In the tags I saw a few people mention the scene in the Yorknew arc where Gon and Killua are captured by the Phantom Troupe in response to my post, wondering if there was a connection to be made between the two.
I completely agree that there’s a connection, and it’s actually what I was planning to write about later as a follow-up. I was motivated to write something sooner when I saw this re-posted panel from the Yorknew arc:
So, to give more context here, there is just a general misunderstanding of the CA scene (”since it means nothing to you”) due to translation choices (the misunderstanding being that people thought Gon was criticizing Killua for not caring enough about the situation, versus the actuality that Gon was telling Killua to stay out of it). It’s a very big difference, and I think the distinction is important for understanding Gon’s character and his relationship with Killua.
For instance, in the scene above, Gon is also telling Killua to stay out of it: “I can [say I’ll die], but you can’t!” This scene and the one in the CA arc are foils. Gon will willingly involve himself in everyone else’s business; he will march to Zoldyck mansion and rescue Killua, he will ask Kurapika to let him help with taking out the Phantom Troupe. He will do these things for other people because he loves them. But he doesn’t let people do them for him!
That is why Gon is constantly thanking Killua for staying by his side (the scene at the beginning of the Greed Island arc comes to mind). Because he doesn’t think Killua has any need to, because Gon’s problems shouldn’t be Killua’s problems. But, Killua wants Gon’s problems to be his problems. That’s why he’s so happy when Gon says “It has to be Killua”. He genuinely doesn’t mind his hands being burnt, because in Killua’s mind, that is what true friendship is all about. And Killua is desperate to prove to himself that he can be and have the one thing his family deemed impossible — a friend.
Why does Gon put this wall up around him, then? Gon has trouble with guilt. It was his fault that the mama foxbear had to die. It was his fault that Kite had to die. He doesn’t want it to be his fault that Killua dies. That is the connection between this scene and the one in the CA arc.
So that’s why the scene in the CA arc is so painful. Because Gon, in his own way, is being a friend. He is telling Killua to stay out of the fight with Pitou because Gon intends to fight and not come back. He is planning to die, and he doesn’t want Killua to be there. After all, it’s his fault that Kite is dead, Killua has nothing to do with this.
And Killua? Killua knows what Gon is planning, he says so himself to Meleoron (in a scene with the most egregiously mistranslated line in the whole damn series, which will be getting its own post in the future, I promise. EDIT: post is here). This is important to note because Killua also went into the final battle intending to die. He wanted to die by Gon’s side. That’s why Gon telling him to stay out of it hurts him so much. Because he knows that Gon would do it for him, and that’s what friends do. It’s also the one thing he feels he can do for Gon in that moment, which is why being denied makes him feel so incredibly useless.
So, to recap, that’s why the iffy translation of Gon’s line during CA arc was so important to clarify. It wasn’t supposed to be something coming out of left-field. Gon and Killua have always been like this. They are both struggling with their own self-esteems in completely opposite ways, where Gon externalizes and Killua internalizes. When they attempt to prove their worth, Gon is too self-destructive and Killua too self-sacrificing. There’s a difference, and you see it in the moments where they think the other’s life is in danger.
Oh yeah, one more thing to keep in mind:
Gon concludes that Meruem must’ve hurt himself because he couldn’t forgive himself.
Killua concludes that Meruem must’ve hurt himself because Komugi is special to him.
Take that for what it’s worth.
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