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Cliffs of Moher

“One can never have enough socks,” said Dumbledore. “Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.”

star-anise

Let’s talk about sexual consent.

You’re allowed to just… not want to have sex with somebody. For any reason you want. You might not like their haircut, their opinions, their laugh, their facial hair, their past history, their genitals, anything.

You don’t actually need to prove that the thing you object to is BAD WRONG AWFUL, or that you would NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS want to have sex with that person or anyone like them.

You can go on a date and decide not to sleep with them. You can go on a million dates and decide that. You can have sex with them and then decide, 20 minutes later, that you don’t want to have it again. You can decide that there’s a certain kind of sex you don’t want to have.

Sure, people’s feelings may get hurt when they get sexually rejected. Sure, we can talk about broader ethical issues, like “Hey maybe the pleasure of both partners should matter so maybe cis dudes who want to please their partners should have more sex that gets cis women off even if eating out doesn’t give them personally an orgasm”, or people can discuss experiences like “I’m a lesbian and normally 100% into vagina business, but I had sex with a trans woman and had enjoyable contact with her penis and don’t think that makes me less lesbian” BUT

NONE of that means you need to do ANYTHING, sexually, that you do not goddamn want to. Your body, your sexual consent, should be inviolate to any person of good conscience. Your feelings and choices may make someone else decide they don’t want to have sex with you, but that’s their right likewise.

It feels like people forget that, and feel like they need a lot of backup reasons why they don’t want to have sex with someone. But in my experience, the reality is: People who believe consent is important will respect your consent or lack thereof no matter how whimsical your reasons are. People who don’t won’t care, and it won’t matter whether or not you have a 40-page thesis on Why You Don’t Want to Fuck, complete with bibliography.