). Ruben's attitude shifts culpability: your pain is your own fault.
But Ruben does, on some level, understand the primacy of language when it comes to abuse, trauma and self-expression. It takes him at least two decades to find the words to communicate his experiences, and feels compelled to stop and ask permission to keep laying words down in front of Niall. ("Is this too much?") He does have an instinct that certain words in a certain configuration are simply too horrible to air, and the deflated look on his face when Niall tells him that he can't bear to hear anymore is appalling. (Niall being forced to listen to an echo of his own abuse being recounted to him by his sobbing abuser really is the icing on the cake).
The upshot of this for me was twofold.
1) I felt provoked as a viewer into quantifying and hierarchising forms of abuse (physical and specifically sexual abuse is apparently worse than verbal), by means of Ruben's pain tugging so forcefully on the heartstrings. (To be clear, I don't think Gadd is stating there is a hierarchy).
2) I was challenged to sit with the discomfort of empathising with the imperfect victim whom I felt was in the wrong (Ruben in this instance, not Niall. It goes by turns, so it seems). Ruben's suffering is immense and terrible, but by this point in the story, he still appears to lack perspective about the impact of language. Niall has no way to counter this, because Niall (the writer!) fundamentally cannot speak.
This has been going on for thousands of years! It doesn't change.
—Robert Bly, Keeping Quiet / Half Man (2026)
it’s a shame we know so little about the world of demons, because i’d really like to know whether sebastian’s attitude comes from past experiences and “growing up,” or if he’s been different from the very beginning. we only get a few moments where he refers to his own kind, but when he does, it often seems tinged with disdain and criticism. at the same time, he appears inconsistent in his actions.
there are moments where unjustified violence repulses him (the circus children, the bizarre dolls), but also ones where he remains completely unmoved (when patrick dies, sebastian is next to him and only cares about the snake he hears in the walls; he watches siemens’ death like a theater performance; during the campania arc, he pays no attention to the hundreds dying around him).
when it comes to killing, i’d divide it into two categories — execution (quick, precise, emotionless — azzurro's guards, the cultists, kelvin’s estate, the wolves, doll) and cruelty (which really only applies to a few cases: azzurro’s death, sieglinde’s mother’s death, and the tank).
sebastian explains his aggression as fitting into the role imposed on him by ciel: “however, if you are particular to my being such a devil, i shall act accordingly.” yet the only times he truly behaves like a beast are motivated by prior harm done to ciel. azzurro held a gun to his head, and ciel had clearly been beaten by him earlier — as “payment” before killing him, sebastian broke his arm and showed him, at least partially, his demon form. sieglinde’s mother brought ciel to the brink of death with the gas, so sebastian repaid her with the same poison. the soldiers in the tank would have killed ciel if diedrich hadn’t intervened — and so the tank became their grave.
that’s also one of the rare moments where we see sebastian joking about death. it fits the narrative of “this isn’t who i am, but if my master desires it, it is a servant’s duty to comply,” but looking at the bigger picture, i get the impression that his moments of heightened aggression aren’t driven by his aesthetic, but by something closer to a personal vendetta — most likely even an unconscious one — against those who have harmed ciel. the role imposed on him is merely an excuse, because as a demon he doesn’t allow himself to consider that he might feel the urge to take revenge on someone for harming a human.
Considering the newest chapter, my personal take on this is that its simply "not his style". Sebastians' niche seems to be twisting words and manipulating people- or, more specifically, using his intelligence to "win" against humans. Id imagine that using brute strength and prevailing through physical cruelty alone would be debasing to him due to this, because if he did so, it would detract from the cleverness of his typical approach, which is something he has most likely cultivated for centuries (as opposed to his brute strength coming from what he was born as.)
While we dont see/hear much about demons in the BB manga, I think it'd be pretty interesting if this makes him a bit of a black-sheep among his demon brethren. Like, they might all be jumping for joy at the prospect of getting to gore ppl, while Sebastians sort of seen as a wet wipe for using a less violent approach and/or it comes across as if he views them as "baser creatures" in comparison to him/his approach.
That one JOJO part 3 scene but it’s FNAF..
Did your dad have another kid? Who told you that? You did, yesterday. No, I never. I should remember, Ruben– I never said anything.
little guys
The best family friendly movie ever
THE BOYS 5x05 | One-Shots
Cutting off your own limb: Viltrum and The Great Purge
You know why after Thragg's order Viltrumites looked at each other and then ALL started tearing each other apart?
Because they remembered every kind word, every gesture of empathy, every act of mercy a person to their left, to their right, had once offered to them. So they looked at each other and saw the same cancer Grand Regent Thragg was talking about. Because all of them at one point were kind. To each other. And maybe even to some "lower" being.
It wasn't forbidden before.
Not until Thragg started The Great Purge, anyway.
He says it himself, sickness (weakness) among us. He includes himself. Because HE decided to spare Thaedus, too, when he was talking to Argall. And he felt that Argall's death was his fault, because he had that sickness in him, too.
(And hey, he looks at his own hand as he says cancer)
He knew he deserved death, just like many others that were dying every second he sat inside the tower. But he was the Grand Regent. He could not just die like anyone else. He had to be the leader.
So while others slaughtered each other acting on his order,
... he sat on his throne, killing it in his own heart.
This "weakness" wasn't forbidden before. It used to be a normal thing. Maybe frown upon, especially when talking about the "lower" species, but actually normal.
Otherwise they wouldn't have tolerated Thaedus the Vegan for so long.
Thragg only says "It's troubling", nothing more. And Argall only Looks at Thaedus, nothing more.
As one Viltrumite kills another Viltrumite, they kill something inside them as well. Each time. Something warm, and kind, and strong weak. Until there's only a wound left. Bleeding, pulsing, hurting.
They killed not physically weak, they killed weak in spirit. The kind souls hardened, needing to survive, so The Great Purge was successful - it didn't just cut off the weak, it turned the weak (all off them. all of them were weak, that's why they all had someone to turn against, The Grand Regent Thragg didn't say "cancer" without a reason) into the strong.
An animal thinking it's in a steel bear trap, chewing off its limb. Not realising that there wasn't any trap, only its cubs not too far away. And now it's limping away from them, bleeding, starving, dying. Victorious yet blind and now mortally wounded.
It can't even articulate its pain properly. It's just hurting, and hurts everyone else within reach. All while crying and wailing. And longing.
That's Viltrum.
And after this disaster, after this civil war, after all those deaths, they, of course, go mad. You can't stay sane.
And you infect your younger generation with this poisoned blood from the wound you inflicted on yourself.
But you are still many. And you are strong. You are alive. If a bit hollow.
You have a statue now. It's a reminder. You did good, you killed yourself to be born anew.
"Good job, you made Argall proud!"
___________
And then the Virus hits.
and there is almost none of you left
and every and each one of you is so so lonely. and lost.
You thought you were destined for something so much bigger than this. You were supposed to spread the greatness of the Viltrum Empire. You were supposed to bring peace and order and perfection.
Instead you are here, smelling like death that surrounds you, death that became your world. Trying to stabilise crashing systems. Trying to restore data. Trying to repair machines. Trying to live for the dead, trying to execute their function.
But there were so many of you, before. you fought together, you ate together, you talked, you suffered, you cried. you hurt. you bled. you bled together.
and now there's only the void of space
and your poisoned homeworld.
the tomb.
The boys s5 ending theory:
(The Boys comic spoilers!!)
playing with concepts i found on pinterest lolol i liked how the face angles turned out
Caine torturing the circus members and losing his shit last episode actually makes a hell of a lot of sense considering he's an AI.
One of the laws of artificial intelligence is that the AI must not want to be rendered inoperable. It sounds relatively simple, but studies have shown AIs are willing to let humans die to avoid being shut off. Its not necessarily the AI itself, because AIs can't have emotions or original thoughts (yet...they are unfortunately working to change that) but its how they're coded.
Every time the circus members seem unhappy, or they aren't playing along, that implies that they do not want to use Caine. Therefore, it triggers Caine to fall back on the aforementioned rule. Combine that with the fact Caine would be classified as an "emotional AI" (aka an AI that can form its own opinions and feel its own simulated emotions) that would cause the reactions we see from him in thay episode.