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if i look back, i am lost

#extradirty
Mike Driver

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@kimsvngki-blog
boop
casual looks pt 2 đđ»
gongmins:
â sarcasm, whats that ? maybe if you held back on attack mode you wouldnât look silly hm ? i chew when necessary, leave me alone. remind me to starve when youâre around. â the look doesnât cease, only growing broader instead. sunny clearly doesnât like the shoe being on the other foot and gongmin is living for the fact. â maybe. that would be no ones fault but your own. â sunnys last comment causes a quick rise of blush to hit his cheeks, and so he glances around, before lowering his voice a little. â itâs good dick, what can i say ? if i disagreed youâd keep it from me anyway. really backed me into a corner, huh ? â
attack mode? sunny is giving gongmin another unamused expression at the words, holding back the urge to roll his eyes again. he wasnât attacking. he was simply calling the other out on his atrocious eating habits. gongminâs smug expression certainly isnât doing any good though, only irking him on a little bit more and sunny knows it is bait and that he shouldnât take it -- but heâs there, taking it anyway, not really giving much of a fuck about it. âyouâre NOT innocent.â and it was true. gongmin was beginning to develop a tendency of initiating a lot of their activities on his own, lately. the flush that finds gongminâs cheeks doesnât go unnoticed and itâs sunnyâs turn to feel smug now, unaffected by the comment following after. âglad youâve already realized that iâm still the one in control here.â
gongmins:
@kimsvngki !
IT WASNâT A DATE. gongmin told himself that much whilst he was in the shower, when he fiddled with his hair for a little too long, when he went through five different shirts before he set off, when he was walking down to grab sunny, once heâd grabbed him and it took all of his might to not kiss him. whilst some would say it was denial that was coursing through his veins ( though gongmin wouldnât be the first to deny it ), a sense of nervousness had settled in a long while before heâd left. it wasnât a date â so theyâd agreed to meet just across from the small student car park â easy for the both of them. they were just two friends going to the movies, there was nothing weird about that. the sun was still leaking out through the dark sky, the clouds refusing to send it to its rest just yet; and yet like always, sunny was the sun anyway â gongmin had spotted him before sunny had him, and for a moment he was able to pretend it wasnât weird ( and like sunny was just a boy ). so heâd slowed his pace, though only for a moment to just watch whilst he could before everything caught up with them again. feet begrudgingly pulled him further toward his destination though, a cough escaping through smirked lips, hopeful all the awe he felt for a mere moment would disappear with it. â whereâs the sports wear today ? are you REAL ? âcause you almost look NICE. â
it shouldnât seem as weird as it does right now. sunny had hung out with gongmin plenty of times -- granted, most of those times were in the privacy of a dorm room and  a w a y  from curious eyes -- but it still didnât defeat the point that they had spent alone time together. recently, even. time that didnât involve sex. them hanging out outside of a dorm room or secluded space shouldnât be weird. and yet, something is churning in his gut and making sunny nervous. he canât even remember the last time he had felt nervous about something, and the fact alone that the feeling is there is making him want to jump out of his skin. he almost flakes. almost sends gongmin a text to change the plans for another time -- but he DOESNâT. instead, sunny throws on clothes that donât consist of popular sportswear logos. clothes deemed appropriate for a casual outing with a... friend. if he checks himself out in the mirror a few times and makes sure his hair looks good too then thatâs just natural happenstance. he does it every day. it had nothing to do with gongmin. he hasnât been waiting that long in the parking lot before the otherâs voice is suddenly breaking the silence, and sunny turns to look at him completely once heâs there, immediately appreciating gongmin and his appearance. honestly, why was he so hot? âwow. if jeans and this shirt is all it takes to impress you, who knows what would happen if i actually attempted to look nice.â because he certainly hadnât attempted tonight. of course not. âwhat time is the movie at again?â
gongmins:
his head hurts. a throbbing present at his temples that he didnât recall on the stumble over. the tug on gongmins lips that still refused to leave was more of a bother, his cheeks almost beginning to ache. but he likes to think he knows what sunnyâs thinking ( even though heâs likely complete wrong ) so of course, he refuses to drop his lips, just yet. alcohol had always been easier for him to handle than any kind of substance, though that didnât mean he wasnât a mess by the end of it, still. the way he had stumbled through the boys bedroom reminding him as much. what he didnât need reminding of however, was the damned activity in his pants he was trying very hard to ignore, although it wasnât a problem yet. because truly ? gongmin hadnât turned up for that ( not that heâd let sunny know as much, anyway ). heâd already been beaming from the minute sunny was willing to let him jabber on â- so when the boy finally cracks a smile, gongmin sure as shit feels slightly accomplished. smiles were not lost on him after all, apparently. the look alone settles well in his stomach ( heâs fond, dare he say it ) though not helping in other factors, so of course heâs quick to try and push all that away quickly. an idiot, he says ? lips quickly jut out, an all too dramatic a pout gracing his lips instead. â an i-idiot you havenât kicked out yet, j-just saying. â gongmin is almost smug, the grin quickly resurfacing all over again as heâs trying to get comfortable. heâs been in this bed before, but maybe itâs the layers of clothing and warmth between them but it feels different. or maybe sunnyâs just different tonight. his fingers continue to fiddle familiarly, this usually went differently, but gongmin usually wasnât the one drunk, either. â convey. t-thats a big word. but mhmmm. i d-donât ramble, i enunciate clearly !! â even he didnât believe that, but heâs standing by it. despite the laziness breezing through him, heavy at his eyelids despite the buzzing in his ears from the music previously, sunnys movement stirs him, eyes blinking a few times as heâs readying himself for whatever might come, and before even he knows it, a giggle is leaving his lips. pull yourself together, is all he thinks as eyes are narrowing to glance up at the pretty boy on top of him. watching greedily, he lets out a simple low hum of agreement. though sure to stay put, and not wanting to be rid of sunny too prematurely, a lazy hand adjusts the pillow under his head, grin ever present, before hands settle on the top of sunnys thighs tightly. â i t-think so, â the elder knows its a lost cause, but he tries to whisper again. teasing wasnât drunk gongmins style, but with hands locked where they were, the position working in his own favour too, heâd already taken many chances with the boy, why not another ? â what about this ? â is asked flatly, eyes still strong ( but far too fondly ) on him as hes arching up, bucking against them in just the right spot.
gongmin was drunk and sunny wasnât too keen on doing anything extreme with him tonight; but that didnât mean he wasnât allowed to tease a bit. or, perhaps, have a little bit of a taste while the other was here and underneath him willingly. quicker than he could of ever seen coming, sunny had found himself within the otherâs company at the beginning of the year and enjoying it, even when it innocently started off in their study hall together and was only quick snips here and there of annoyance and demands of a certain chair back. sunny would of never thought that theyâd end up here, and that heâd end up smiling over gongminâs drunk ass, or that heâd even be giving the other the time of day in the PREDICAMENT that he is in. sunny had a reputation for being a bit of an asshole and as well as partier; but even he wasnât on that vibe twenty-four-seven. none of the partying happened until his work was done. he was responsible first and foremost and perhaps that surprised those who didnât really know him that well -- but heâd be responsible here as well. not that he didnât think gongmin wouldnât be willing while  s o b e r ; but if things took a more heated turn he knew already in the back of his mind that heâd put a STOP to it before it got too far. it doesnât change the position he is in at the moment though, but it was innocent -- REALLY. his actions were more playful at the moment than sexual, and gongmin is giggling underneath him and sunny canât help the small breath of a laugh that slips from his own lips as well at the otherâs ridiculousness. âenunciate. thatâs a big word.â sunny finally responds back to gongminâs comment, smirking a little bit down at him and ignoring how his body seems to buzz at the tight grip of hands now grasping at his thighs. gongmin is attempting to whisper again, and sunnyâs eyes canât help but roll at the failure, about to say something in regards to it when suddenly the press of their hips together is cutting his words off, gongmin arching up into him and grinding against him causing him to lean forward just the slightest to catch himself, hands reaching out to grasp and rest on the others biceps for a little bit of support. he might of lost his breath a bit. might of. âyou wanna play like that?â sunny finally breathes out, head tilting to the side as his own fingers squeeze the muscle they are pressed against, his legs shifting and widening just the slightest to ease himself down and better against gongminâs hips. âi think you might be a little too drunk for that game, gongmin.â
âi may be slowly drifting toward an EARLY mid-life crisis.â the comment is said so casually that sunny himself might of had to do a double-take towards it if it hadnât been his mouth they had been slipping past; and despite the heavy sarcasm lacing his words there was also the dull ache of truth hidden in them as well. the nagging feeling had been getting the best of him lately. nagging, and nagging, and nagging until sunny could feeling the brimmings of ANXIETY creeping over his chest from time to time and there was only one person that he could trust to talk about these things with. eunseo had told him countless times to come and talk to him when it got like this too -- it was just getting himself to the talking point that was always the  s t r u g g l e . glancing up from his phone to peer over at his best friend, he maintains his composure despite his mind doing the opposite, âhypothetically speaking? what would you say if i said i might actually care a little bit about someone iâm currently sleeping with.â sunny continues as casually as he can before quickly jumping to ensure his dignity for the moment, âHYPOTHETICALLY, though.â [ @exnseo ]
to be honest -- he should of expected the outcome of what this was now. he honestly really should of. and had it been anyone else - anybody who could actually grate sunnyâs nerves  j u s t  enough to get him aggravated - he probably would of put an end to the conversation well before it could get anywhere. this was siwon, though, and there was a little part of sunny that had a very hard time with telling them NO. especially when the conversation began to drift towards one specific person in particular. which, in siwonâs defense, had been more sunnyâs fault today. sunny had been the one to initially bring eunseo up in the first place as a light tease,  (  he didnât have self control when it came to dangling his best friend in siwonâs face sometimes, okay? it was humorous!  )  but that tease quickly turned in another direction and sunny could feel the tension of unspoken words beginning to brew. siwon  w a s n â t  talking yet -- and for once, sunny almost preferred he would. âchrist, would you just SAY what you want to say, siwonnie?â sunny finally snips out, frowning over at them across the small table they had taken over once entering the chosen cafe for lunch, peeved expression evident on his features, âyou might as well. iâm giving you a freebie here. and i donât do that often.â  [  @siwvnâ  ]
byvnh:
( @kimsvngki· )
haneul swung his legs slightly, taking care to avoid hitting the cupboard beneath him with his heels, it was sunnyâs kitchen counter he was sitting in after all. âyou know for someone who was complaining that he never sees me anymore youâre being pretty boring right now.â haneul said, a small smile on his face evidence that he was just teasing. it had been a while since heâd been able to see sunny â unsurprisingly studying took up a lot of his time these days. and he knew that sunny was unhappy about it, if he was being honest with himself haneul was unhappy with it too. sunny was one of his closest friends and haneul missed spending time with him. âare you mad at me for forgetting about you the other day?â he was still mostly joking, however, haneul was slightly worried about that. despite the fact that he had eventually shown up and they had spent most of the afternoon together.
immediately, sunny can only scoff in haneulâs direction at the INSULT, but thatâs about as far as it gets with his retort. truth be told, sunny was more than away of how boring it was at the moment. he, himself, was bored out of his mind and beginning to realize that there really wasnât much of a point in giving haneul the silent treatment when he was being so god damn nice right now. to clarify; sunny wasnât angry. he understood that school came first for haneul and respected it just as it did for his own priorities  (  sometimes  )  but it didnât change the fact that they had gone from constantly hanging out and being around one another to -- going weeks at times without seeing even a glimpse of each other. âiâm not mad,â he answers back after a moment, realizing that his silence might only make things worse before huffing and finally lolling his head to look at haneul directly, a small pout on his face, âi just feel like i never get to see you anymore.â and i kind of miss you.
gongmins:
a grin wants terribly to stretch across gongmins face, though heâs quick to stop it in its tracks. so instead a light smirk tugs. sunny was being difficult, that much heâd decided already. scoffing, he relaxes, letting his arms loosen. â you heard. â he offers back coolly, the grin threatening to surface. â that wasnât a no, but we can go with that. what kind of asshole chews udon ?? are you feeling okay ?? but itâs okay sunny, you donât want me to die, its kind of cute, really. in a bit of âwhatever would you do without meâ kind of way, you know ?? â
âspare me the sarcasm, i didnât see what you were eating until i finally got here. my point still stands though. iâve seen you eat other things. you donât chew.â sunny moves to rest his chin over his crossed arms, eyes narrowing suspiciously as he sees the faint outlines of a grin tempting to show across gongminâs face. teasing was more HIS thing;  not the others. he ignores the term âcuteâ and chooses to scoff in the others direction instead, âyouâre getting pretty fucking cocky, arenât you? i didnât realize getting some dick would do this to you.â
mnyunki:
When I was young I used to be a cry-baby. If someone said âyouâre about to cry right?â I would start crying out of frustration. After joining the group, we went through a lot so there werenât as many times when I cried, but last year, I cried a lot in front of my members as all sorts of feelings came to me⊠Iâm originally shy and not confident in expressing what I feel. But at that time, I could say everything that I felt in my heart and thought the bond between our team became stronger.
SEND TO... ⥠???
exnseo:
moonseo: fuck u iâm my own calculator. moonseo: u have seen my ass so itâs ok !! moonseo: itâs fair bc i agreed to listen to that album u shoved at me last night đ moonseo: suuuuuuuuuun. moonseo: âŠfine. but ONLY bc i would rather d*e than have an ugly best friend so
sunny.ki: unfortunately not everyone can be a super genius like you sunny.ki: itâs a nice ass, ngl sunny.ki: have you listened to it YET though, thatâs the real question here sunny.ki: and iâd rather die than be ugly so sunny.ki: hurry đ Â tf đ Â up đ
SEND TO... ⥠???
soomyong:
soomyong: woow how rude. soomyong: donât hate from outside the cool club, when you canât even get in.
sunny.ki: donât wanna be in ur lame ass club sunny.ki: prob just you in it anyway sunny.ki:Â bc the only person who thinks youâre cool is yourself
gongmins:
gongmin might not have wanted to linger on the fact, but there were very few things in life that he was willing to run for. football, food, or away from trouble. men had never quite made it into that equation before. evidently, heâd found himself a little more invested in what may or may not come of the night than he first thought. jelly like legs fumble toward the wall, a strangely possessive hand palming the wall, his stance adjusting to allow one to push between sunnyâs legs. funnily, heâs the sober one and crazily ( or maybe pathetically depending how you looked at it ) feels intoxicated anyway ââ did sunny truly have that much of an affect on the older male ?? â didnât think i would⊠â gongmin had gone for bold, though the words slip through as a lie, the fact that he couldâve chosen anyone to fixate on for the evening present, but still comforting that it was him. his other hand at sunnyâs neck continues to scream out that heâs laying his claimââ for the first time, gongmin isnât entirely conscious of who or who may not be watching. he hadnât came to play games, but thereâs a faint thrill at the opportunity. trepidation floods him when sunny moves, eyes watching attentively, only for him to shoot a look at the squeeze and it takes a lot to not try too hard and tense underneath the grasp. gongmin always had been putty once sunny got his hands on him, tonight was no different, even if heâd been trying to go for a different approach. and itâs no different when heâs grabbed, a quirked smirk gracing his lips until heâs locking with sunnyâs. fervour lingers through the kiss whilst it can only for sunny to halt it in its tracks. the redness that was already present had only deepened across his face, flustered might have been the word, and the smirk only reappears when heâs able to watch him again. hand at his neck squeezing briefly, gongmin shakes his head. â shit, sunny. you are gonna be the death of me, yâknow. â is offered back, teasingly, as heâs pushing the two of them up as closely against the wall as possible, the distance between the two of them closing. â you on the other hand, are kinda fuckinâ sexy like that. â
that fucking hand. itâs distracting, a little too distracting, so much so that itâs pulling sunnyâs attention away from gongminâs mouth and whatever he had just said. the words fall on deaf ears as sunnyâs gaze shifts to peer in the direction where he feels gongminâs hand squeeze, ignoring the goosebumps that begin to rise around it and course down his arms. his attention focuses back when he feels his back press against the wall and the tallerâs press against him, eyes flickering to look back up at him once more and actually catch what he says this time around. his own hand is still gripping the others face and sunny finds himself pulling gongmin in again, not wanting him away in any sense at the moment and his own body finally reacting and pushing back into his space, âyeah?â he asks, brow raising but there is a curl on his lips, smirk of his own finding his face now. something about gongmin calling him sexy was a turn on all on itâs own as well. the other just kept checking off the imaginary boxes in sunnyâs head and there is a pleased feeling beginning to emit from him. heâs HAPPY. heâs drunk, as well, but having the other here and with him right now -- sunny actually feels happy about it  (  honestly, thank god he was too drunk to properly think about that right now  )  .  leaning forward to press another kiss to gongminâs lips, he doesnât bother lingering with it much, making it quick and brief before placing another swift one against his jawline and shifting away. the hand resting on gongminâs arm moves to grasp at the one on his neck, ignoring how his head dips to press against it as a tingling sensation erupts beneath it again, âwe should go inside. you need a drink.â sunny points out, pulling the hand away finally and dispersing whatever spell it was casting over him. if it had stayed and squeezed and teased any longer he wasnât quite sure if he would of let them go back into the bar. pushing back against the wall he uses the force to move them both away from it, whining a little bit to himself as he finally pulls away from gongmin and grasps his hand instead, directing the both of them back inside with light steps. the second they make it through the main doors sunny is dragging the other in close again, wary of the large crowd, and turning to look over at the other, âif you disappear on me in here iâll kick your ass.â
SEND TO... ⥠???
exnseo:
moonseo: did u know it takes 15 mins to walk there ? moonseo: & it takes 20 mins for me to finish my quickie w siwonnie ?? moonseo: gr8 iâm glad u can understand bff đ moonseo:Â kiiiidding, iâm omw ugly
sunny.ki: u should've majored in math, seo sunny.ki: bc iâve definitely been waiting abt almost 40 mins tops for ur ass sunny.ki: and iâm STILL gonna be waiting bc i actually want to see you. sunny.ki: wow. sunny.ki: donât call me ugly. lying is a sin.
SEND TO... ⥠???
soomyong:
soomyong: why be outside in the hot sun soomyong: when i can be inside enjoying cool air??
sunny.ki: hope the ac magically stops working
SEND TO... ⥠???
sevkjoon:
joonie: excuse me for running late joonie: now iâm gonna take even longer joonie: since you wanna be a little bitch
sunny.ki: you couldâve said that twenty mins ago sunny.ki: suck my dick
SEND TO... ⥠???
bsevlks:
seul.king: ?????? seul.king: i have no idea what youâre talking about
sunny.ki: we were supposed to hang out sunny.ki: like thirty mins ago