Chapter Six: What a bunch of nerds
Notes: this chapter focuses mainly on zach and chris because YAY ZACH AND CHRIS!
music: Fuck Everything - CSS
“Excellent! Now that we’ve covered upstaging and cheating out, you know the basics.” Simon stood at the edge of the stage, his back to the rows of seats, facing the assembled class. It was the third session so far of the acting class. “Now we can start on some real acting! Enough of all the boring stuff, eh?”
The students began to murmur excitedly amongst themselves, but Bri remained quiet. She was standing at the back of the class, watching the professor intently, and feeling very unprepared.
“It’s alright if you don’t feel ready,” said a sudden, quiet voice. Bri jumped, startled, and turned to face the speaker. It was Nick, the set designer, theater manager, and assistant instructor.
“Jesus, Professor Frost. You scared the crap out me.”
Nick smiled at her kindly. He was a big man, portly, clad in a simple t-shirt and jeans. Like Simon, he was British, and apparently he and Simon had moved stateside together, having been best friends since high school. Bri hadn’t figured out the details of their story quite yet, but she was determined to find out someday. “Sorry. And call me Nick, please… but you look awful pale there, Bri. You worried about something?”
Glancing at Simon to make sure she wasn’t missing anything important (she wasn’t- Simon had gotten distracted and begun to tell the story of his first ever performance, at the age of 12, when on opening night he contracted the flu and went on stage anyway, with a temperature of 101 and vomit buckets in the wings for him to throw up in every time he staggered off stage). “I- I’ve never done any actual acting before. I’m going to screw up.”
“Half the class has never acted before, either,” Nick shrugged. “You’re just as ready for it as anyone. Besides, the first ‘acting’ he has you do is just improv, that’s easy.”
“Improv?”
“Improvisation. You just make the scene up as you go along, it’s fun.”
Bri swallowed, suddenly feeling even worse. “I’d much rather have a script, Nick. I can read off a page, I can memorize… I can’t improvise my way out of a paper bag. I’m screwed. Maybe I should just drop the class.”
“Don’t be silly!” Nick replied. He smiled agan and gave her a hearty clap on the shoulder. “You’ll do great, I promise.”
To Bri’s relief, class ended before she had to take a turn improvising. A couple of other pairs had gone, going up on stage with everybody watching and building a scene out of a prompt randomly thrown at them by Simon or Nick, but time had run out and Simon promised the rest of the class would get to go first thing on Monday.
“So how was Professor Perfect today?” Gabi asked when Bri walked into the suite. She was lying on the couch, plucking away on her ukulele. Bri sighed and kicked off her boots.
“Please stop calling him that. And class today was fine, it’s next time I’m worried about.”
Gabi sat up and stopped playing. “Oh? Why’s that?”
“We have to do improve scenes and I don’t know how the fuck I’m going to keep from humiliating myself, that’s why. Is there, like, a set of rules? Guidelines?” She turned away, speaking more to herself than to Gabi. “Maybe if I just google it, I can find some pointers…or a pre-prepared...”
“There’s no such thing as a per-prepared improve, Bri, Jesus Christ!” Gabi laughed. “Do you want to practice? I used to do theater and shit when I was a kid, you can practice with me. It’s really not hard.”
Bri looked up, grinning. “Really? Oh, that would be great- woah, why are you all wet?”
“Oh,” Gabi scowled. Her clothes, sweats and a tank top, were dry, but her hair was still soaking wet and plastered to her head and face. “I’ve been swimming all fucking day.”
“Ah! With swim tutor Karl!” Bri’s smile was full of mischief. She waggled her eyebrows at Gabi. “And how’s that going?”
“It’s fucking horrible! I’m so bad at swimming, Bri, its embarrassing! I can’t believe I got myself into this,” she sighed. “He’s still very hot, though.”
“Who’s very hot?” Chris walked in, a vintage film camera in his hands and Zach close behind him.
“Your mom,” Gabi frowned. “What the hell are you doing walking into out suite without knocking?”
The boys stopped, and Chris raised an eyebrow. “You said we could.”
“Oh, did I?”
Zach nodded. “You did, actually.”
“Oh. Come on in, then.” She shifted and made room for them on the couch.
“What are you two up to today?” Bri asked. “Anything cool?”
“Actually,” Chris said, plopping onto the couch and lifting his camera for all to see, “We’re going to do the art project. Have you guys done it yet?”
Bri shook her head. “I haven’t…and judging by the look on Gabi’s face, she didn’t even know we had a project.”
“When was this? What is it? Son of a bitch…”
“It’s a symbolic self-portrait,” Zach explained. “She said it could be anything, a drawing, a painting, a photo, whatever. It just has to be something that we feel symbolizes us, our soul, or whatever.”
Gabi frowned. “That’s fucking weird. Where was I when she assigned this? I don’t remember it at all.”
“You were there, alright,” Chris grinned. “You were there, fast asleep. But Zach an I are getting it done today. Going to go take a nice photo of a flower or something.”
Bri raised an eyebrow. “A flower? How exactly does ‘a flower or something’ symbolize your inner self?”
“Professor Palmer is a girl, right?” Chris shrugged. “I don’t want to put too much effort into this, and chicks dig flowers. I’ll get an A for sure.”
“That’s…moronic.”
“That’s what I said!” Zach interjected, lifting his hands in despair. “Are you sure this will work, Chris?”
Chris stood and walked to the door, giving Zach a clap on the shoulder. “Come on man, have I ever been wrong about this sort of thing?”
“Yes, actually,” Zach scowled as he followed his friend out the door. “Bye, Bri. Bye, Gabi.”
“Bye, guys,” Bri smirked. “Good luck!” Gabi gave them a dismissive wave and returned to her ukulele.
“Here’s the place to be,” Chris grinned, gesturing expansively with one hand. “Sorority chicks everywhere! And the houses are pretty nice. I’m sure we can find something photogenic around here.”
Chris and Zach fell quiet as they walked past the fraternity and sorority houses, the sun shining softly through the reddening leaves of early fall. The breeze made the loose flannel Chris wore over a blue deep v-neck shirt flutter. After a few minutes, Zach broke the silence. “My dad wanted me to join a fraternity.”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Family tradition, right? Prestigious shit, too.”
Zach shrugged, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his slacks. “Uh-huh. But then you and me wouldn’t have been able to room together.”
“You should have…you should have joined, Zach.”
“Nah,” Zach shook his head. “I’m good.”
Chris looked away. “Hey! Looks like this one has a nice backyard! Come on, Zach, let’s hop over the hedge!”
“Chris, that’s trespassing- oh, fuck it.”
The boys jumped over the low hedge separating the sorority house from the sidewalk. They landed in a narrow alley, and walked past a row of garbage and recycling bins into an impressively well-kept backyard garden.
“Dude!” Chris said triumphantly. “This is perfect! The flowers here are so nice, a good close-up of one of these and I’ll have that Palmer chick eating right out of my hand!”
Zach looked around, adjusting his tie with a nervous waggle. “I’m still not so sure it’ll work. Come on, take the picture fast and let’s get out of here-”
“Hey!” a high-pitched voice cut him off, and Zach froze. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
Chris and Zach slowly pivoted, only to see a group of three girls striding purposefully toward them. One of them, the tall redhead, was clearly the leader. “Well?” She asked again, stopping and staring imperiously at them.
“Uh,” Zach stuttered, his mind racing. “Sorry, we, uh, we got lost, we-” Chris shoved him aside and stepped right up to the redhead.
“Ladies,” he said smoothly, smiling at them and adjusting his plastic framed glasses with a suave gesture. “I’m Chris. Lovely to meet you. We just happened to be walking down this street when we saw your fine-”
“You some kind of hipster or something?” The blonde interrupted. The gum in her mouth snapped, like the crack of a gunshot. “Seriously, what the fuck is with that get-up? It’s like your in a goddamn Halloween costume or something.”
Chris was utterly speechless. His mouth opened and closed wordlessly as his cheeks began to redden. “We, uh,” Zach began, hurrying forward to defend his friend, “we’re sorry for trespassing, we were just doing a project and we got carried away.”
Now it was the brunette’s turn to speak. The shortest of the three, she was tan and slender, with a few streaks of bleached locks peeking through her long, dark hair. “You’re just a couple of nerds, huh,” she smirked, and turned to the redhead. “These fucking nerds were trying to break into our house, Lucy. What do you want us to do with them?”
“Nerds?” Zach was shocked. “What the- we aren’t nerds! Screw you! Let’s get out of here, Chris.”
Chris shouted abruptly, “I’M NOT A HIPSTER!” His knuckles had gone white , clenching the camera.
The girls laughed. “Oh my god, what losers! How precious is that?” the redhead purred. “You better get the hell off our property, nerds-what the FUCK!!!” Her voice rose to a scream as water, spraying from the hose Zach had just discovered in the grass, drenched the three of them. “You little shit!”
All three girls were screaming as Zach soaked them. He dropped the hose and ran, Chris close behind. Vaulting over the hedge, they didn’t stop running until they were several blocks away from the house. "Holy shit, dude!” Chris yelled, panting. “Holy shit! That was amazing!”
Zach bent over, his hands on his knees, and shook his head. “The hose was just there, watering the lawn. I saw and I…I couldn’t stop myself. They were such bitches.”
“That was the coolest thing you have ever done,” Chris said. “Holy. Shit.”
“I’m famished,” Gabi sighed, poking at her salad. She was sitting at a small table in the dining hall with Bri and Karl. “Why can’t I have something with some substance?”
Karl shook his head, his own salad already almost finished. “You can’t go faster if you aren’t eating right.”
Bri snorted, and Gabi kicked her under the table. “Hey! There’s Zach and Chris,” Bri raised a hand, waving at the boys. Catching sight of them, Zach and Chris headed over. “Wait a minute,” Bri scowled. “Oh, crap.” Bri, Gabi, and Karl watched helplessly as a tall blonde and a short brunette flanked the boys, stuck their feet out, and tripped the boys over their high heeled shoes.
“What the fuck!” Gabi yelled, jumping to her feet. She hurried over to help the boys up, closely followed by the other two. “Who the hell were those bitches?”
Chris pushed himself onto his knees and looked down at his shirt, now covered with remains of what would have been his dinner. “Zach,” he sighed. “We have made a huge mistake.”
Chris and Zach refused to tell the others about their encounter with the sorority girls until they had returned to Gabi and Bri’s suite. “Sounds like you guys have made us a few enemies,” Bri sighed. “I wondered how long it would take.”
Zach raised an eyebrow. “Us? They won’t be after you.”
“Sure they will,” Gabi laughed. “Those bitches are your enemies, then they’re our enemies too.”
“Wow,” Chris said, smiling. “Thanks!”
Karl sighed with satisfaction. “My first American enemies. Wicked!”
“So did you guys even get the project done?” Gabi asked. The boys shook their heads.
“Gabi did!” Bri grinned.
“Shut up,” Gabi hissed.
Bri only grinned wider. “Show it to them! Come on!” Gabi shook her head, but the other began to clamor. Her face turning red, Gabi grabbed a crumpled piece of notebook paper off the desk.
“Is that…” Chris leaned in to scrutinize it. “A manatee?”
“It’s a fish,” Zach suggested.
Gabi’s face was even redder, and she shot Bri a death glare. “It’s a whale.”
“A crayon drawing of a whale on a piece of scratch paper represents your innermost soul?” Chris said. “Huh. Ok.”
“I think it’s quite nice,” Karl smiled. “Oh! Want to see what I got today?”
“Is it the guitar?” Bri asked, an eyebrow raised.
“How did you know?” Karl gasped as he reached over the side of the couch and picked up the guitar case.
“You’ve been carrying it around this entire time, dork. You can play?”
Karl nodded. “I couldn’t bring mine with me from home, not enough room what with the other luggage, but I bought this one for 25 bucks from a guy in West Campus! She’s not too bad. Used, but nice.”
“So play us something!” Chris said enthusiastically, picking up his camera. “I can take a photo and use it for my project!”
Gabi stared at him. “How does a photo of Karl playing guitar represent your being?”
“I don’t know, but it does. Fuck off. Better than a crayon manatee.”
“It’s a whale, you ass-”
Bri cut them off. “Karl. If you’d be so kind as to play us a song.”
“Well,” Karl said, holding the guitar in front of his body like a shield, “I can play, but…I can’t sing. I can play the instrumental part of anything, but don’t ask me to sing, because, no.”
“Gabi can sing!” Bri grinned. “You can do a duet!”
Gabi rolled her eyes. “Dammit. Fine. What about Radiohead?”
Karl nodded eagerly and began to play.
(this here is the song they sing. yeeeah. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHp7l3v7b_Q)