To the one I can't have...

sad, horny and dumb / the place i can talk about me without feeling guilty

[krn-wanderlust]

How selfish of me. I get jealous imagining you with someone else, even if you were never mine.

[krn-wanderlust]

"Despite everything, it's still you."

Oh, how I hoped it was for me. I know it's not. It never is.

[krn-wanderlust]

I will never get over how quickly people get over me.

[krn-wanderlust]

I feel so alone. All the time. Everywhere.

[krn-wanderlust]

A cold heart still aches.

[krn-wanderlust]

I miss lying in bed, smiling.

But how can I miss something I've experienced so little?

[krn-wanderlust]

I miss being cared for, even if all the care I ever got was fake.

[krn-wanderlust]

I'm here for you, you know that.

I know, my dear friend, but I think I'm done blackening your heart and mind. Maybe it's time for you to stop worrying about me and for me to stop burdening you. Maybe the shadow of my soul has been weighing on you for a bit too long. I never meant to cause you pain, but I did, and it's time to let you thrive.

[krn-wanderlust]

A nightmare woke me up tonight, but the thought of you didn't soothe me.

[krn-wanderlust]

You know what I still can't get over? The fact that the person I fell in love with the most, faked it all. How could their touch be so soothing and tingling and, at the same time, not real? My truest experience was their best performance. And I'm over this person, so over. But the disrespect still hurts. The things I put up with, the humiliation they put me through, is still there, lingering between me and them, an endless void filled only with the pieces of my broken trust.

[krn-wanderlust]

Life will never be good. This is the best I can do. I'll try and accept that.

[krn-wanderlust]

I want to know what it feels like to be loved by choice.

[krn-wanderlust]

I've been hurting for the past 25 years. I'm afraid that if that pain ever goes away, I won't know what will be left.

[krn-wanderlust]

Seriously, who tells a person they know still likes them, that they are in love with someone else so casually? Am I nothing to you? Is my heart and its fragility so oblivious to you?

[krn-wanderlust]

Why are they always so much prettier than me? The ones after me. I see them, and I obviously can't compete with that. Pretty smiles, nice hair, good style, thin and interesting. They always fall in love with them after me.

[krn-wanderlust]

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[krn-wanderlust]

I just want to be happy. Why is it so easy for everyone, but I'm literally struggling with it? What am I doing so wrong?