has anyone found my sandwich yet
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@kingpotatoface
has anyone found my sandwich yet
has anyone found my chicken sandwich
please if anyone has seen my chicken sandwich its important i accidentally transmuted some poor guy
has anyone found my chicken sandwich
*is drunk and attempting to play the start of “run away with me” by Carly Rae Jepsen on the Val’kyr horn*
*Runs past his window like this.*
Pro tip: if you kill someone and need to make sure no one will ever find the body, just eat it.
Or get a duster.
*Jumps off of Teldrasill and opens up his cape to hopefully glide down safely, screeching “NYAAAAAHHHHHH” while he scrunches his face up*
right i know you all think im some crazy conspiracy theorist but before you say it again please look at this evidence i just gathered on azshara’s return:
*She drops a fish on the floor.*
*looks at the fish on the floor for a moment silently before responding*
Get out.
*Peeks out from behind a bush.* Was that directed at me? Did you know I was here the entire time? God damn it. *He walks out dejected.*
Oh….
I’m sorry….
The old Varian can’t come to the phone right now!
Why?
CAUSE HE’S DEAD
Oh….
I’m sorry….
The old Varian can’t come to the phone right now!
Why?
Oh….
I’m sorry….
The old Varian can’t come to the phone right now!
Oh….
I’m sorry....
Oh....
*Pulls up her binoculars and looks out the window of the Nighthold* is that…. is… is that?
A UFO
THIS IS NOT A DRIL
*looks out of a window in Acherus and sees the Nighthold* HEY! THAT BUILDING LOOKS LIKE A FUCKIN DICK HOLY SHIT
So, not many people know why we’re called the Alliance so I thought I would give you all a history lesson.
Once upon a time, there was a massive field of lions although a lot of people probably don’t remember this which is why I’m telling this story.
So, this massive pack of lions, see? They were just running wild all over the Eastern Kingdoms, I’m talking legitimately going apeshit and just shitting everywhere like the nasty cats they are, this lead to a massive ban being placed on druids from turning into lions, it meant we didn’t know which ones were friendly and which ones were just pissy cats.
The clans came together to decide that hey, we need to deal with these fucking overgrown cats now that the orcish horde had been dealt with, no biggy there, what could a bunch of fucking cats do huh? Well, I’ll tell you what they could do.
Shit in your fucking garden at three AM that’s what. We even tried to build a zoo for them, hence Stormwind park? But no, these fucking cats. Let me fucking tell you, lions are fucking demons.
I don’t give a shit about the burning legion, we just needed a way to fucking deal with this problem, we were very close to losing our tether as pacifists*.
Anyway, we finally figured out that they really enjoyed the catnip we grew in Stormwind’s gardens so guess fucking what lads? We made them into our fucking mounts. Yep, that’s right, they may shit wherever they fucking find, but we had LIONS now.
So then when we were trying to come up with a name for us, we had a soft little chortle over the name “All Lions”. Over time we just fucked around with it more and more until tada.... Alliance.
So there you go, that’s why the symbol of the Alliance has a lion on it and why you can never encounter a lion in the wild but can get it as a mount if you try hard enough.
New cloth armor for the next expansion me thinks?
*he looks at genn and jumps out of his chair* and the old man from the horde is here too ARREST THEM BOTH GUARDS!!!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK I’M NOT HORDE! I’M THE KING OF GILNEAS! WE’VE BEEN A PART OF THE ALLIANCE FOR YEARS!
*has stopped trying to attack Genn to instead laugh at him and as a result has been swamped by guards again*
*he slumps back in his chair* one day back on the job and already two horde attacks
*manages to get most of the guards off him and looks at Genn* WOW WHAT THE FUCK DON’T JUST STAND THERE LAUGHING YOU PIECE OF SHIT *throws the last of the guards off him and charges at Genn, swinging wildly at him while the guards continue to chase him*
*stops laughing and tries to run from malfurion, climbing up the stormwind throne to get away from him* VARIAN HELP ME THE HORDE IS ATTACKINGÂ
*he looks at genn and jumps out of his chair* and the old man from the horde is here too ARREST THEM BOTH GUARDS!!!!!!