[swordfishtrombones]

[szonett-deactivated20210603]

“I want to be cured Of a craving for something I cannot find And of the shame of never finding it.”

— T.S. Eliot, The Cocktail Party (via a-bluemoment)

[poutypetunia]

“Each morning before court and every night after I will take a long shower, as the shower is the only place I will have any privacy. In the stall I will get down on my knees and weep, letting the water run over my body, praying to get better, praying not to hurt myself any more than I’m already hurting, praying that this loss, that this whole time will move over me, through me, like a dark storm passing over a great plain. A great plain which is, essentially, my soul. A soul which is neither light nor dark, neither wholly alone nor wholly with any other, certainly not with God, just flat, open, deathless, and free. Curled up in a wet ball on the tile floor I will hear myself say, Something in me is dying. I no longer know to whom I’m talking.”

— Maggie Nelson, The Red Parts 

[liniochtai]

Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Sunday night and seasonal depression

[horreurscopes]

i have never felt as mature as when i finally understood (through therapy) and internalized (through emotional work) that you cannot connect and communicate with some people no matter how kind, compassionate, understanding, articulate, eloquent, or smart you are, and that sometimes a person not listening to you does not reflect on your communication skills or ability to connect or straight up intelligence. in a way, it’s letting go of the belief that you have the power to make people understand you. communication is a two-way street, and needs two willing participants. some people are just walls, and it has been unbelievably helpful for my mental and emotional health to let it slide and know that it does not affect me or my self worth. 

[kansassire]

 Stromboli, 1950, Roberto Rossellini 

 Casa de Lava, 1995, Pedro Costa

The Juniper Tree, 1990, Nietzchka Keene /

[fidnru]

“Girls know they are losing themselves… Girls become fragmented, their selves spilt into mysterious contradictions. They are sensitive and tenderhearted, mean and competitive, superficial and idealistic. They are confident in the morning and overwhelmed with anxiety by nightfall. They rush through their days with wild energy and then collapse into lethargy. They try on new roles every week: this week the good student, next week the delinquent and the next, the artist.”

— Mary Pipher, Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls (via fyp-psychology)

[luthienne]

“I’ve dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas: they’ve gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.”

— Emily Brontë, from Wuthering Heights

[marianhalcombes]

Leaves | Lloyd Schwartz

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

for how long will the mood be uncompleted longing

[podencos]

Feels selfish to want more consistency from certain people but then I remember reciprocity in relationships shouldn’t feel like a privilege to be met with only when convenient for them

[martindykewood]

when you see someone from high school and they don’t recognize you that’s the exact opposite of the mortifying ordeal of being known. the gratifying relief of being forgotten

[dynabi]

Me, waking up in a cold sweat: I do not feel held

[cinematic-studies]

Lost in Translation (Sofia Coppola, 2003)

[luthienne]

“She felt suddenly as if she were a ghost in her own life—”

— Catherynne M. Valente, The Orphan’s Tales: In the Night Garden

[luthienne]

“I hate seeing myself dissolve and slip and separate so that I’m living in one half my mind, and I see the other half of me helpless and frantic and driven and I can’t stop it, but I know I’m not really going to be hurt and yet time is so long and even a second goes on and on and I could stand any of it if I could only surrender—”

— Shirley Jackson, from The Haunting of Hill House

[podencos]

Love Is Not a Permanent State of Enthusiasm: An Interview with Esther Perel