aadhe aadhe poore hain hum / self para (drabble)
a/n: sorry, i have no idea what this is but i felt angsty...
krish doesn’t know how long it’s been. he doesn’t even know what day it is and he doesn’t want to know. he knows it’s been less than fourteen days though. because he knows there’s a pooja happening fourteen days after, a pooja that he has to attend. a pooja where he needs to once again put on his actor face and pretend to be okay. a pooja that he will regret the moment it begins because once again he’ll hear those words from everyone around him. those stupid words that mean nothing.
they mean nothing to him, because the words won’t bring tanya back. no amount of praying, or grieving or condolences will bring back his tanya.
nothing can help him anymore and he knows it. he’s lived a life with her and it was a life that was almost always filled with happiness and maybe that’s why this happened. maybe they weren’t allowed to be this happy. maybe they were supposed to be fighting and angry with one another. maybe then God would’ve spared her from the pain of her cancer and him from the pain of losing his wife.
he’s blamed God a lot for the last however long it’s been. it’s the only person he can blame. because tanya’s gone and he can’t blame her. he tried blaming himself. he even tried punishing himself but that’s when he heard her voice. he heard her chiding him. he heard her angry with him. and he heard her reminding him to live for their love.
their children.
rahul and prem were both parts of tanya that he still had and yet—krish couldn’t do it. he couldn’t even come in front of his kids. he knew they didn’t blame him but he wished they did. he wished someone blamed him for tanya’s passing. he wished then he could justify the pain in his heart.
but losing his wife, losing his tanya made him feel as if his once complete soul was now ripped apart. she was his other half in every which way and now—she was gone leaving him to be incomplete for the rest of his days.
and peering up in the darkness of his bedroom, his eyes fell on the large canvas she’d painted from a picture of their wedding day after much begging from him. she looked so eternally beautiful with that dimpled grin of hers, and those twinkling eyes.
he’d never get to see her like that.
he’d never get to feel her in his arms.
and he’d never get to love his wife and feel her love back.
because she was gone. leaving him all alone in this cold dark world.
