Just gonna get comfortable sliding back into the dusty blog I left for a while...
It seems like ages since I've been on this blog!
So I'm dirty 30 as of June 13, 2024 for everyone that has been waiting for my return. I did remain single, with several paramours that woo'd me as a friend until the sexual tension kicked in, my paranoia of my business being shared with others, and me not feeling like I have a friend in the world. I did attempt to date a guy though.
I called it on the three months mark lol
The past situationship came back.
Lost a guy friend who turned ugly in personality towards me when I didn't meet his expectations of me.
I'm partially horny with eye candy and my fantasies more than worrying about a relationship since most guys give the impression of being superficial.
With my mention on the eye candy, I don't mind looking but in general I am down for another round of years to wait for the real one. I did think about polyamory for a couple of months; still not something I would consider even though I have poked at the idea.
Even a blast from the past of a guy from high school getting one over on me by loaning him money he would pay back.
Dude that kept pulling heart strings to get money by stating he was trying to go to rehab for being an alcoholic, yet party hardying without any thought that you want someone to scratch your back and you send half nudes like that compensating becoming a friend. No thanks. You look great, but no.
Most of this year I stayed home and occasionally streamed when the energy was blossoming. Even then it felt better to be home, away from energy draining situations or just my mood getting the best of me due to the environment I chose to be in.
Through it all, I'm currently part-time/full-time employed at a warehouse doing retail production, single, working towards two new goals, and sticking this one out alone. So you can imagine my libido is shot, plus cutting out every single sexually pointless distraction. Ghosting is just not my thing.
Communication was dead on every end. So now that I'm tired of talking to people - moving forward is much easier with a smaller circle.
I've downloaded a few books on Amazon Kindle (mobile) so that I can regroup with my old story flings filled with adventure, and witty dialogue with heroic underdog tones, and replace the films/shows I've been watching.
So throughout this year, I started my small steps into stoicism by being consistent with 'The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and The Art of Living' Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman.
Today (19.Dec.2024) is Human Scale
"Think of the whole universe of matter and how small your share. Think about the expanse of time and how brief -- almost momentary -- the part marked for you. Think of the workings of fate and how infinitesimal your role" --Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 5.24
Even embracing my birth natal chart's horoscope message.
Don't let anyone come between you and your friends.
"Today your entire perception of reality is colored by your mood. You trivialize your emotions, let the nagging little voice in your head control you, and don't have the energy to suppress it. Describe as accurately as you can what a person has just said to you. Check to see if you are correct. You already know how to express yourself, and that's a start.
It can be hard to decenter yourself when you need attention. You're not a bad person for giving yourself attention. Practice being more creative so that you can shape your own future.
Your main challenge right now is to protect your heightened empathy by being intentional about the emotions you choose to prioritize. Loneliness is sometimes the result of an inability to communicate how you really feel. You can't be seen by another if you don't make your true self visible.
---source: Co-Star mobile app // Available on Google Play and Apple Store//---
To conclude this happy reunion ~ I have finally found the career path I wish to take in order to finally reach my financial peak. So I hope to journal more of my journey breaking into Technology and Engineering with more confidence than in the past.
Which path will I take? Stay tuned for the next update.
