pun intended. always.

your daily recommended intake of Pang puns and quips

[krystlemath]

MZ: How do you know if it's an alligator or a crocodile?

me: See if it sees you later or in a while

[krystlemath]

👹🥬

AS: Apparently at the airport they have bins for you to throw out your weed before you take a flight leaving Canada.

me: A pot of gold

[krystlemath]

🍕🍕🍕

AK: *tryna fit pizza into her purse*

AK: *removes her keys to make space*

me: Ah, a key step in the process

[krystlemath]

⌚️

MZ: I don't like wearing watches. I don't like how they feel on my wrist. Too much resistance

me: Too much wrististance?

[krystlemath]

🤝

RJ: MM's in Amsterdam, AL's in Florida, JK's in Mexico, SN's at the cottage... So most of the MT* is out this week

me: ah so it's eMpTy

*MT = management team

[krystlemath]

🍞

TB: *toasting bread in a frying pan*

me: Dya use that pan only for toasting bread now? Is it your bread pan?

TB: .... Yes?

me: So it's your pan pan?

[krystlemath]

⚡️⚡️⚡️🔌🔌

AS: I wonder if we'll ever get to the point where everything is wireless. It'd be so worrying for things like life support machines

CN: Yeah imagine someone hacking your life support machine that's on WiFi

me: A true life hack

[krystlemath]

📈

*discussing options for analytics training*

CN: I'd prefer to learn Python, but I see the value in learning R. I just hate R though

me: HateR

[krystlemath]

🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧

*discussing a potluck at work for the Lunar New Year*

MN: Vietnamese people go vegetarian for New Year

me: Ah, so they go vege-tet-rian

[krystlemath]

♠️♥️♣️♦️

CN: I'm sometimes in the Origami Club at school

me: If you're in the Poker Club and you suck, do you end up joining the Origami Club?

[krystlemath]

🎄🌲🎁

*during a white elephant gift exchange*

MP: *opens a gift that turns out to be a calendar with a different cat for every day*

me: Someone steal it! You'll be a cat burglar!!

[krystlemath]

🦛

*at the zoo*

VH: ohh I wanna climb into that tunnel but I think it's for kids

me: just do it. I think it's big enough for you

VH: I'M NOT GOING TO PANDER TO YOUR REQUESTS

me: the pandas are not here anymore, they're in Calgary

[krystlemath]

MH: I can't roll my Rs

CN: I can't either. 😢 I use it over text only 😢

me: That's just how you roll?

[krystlemath]

*at a holiday party, talking about the playlist AD made*

AD: LB requested a Christmas song every 5 songs, there's jazz, there's rap, there's Christmas rap..

me: Ah yes, Christmas rap. I believe people refer to that as "crap"

[krystlemath]

RY: *sets up a Slack channel at work for people to post pics of their pets*

Everyone: *immediately starts posting pictures*

Everyone: *gets more and more excessive with the emoji reactions*

RJ: these reactions are out of hand

me: is it your pet peeve

[krystlemath]

🏃

RS: Everything is a competition.

JK: That's rough. But I guess that's life

me: Yes. Everything is a competition. That's why they call it the human race

[krystlemath]

🌲

*the tree in the backyard is dead*

Mum: We should build a treehouse in the tree!

me: 😒 Treehouse or a liability house

Dad: Yeah, what if your future grandchild falls outta that treehouse. You'll have such a headache

me: That grandchild will have a headache too