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37. “Can I kiss you?”

So I read a prompt on twitter by @kisuckverse with this particular insta story of Jay and it goes:

When you’re friends with Jay but lately he’s been extra clingy to you and kind of giving hints that he likes you, and so you guys go out with your other friends and you ignored him because you don’t want your other friends to notice the tension between the two of you but then it pissed him off seeing you having fun with your other guy friends but can’t really tell you about it because you guys are technically not together yet.

And I immediately thought that I had to write it!! But it took sooo long ‘cos I was struggling with the ending (sorry in advance if it doesn’t meet your expectations, I tried TT) and finally, FINALLY, I’m posting it. It turned out longer than I thought it would though and now I feel a little empty after finishing it but I hope y’all show it some love!

“Let’s get the rest to join us, they tend to give us a discount when Chansung eats with us,” You suggested.

“How much do you plan on eating? Why would you need a discount?” Jay teased, and you could already picture that annoying grin of his.

“My fight’s over! Let me be, will you,” You whined before he gave in, his obnoxious laughter echoing through the phone.

It’s been a week since your fight was over and this being your first loss, everyone at the gym had been super supportive of your recovery journey. It wasn’t the prettiest of fights, unfortunately, having suffered a fractured arm and numerous bruises on your face but you held out as best as you could. Everyone knew that – they saw that – and being the only competitive female fighter in the gym, the guys took extra care to make sure you were coping fine from checking in on you to taking turns dropping off food and supplements at your apartment.

With most of your injuries healed enough to be out and about, Jay had suggested taking you out to dinner and if it weren’t for the fact that he had been either dropping by your place to deliver your favourite ice cream or calling you every other day – ‘just wanted to make sure you’re doing alright, that’s all’ he’d say – you would’ve readily agreed by now. After all, despite the comfortable friendship, you don’t remember hanging out nor speaking with him this much outside the gym, ever. Sure, there were the occasional team dinners post training, but to say that the both of you had gotten significantly closer over the week due to his multiple visits wouldn’t be an understatement.

“I’ll pick you up,” He told you. “Be there in twenty.”

“Jay, it’s just a fifteen-minute walk away from my place. With the time you’d take to get here, I’d already be there,” You reminded him, struggling to fill your brows while you wedged your phone between your ear and shoulders.

“It’s along the way from my office.”

“No it’s not,” You stated, his navigator instructing him to make a u-turn in the background a dead giveaway.

“Stop being difficult and let me pick you up! This isn’t a question” He said, his tone going an octave higher in frustration before letting out a soft chuckle. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

A part of you appreciated all the concern that he had shown you and it made you feel almost special, yet this was precisely the reason you felt the need to keep your distance and emotions in check. This is Jay we’re talking about, not just any guy from next door – for you to think his kind gestures meant something more? Oh, the audacity…

Thing is, you never really came to terms with the fact that yes, you had a big, stupid crush on him. The thought of the other fighters teasing you relentlessly about it if they were to find out gave you all the reasons to put on a chic front to mask the butterflies you felt whenever he came to the gym and the nerves that pooled in your stomach each time he came to watch you fight.

But with how much alone time you’ve been spending with him as of late outside the gym and in your apartment, you simply needed a logical reason to distract you from thinking that maybe, just maybe, he was interested in you, too. Not that you were complaining – your long time crush was actually visiting you at your place and being your listening ear – but after losing a fight though? All beat up and shit? There was no way – impossible, really.

Anywho. He got his way with you, picking you up for a short five-minute drive down to the said restaurant where he had noticed you were quieter than usual, spending most of the journey staring out of the window.

“You okay?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” You shrugged.

“Lies.”

You turned around, furrowing your brows at him, “What?”

“Something’s obviously bothering you,” He said, then turned his attention back to the road.

“If anything, you’re the one that’s bothering me.”

“What did I do now?”

You sighed, slumping in your seat and for the rest of the drive he let you be, occasionally sneaking glances at you each time he turned to look at the side mirror.

“Tell me about it,” He said in a soft voice, pulling on the hand brake at the parking lot.

“I’m just feeling a little…lousy? I guess,” You hesitated. “I mean, the thought of facing everyone who had literally put aside everything to help me train for the fight only to let them down is just…not the best feeling.”

“It’s not your fault,” He reassured you. “You did your best, and that’s all that matters.”

“But I slipped up…” You trailed off, involuntarily sulking as you lowered your head.

He pressed his lips in a tight line, and after some consideration, tapped on your knee for you to look up at him, “You did really well, trust me, and the fact that you held out for so long was admirable.”

In response, you merely sighed once more, “…why are you so nice to me?”

He stared at you for a second, his expression contorting to one that screamed ‘what?’ before he said it himself, “Cos you’re my friend, and I’m nice to all my friends.”

There was silence in the car as he awaited your response and you studied his expression for a bit. He looked genuinely confused, and at this point the word ‘friend’ repeated itself over and over in your head and you were embarrassed to admit that it somewhat pricked your heart a little, just a little.

He cocked his head seeing that you were not responding, and that was when you snapped out of your trance.

“What’s up?”

“Nothing,” You whispered, gathering your belongings before forcing a smile. “Let’s go.”

His eyes narrowed, watching as you got out of the car and started walking towards the restaurant.

For a minute he pondered over the conversation you guys had, and after thinking back on all the nights he spent at your place throwing his gym sessions out the window as he binged on ice cream with you while you cried in your blanket and the one time he offered to help change the dressing of the stitches on your face all because your incessant tears messed it up, it clicked.

Was he being that obvious?

He liked you, he knew that. But it certainly wasn’t part of his plan to reveal it to you any time soon, especially not now when he knew that it was only normal that you needed your own headspace coming off a loss that you’ve trained so hard for.

You had always stood out as an attractive, independent lady and there was no doubt you had piqued his interest over the years that he had gotten to know you. Despite your tough and charismatic exterior whenever you fought, you were no different from all the other girls outside of the octagon – from manicured nails to eyelash extensions, you enjoyed it all. But he found that side of you adorable, to say the least. He’d watch the way you’d shred your opponents to pieces, then complain about your chipped nails once it’s all over and it amused him to no end. The fact that you pursued what started as a mere hobby competitively all whilst running a successful boutique café as your main job only made him admire you even more. He simply thought you were, well, cool, and it wasn’t very often that he felt that way about his love interests.

Seeing all that, it was difficult for him to watch you break down upon losing your fight. Witnessing this vulnerable side of you was new to him, leaving him at a loss of what to do and unknowingly, he had found himself in a situation where he wanted to protect you that much more, and he showed exactly that because without even realizing it, he had gone out of his way amidst his commitments to comfort you.

Most of the guys had arrived by then, and seeing that there was an empty seat left between Junyoung and Seungmin, you slid yourself right in, a little relieved having barely escaped from having to sit beside Jay for the rest of the night. After all, the past week wasn’t very useful in helping you keep up your usual persona in front of him. If anything, how close the two of you had gotten only made it all the more difficult and the last thing you wanted was to spell it out for everyone to know that yes, you were hopelessly in love with this very attractive man.

On the other hand, Jay seemed to have noticed this and despite being a teeny bit disappointed, he took a seat a few seats away, not without glancing at you once more.

Being accustomed to his loud antics made it noticeable that he was being quiet and unreadable all of a sudden, and a part of you started regretting your stupid decision to confront him earlier because seriously, what were you thinking, kicking up a fuss over your wishful thinking that Jay Park would be interested in a girl like you.

There was no doubt some unspoken tension between you and Jay by now but other than the fact that the both of you were speaking much less to each other than the usual (not that anyone else really noticed), the rest of the dinner went by rather smoothly, everyone cracking a hell lot of jokes for hours on end to celebrate your recovery.

“You said you’ll teach me how to ride it!” You exclaimed, pointing to Seungmin’s skateboard while he flaunted some tricks at the parking lot where everyone was exchanging their goodbyes.

He laughed, “Not now, your arm’s in a cast!”

“But you can hold me,” You whined, looking at him with puppy eyes which caught Jay’s attention, his eyes flickering towards you almost instinctively in between his conversation with Chansung.

Seungmin gave in eventually, holding on to your uninjured arm as you wobbled helplessly on the board and with the way the both of you giggled uncontrollably at how silly you looked, the whole situation was indeed quite a spectacle.

“Junyoung! Support her from the other side!” Seungmin chortled.

Junyoung snickered, and with your arm in a cast, he supported you by your waist, the three of you shaking with laughter as with the rest of the guys as they watched on.

At this point, Jay was not pleased, biting down on his lip and furrowing his brows as he watched the way you squealed despite putting yourself in a stupidly dangerous situation. Perhaps he was over reacting, but seeing how much fun you were having with the other guys while you spent the whole of dinner somewhat avoiding him did make him feel somewhat jealous as much as he hated to admit it.

“Ya! Stop playing! At this rate she’s gonna injure her other arm!” Chansung yelled.

Sunyoung tittered, approached you guys as she helped you down the board, “C’mon guys, we should start making our way home, it’s late.”

“Do you have a ride home?” Junyoung asked.

“It’s just a short walk away, don’t worry about me.”

“I’ll walk you home then,” Seungmin offered.

But before you could reply to him, Jay interrupted, “I’ll give you a ride home.”

The walk to his car was awkward to say the least despite your hardest efforts to shrug off his unusual behaviour and to make it worse, there was a thick silence that engulfed the both of you as you guys entered the car. He didn’t say a word as he set up the navigator and got comfortable in his seat and the fact that he pretended not to notice how you were looking at him only asserted that he was annoyed – the worst part? You had no idea why.

“Are you mad…?” You asked, the tension in the air too unbearable for you to act like everything was okay.

No answer.

Needless to say, the ride back home was excruciating with Jay being so damn persistent on ignoring you which, in all honesty, was starting to annoy you. You had spent the entire ride turning to look at him from time to time and making it obvious that you were trying to start a conversation and there he was, staring straight ahead the whole time.

“I’ll get off here,” You said, breaking the silence as the car came to a stop at a red light a few minutes from your apartment.

“We’re reaching,” He told you, his tone ice cold.

“I’ll just walk,” You muttered, gathering your belongings anyway then reaching for the door handle.

But the light turned green just then, and he snapped when he realized that you were this close to opening the door just when he was about to step on the gas pedal, “Are you out of your mind? We’re in the middle of a road! Just sit still and you’ll be home in a minute.”

Seriously, from skateboarding with an arm in a cast to getting out of a moving vehicle – did your head take some damage during the fight or was danger your middle name? He thought to himself.

Startled by his sudden outburst at you for no comprehensible reason at all, you shot him a glare and he stared back at you with one of his own and it was when he saw the way your eyes trembled did he realize what he had done. You turned around to look out the window, gripping onto your bag tightly as you bit down on your lip only to realize that it was quivering. Yes, you were perhaps being a tad bit dramatic. Whatever. But angry tears were welling up in your eyes and for what reason you had no fucking clue.

He parked his car below your apartment block shortly after, and after taking a deep breath to regain your composure, you turned around to look at him – only to see that he was already watching you – then whispered a soft ‘thank you’ before pulling on the door handle but he stopped you, tugging on your elbow.

“W-wait,” He stuttered, swallowing as you turned around to look at him once more but seeing that he wasn’t saying anything, you got out of the car, walking away from him before you allowed a single tear to escape from your eye.

“Ji Eun!” He called out in panic, getting out of the car and running after you. “Wait up!”

You shrugged his hand off, squinting at him through the tears that was blurring your vision by now, “What?”

“I’m sorry,” He breathed, slightly taken aback by your tears.

Sure, he had seen them plenty of them over the past week, but never once did he imagine that he would be the reason for your tears.

You frowned, and after a deep breath, you spoke, “What did I do for you to get mad at me..?”

His heart broke as he watched the way your eyes watered and your voice cracked, the way you turned around to hide your tears from him and the way your hands scrambled to wipe them away although you deserved every right to scream your head off at him.

You literally felt like you had done nothing wrong to be on the receiving end of his tantrums whatsoever, and experiencing the 180-degree change in his attitude towards you hurt more than you thought it would. It was almost embarrassing, really – you bawling your eyes out in front of your biggest celebrity crush because of a little something he did all because the last week spent with him created this whole imaginary idea in your head that he actually liked you.

Your tiny frame shook as you tried your hardest to control your breathing, and by now you had given up on holding back the little sobs that were escaping your lips.

Then, he wordlessly wrapped his arms around you from behind and murmured, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

He stayed like that, tightening his hold on you as he waited for your breathing to stabilize. He understood that the last thing you wanted was for him to watch you cry over something he had said to you despite him being the one at fault, nor any of his hugs but he couldn’t help it and if it weren’t for what an ass he was being, you would’ve been on cloud nine – ecstatic – but despite the numerous occasions you dared to imagine yourself being in his embrace, this was not it.

“That’s it? You got mad at me for no reason and expect that a ‘sorry’ is all it takes to make up for it?” You asked in a low voice once you had calmed down, peeling his hands off you before you turned around to face him, crossing your arms in front of your chest as you did to put a distance between the both of you.

“I don’t know what got in my head and…I don’t know if it was something I said in the car,” He started, scratching the back of his head. “But I’ve been thinking about it all dinner and I just can’t figure out why you’re avoiding me and being this distant all of a sudden. It frustrates me.”

“I wasn’t avoiding you…” You lied, breaking eye contact with him as soon as the words left your lips.

“I’m not stupid Ji,” He said as matter of fact, raising a brow at you – he could read you like an open book.

You groaned, “I just didn’t want to attract any unnecessary attention, okay?”

“What attention?”

“The fact that we’ve gotten so close!”

“What’s wrong with that?” He asked incredulously.

Because I fucking like you and the whole world would be able to tell once you start looking at me up close the way you do with your cute ass smile, idiot, you thought.

“Cos you’re so nice all of a sudden and the guys would probe…” Sigh.

“I’m always nice to you!” He defended. “And so what if they probed?”

“Ugh, I don’t know!” You said, exhaling deeply and running a hand through your hair in frustration before burying your face in your hands. “I don’t know…”

He watched as you let out a soft whine, refusing to give him a logical answer and he sighed, stepping forward to close the gap between the two of you, “I like you, okay? And I don’t care if anyone probes about it. I just want to know if you feel the same way.”

For a second you froze, wondering if you were hallucinating but as you slowly looked up at him sheepishly from your palm only to see him staring right back at you waiting for an answer, it hit you.

“wait...what?” You gawked.

Yes, very classy of you.

“Why do you think I’d sacrifice sleep and drive thirty minutes down from my studio at 2am in the morning after a twelve-hour studio session every other day to watch you binge eat ice cream while crying your eyes out?” He shrugged. “It isn’t the prettiest nor most entertaining thing to do, by the way.”

“…well, I didn’t ask you to,” You muttered.

“Ji…” He said, voice a little softer this time as he tugged on your fingers – he kept his hold on them this time, though.

Well…what were you supposed to say? Did this give you the right to jump on him? Your crush of two years had just confessed to you. This time he wasn’t that dude you met at your part time job, nor the other one you got to know through a common lecture in university – he was Jay Park for crying out loud.

“Hey…look at me,” He said, gently tilting your face up by the chin to look at him.

“What do you want me to say…?”

“I confessed!”

“Do it nicely.”

“Oh c’mon, you heard me,” He groaned, clicking his tongue.

He absolutely hated saying the sweet, corny stuff or anything that had to do with expressing his feelings romantically. Having to repeat them? Good Lord…

You tilted your head to a side as you awaited a response, and when he realized that you were not going to let him off, he asked instead, “Can I kiss you?”

Straightforward – that he was and you knew. He just never saw the point in going in circles when he could be outright blunt to make known what he felt and wanted. But still, it caught you by surprise and it wasn’t an exaggeration to say that you simply stood rooted to the ground and stared at him wide eyed for what felt like an eternity.

Again, what were you supposed to say?

Nevertheless, he let out a low chuckle, very gently sliding his arms around your waist to bring you close to him before he let his lips collide with yours and this was it – everything you wanted but denied yourself to ever dream of. His lips soft against yours, his arms around you firm but his touches delicate…all that and more, and he was finally yours.

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