today has been such an introspective day and while I wish I could say I feel better, I donāt. Itās been a rough week and my mind is still trying to cope. so, today was spent bed-ridden with movies and I ended up watching dead poetās society which for some reason I had never seen. it struck a chord with me so while I still donāt feel the best and I have to be up at 5am, I feel this glimmer of hope. I know I will never understand my situations while Iām in the midst of them and Iām learning to be okay with that. I think itās good to let things off your chest sometimes especially on apps like this. cause Iād also be lying if I said halloweekend isnāt a trigger for me emotionally. I get really down on myself for not doing the normal things that people my age do and scrolling through social media only amplifies that. Iām about to go to bed and press the reset button for tomorrow, but I just wanted to say that despite my emotions hitting me hard almost daily, I am forever grateful to be so deeply embedded in them. I know they are my teachers and through them, my path cannot diverge from where I want to be. I just need to listen to them, not push them away. so hereās a little blurb from a poem I wrote tonight. I hope if youāre struggling with anything currently that the silver lining comes soon - whenever soon needs to be. just be gentle with where you are because if not you, no one else can meet you there. sleep good guys š