MZ: How do you know if it's an alligator or a crocodile?
me: See if it sees you later or in a while
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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@krystlemath
MZ: How do you know if it's an alligator or a crocodile?
me: See if it sees you later or in a while
👹🥬
AS: Apparently at the airport they have bins for you to throw out your weed before you take a flight leaving Canada.
me: A pot of gold
🍕🍕🍕
AK: *tryna fit pizza into her purse*
AK: *removes her keys to make space*
me: Ah, a key step in the process
⌚️
MZ: I don't like wearing watches. I don't like how they feel on my wrist. Too much resistance
me: Too much wrististance?
🤝
RJ: MM's in Amsterdam, AL's in Florida, JK's in Mexico, SN's at the cottage... So most of the MT* is out this week
me: ah so it's eMpTy
*MT = management team
🍞
TB: *toasting bread in a frying pan*
me: Dya use that pan only for toasting bread now? Is it your bread pan?
TB: .... Yes?
me: So it's your pan pan?
⚡️⚡️⚡️🔌🔌
AS: I wonder if we'll ever get to the point where everything is wireless. It'd be so worrying for things like life support machines
CN: Yeah imagine someone hacking your life support machine that's on WiFi
me: A true life hack
📈
*discussing options for analytics training*
CN: I'd prefer to learn Python, but I see the value in learning R. I just hate R though
me: HateR
🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧🧧
*discussing a potluck at work for the Lunar New Year*
MN: Vietnamese people go vegetarian for New Year
me: Ah, so they go vege-tet-rian
♠️♥️♣️♦️
CN: I'm sometimes in the Origami Club at school
me: If you're in the Poker Club and you suck, do you end up joining the Origami Club?
🎄🌲🎁
*during a white elephant gift exchange*
MP: *opens a gift that turns out to be a calendar with a different cat for every day*
me: Someone steal it! You'll be a cat burglar!!
🦛
*at the zoo*
VH: ohh I wanna climb into that tunnel but I think it's for kids
me: just do it. I think it's big enough for you
VH: I'M NOT GOING TO PANDER TO YOUR REQUESTS
me: the pandas are not here anymore, they're in Calgary
MH: I can't roll my Rs
CN: I can't either. 😢 I use it over text only 😢
me: That's just how you roll?
*at a holiday party, talking about the playlist AD made*
AD: LB requested a Christmas song every 5 songs, there's jazz, there's rap, there's Christmas rap..
me: Ah yes, Christmas rap. I believe people refer to that as "crap"
RY: *sets up a Slack channel at work for people to post pics of their pets*
Everyone: *immediately starts posting pictures*
Everyone: *gets more and more excessive with the emoji reactions*
RJ: these reactions are out of hand
me: is it your pet peeve
🏃
RS: Everything is a competition.
JK: That's rough. But I guess that's life
me: Yes. Everything is a competition. That's why they call it the human race
🌲
*the tree in the backyard is dead*
Mum: We should build a treehouse in the tree!
me: 😒 Treehouse or a liability house
Dad: Yeah, what if your future grandchild falls outta that treehouse. You'll have such a headache
me: That grandchild will have a headache too