It's annoying how people mischaracterize Dex. Especially when it comes to two things: 1. His feelings for Julie & 2. Him being an abuser.
(This post is just my opinion, it can be wrong or right. If you have another opinion, it's great. I just want to say that it's how I see this character. People can see him in different lights and it's ok. So pls don't take these as actual facts. It's just my take on this man.)
First off, I do believe he was romantically interested in Julie in his own twisted, broken way, or at least that what he felt for her was the closest thing to romance that a guy wired like him can actually experience. It doesn't matter if he can "actually" have normal romantic love or notāreal-life narcissists, psychopaths, and people with serious psychopathic tendencies have relationships all the time, get married, stay sexually active, build lives together, the whole thing. So it's not some crazy idea that Dex had this intense thing for her. Yeah, I don't think it was pure healthy normal "love", wanting to date, or even primarily wanting to sleep with her. I don't even think it's "romantic" in a sense that we understand. It was a sick obsession that came from him idealizing her as this pure, compassionate north star who could keep him stable. But two things can be true at the same time: she was his moral anchor that he desperately needed after losing his therapist, and he projected this possessive, idealized fixation onto her that felt like the closest he gets to romantic feelings.
We see that in the show when people call her "his girl" or assume there's a romantic relationship going onāhe never once jumps in to correct them like "no, it's not like that at all." He just lets it slide. Then there's that confrontation scene where he tells her straight up "I'm not into you like that." I think, he either meant he's not some creepy street guy following her for the gross reasons she probably thinks ("not in the way that you be thinking"), or he straight up lied right there in the moment because that's what guys like him do. Actual psychopaths or people with those heavy tendencies lie like they breatheāit's automatic, it's their default setting for survival and control. He literally says another obvious lie in the same breath: "I wasn't stalking you." So if he's lying about the stalking part, why should we take the "not into you" part as 100% truthful gospel? It fits his pattern of deflection when things get too real or vulnerable.
People always say he only saw her as his anchor, his north star, nothing more. Okay yeah he did see her that way for sure, but he can also layer on this other intense "romantic" projection at the same time. Compare her to his other north stars and it's obvious Julie was special and different to him in how he handled her.
Take his baseball coach back when he was a kidāyes I do believe he was his north star before he even know what's a north star. The coach was great in Dex's eyes until he benched him and wouldn't let him keep playing, so young Dex lost it and killed him by ricocheting a baseball right at him in a rage. Then his therapist Eileen Mercerāshe was crucial, kept him stable and functional for years with structure and rules. But when she was dying and basically "leaving" him by getting sick, he threatened to kill her too because abandonment triggered him hard. With Fisk, he goes completely off the deep end insane when he finds out about Julie's death and that Fisk had been manipulating and using him the whole time, leading to that hotel rampage and everything.
But with Julie it's the opposite in so many ways. He's never really rough or controlling with her until the total panic sets in when she figures out the stalking and tries to pull away. He makes a point to confront her in public places so she won't feel scared or trapped alone with him. He's genuine in that moment when he says he understands and will leave her alone if that's what she wantsāhe sounds almost vulnerable there. Even when he thinks she blocked him and doesn't want anything to do with him anymore, his violent outbursts are because of her (the fear of losing that anchor triggering his collapse), not directed at her to punish or control. He doesn't want to hurt her or make her uncomfortable like he does with others. He killed his coach for way less, threatened his dying therapist, but with Julie he holds back and protects that connection as much as his messed up brain allows. And even after he shifts to seeing Fisk as the new north star, he's still fucking protective over Julie. Remember when Matt calls him and Dex immediately warns Matt not to do anything to her? Yeah, that strong emotional attachment doesn't just vanish.
Not to mention the complete mental collapse when he finds her corpse in the freezer. He picks it up, carries it with him, talks to her body like she's still there listeningāthat's not just losing a random "anchor." That's deep, messed up, grief-level attachment even if it's all twisted. And when he wants revenge on Fisk for tricking him and having her killed, he doesn't just go straight for Fisk, the guy who ruined his life and betrayed him. No, he specifically targets Vanessa, Fisk's wife, the one person Fisk loves romantically. That's a clear "an eye for an eye" moveāyou took my closest thing to love/anchor, so I'll take yours. If it was purely about the north star betrayal or being used as a tool, killing Fisk himself would be the direct revenge. But going after the romantic parallel with Vanessa says a lot about the depth of what Julie represented to him, even if the show frames it more as obsession than standard romance. He even says "Julie and I wish you the best" which is literally telling them why he's here.
Now about him being an abuser...
Alright, so yeah we see Dex has no problem putting his hands on people no matter the genderāhe's equal opportunity when the violence kicks in. But Dex in the TV show is not the same as Bullseye in the comics at all. Comic Bullseye is just straight up crazy, a gleeful sadistic killer with almost no real depth or internal conflict. In the shows, he's way more complex. He's not just a one-note insane villain; he's more like an anti-villain or a deeply broken villain type. Even after his full mental collapse in Daredevil Season 3, even after Fisk wrecks his spine, even after the mental institution and all the trauma, he still wants to be one of the good guys at some level.
The thing about Dex is he's very aware that he's a violent person. He knows he loves the violence, he knows he's not normal, he knows there's a lot wrong with him. And yet he still tries to be good and follow rules to contain it. That's exactly what makes him such a compelling character. He does bad things that feel justified in his own head because they're selfish or serve him, but at his core he wants to be on the right side. The difference between Dex in Daredevil Season 3 and Daredevil: Born Again is clear: in Season 3 he wanted to be good through the "right way" with FBI rules, structure, and pretending to be a hero. But in Born Again, he starts thinking he's doing the good thing in "his own way" now.
For example, he kills Foggy under that pressure from Vanessa to get his freedom, but he sees it as something he has to do to take back his mind and he have to make up for later. He's going to balance his personal moral ledger by taking out Fisk or doing what he thinks is a redemptive act for Daredevil's side. He doesn't care that killing is bad in generalāhe operates on this twisted personal math where a bad deed needs a good deed to cancel it out. After surviving Matt nearly killing him, he's alive specifically to do that balancing. In Born Again he has this fucked up energy but still frames his actions like he's on a mission to set things right, including going after Vanessa as payback for manipulating him into Foggy's death. That raises the stakes huge and shows he's still operating with that internal code, even if it's all broken.
So no, he's not just a crazy guy who abuses people close to him just for the sake of doing it or out of pure sadism. The worst he's gonna do in a panic state is grab your arm, push you, or slam you into a wall. Yeah it's bad and counts as abusive behavior in those moments, don't get me wrong, but it's not some calculated, long-term domestic tyrant controlling a partner for power like people like to paint it. There's that thing people always bring up about him throwing the knife at Julie's picture in a rage. That's funny asf because come on, y'all act like you wouldn't rip up your ex's photo or smash shit when a bad breakup or loss hits you hard. It doesn't automatically make him the full-on abuser archetype. It's an outburst from his total collapse, not a pattern of ongoing control.
Overall in my opinion, Dex is this self-aware, rule-dependent, fucked up guy who's been failed by every system and person who was supposed to help him stay stable. The show gives him real psychological depth instead of turning him into shallow comic-book evil. Dex wants to be good, even if his version of good is delusional and violent.
