katsukis pride is a very fragile thing…he takes victory very seriously and REFUSES to let himself get beat, but he doesn’t want to win it out of pure pity, he wants to win it knowing that he deserves it wholeheartedly thus his reaction to shouto ‘ not giving his best ‘ during the sports festival.
katsuki takes victory so seriously that it’s out of control and he will come to the point wherein he sometimes hurts others in taking it. he really doesn’t care as long as he shows everyone that he’s the best in almost every aspect. he refuses to lose because its so damning to his pride and he’s not reluctant to show how much it pisses him off if someone’s better than him. he can’t accept the fact that there are, inevitably, people who are BETTER than him in some aspects.
this is why he’s also so pissed at izuku. there’s a bubbling feeling in his gut, even before, that he was BOUND to get better at him despite his ‘uselessness’. he hated how izuku was so damning about becoming a hero even if he was quirkless and there’s this sense of fear inside of him telling him that he’s going to be better than him in every way, which then leads him to strike him down every chance he’s got in hopes of lowering the chance of that becoming true.
yet. as his fears tell him, izuku did become better, and it was such a slap to the face for him for someone who he idolized for so long to choose the so called runt behind him rather than him. he hated the idea that the spotlight wasn’t on him.
other than that, the incidents where he’s played out as a victim is a huge hammer down on his pride. as much as he wants to show everyone that he’s the best, this projects him as someone weak in the eyes of the media. he’s eternally portrayed as a victim to most people’s eyes and the idea sickens him to the point that he gets constant nightmares about both getting kidnapped and the sludge villain itself.
as shitty as katsuki’s ego is, it’s no doubt that this was way too much for a mere 15/16 year old to handle. he wasn’t able to digest it properly, and it wasn’t helping his already declining mental state.
he does see this as a literal problem to himself in the future though and comes to the terms that he should at least try some self improvement for himself. katsuki’s not a bad person; at least he doesn’t want to mold himself into one. he knows that he’s so obsessed with the idea of victory and damning others to hell despite it and that isn’t gonna help him at all, so
he tries to self improve. he’s trying to get out of that mindset. slowly and surely katsuki tries to tear himself away from this toxic behavior for the sake of self improvement, both for himself and others around him, including and especially izuku. his behavior was toxic and it wasn’t going to be a good root for his longing to be a hero.
part of him believes that it’s karma for all the shit that he’s done and it’s how the world’s teaching him a lesson to fix himself. as brutal as that may be ( and sadly; it’s the brutal way of things he’s learned to improve himself with ) he believes more or so that’s how he’s gonna grow.
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