Red flags in emotional abuse
A lot of posts that I see talking about red flags in emotional abuse talk about it in the context of a family or between two adults, but the sad truth is that a lot of teens do end up in abusive relationships, and don’t know the signs.
I wanted to put together some red flags from my own relationship as a teen that get left off of a lot of abuse information. Feel free to contribute your own. Remember that these are just red flags; they’re things that should make you look again at the relationship. Ticking one box doesn’t necessarily mean abuse, but most of these behaviors aren’t healthy and warrant discussion.
1. They get angry if you don’t immediately respond when they contact you. (Gentle inquiries are pretty normal; lashing out and accusations are not).
2. They belittle your interests that they don’t share with you.
3. They do things that hurt you as “punishment”, or so you will “see how it feels.”
4. If you tell them that they hurt you, they will either deny that you are hurt or they will give excuses for why you deserved it, or that they didn’t mean to and you shouldn’t be hurt. If they apologize at all, it’s in a “sorry you feel that way” style.
5. They isolate you by mocking your other friends or your family, getting angry when you talk to other people, or demanding to see your conversations.
6. They ignore boundaries that you try to set, or treat boundaries like a personal attack against them.
7. They lash out with harassment and violent words, sometimes unfriending/unfollowing/blocking you. This happens more than once, and apologies - if they happen - are mostly framed to blame you. They might deny it ever happened or say that you’re exaggerating even if you have proof.
8. They get angry frequently and you find yourself scared of them, even if you also have other strong positive feelings for them.
9. You find yourself constantly worrying about what they’re going to think about what you’re doing or who you’re hanging out with, or find yourself concealing harmless things from them out of fear of their reaction.
10. You feel that the relationship is at the center of your depression or anxiety, even if you can’t quite figure out why.
11. You recognize some of the things on this list, and you’re afraid of their reaction if you confront them.
Resources exist to help. NO relationship is worth destroying yourself over. These things aren’t exclusive to romantic relationships; friendships can have these traits too. Reach out. There are so many people who want to help you.
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