kmunnangel

[kmunnangel]

Sucky birthday and Christmas. Towards end of Christmas, did have nice dinner w youngest son. Socks being alone one the holidays along with some of the worst weather I’ve scene💔💔💔

[kmunnangel]

Lost my BFF. It started when she broke her leg then list her job. We started drifting. I was there for . Listening. Doing thing for her. Supporting her. I go into acute liver failure. Nothing. She came over once since 17 August 2021. I am chronic and terminal, was on 50 mg of prednisone. I was always sending her things. Trying to contact her. She sets up stuff. Changes the dated, times, cancels, ghosts. She calls me out on social media, talks to her Hubbie and he tells me. Doesn’t talk to me directly. I just can’t do this anymore. Her brother dies. I call. I text. I sent a card. I offer support. I gave her Apache tears. My father dies, she sent me $10 for gas and then nothing. Breaks my heart..

[kmunnangel]

Started last august when I went into hospital with acute liver failure. (I was diagnosed in 2010 with autoimmune liver disease which causes stage 4 cirrhosis). I had been dating this awesome man for over a year. Thought he was the one. Finally at age 57. Well this great guy, he told me to hang in there. Offered nothing. It took the VA 2 weeks to get me steroids- to reduce the inflammation in my liver. Labor Day. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Years. Valentines Day. We talked on the phone. He used to come and get me. Now he didn’t. Didn’t offer to get me groceries. Pick up my medication. Pick me up nothing at all. Acute liver failure. In a pandemic. Finally gave him a choice he said he was depressed. Mental breakdown…Major depression since August. So sad, couldn’t pull himself out of it. He didn’t text his girlfriend for 2 days but he was on twitter 25 times? Please. If I hadn’t asked him directly, he would’ve disappeared. Didn’t put up a fight. 60 yr old man and couldn’t use his words. Coward…the fast forward 2 months. My daughter was joking about signing me up for the Bachelorette. I was down, really missing this guy at times. But I decided to get back up on the horse. I went on Plenty of Fish. Had to reset password and everything. Been 2 years. Updated my profile (was hidden). Need to update photos. Figured I’d just see what was out there. His was like 2nd or 3rd pic. Mental breakdown my ass. All smiles. Looking for dating rather than long term. No complete sentences. Just simple one word. so this man I spent over a year with to nothing. Introduced my family. Had things at his house. Planning on staying more days. I thought he was my forever. The I went in the hospital with acute liver failure. I was 3 points away from possibly being listed on the transplant list possibly. Felt like death. Pretty much felt abandoned by him, by some family, some friends. Lonely and alone. No using his words. I’m too old for these games. I asked. I tried. Breaks my heart. Emotionally ghosted out then physically. I feel broken…

[kmunnangel]

Ahhhh Martin, haven’t thought about you in forever. Going through stuff to purge my Soave, found the Chinese ‘Mexican’ blanket you brought home after I convinced you to fly to El Paso to see your family so it brought with it all the feels.

You came after me after I broke up with you and literally begged me to marry you.

I was having a hard time at work and you did nothing, nothing but watch me writhe in pain.

How you didn’t have a mattress for first 8 months so we slept on floor on your futon.

How you accused me of STEALING your parents’ picture, pens, frosting, peanut butter. Put a webcam up.

Snuck over to your ex’s and spent time there with her kid from a married man.

How you spent no time with my kids.

How you refused to turn on air because you were cheap and your apartment , which I helped you find.

You won’t but me dinner unless I bought you dinner.

You kept going to bed early so you didn’t have to spend time with me.

You refused to communicate with me on any level. You gaslight-lighted me instead. You were cheating on me. Went to a Christian website to troll for new women. When I was diagnosed with autoimmune liver disease, you did nothing. A terminal, chronic illness. Nothing.

Accused me of following you and letting sir out of your tires. Hahahahahaha. I’m not passive aggressive like you.

Served me with divorce papers and a restraining order. Again not passive aggressive and you’re the one with stalking creepy issues. Paranoid and accusatory.

And then you met someone on Christian dating site. Married her and bought her a house. I hope karma does justice.

Blanket is going to an animal shelter.

[kmunnangel]

One thing after another. Daughter gets toe cut off in freak accident. I end up in ER with a flare of autoimmune hepatitis in the midst of a pandemic. Mike gets a hand crush injury.

My oldest and his wife apparently have written me off since I only get invited to birthday parties.

Few check up on my. Fewer still do anything or ask anything while I am struggling with recovering from acute liver failure. I feel isolated and alone. I’m just sooo tired…

[kmunnangel]

Well it’s been a month since I was hospitalized for acute liver failure. In that month, one person came to see me. My sister & daughter regularly called/texted. No one else. So I stay in this area to be around loved ones. Yet when I’m in liver failure. Nothing. Nada. Rien. I’m going to look into moving close to the water, the beach. I hate this apartment. Might as well be at home on the beach.

[kmunnangel]

Just sitting here feeling sorry for myself. See friends going to do fun things- yoga, reiki, massages, lunches. Daughters at beach. My sister & her Hubbie just bought & redoing their dream house. Jim moved into his house at the lake. I haven’t heard from my sons therefore not seen my grandkids. Or done any thing with them. Life is going on, everyone is our living life. As it should be. But I’m here, stagnant. Feeling invisible. No contact at all. I’m sitting here, slowly recovering from acute liver failure. feeling physically, emotionally and spiritually drained. All the side effects from meds. Broke as fuck. Alone. Lonely. Tired of reaching out. In survival mode. Chronic. Terminal. 💔💔💔

[kmunnangel]

I really don’t feel connected anymore. I don’t feel like a girlfriend, a mom, or a grandma sometimes. I feel alone. Still feel awful from this autoimmune liver disease. Acute liver failure. Yellow, nauseous, either wired or exhausted, insomnia, pain. Watching tv. Cleaning. Sleeping. Haven’t heard from anyone today except my sister. I do most of contact. Nothing from my sons. I know my daughter’s going through some stuff. Lonely business being so sick.

[kmunnangel]

Still sick with liver disease and no meds. BF is depressed; he moved and it’s been rough on all of his family.

I’m still stuck..

I feel kind of left out. Baby girl has Janet’s middle name and Mandi snd here spent a moth there. They’ve spent more time with them than with me. She talks to them constantly. I get the rough times. Or the baby sitting timed. I am jealous.

It’s almost unbearable to be stuck at my apt alone. Mandi suggested moving to NC around research triangle. Again, all by myself. 3 kids, 10 grands, one boyfriend. A few friends. And staying in my apartment all day. Shit is lonely and heartbreaking….

[kmunnangel]

A week ago I got out of hospital. Still no meds for liver. All alone. I’ve got some shopping to do for food. A check up every now and then but I have to go to them.

[kmunnangel]

Well went to hospital last week on advice of docs. They did take blood, did cat scan and ultrasound. No meds though my liver enzymes were super high. Go last Friday to VA (main) to sign consent to get info from Dr Youssef and mercy hospital. Called Monday, no on gas info on my steroids, snub emetic and sleep aid. Va won’t have med info until wed and VA DO needs to see me before I get any meds. Earliest is Friday. Meanwhile my enzymes are climbing. Already been seen by specialist. So after all that urgency, nada.

On top of that, no one checks up on me. All alone still. 💔💔💔

[kmunnangel]

Well looks like ER tomorrow because of my damn liver. VA wants me up in Cleveland where I know no one, have no specialists, nothing. No family. Here I hope to have Dr Youssef’s office but the ER docs are such dicks. Again, sitting in a waiting room all by myself…. So what do I do?

[kmunnangel]

Beautiful day today, hopefully a walk later.

Friend Lana doesn’t talk/invite me anywhere unless it’s cleaning. Which is good because I need the money.

My friends Joni & Addie probably won’t be up; school, work and COVID19. Though I traveled there.

Will wait until sister & brother in law get vaccination because of my severely immunocompromised body. So then I can’t stay with my parents because of active Mhysa.

My boyfriend is trying to sell his house from hell and move, so no fun summer.

Kids, well they’re doing their own things. Mandi includes me.

So I’m depressed between lack of companionship and my body is trying to kill me. ☹️☹️☹️

[kmunnangel]

Walking through my neighborhood I was getting depressed, even on a beautiful day. I’ll never own a house, be married and wake up with someone. I’ll be stuck, alone, in my apartment 💔

[kmunnangel]

I admit it, I’m jealous. My kids go to beach on vacation and get spoiled. I am unable to to that. They’ve started going 2 holidays a year too. They have money, I don’t. Abs I’m on borrowed time. Money May nit buy happiness but it buys financial stability. I’m in a tiny apt for 12 years and looks like I’ll be stuck here forever. I’m on disability now. I worked from 16-50 and have nothing to look forward to or to show for it but struggle and a broken body. I miss my kids and grandkids. It’s hard when your kids practice selective forgiveness.

[kmunnangel]

Slept horrible. Still in the funk. Feel alone as if life is ignoring me. As if people are swimming to the surface and I’m struggling to reach the air. I am invisible .

[kmunnangel]

Well my bestie and I’ve been texting back and forth about getting back to hiking. I cleaned for her yesterday. Today I saw her and a friend went hiking. She didn’t say anything to me about going. I’m sad that she didn’t say anything or invite me or discuss plans to go? I’m feeling a lot lately that people just call me when they need me. It was nice to earn money since things are so tight but we used to be able to do both. I’m confused. This pretty much happens often. 😔