I don't like who I was, and I do like who I am now
I think I'll be deleting tumblr fairly soon, this is more for me than anyone but anyway,
I hate who I was.
I believe that I am closer to being my best self, and finding the balance of humility, love, and self that I never had before. I was always right. My perspective was paramount, it was king, and everything fell to my will and my wants.
All I ever did was run, and put up walls, instead of communicate and advocate for what I was FEELING, not what I was thinking. When my heart hurt I hurt back, I was highly insecure. Everything and everyone was a threat, I don't feel that way anymore.
My love is magic, and I gave it to too many people I should have reserved for myself. I was ashamed, embarrassed, I wasn't true to myself at all. I turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms in the name of compromising my beliefs. Do not compromise your beliefs and self for anyone.
While the world crumbles around us exposing the ugly in people, I am seeing my own light and empathy bouncing back at me. I made a million mistakes but I know and swear all the love I have ever given was real. And now the love I give comes from a healing heart that beats stronger.
This is a long winded post to say, after hating who I was for so long I am finally figuring out what brings out my magic. I'm leaning into it. I hope I look back every now and then and congratulate how far I am from then.
