I was very fortunate to have run into a sub just starting out with kink earlier in life so we learned together. But this was something I heard a lot starting out and always pushed back on. And a lot of it comes from subs who are experienced, who know what they're worth, and know how to play safely. I know they're just trying to protect their peace, but that's exactly the type of sub a new dom could best learn from.
We didn't always have money for classes at the local dungeon, so our knowledge was limited to what we could find online. And it was difficult being new sifting through the BS and the actually educational. Then we finally made some friends with some more experienced kinksters who were able to help us.
I learned a lot from my mentors, L and B, who were play partners (and though I'm not 100% sure, B I'm pretty sure you follow me on here, I wouldn't mind getting back in touch). L was a switch who I could best describe as a kink connoisseur. She did all the pickup play she could, took all the classes, frequented the local dungeon, helped organize a local hypno convention, and had built up a huge collection of toys to demonstrate with. They never shied away from being a teacher.
B was a mostly dom sometimes switch, he was former military and a very compassionate soul who was passionate about sadism and how to dominate effectively. Even talked me out of running away to join the military in a moment of weakness I had. If me and my sub at the time had not run into L and B I would not have the wealth of knowledge I share with y'all today.
I wouldn't have learned what healthy play and dynamics looked like without them. And these experienced folks didn't necessarily have to help us learn, but they did and because they did, there is one more dominant in the world who is not contributing to the problem.
They weren't perfect either. L actually made a huge mistake with her partner once that I've mentioned before and should probably make a dedicated post about, because it's such a crazy example of how things can go wrong in unexpected ways, but a simple safety measure they overlooked could have protected them.
But how she responded to the situation, sought out help, and took the time to put in the work and work through it was important to showing me you can make egregious mistakes and come back from them. You might not be the same person, but rehabilitation and healing are going to happen with D/s and edge play, so you need to be prepared for when it's your turn to do so. Take it in stride and face it like a responsible member of your community. And that's the attitude and resilience that I lead with to this day. Give noobies grace and space to learn.
theartofmadeline
