I got to stop trying to interact with folks. A couple of people blocked me and/or left Tumblr in the span of a few days. I'm awkward as fuck irl, not much better here. All my ex's say I can't flirt, which is true.
I can handle people calling me a piece of shit to face. If it's an opinion and they're not throwing me out of my home. Which happened almost two years ago now. Fuck landlords.
Anyways, it's feeling ignored that really gets to me. It's something I'm working on with my therapist. Just needed to post about it, I guess.
So, to everyone I've insulted, triggered, or offended, I'm sorry. I know I deserve to get blocked.
I am most likely incapable of having healthy relationships at this moment in my life, so sorry for that.
I'm not looking for pity or anything, just trying to understand myself. For instance, why positive change to help me find connection with people is good, but fixing myself because I'm broken is bad if that makes any sense.
I think I'm going to keep this pinned post going as a long-haul log of my emotional state. My best friend just got married to the girl of his dreams. A few months ago, I was trying to calculate how long to wait before I tried to kill myself. But today, I'm just happy for them and looking forward to my future. It's a nice feeling, I hate that it's so much work to feel that way.
Doing okay, went to a friend's munch and had a good time. I need to start working on getting back out into the world. Been to long. I need put myself out there again.
I need to get back out there, but I don't want to deal with dating apps, speed dating, or actually going outside.
21/8/25 Haven't joined an app yet, but i have been to some events. Was demoing fire play for a bunch of first-timers at a kink convention this past weekend. Must of topped 20+ folks in 2 hours. Now that was a rush, feeling pretty good about it.
Had a good Halloween. I hope you did, too. Still looking/finding myself. Feeling hopeful about the future.
12/2/25 Getting a real id is annoying. For God sake the government has my DNA, prints, and retinal scans. Fuck.
1/13/26 So fucking horny need to spank a bottom.
2/6/26 the world is starting to burn. I will only address what I can control. I am going to make a serious effort to not like or repost any A.I. erotica, especially stuff that depicts potential under age individuals. Time to start eroticizing 35 year old ladies and gentleman. I love an Itty Bitty kitty committee member, but many pics look like jailbait.
2/10/26 finally volunteered to work the bar at the dungeon. Hopefully I meet more people.
3/25/26 went to a kinky con and was a dungeon monitor. A fun time was had by all and I felt useful.
5/8/26 being an adult trying to date is to stupid hard right now. I feel like I should wear a shirt that says will follow instructions and just leave you alone.
