[messymindofmine]

About Me

South Asian (she/hers), Largely media and music focused. Media analyst by trade. This blog is a mix of whatever my messy mind latches on to.

Likes and Follows from old main blog ladyofthedragonsblog

[messymindofmine]

Potentially controversial Half Man opinion coming lol...

But as a South Asian woman, I actually have 0 issues with how the character of Alby was handled. Or Ava for that matter. Ultimately, Alby and Ava are portrayed in a very similar way to Mona, Joanna and even Lori and Maura.

I know that there are gaps post-ep4 and the characters of Alby and Ava feel like they're not fully fleshed out but I would say that's the entire point. I can understand how and why this might make people uncomfortable and I always think it's better to be vigilant about this type of stuff than not but I really don't have any criticisms about how these characters were handled. In fact, I actually see how they were portrayed as a strength of the show as opposed to a weakness.

It's not a stretch to imagine that Alby wouldn't have issues with Niall. The last time he saw Niall was when Niall let Ruben go to prison rather than lie. He saw how Ruben reacted and the fact that Niall didn't back down. It's also implied pretty heavily that Alby has had help and gotten through his trauma. By the time we see him again, he's an out and proud gay man who has made it through the struggle. That's what Niall sees. And as far as Alby knows, Niall's issues boil down to simple internalized homophobia. And Niall even points out that Alby should be a lot less generous to him than he is. But again, the Alby we meet as an adult has healed a lot both mentally and physically. Although we do see fear and discomfort when Ruben appears at the wedding so it's not like Alby is shown to have completely forgotten Ruben's violence against him. And we don't see any of Niall and Alby's relationship prior to the wedding simply because it wouldn't have really added anything to the story. All it would have done is fill in the blanks that Richard Gadd has encouraged viewers to fill for themselves. I actually see this as a really nice opportunity as a viewer.

I feel a similar way about Ava. It's not a stretch to imagine that Ava would be attracted to Niall and want to be with him. By the time Ava and Niall would have met, Niall would have already become successful as a writer and was putting forth the effort to be "straight" and was faithful towards Ava until he was "tested." And Ava had no idea about the money until after she was already pregnant at the age of 42. And if anything, as a South Asian woman, I think it adds a subtle but interesting layer to Ava. Because no matter how liberated and enlightened you may be as a woman, certain things can rear their heads in extreme times. And Ava being pregnant by a guy she had been with for a year at the age of 42 would be a pretty extreme time. I don't think it's a stretch to imagine that she was willing to overlook the money and even help him with that for the sake of the baby. Women overlooking massive red flags or compromising for the sake of a child is hardly uncommon. And when Niall did push her too far by not showing interest in the prenatal classes and blew up at the instructor, she did leave him. So it's not like she was just there as a static, helpless character in that way. She showed agency in a way that is quite similar to Mona. And Joanna for that matter. Because I know another common criticism is that Niall's relationship with Ava feels like a rehash of his relationship with Joanna. But again, I would say that is the point. Niall continues to repeat the same cycle even when he is given a very clear opportunity to get out of it. And that is very real for a lot of people with so much trauma.

Ultimately, Alby and Ava (or Mona for that matter) aren't full-fleshed characters because they are not meant to be. They are meant to be ideas or symbols that Niall tries to latch onto in the hope that he will get the happiness he craves without ever acknowledging the trauma that he carries or the feelings he doesn't want to accept.

And I don't think an extra episode would have helped with that. If anything, I would say any more time than we got would have compromised the intensity that kept us all on the edge of our seat for 6 episodes. I would even say that the big gaps that we get make the things we do see hit even harder. There has been so much attention and love poured into every aspect of this show. There is so much attention to even the most minute detail. The big gaps and the way the side characters are not fleshed out fully is a big part of that detail.

[messymindofmine]

On this first Thursday after 6 weeks in a row after Half Man, I have a lot of thoughts. Maybe I'll post about them later or as the next couple of days go by. But the biggest thought I have right now is how I am in absolute awe of these two lovely young actors.

I actually feel they had the harder job in a way because they were setting the groundwork that Richard and Jamie would so beautifully build off of. And according to interviews, they didn't even have the entire story to base their work on. All they had was the interiority of their characters and the first three scripts. And seeing Richard talk about how it felt like they'd auditioned almost all the young actors in the country before finding Stuart and Mitchell but none of those actors were able to bring to young Niall and Ruben what Mitchell and Stuart were only confirms just how talented these two are. And seeing how they have become so close since filming makes it extra special. Awards or not, I hope that these two go on to have incredible careers following this and always receive their flowers.

(also look how cute they are here ❤️)

[messymindofmine]

Tomorrow will be the first Thursday without Half Man to look forward to and I feel emotional about it. As time inevitably moves on and we all become immersed in new media, I hope we can continue to discuss all the different varied threads that created this show and appreciate it together. And of course, celebrate the brilliant people involved.

[messymindofmine]

The thing about Half Man and Richard Gadd as a writer that really gets me is the level of attention to detail. To the point where even the big gaps that we see and the characters that aren't fleshed out at all is so obviously intentional. But at the same time, those big gaps and lack of fleshed out characters give us an opportunity to fill in with our own imagination and the reason we even want to is because the characters have been written in a way that we feel interested in them despite their lack of presence. That type of thing is very subtle and there are not a lot of writers out there that could do that but Richard Gadd does. And I want to praise him for it. And we see the characters through Niall's perspective and since Niall isn't seeing them as human beings beyond him (because he can't see past his own trauma and his complicated feelings for Ruben), those characters are little more than extensions of that trauma or a connection to Ruben. Or a way for him to convince himself that the trauma doesn't exist. And the reason why Ruben is so much more fleshed out is because of how Niall views him. And it's all so intricate and layered.

As a writer myself who is concerned to the point of obsession of making sure that everything in my work is intentional and exactly how I picture it in my head, this is the type of writing that I have always craved on my screen. And honestly, I've never really gotten it. And it's so clear that this is something Richard Gadd did primarily for himself. I don't think there is anything necessarily wrong for a show that is created to reach as many people as possible and shows with that aim can absolutely be done well but Half Man is simply not that. Sure it was produced and distributed by major companies but the work itself was something Richard Gadd did purely for himself. And he clearly surrounded himself with people (be they the other wonderful cast members, directors, costume designers, makeup artists etc.) who cared about it as much as he did to help him. But ultimately, he created this for himself. And it's clear that there are some that get it and some that don't. There are some that love the show but still have things they wish were different and some who wouldn't change a single thing. And all of that is fine. But what I will always emphasise is the genuine love and hard work that has gone into creating this piece of art. And honestly? It's a piece of art I believe only Richard Gadd could have created. Because ultimately, the art he creates is shaped by the life he has lived.

[messymindofmine]

It's the way that Ruben says to Niall that despite everything, it's Niall that he trusts more than anyone else in the world. Certainly more so than his own wife who Ruben so deeply mistrusts that he enlists Niall to spy on her. And then Niall is the one person in the world that spills his biggest, most shameful, most painful secret. He fears that Niall would think less of him only for Niall to call Ruben his hero. And then they share laughter on opposite sides of the prison glass. They spill silly, childish secrets they've kept from each other throughout their lives. And then Niall drops the biggest bomb possible on Ruben. He blurts out the true paternity of the child Ruben thought was his. And the fact that of all the people in the world, it is Niall (not Benji, not some stranger) but Niall who has not only betrayed him by sleeping with his wife (which would have been a big enough affront to Ruben's masculinity and his sense of ownership over both Mona and Niall) but did the one thing that Ruben could not do and fathered a child with her. Honestly, there was no coming back for either of them

[messymindofmine]

As much as I truly don't care about awards, I am still salty that neither Jamie nor Richard got their flowers at the Gotham awards...but hey ho at least we got to see all 4 of them under the same roof for the first time 🥹

Also Mitchell remains adorable and hilarious ❤️

[f-slur]

still stunned by the sheer violation of what we've seen ruben do to niall in the barn so far, like i've said it before but i'll say it again... imagine if niall had been a woman in her wedding dress, led away from her spouse and guests by a stepbrother twice her size, commanded to expose herself to him ("im telling you you look gorgeous" "come on show me" "stop teasing me you little minx"), punched in the face when she refuses, and finally caressed while lying on the ground bleeding, her wedding dress rucked up to her thighs like niall's kilt was... i think the maleness of a victim can sometimes blind us to the fact that what we're seeing is sexual violence but that is what it was, and the further back you ask the question "what if niall was a woman/girl" the more brutally obvious it all becomes

[messymindofmine]

Mr. Richard Gadd, if you ever see this I want you to know that I have 3 degrees in media-related fields (a bachelor's and 2 masters) and you have now pushed me to the very edge of my limits TWICE! No writer has ever created a show that has fucked with my brain as much as you have...

And I THANK YOU

[apricustar]

mitchell robertson, jamie bell, richard gadd, and stuart campbell via richard’s instagram story

[boo-kei]

THE HALF MAN FOURSOME | GOTHAMS (JUN. 1, 2026)

[messymindofmine]

I have spoken so much about Richard Gadd (and I will continue to do so because I am amazed by him) but I really want to talk about Jamie Bell.

Hearing that he would be in the show was a bit of a surprise since I assumed Gadd would do what he did with Baby Reindeer and cast entirely unknowns. Jamie Bell isn't an A-lister by any means but there's no denying he's something of an icon in the UK since Billy Elliot as well as an established actor with a wide and varied body of work.

And I had no doubt even before I watched the show that Jamie Bell would absolutely destroy me (and he did) but hearing from Richard Gadd himself how Jamie was on his mind even before talks of casting began. That he sought Jamie Bell out to ask him to play Niall. That he has been a fan of Jamie Bell's and believes him to be as criminally underrated as the rest of us do.

And Jamie talking about the ways he could relate to Niall and how he and Richard relied on each other during those heavy moments. How he wanted Richard to play Ruben even when Richard was a bit hesitant.

And then just how beautifully he embodies Niall with all his flaws, traumas and self-destruction. The ways my heart breaks for Niall even as I'm yelling inside my head at him to get his shit together. The ways he forces you with his performance to confront the ways someone like Niall would react in that situation and how it may not align with preconceived notions a person has but it is real. And the way we know from the smallest micro-expression that Niall will never be able to let Ruben go no matter how much he gets hurt. The ways his love for Ruben is matched with his hate but also his envy and desire to have everything that Ruben has. To be everything that Ruben is. But he never succeeds. Perhaps my view is blinkered by the knowledge that Richard had Jamie in mind from the start but I really question if anyone other than Jamie could have ever embodied Niall the way he does.

I don't particularly care about awards because I don't believe they necessarily determine talent or worthiness (and the travesty of the Gotham TV awards last night proves that) but I do hope that Jamie Bell is finally recognised (even if not by the mainstream) but at least by those who weren't aware of him prior to this as the generational talent that he is.

[messymindofmine]

I think it's completely fine to want to have seen more of other characters in the show. I personally would have been interested in seeing how Niall and Ava met as well as what happened between Niall and Alby during the time in between them starting their relationship and the wedding. But that was never the point of the story. We don't get Alby's perspective or Ava's perspective or Mona's perspective because they are not central to the story. And it's fine to wish we had gotten more. But that doesn't mean that show did something wrong by not giving us that. In fact, I would even say that the lack of focus on those side characters gives us as the audience the opportunity to fill those gaps in for ourselves rather than blaming the show for not meeting expectations it never claimed to set out in the first place. And even though I would have been interested in seeing some of the stuff I mentioned above, I prefer that we didn't see it because what we didn't see makes the show just as interesting as what we did see

[wulfhalls]

as much as i want alby and niall to have a happy ending… it would never happen 😔 even if ruben never showed up at the wedding, niall at some point would’ve seeked him out leading to the cycle repeating over again

"as much as i want alby and niall to have a happy ending" sry I just burst out laughing. there is a reason why alby was a non entity as a character. why mona was too to a lesser extent. why we never even get so see nialls baby with ava. cause none of them matter. its not about them. they're just there to further inform niall and rubens relationship. so they can externalise things for the audience. so they can say things to them they cant say to each other.

[messymindofmine]

Thinking of how Richard Gadd wrote a show called Baby Reindeer about his experience with stalking and abuse... thinking about how Ruben's nickname for Niall is "Bambi"... thinking of how Niall is a writer who struggles with sexuality in the wake of abuse... thinking of Richard Gadd starting to write Half Man before Baby Reindeer existed... thinking of how Baby Reindeer became a meme and gossip fodder... thinking of the scene with Niall's press conference and the questions from the journalists... thinking of his reaction... thinking...

[buttholy]

@caiusmarciuscoriolanus made a great post about the parallels between baby reindeer and half man and I very much agree! you don't have to watch it to understand half man, but I do think it will give you a fuller understanding of the themes gadd is working with. he's said that he was writing half man just before he was called up to adapt baby reindeer for netflix and it shows

there is so much of donny in niall (and ruben as well) - the shame, the sexual assault, the yearning for masculinity and the despair at its perceived loss, the inability to speak up about what hurts you, the terrible anxiety brought forth by what you think others perceive you to be, the attempts to understand your sexuality and trauma by throwing yourself in risky situations and the dismissiveness of those around you, your own worse impulses and how they clash against your idea of victimhood...

I really do feel that half man is in constant conversation with baby reindeer - specifically, I think it's in dialogue with its parent show, monkey see monkey do. donny found relief, acceptance and self-love by speaking out about his trauma and allowing himself to be seen and understood by others; niall and ruben destroy themselves and each other by burying their trauma and their shame deep inside themselves and letting it sprout roots that poison and mangle their souls. the truth could set them on the path of healing, just like it put donny on the same path, but they are too afraid to let it see the light of the day

[messymindofmine]

The thing about Half Man is that as much as this show continues to rattle in my brain and as awed as I am at the sheer brilliance of it...I don't think I could ever in good conscience recommend it to anyone