so iāve been listening to paulās book on spotify and i decided to write pages if he were to write about my oc pauline!!!!! for context, they had this weird on and off relationship all throughout the 80ās and it wasā¦ it was something! more below the cut!! i spent A LOOOOOT of time on this so please donāt let it flop
āPauline Perkins was the final tape in the box. A fifth member of KISS would change everything. Gene was hesitant on reviewing her tape. Not only would the line up change for good, it would introduce another brand new face right after we had Eric Carr join, but while watching her tape, seeing how she smiled while pressing the record button, I felt something. Iām not sure what it was, but it compelled me to watch more, and due to me watching this tape made me spend many nights with Pauline, her on top of me in a hotel room, and me throwing her bra in the backseat of her Cadillac.ā
āWhen I met her for the first time, she was energetic, sweet, and a perfect fit for us, the only problem was her voice. It was nice to listen to but weak and almost flat, impossible for her to sing by herself. We decided a backup vocalist for my vocals would be the best. We tried out her singing with Gene as well, but it didnāt mesh well, so we quickly scrapped that. We even did some takes of her singing Shock Me with AceāThe two got along great and the demo of it was pleasing to listen to. That demo was never released, and we wanted to put it on the Special Edition of Creatures of the Night, but Pauline declined.ā
āWe had trouble coming up with a persona for our new female member, and Pauline refused my help when it came to drawing out a design. One of the designs was called The Leopard with spots and all, but it didnāt fit with our other designs, so it was scrapped, but one design stood out. Two red hearts fading into pink over the eyesāThe Sweetheart was made. I remember talking to her as she put the makeup on and she asked me if the design was okay. I found it funny, she didnāt want me helping her, but she wanted my approval. I think thatās what made me fall in love with her. That very moment in her dressing room, her makeup brush in her hand, one heart over her eye sketched out while another was completely filled, and her lips not that magenta color.ā
āI had many ups and downs with Pauline Perkins, but one thing about her is that she never made me feel bad about myself. She never doubted me, my abilities, never teased me for my ear, and always made me feel goodāemotionally and sexually. I would be lying to me and you if I said I still didnāt have feelings for her. Weāve both moved on, but the history between us could and will never be erased. How we started was one night in February 1983āIt was our Creatures of the Night tour. We had just played our show in Illinois and were getting ready to go home. I had been chatting with Pauline in her dressing room about the next show. I was sitting on the couch, and Pauline was sitting down at her vanity, taking off her makeupāShe looked at me, smiled, and then held out her footāShe wanted me to help take off her boots. For her wardrobe, we had decided on much bigger, extravagant heels, and she needed assistance with standing up. I always found it amusing how she established boundaries with me and the guys. She demanded her own separate dressing room to get ready, but would walk in on us getting ready only wearing a bra and her jeans to steal some of Ericās hair spray and would return moments later in an even more revealing outfit and set the hair spray back on the desk.ā
āSheād always come in, grabbing whoever was ready first to help her stand up from her chair once she put on her boots. Normally it was me, since my makeup took less time. Sometimes it would be Ace, rarely ever Gene or Eric. Once Vinnie was in the band, sheād grab him too. Pauline never seemed to care what we were doing at that moment, if she picked you to help her, you were getting your ass up and going to her dressing room to put on some giant leather heels for her. I never minded, I remember her almost tripping one time, and I had put my arm on her back to keep her balance, and that was only the very start of our tension. As I was helping her take off her boots that night, we locked eyes, and I leaned up, and Iām not sure what it was that made me do that. Maybe I was listening to an intrusive thought, but I kissed her, and she didnāt pull away. We had sex on the couch in her dressing room that night, and that was that. It only got hotter and much, much, heavier after that.ā
āIāve been asked many times if any songs are about Pauline, and the answer is absolutely. I wrote Silver Spoon about Pauline, and had her sing at the very end, which caused us to get into a fight when she performed it for the first time in front of a live audience. I guess it never clicked in her head until she sang it in front of a crowd. Back then I didnāt feel guilty about it since we were in one of our many off periods, but now I regret doing that. She was hurt, and I never meant to hurt her. I know many KISS fans have speculated that I Just Wanna is about her as well, and I feel embarrassed admitting that it is. Pauline had just married John Wilson, some boring accountant. Thatās who he was in my mindāBut in reality, John just beat me into marrying a girl I loved. I used to find myself getting angry at the fact Pauline got married on a whim because I couldnāt tie the knot with her. She was upset I couldnāt commit to her, and I didnāt understand that at the time. I do now.ā
āI would keep asking myself, āDid everything we have mean nothing, did us staying up late and writing songs mean nothing, did us singing Forever together on the Hot In The Shade tour mean nothing, did you kissing me on stage in front of thousands of people mean nothing despite you knowing how much of an uproar it would cause within the public and the band, did it mean nothing when I would help you get ready before a show?ā Eventually, I stopped asking those questions because I would never get an answer. Pauline had no intention of making me feel bad, she just wanted closure, and I could never hate her for that, but I could be mad at her. I could be mad that she chose some dorky guy with glasses and a suit over me, a rockstar, and someone she has a much sexier history with.ā
āWhen I first met John, I wasnāt intimidated by himāI had no reason to be intimidated. I could knock that schmuck down with a flick of my wrist, but the fact he meant so much to Pauline is the reason why I didnāt. I could tell she loved him, more than me, even, and I could tell he loved herāmore than I ever could. He made time for her, he listened, he was everything I couldnāt be for her. When I found out she was pregnant, my jaw dropped. I never expected Pauline to be a mother. She had always mentioned getting married, but never children. It was touching seeing her with her son, Scott. She even called me when he was born, and I drove up to see the kid. He was tiny, but healthy, and it was clear he inherited Paulineās thick head of hair. Pauline found out she was pregnant right before Eric died, and he was thrilled about itāPauline and Ericās relationship reminded me of siblings. Eric always defended Pauline, and she always defended himāAs I was holding Scott at the hospital, Pauline smiled at me and asked if I wanted to know his full name. I nodded, and what she said made me tear upāScott Charles Wilson, after Eric.ā
āOne night in 1985, I was in the shower, and Pauline was of course, at my house, in my bed. She had originally stopped over to help write some songs for our new albumāAsylum, but knowing us, that didnāt happen. Her clothes on the floor in my bedroom, and her wearing my t-shirt. I was in the shower when Gene called, and to this day, I still donāt know why he called. Pauline had answered the phone, and when I came out of the bathroom, Pauline was pale, but she came over and kissed me like nothing had happened, so I assumed everything was fine, but she told me she had to go. āWe can continue our cat and mouse game tomorrow,ā She said. I was confused, why was she booking it right now, with no pants on? I watched her scramble for her pants, grabbing her blouse, her bra, and her purse. I gave her her guitar case, and she left. She didnāt even tell me what happened and I was confused by Geneās staring and he eventually confronted me about it while Pauline was in the bathroom the next day.
āI know about you and Pauline.ā
āBreak up with her, Paul. Itās not good for KISS.ā
I didnāt want to listen to him, I loved that girl! For the first time in a long time, I felt seen, I felt like a person. She loved me, but I wanted more information. How did he find out? So I asked, and Gene was confused. āDid Pauline not tell you what happened last night?ā Nope, she didnāt. Gene then rubbed his face and told me what happened and I was appalled. Once Pauline was back in the room, I stared at her, she stared at me, and once Gene stared at her, she knew. Eric and Bruce looked around confused, but Eric caught on. Pauline had told me that Eric had shared his concerns about us, and I told her to pay him no mind. That was stupid.
Eventually, Eric stood up from his drums, putting his sticks down, and left the room. He didnāt say anything, and Bruce got the message and left as well, leaving me, Pauline, and Gene in the room.
āAre you firing me?ā Pauline asked, her face white as a sheet. Oh god, Iām scaring her. That is something that I never thought Iād do, even though it was a thought that lingered in my mind constantly.ā
āāNo, Pauline. Youāre not fired,ā I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. I then looked at Gene, who shook his head. Him and Pauline never saw eye to eye on certain things, and this was definitely one of them. I remember asking Gene what he thought of Pauline getting married in 1990, and he said he was happy for her, but I could tell he didnāt mean that. He had lost all respect for her once we started sleeping together. Gene then stepped forward, crossing his arms. āYou two need to end this. End whatever drama you two have, or keep it away from KISS. Itās not good for us.ā Pauline felt embarrassed, and she looked at me, her eyes glassy, and she turned away. I told Gene to give us a minute, and he left. Once he was gone, she hugged me, starting to cry. āThis is all my fault, I should have told you.ā I was frustrated with her for not telling me, but I couldnāt push her away, so I hugged her back. āItāll be fine, Hon, but heās right. Either we gotta get it together, or weāre over,ā I told her, and she nodded, wiping her tears, giving me a soft kiss. āNo more funny business.ā Yeah, easier said than done.
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