Klaira

I am Blue

[klaira]

Peace

My heart sank when you lied

I thought you’re nothing like others

But I was taken aback when you spat those words

Words I never imagined would escape from your mouth

I wish I was stupid to just take it all in

But I wasn’t thus, my emotions consumed me immediately

I am hurt, hurt by you

You kept talking while my tears kept pouring

My lips trembled while you laughed

I am shattered in ways you cannot fathom

I had enough

Enough of you

I would like to keep you

But you most definitely don’t like to be kept by me

I must let you go

I am letting you go

Let me pick all my shattered pieces alone

And for once, I want my peace back

I love you, are the words I kept to myself

I am glad I never let you hear me say these words to you

So long, my almost

[klaira]

And then, I needed to stop.

[klaira]

You

The thought of you keeps me awake at night

The words you have said echoes in my head

My heart skips a beat, and my soul goes astray

My mind pictures your dreadful smile

And how it can make myself go mad

You make me feel like im on a cloud nine

You painted my blue into rainbow

You, you are the person behind these words

[JMVPE]

[klaira]

And so I thought you were the one. I made plans with you, wanted to do a lot of things with you, and somehow you drifted away like it was nothing. All the empty promises you made for us made my heart ache yet again. How foolish of me to even think that you liked me the way I did. Tee hee, I didn’t know you could hurt me this much.

[klaira]

What I wanted to say VS What I sent

[klaira]

I knew that this day would come

but I wasn't expecting it to be this painful

Everything started so beautifully

You told me everything I needed to know,

for me to know you better

You insisted calling

‘cause it would be easier to tell your stories

Hearing your voice made me smile

We would sleep and just be there

on the other side of the phone

as if we were sleeping next to each other

We would laugh on the most mundane things

We would feel butterflies in our stomach most of the time

How lovely our first date was

even though it's a virtual one

Who would have thought that it would be

the most heart fluttering date I would ever had

You had whiskey and chocolate

while I had soju and Iberico

How funny it was when my mom said she'd join us

We watched our damn favorite movies until its dawn

I felt forever with you

Until one day,

it became a bittersweet memory

with you - gone

[klaira]

The night is getting late, my mind wont stop running and my heart is racing. My eyes are closed and yet it sees you in every way possible. Pain is increasing every second and there’s nothing I can do about it. The words you left echo in my entirety. It cuts deeper than any swords. I am longing for you and trying to grasp everything that you said. My love, you have made an everlasting void in my soul. It was you who left but it was me who is suffering. Never will I forget you, the scar you’ve given me is beyond repair. I lost myself and my peace in the process, but I will do it all over again if I must. What a tragedy to have met you and create wonderful memories together just to end up being strangers again. My love, you will always be a part of me. You are the love and the chaos of my life in a labyrinth all at once.

[klaira]

[klaira]

Until then

[klaira]

Chaos. It is what you have given me. You are a walking chaos in an angel's clothing. You purposely tried to win me over in order for you to make me feel how cruel and agonizing your presence would bring. I shall stop reaching you at once, and just let you be chaotic on your own.

[klaira]

Maybe forever refers to the memories we have created, perhaps it wasn’t really meant for people to stay together, forever. I have created forever with you. That forever still exists even if you are no longer in the photograph. As each day passes, these memories keep playing in my head, from the moment I open my eyes until my sleep claims me. Oh, must I say that even in my dreams, you are there. Astonishing, indeed, how those sweet moments turned into bittersweet memories in a heartbeat.

I used to be in that state, where I will choose you above anything else without any second thoughts. Well, I actually did. I left everything, or must I say everyone just to be with you. The things I would do for love, the things I would do for you, love. Did I make a wrong decision? Perhaps. Did I regret it? No. It was me and my petty decision that brought me in this mess. A beautiful mess.

Never will I ask the universe to rewrite my tale and not involve you. It was a fleeting moment but it was lovely. You are my favorite kind of pain. A short-lived spark but a lasting memory.

010724

[klaira]

You are nowhere but you’re everywhere. You are haunting me in the worst way possible. Your smile brings sorrow to my soul. Your laughter cuts deep in my bones. Your entirety torments my existence. I would do anything just for this moment to pass.

If I could only ask the moon and the stars to bring me back to the day where I first saw you, I would. It was lovely, you were lovely. I felt something so sweet after a long time, it is addicting. It has become my kind of pill. I would go back to that moment even if I know that it would lead me to my ultimate demise. A little amount of sanity and glee in exchange of this lifetime throes.

To the old gods and the new, would you be so kind to just end this misery?

010224

[klaira]

Starting the year with such affliction. My thoughts are wondering in a labyrinth. My words are lost for days now. I can't think of anything else but you. And today, you sent your raven. I have received your epistle, the one that I was expecting to get. It is a message with nothing on it. But it is as clear as the morning sky. I lost myself in the process, I was battling with myself contemplating with what ideology should I employ. My heart sank, and my mind go astray. I have never been in this abyss before. On a festive day, you have put me in inferno. A day that should have been full of laughter and amusement turned into a dreadful one. Oh how the time went by so slowly. How I wish it ended hastily. I wanted to wail so badly but I remembered, I was the one responsible for this state. I took the risk and here I am trying to make sense of everything. Every thought of you shatters my fragile heart. I have been fixing it for the longest time and here I am again, watching it break horrendously. I was happy at that moment, for anywhere with you was a paradise. And now, my paradise is lost once again.

010124

[klaira]

I was too happy that I was blinded with my own happiness. It felt real, I thought it was real. Your smile is all I think about every time my mind wonders off. Its you that I see every time I close my eyes. Your voice and your laugh are the noises that I hear in silence. And the warmth of your hug is what I feel every time your "I love you's" echoes in my head. Love, what has become of us? My thought of you is slowly eating my sanity. I exactly know what I have to do, yet my heart and my mind are not aligned this time. Runaway from me and never look back. Runaway so that I wont be able to reach you. Save me from this agony and just do the honor of leaving. My silence is my loudest cry for help. I hope it reaches you on the otherside. Im longing for this torment to end, if the universe permits me to do so.

[klaira]

Hey, I have been wondering for a long time now, what are we? You say things you never meant. You're really good at your words and you really know how to get me, or must I say, women. The words coming out of your mouth don't match your actions. Truly, I know what you really want from the beginning; and yet im still waiting for you to admit it to me and to yourself. What do you gain from lying? Or you're just trying to make a world where you're the one in control? I am amused by the things you've been doing up until now. Are you fascinated by how things are going? Are you feeling ecstatic by fooling someone? Oh I am deeply intrigued with what's going on in your mind. Is deceiving someone addicting? You must have mastered the art of enchanting a woman. How much longer should I wait for your confession? Or should I say, how much longer should I tolerate your lies? Will the universe be the one that will show your true intentions?

[klaira]

へ愛

|RAM|

You are a delicate art

Every stroke is done in perfection

Your eyes scintillate,

Like the stars in the sky

That mouth of yours,

Is suavely charming in every motion

And with such exquisite nose

That is incomparable with anyone else,

Adonic, you are

Stunning in your own little ways

You are the ecstasy I crave for

[klaira]

Hi love, do you even know that your mere existence brings me over the moon? Your voice is my lullaby, your words feed my soul and every second I spend with you makes my heart full. Love, the walls that I have been building all these time turned to bubbles. You brought me in this state in which I cannot even phatom. You made me forget all the things that I am supposed to believe in. Love, what kind of drug are you made of? I am not just addicted to you but my entirety longs for you. Your presence sent me to a whole new universe. Never have I imagined that I can be this happy. You are my definition of happiness. Love, will you stay and let me keep you for eternity?