Shower thoughts/waking thoughts
I keep forgetting there is so much I'm forgetting there are so many forgotten
I want to remember the times and thoughts and all I'm thinking but then they disappear and I'm thinking faster than I can type
Everything is compsoed of memories, who am I but amalgamations of memory? The collections of my past, I want to remmever every single detail of every person I come to know and have known and I want to remember
But then I never sit down to record it or send the message I've been thinking in my head, 3day crafted
I want to remember every waking moment of what I thought and what happened like the slime war in p3 where apparently pink slime was cool and green slime was natural
J remembers all this though. These beautiful memories shards of the past the only thing I haave left of those precious years
If I don't start recording now, one day by one day it all goes away
I'm scared to post on Instagram but berate myself, I take so many photos and edit them and caption all just to end up not posting them
They remain, so many undelivered postcards of experiences
I fear and have feared and do not know what I fear
It has taken me 4 days (longer) to find a place finally to post these thoughts
I have so many of them they are fading away
Do I want to be known? Do I want to be heard, seen?
Guilt and guikt and guilt is me I am
I want to wrap up in my blankets and marinate in my maudlin and grossness